Kevin thought today was going to be a good day.
Riding his back among the fenced alleys of the cul-de-sac, he drifted through at an easy pace, not really going anywhere specific. It was a good ride, only made sweeter since he knew those dorks wouldn't be around. Something about an inventor's convention Double Dork wanted to attend and somehow convinced the other two to join.
That meant today was supposed to be free of scams, tomfoolery, or general shenanigans those three would bring them into. Not that he'd call it that, though. Those words were used by Double Dork.
Unfortunately, it seemed like that would change when he not only heard the chattering of the other cul-de-sac kids not far from him, but also circus music.
Creepy circus music.
Kevin, seemingly against his own will, was already turning down the alley with a groan.
He wasn't surprised to see that most of the cul-de-sac, sans the dorks, were standing around a sign with curiosity and anxiety. Stopping the bike, he parked it to the side and practically stomped over.
"Alright, everybody get out of the way!" He started to shove his way through the crowd, grumbling and protest following him. "Let me this."
It was an utterly simple sign, made out of the remains of a road sign. It was set up carefully, though somewhat precariously, on what was probably the road signs pole. The word "circus" was written it in blocky letters, which didn't surprise him in the slightest.
"Alright, who did this?" He turned back to the rest of the kids, adjusting his hat. "As much as I'd like to blame the dorks this time, they aren't here today. So someone else had to do this."
"Hey, don't look us! We just found this here!" Sarah's shrill voice broke out among the ranks, the redhead marching up to stand in front of him. "My idiot brother didn't say anything about this. Jimmy heard some music and we found this."
"The Ed boys wouldn't have left their music on like this. Sock-hatted-Ed-boy would've made sure of that." Rolf bobbed his head up and down to the music, appreciating the melody. "Though I do like this melody. I wonder if the Ed boys would like to share it."
"I'm pretty sure you're the only one that likes it, Rolf." Nazz sighed. She moved to stand beside Kevin, looking at the sign with a critical eye. "This does have the Ed's signature written all over it. But they wouldn't just leave their set up here- well, they wouldn't do it twice- so why's all this up?"
"Maybe because it ain't being done by our sweethearts, Blondie."
The group instantly went rigid, turning to the new voice in instant fear. Kevin in particular got into a fighting stance, being the first to recognize it.
Standing before them was Lee Kanker, her signature curly hair covering her eyes as crooked teeth were shown in a grin. Her hair was matted down by a top hat of ratty quality, a red, stitched up overcoat, black pants, and golden vest. She held a splintered cane with a gold top, twirling it casually.
If everyone there was willing to admit to themselves, they were wishing it were the Ed's instead of the Kankers. At least those guys are predictable.
"What do you want, Lee? Isn't this one of the dorks scams?" Kevin stomped up the ringmaster, staring her down as well he could since he couldn't see her eyes. "Besides, the trailer parks your territory. We don't go there uninvited."
"Who said that place was our territory? You're all welcome if you can get past the rabid dogs!" Lee's mock hurt was quickly replaced by a smug grin. "Besides, none of ya' would be here if you weren't bored. Isn't that right, ladies and gentlemen?"
She pointed at the rest of the cul-de-sac kids, who were up in arms already.
"Like I'd actually go in there? Do you think I'm that stupid?!" Sarah glared at her fellow red head with contempt. Lee only nodded at that, causing Sarah to be held back by Jimmy as she started to foam at the mouth.
"I've heard many things about American circus-festivals, and Rolf would rather not participate in the Kanker-girls tomfoolery!" The farm boy crossed his arms, turning his nose up at her. "Not to mention Rolf's animals need grooming today. So away with you!"
"Plank wants to see the animals!" Everyone turned towards Johnny, confused and incredulous. "What? I don't want to, but he thinks it might be fun. Don't look at me, look at him!"
"Well, one out of three ain't bad. Come on in! We got some of the stands set up for all of you!" Lee extended her hand towards the circus's direction. "Not to mention we have a pretty good show coming up. Get inside before I change my mind!"
"Like heck! I'm not going in there even if you threaten me!" Kevin crossed his arms, closing his eyes in a huff. It looked like other people were going to join him, planning on walking away.
Then a whip crack was heard, and Kevin's hat was gone from his head in under a second.
