Spring of cherry blossoms
Author's Note: A rather long one which started short. XD Pieces of it were sitting on my hard drive for ages. So in the spirit of procrastinating other important stuff, I tried to make a decent story out of it. Let me know what you think.
Kudos and comments are always welcome!
Thanks for betaing to mianmaru!
Disclaimer: As always I only owe the words and idea written here. No intention to steal or make money with this, even though it would be nice. :)
Summary: "No! I'm not Tony, I'm Robert. I don't want to be this Tony."
1. Bombproof
He was standing in a rain of cherry blossoms. The rose petals moved around him in the low summer breeze. He lifted his hand and one of them slowly sank to his palm. The green grass covering the hills and valleys in front of him shone in the sun and he could smell the sweet aroma of the cherry tree.
He let his eyes wander around and finally rest on the old and strangely bent tree. He could see bumps and holes telling an old story of an even older piece of nature.
He breathed in as he took a seat at the stem, resting his head against the wood.
A blossom found its place on his knee and he finally felt at peace.
*/*
As he woke he felt as if every bone in his body was smashed. He blinked against the bright light on his face and tried to move. A flash cursed through him and the pain watered his eyes. He desperately tried to remember what had happened but his mind was blank.
"Hello, mister." The head of a beautiful black woman came into view. He blinked rapidly to clear his focus and smiled despite the pain.
"Hi." His voice was hoarse and he cleared his throat. It seemed as if he hadn't used it for quite a while. "Where am I?"
"You are in Jamaica Hospital Medical Center." The woman smiled as he looked confused at her. "Don't worry. You'll be fine."
"Jamaica?" He asked, having the feeling this was wrong.
She giggled slightly as she answered, "Jamaica, New York."
He sighed in relief, even though it still felt kind of wrong.
"My name is Maddy and I will take care of you today." Her smile was fond and her hand warm on his. "I'll get you the doctor, now."
Maddy left the room and a few moments later entered again with a quite young looking fella in a white coat. His appearance stood in stark contrast to Maddy's purple scrubs, it kind of offended his eyes.
"Hello, my name is doctor Charles Benton. I'll check your condition and then I have to ask you some questions, alright." It wasn't a question and Benton already got to work, no chance to intervene. The doctor's business attitude stood in an even stronger contrast to Maddy's kindness as did their outfits. While Benton was checking his medical record the guy shook his head a few times. The doctor started to shine a light in his eyes with a small torch and then moved on to palm his abdomen with his hands. He felt like he was just an unpleasant task the doctor had on his to-do list.
"Okay, you're suffering from several serious internal injuries, you have broken ribs, the right collarbone is also broken, sprained right ankle and a bad concussion due to a trauma to your head. Until now, you've only had to have one surgery to stop the bleeding in your abdomen. Hopefully we don't have to do something about the bleeding in your head. But it looks as if it already subsided. If it doesn't get worse, your body will deal with it on its own." Benton rattled off like it wasn't a big deal. He didn't know what to say. The only thought he had was that he felt like it sounded totally smashed.
"So, now I need to ask you some questions." The doc looked seriously at him. "First, what's your name?"
He opened his mouth to answer but stopped immediately. He desperately tried to think but his mind was still blank and offered not even the slightest hint. Finally he looked at Benton and said, "I don't know."
As he spoke the words, it fully registered in his brain that he didn't know anything about himself or his former life. He possessed all general knowledge like what a hospital was and that New York was in the States. He even understood the medical report the doc gave him but his name was a huge empty spot in the middle of his brain. Benton's angry eyes lingered scrutinizingly on him. He looked over to Maddy for a friendly face but all he saw was pitty and this was nearly as bad as anger.
"Where are you from?" Benton asked.
"I don't know." Despair rose within him and the lingering headache got more present.
"Do you know anything?" Benton's mood was clearly audible.
"No." He rubbed his forehead in an attempt to ease the pain behind it. "I have a headache."
"That is quite normal. If you can't tell me anything we need to involve the police." The doctor threatened.
"Fine, I don't care. Maybe they are able to find out." He closed his light-sensitive eyes.