The boy scrambled to get his hat, moving away from Lee as she held the whip in her hand.
"I wasn't asking, pretty boy!" She started to crack the whip at the other kids, driving them into the carnival. They ran on in, no questions asked in order to avoid the sharper end of the weapon.
While the kids were expecting something close to the Ed's level of craftsmanship.
To their surprise (and strangely, disappointment) that wasn't the case.
There were several random stalls put into place along a certain path, all of various quality and different games. They all led to a big top that actually looked like something that the Ed's created, though that was only from the outside. They had a feeling they wouldn't want to enter it just yet.
"Alright everybody," Kevin whispered as he looked around for Lee. She had gone missing after they had all run in here and that set him on edge, preparing for another rack of a whip. "Let's just play along until we can find a way out of here. Go and play some games and we'll try and regroup before they can get us in there."
They all tensely nodded, splitting up and standing close to one another. They all went to three separate games, looking them over carefully.
Nazz and Kevin made their way over to a basketball hoop booth, though none of the balls present were basketballs. A soccer ball, a dodgeball, and a volleyball were the only options.
Lee suddenly shot up from behind the counter, still dressed in her ringmaster garb. The two kids jumped as she got into her spiel.
"Hello little lovebirds! I'm glad you decided to stop by my little join here. I think it's pretty simple to understand what the rules are here, but just in case you're as stupid as you look, I'll explain." She picked up the volleyball, throwing it up and catching it with one hand. She ignored the glares from the two. "Just throw the ball into the hoop and you'll win a prize. Not that difficult unless you make it out to be."
The two looked over the prizes, deciding not to comment just yet. None of the ones on display were of any quality, unfortunately, but they couldn't help but feel intrigued all the same. They were the sportier members of their group.
"Hey," Kevin nudged Nazz good-naturedly, a lazy smile shifting onto his face. "Want me to win you a prize? I've always been pretty good at these games."
"I don't know," The blonde smiled back cockily. "Can you?"
Kevin shrugged, grabbing the soccer ball off the shelf. He got into position, a small amount of performance anxiety rising in his body as he shot. The soccer ball, despite being thrown accurately, missed the hoop by a hair. The boy growled, grabbing the dodgeball, throwing it much harder this time. It rebounded off the back of the hoop, coming back to hit him in the face.
Nazz only laughed, muttering something about "boys," under her breath. She took the volleyball from Lee's hand and got into a similar position. With much more confidence, she threw it in a perfect arc, bouncing on the hoop a little. She almost gave out a cheer as it fell back in, though it was cut short when the ball got stuck.
"Oh, what a sorry sight to see." Lee, knocking the ball out of the hoop, smiled toothily at the two of them. "But since I feel sorry for ya, I'll let you have a consolation prize."
Lee threw a malformed teddy bear that looked like it saw better days. Nazz caught it without thinking, instantly regretting it as she felt how soggy the fur was. She shifted it in her hands, looking at it with disgust as she noticed it was leaking something that was not fuzz.
"Hey, don't look like that." Lee pointed at the blonde accusingly. "We didn't have any of that fuzzy stuff, so we filled 'em with mud. Ain't our fault our sweethearts didn't finish this stuff."
Nazz yelped, dropping the mud bear on the ground. It split open onto Kevin, who could only moan as he still recovered from the dodgeball.
At a game not that much farther away from them, Rolf and Johnny were inspecting a game of their choice. It looked like a standard test of strength type of game, with a long tall piece of wood standing up, a bell attached to the top. A hammer, a lever, and a puck were located at the bottom.
Before either of the two could speak, May swung in from nowhere, standing in front of them with a flourish.
May was dressed up almost as haphazardly as Lee, though in a completely different direction. She wore a long-sleeved cheetah print shirt under a purple vest, a purple skirt around her legs. A furry cape was around her neck, though of what animal, neither of the boys knew. The ensemble was completed by fake claws and fake cat ears atop her head.
"Hello, boys! Here to test your strength?" She grabbed the mallet, twirling it in her hands. "I'm sure you two will have a good time of it. Just grab the hammer and hit the lever!"
Johnny leaned towards Plank, as if the piece of wood were whispering to him. Nodding to something only he could hear, he moved Plank towards Rolf's direction. "Plank says you should do it. He saw you lift Wilbur yesterday with one hand and thinks you could win this."
"Well, Plank is right melon-headed Johnny-boy!" Rolf confidently grabbed the mallet from May's hands, twisting it in his hands. He raised it up above his head. "Let the son of the shepherd show you how it's done!"
He slammed it down onto the lever, the puck instantly shooting up. It hit the bell with a resounding clang, knocking it off its position. The two boys squinted their eyes, trying to follow it before it disappeared into the sky.
"Huh," May nodded appreciatively, pulling out a coupon. "Good job! Here's something to use whenever you're at the candy store!"
"Thank you Kanker sister." Rolf took the coupon appreciatively; honestly just happy he got a legitimate prize. He looked it over, though, noticing a glaring issue. "Wait, why is this expired?"
Rolf and Johnny looked back up to find the Kanker sister missing, like she had never been there in the first place.
"Well, that sucks." Johnny pouted, holding Plank out in front of him. "Plank says we should just leave. That, and I should look up."
Johnny stopped, looking confused for a few moments before the bell suddenly fell on top of his head, knocking him out.
Sarah and Jimmy, not much farther into the line than the others, tried to find something to do that didn't require outside intervention. They'd gotten lucky to avoid a Kanker sister as much as they have and didn't want to ruin that streak just yet.
It was ruined, frankly, when a small set of firecrackers was thrown at their feet. They both yelled and jumped back from the tiny explosives, turning to find Marie Kanker smiling toothily at a wheel spinning booth.
Like her sisters, she was dressed up for the occasion too. Her outfit was one of a mime, with a black and white long-sleeved shirt and black skirt reaching to her ankles. A beret was set atop her blue hair, which seemed to have gotten longer since the last time the kids saw her (even though that was just last week), reaching down her back. White face paint was marred only by some hastily drawn diamonds under her eyes, which appeared to be drawn in marker. The only strange parts of her outfit were the bandolier of explosives hanging around her and the ridiculously large lit cigar hanging from her mouth. Ashes fell off, hitting them in the face.
"That really isn't sanitary." Jimmy stuttered out, trying to have some bravado in front of his friend. That, or he was trying to channel his inner Double D to impress Sarah. "There's plenty of health risks involved, including secondhand smoke, that you should-"
He was cut off as Marie breathed out a cloud of noxious smoke at him, causing him to cough. Sarah instantly tried to push him from the stand, though they were again assaulted by a firecracker getting into their path. Another attempt ended in the same result.
Sarah growled, but kept her anger in check since Marie technically had all the power here. She looked over at the wheel, with all its numbers and prizes listed on it. She looked back at Marie.
"If I spin this once, will you let us go?" The mime only nodded once, extending a hand to the device with a flourish. Sarah rolled her eyes, grumbling as she did so. "Just because you get all those hair extensions doesn't mean you get all the power. Even if they are nice."
Sarah roughly grabbed the wheel, spinning it with all her might and causing it to nearly go haywire. The numbers and words started to blend, the stand the wheel was sitting on rocking at the force.
There were a few moments of awkward silence as the wheel spun, but eventually it came to a slow stop before it could break. The arrow pointed at a particular slice of the wheel that said "Free Ride" on it in messy letters.
"There's rides here?" Jimmy looked skeptical, not noticing Marie slipping out from behind the stand. "I don't think I saw any, though. Where are they-"
Marie suddenly moved a rope around him, rough pulling and strapping him onto a rocket she had procured. He squealed as she tied him up with little issue, moving around and lighting it up with her cigar. The fuse burned quickly, the rocket shooting Jimmy up into air within seconds.
"Jimmy!" Sarah watched her friend fly up, unable to do anything. She turned to Marie instantly, looking ready to pound her into submission. "I don't know who you think you are, but I'm gonna make sure you start screaming until you get him down from there!"
Marie raised an eyebrow silently, pulling out a firecracker from her bandolier. She put the fuse up to the burning end of the cigar, throwing it at the wheel. The explosion breaks the stand, causing the wheel to topple and land on Sarah.
Marie looked upwards as Jimmy kept soaring into the air, eventually stopping as a loud boom reverberated. A bright light went off, blinding everyone as Jimmy fell back to the ground, covered in soot.
A loud clanging resounded afterward, coming from the big top. Lee appeared at the end of the line, waving everyone towards.