"Fine." Benton huffed. He could hear him leaving the room and sighed.
"I'll call you… mhhh… Robert. You look like a Robert." He blinked to see Maddy still next to his bed.
"Okay. If you think so. Doesn't sound wrong or right." He shrugged his shoulders and let his head sink into the pillows. "What's wrong with mister important?"
"Oh, don't mind him. We had a hard week." Her eyes hardened for a second but she immediately snapped out of it.
"What happened?" Robert asked, already liking the nurse a lot. Her eyes inspected his face and went down his body and finally rested on the scabbed abrasions on his arms.
"A bomb exploded at the JFK airport. You really can't remember anything?" Robert stared at her gobsmacked. A bomb.
"Thank god, the airport was evacuated fast enough. We only had a small amount of casualties compared to what could have happened." She fumbled nervously at the sling around his neck and he could see her eyes water. Robert took her hand and stopped it from moving.
"That's still terrible. I can understand that you are upset and you have every right to feel like this." He looked her deep in the eyes and could see tears running down her cheeks.
"I'll better go now. You should rest. If you need anything just press the button." Maddy placed a red button on the table next to his bed and left his room in a hurry.
*/*
He didn't even notice he had fallen asleep as he woke. For a split second he didn't know where he was but as he heard a knock on his door he remembered being in a hospital in New York. Robert looked courius at the men entering his room. They looked like ordinary people but somehow he knew they were feds. He recognized the way they moved and the way they assessed first the room, then him.
"Good evening, Sir." A mid-fifty, black- haired man greeted Robert. "My name is Special Agent Martin Brown. This is my partner Special Agent Henry Conner. FBI"
They showed him their badges and Robert had to smile about his instinct.
"I would like to introduce myself to you but I don't know my name. You may call me Robert."
"Robert?" Brown asked, interested.
"A nurse said I would look like a Robert." He shrugged and smiled.
"Do you have any memories about the last days?" Brown went on while Conner opened his notepad. Robert tried to remember once again but the big white spot surrounding the knowledge around his person didn't change.
"No. Actually, I have no memories at all. I don't know my name or my address. I don't know where I'm from or what I did for a living. Just nothing." Robert felt frustrated and annoyed.
"We had a look at your personal belongings. We couldn't find an id-card or driver license and your phone was completely destroyed. We also checked your fingerprints; nothing." Brown eyed Robert again.
"Robert, we really need you to remember." Conner jumped in and earned an annoyed gaze from Brown.
"Why? Why is the FBI here and not the cops?" On a sudden insight Robert added, "It's about the bomb, isn't it?" The feds looked surprised at him.
"No reason to get excited, boys. A nurse told me. Did I have something to do with it?" Robert smiled and felt like he had such conversations sometime before. The feds glanced at each other, Brown sighed and nodded towards Conner.
"You called our office eight days ago and said you have information about a potential bomb attack at JFK. You provoked an evacuation and saved many people." Robert was sure he could hear admiration in Conner's voice but he couldn't believe he had done such a thing. "As our Agents arrived they couldn't do more than recover you."
"But how the hell should I have known?" Robert noticed his headache starting again.
"That's what we try to find out. You didn't leave a name or shared any details. We could reconstruct the events at the airport based on the eyewitness accounts." Brown still didn't look pleased as he summed up the incidents that happened at JFK. For Robert it just sounded like a bad action movie. Two bombs were placed right in the middle of the arrival area. Thanks to his actions the people had been guided outside, while he remained behind with around ten border police officers. Apparently Robert had insisted on defusing the bombs but he was only lucky with one. The other had exploded a few yards away from him. He hadn't made it in time. But despite all of the officers around him no one could tell his name or why he knew how to defuse a bomb, not speaking of how he knew about the bombs at all.
Robert shook his head, the pain had increased over the story he heard and he rubbed his forehead again.
"All I can remember is…" He stopped feeling silly.
"Everything you can tell us might help." Conner urged him on.
"'I remember a rain of cherry blossoms." Robert looked apologizing at the feds as Brown huffed. "I'm sorry."