"Alright, people, fun's over. It's time for the show!" She pointed at the kids with fervor, smiling widely. "That includes all of ya ingrates too. Don't take too long, otherwise you'll miss it!"
The kids started to groan, mostly the ones in pain. Some were slowly getting up, but none of them really made any attempt to move towards the big top.
Lee rolled her eyes, though no one could actually tell. She pulled out her whipped and cracked it loudly, enough to get everyone's attention.
Her toothy grin only got wider as everyone immediately got up and rushed towards the tent.
The kids were less than enthused with the seating arrangement they were given. They assumed that this was part of the Ed's work since it looked like something they pulled out of the junkyard, but like many things in the circus, it was unfinished. It looked a bit like one of those steps/seats that were used at stadiums, though portable, rusted, and almost ready to break.
Jimmy muttered something about needing tetanus shots after this was over, something the kids couldn't help but agree with.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but those dorks run a better business then this." Kevin mumbled, eyes some cracks within the metal. "Double Dork would've gone nuts if Dork and Dorky tried putting us on here."
"Yeah. They probably wouldn't fill a teddy bear with mud. Maybe couch stuffing, but at least that isn't gross." Nazz griped, having only been able to throw off some of said mud before coming into the big top. "Next scam they do, I'm giving them two quarters. Not even going to take whatever they're selling, just give it to them and go."
The complaining was silence as Lee eventually got to the center of the big top, pulling out a megaphone. She looked it over briefly before putting it to her mouth, starting to speak.
"Good evening, ladies and gents! Sorry to keep you waiting, but some of the members of our crew are having some difficulties!" Lee ignored a roar and some screaming from behind her, continuing to speak. "But we're starting now, so stay in your seats!"
She motioned behind her. "So, to start this freakshow, feel free to welcome my sister, May, the amazing bear tamer!"
Only a few of the kids clapped, with the rest of them feeling particularly alarmed at the declaration. May herself walked on out, followed by three cats and pulling a covered cage. The cage itself kept moving around, growling, and unstable, containing a very angry animal.
May eventually stopped, standing where her sister once stood. She pulled out a whip of her own, of shoddier quality, raising it in the air.
"Hey, folks! I hope you're enjoying our little circus here!" May sounded genuine, which did little to ease the kids worries. "I'm going to do a little act here with my three cats, Willow, Wilson, and Chad, and with my pet bear Teddy! Make sure to stand back, though. He's a little bit hungry."
May directed the cats until they were sitting on a small cone. Pulling out a small stick, she waved it in the air, the cats singing loudly. While the directions were good, the cats were not as they continued to shriek the entire time, in what could barely be considered a melody.
The bear in the cage only got angrier at the shrieking, causing the cage to rumble more. The kids were utterly terrified at this point.
May, ignoring all possibilities of danger, went up to the cage and opened it. She happily skipped over to a chair, grabbing, and preparing the whip.
The bear took a step out, growling and looking around the strange place it had been dragged too. It huffed, taking cautious steps forward, only to wince as the crack of a whip reverberated around the room.
May thrust the chair at Teddy, smiling confidently. "Alright boy, stand up on your legs!" She cracked the whip again, hopping in place. "Do what momma tells ya! Stand on your legs!"
Teddy only growled, stepping towards May with intent. He started to pass by the cats, who continued to shriek until he growled and took a swipe at them. The three yowled and instantly ran off.
"Hey, come back! You haven't finished your song yet!" May turned her attention back to the bear, which only seemed to be continuing to advance. "Hey, Teddy, calm down. We got a show to do! If you don't calm down and do your tricks, I won't give you a treat."
The bear roared, causing May to yelp, dropping the chair and whip. She ran off, the bear following behind her as she continued to yell at Teddy to stop.
Lee, after a few moments of tense silence, came back to center stage with a deep frown.
"Well," She said eventually, speaking into the megaphone again. "If you never knew why we save the best for last, there's the answer."
The screaming eventually faded, with the red head unconcerned about the safety of her sister. She eventually flourished her cane in another direction. "Well, without further ado, let's keep going. With a hopefully better act, my sister Marie will be giving you the best French acting she can give, with a little sketch she calls "Bomb Voyage!"
A flashbang was thrown into the center stage, catching the kids off guard, and blinding them for several seconds. When they could finally see again, they noticed that Lee had been cleared off the stage, replaced by Marie and her bandolier of explosives.
She had no other props with her, but that was of little relief to the kids themselves. A Kanker armed with explosives was still a dangerous combination, which was only fueled as Marie relit her massive cigar, a big ol' smile on her face.
Her mime work began as she 'noticed' something in front of her. Walking close up to the invisible something, she grabbed it and tried to turn something big, like a bank vault. Strangely, some creaking metal could be heard as she tried and failed to turn it, physically straining against the invisible vault. Stopping, she tapped her foot against the ground before walking around the 'structure,' testing and pushing the walls around it.
She eventually stopped, though, leaning onto the vault, a finger to her lips. Marie looked deep in thought before she eventually snapped her fingers, a eureka moment going through her mind. She started pulling out some of the explosives in her bandolier, somehow putting them into random 'cracks' in the vault. After the explosives somehow appeared to stay in midair, she took out her cigar, and with a flourish, lit every single one of them up.
Marie stepped back, closing her eyes, and plugging her ears. The explosives all went off at once, blasting smoke everywhere. When it cleared, coughing coming from everyone, it revealed Marie putting out a fire on the tip of her beret. She shrugged, though, moving casually towards the 'vault' swinging the door open. Procuring a trash bag from her pocket, she grabbed the 'money' and 'jewels' inside before tying it up and making a break for it, nonchalantly lighting another stick of dynamite off of her cigar before tossing it behind her to blow up the rest of the invisible 'vault'. She pulled a firework rocket, even bigger than the one she got out earlier, and climbed onto it before lighting the fuse, shooting out of the tent and off into the night. She vanished like a shooting star before exploding spectacularly in the night sky.
The kids, despite having possible lung damage due to the smoke, clapped. Even Kevin kind of liked it, though he had to shut up Rolf about something involving invisible witchcraft.
"Huh, that actually went off without a hitch." Lee looked as surprised as the kids were, though she didn't dwell on it too long. "Without further ado, it's time for your very own ringmasters act! What is, you're all asking?"
None of them really were asking what it was, but the lights turned off somehow before they could point that out. When they turned back on, it showed the area had targets spread around it, all hastily painted.
The worst part of it was not only was Lee blindfolded (which some of the kids found unnecessary), but that she was also holding knives. A lot of them.
"I'm pretty sure all of ya know where this is." Lee smugly said, throwing up a knife and catching it in her hands. A beep resounded behind one of the signs, causing the redhead to casually throw the knife in its direction, hitting the bullseye.
This was pretty much how the rest of the act went. A beep from a target being followed by the thunk of a knife embedding into the bullseye. It was honestly impressive and enough to get the kids at the edge of their seats, quieted by the display. Of course, that may have been to make sure she didn't throw a knife at them for making a sound, but awe also played into it.
It took almost five minutes for the act to be over, being the shortest, but also most impressive. When the final target was hit, the kids applauded heavily for the act, some whooping and cheering. Lee lifted one part of the blind fold up and smiled cockily. She tossed up a leftover knife into the air.
Unfortunately, when not having her sight impeded, her aim apparently sucked, as it cut a rope holding a sandbag up and having it almost knock Kevin's lights out.
"Okay, that's it!" It was enough to sway old Shovel Chin from amazement to familiar irritation. "We stayed for as long as we could! I'm outta here before one of them kills us!"
Kevin jumped down from the cruddy bleachers, walking towards the exit. Before he could take more then two steps, Lee's whip wrapped around him and he was pulled to her.
"Oh, come on, we barely even started the finale yet!" Lee chuckled as Kevin tried squirming out of the restraints. "We got something really special planned! Hey, you could be our volunteer."
Lee turned towards a dark part of the tent. "Alright girls bring it out! We got a live one here!"
It was with sudden fear that Kevin and kids saw the other two Kanker sisters bring out a makeshift cannon, something that actually did look finished. It stood high and it looked like it could hold a person their size and larger, most likely built for Ed.
Kevin squirmed even more, the hatted boy growling. Lee pulled him up onto his feet as May and Marie finally brought the cannon over to them. A podium was brought to them right after, which the two walked up to it.
"Now, for our final trick! With our special little volunteer here," She pulled Kevin up close, facing him towards the audience. "We're doing an oldie, but a goodie! We're gonna shoot a man out a cannon!"
Marie put in some extra gunpowder in order to give the thing some extra oomph while May shoved a helmet onto Kevin's head. He looked around as Lee continued to monologue, trying to come up with a plan.
When the two other Kanker sisters started to check over their work, he suddenly moved, tugging Lee towards them and causing them to stumble. Just as they reached the edge of the platform and near the mouth of the cannon, he kicked them in the rest of the way, the whip loosening as he did so.
Just as he did, the cigar fell from Marie's mouth and flew towards the fuse. As the cannon tilted slightly forward, the fuse lit and started to go off before the three girls could get out.
This chain of events led to three things happening; One, the Kankers were unable to get out of the cannon due to being stuck, their frantic movements only creating more confusion. Two, the cannon itself seemed to expand at the base, the amount of gunpowder being used building up the explosion. And three, the kids fled as they watched the situation unfold, deciding to save themselves before it finally unraveled.
And with a bang, the cannon exploded, along with the tent and most of the carnival, and the three girls flew out of the tent, a trail of smoke and fire in their wake.
In the air, the Kanker sister flew as soot clung to them. Lee was the first to break her stupor, kicking May. "Why did you let him drop us in there?!"
"Me?! You were the one holding him down with the whip!" May smacked her sister. "You had him right where you wanted him! How was I supposed to stop you?!"
"You're the muscle of this operation! That's how this works!" Lee pointed at every single one of them. "You're the muscle, I'm the brains, and Marie's the wildcard! That's our dynamic!"
"Si vous êtes les cerveaux, pourquoi n'avez-vous chargé personne?" Marie stated in fluent French, another big, fat cigar hanging from her lips as she nonchalantly struck a match off of her beret and lit it. She seemed the least bothered by the turn of events, having kept up her cool façade. She didn't even seem particularly bothered that the carnival's explosion had singed off the extra hair she'd grown, turning it back to its usual style.
"What do you mean I didn't charge em?!" Lee yelled, stopping, and then face palming. "Damn it!"
The kids themselves didn't hear any of that but watched as the three disappeared from view. They heard the voices of Lee and May, with Marie accompanying (rather disinterestedly) it in French, say.
"The Kanker's are blasting off again!"
They disappeared, a big bright twinkle being seen from the distance.
The kids watched the tent collapse and even burst into flames as the cigar Marie had left still burned. None were sad to watch it and the rest of the tent go, the smell most likely imprinted into their memory at this point. Everyone was silent for a few moments as they watched the carnage, thousand-yard stares and exhausted forms being a commonality.
Kevin eventually piped up. "Everyone planning on just going along with the Dork's next scam without any complaints? At least they're scams are quality."
The kids answered quickly and in unison.
"Deal."
Meanwhile, several miles out of the Peach Creek, the Ed's walked out of convention hall, Double D nearly skipping as his two friends followed behind him. Ed's smile was vacant as he played with some toy he'd gotten inside, while Eddy yawned.
"I can't say all of that wasn't interesting, Sockhead, but I still think we could have skipped that last lecture." Eddy cricked his neck, groaning as it wouldn't settle back in right. "I don't know what subatomic particles are, but I hate them with a burning passion now."
"I'm glad to hear you enjoyed most of it, Eddy, but I'd say that last one was a very rewarding experience." Double D looked towards Ed, watching as he continued to fumble with the toy. "Was there a favorite part of the convention you liked, Ed? I personally can't decide!"
"I liked the puzzles." Ed's hands somehow got tangled in the device.
"You couldn't even solve any of them, Monobrow." Eddy rolled his eyes, still walking forward. "I liked it too, but I wish something exciting would've happened at the end. I mean, some lectures aren't exactly thrilling."
In a twisted answer to the boy's prayers, the Kankers landed on a car not that far away from them. The three jumped as they saw the injured forms of the girls slowly rise, blinking dazedly, before turning their attention to them.
"Hey boys~." The three said in unison, Marie still speaking in French and the cigar in her mouth forming a smokey heart.
"Kankers!" The three boys yelled back, running as fast they could to find their parents.
They didn't even have time to wonder why they were dressed like circus people before the Kankers started running after them.