As the Agents had left, Robert was staring out of the window. How would he know all this stuff? Who was he; James Bond?
His headache reached new heights and he closed his eyes, suddenly feeling exhausted.
*/*
Robert was zapping through the channels as Brown burst into his room. He hadn't heard from the feds in three days and often wondered if they had come any closer to his identity. Brown was followed by a silver-haired man with stunning blue eyes and a younger feller with brown hair on his heels.
"We know-" Brown started but got immediately interrupted by the silver-haired man.
"DiNozzo!" The man barked and it shook something inside Robert. He looked irritated at the three men and waited.
"You are Anthony DiNozzo. Navy cop." Brown muttered and gazed angry at the man next to him. "These are Agents Gibbs and McGee. Your colleges."
"Hi." Robert answered and tried to process the informationen and faces. But nothing came to his mind.
"DiNozzo, you alright?" Gibbs asked and eyed him closely. His face was blank but somehow Robert felt strangely x-rayed.
"I don't recognize them." He addressed Brown but couldn't force his eyes away from the blue ones inspecting him.
"Too bad but I told you, Gibbs. He can't remember anything." Brown looked like he already had a tough conversation with this Gibbs-guy.
"It doesn't matter! He is one of my Agents. I won't leave him alone." Gibbs answered as he took a seat next to Robert's bed, looking challenging at the fed. McGee positioned himself behind the chair and watched the scene. It appeared as if he was used to such trouble. Brown huffed and turned on his heels.
As the door closed Gibbs leaned back and watched Robert again.
"Tony, you really look bad." McGee rushed to his side and gazed at him fondly. "What happened? We lost track of you as you were about to meet Granger."
Robert looked confused at McGee and felt his headache slowly start again in the base of his head.
"I really have no idea what you're talking about." He pinched the bridge of his nose as the pain rapidly moved to the front of his head.
"Damn, you really can't remember anything?" McGee sounded surprised and Robert shook his head.
"All I remember is me standing in a rain of cherry blossoms." Robert said and was sure something crossed Gibbs' unreadable face but it was gone as fast as it had appeared. "I don't know what this means but it might be important."
Gibbs adjusted the bracelet he wore and leaned forward.
"Nothing else?" He stressed the first word in a way that Robert felt like he would miss the obvious.
"No."
"McGee, fill him in." Gibbs ordered and leaned back, fixing his eyes at Robert's arm in the sling. The young man still watching him fondly, twitched slightly and started to spill an unbelievable amount of what was supposed to be his life and job.
Supposedly he and his colleagues had tracked down some suspects. They had stolen a huge amount of C4 and shot a soldier. He, 'Tony' was undercover to infiltrate the group when they had lost track. They only had found him when the feds ran his fingerprints through the system.
The explanation of McGee cleared some questions but still Robert couldn't remember any of his former life.
He rubbed his face and sighed. It still sounded like a bad action movie and he really seemed to be a sort of James Bond. Undercover, C4, defusing bombs. At least his life wasn't boring. His eye lid started to judder and he let his head rest on the pillow, closing his eyes.
"McGee, you are getting a room nearby for us. Tell the team we found him." Gibbs mumbled and Robert could hear the younger man return "Yes, boss."
A feeling of familiarity emerged in his chest and he slowly faded into dreams.
*/*
As Robert woke, he was still caught in the feeling of the warm breeze and stunning sight of the cherry blossom rain. Gibbs was still sitting in the chair next to him and sipped a coffee, McGee wasn't present.
Gibbs eyed him again and Robert got the impression this was his thing. Just gazing until he got everything he wanted. He didn't like it. He didn't like the man at all.
After he could shake the sleepy feeling in his head, Robert decided to fill the silence.
"So, you are my boss?"
"Yup." It still stunned Robert that there was no single movement in Gibbs' face.
"And I'm working for NCIS?" Robert went on but he actually didn't really know what to ask.
"Yup."
"Am I good at it?" Robert saw a little twitch at the corner of Gibbs mouth. Then he narrowed his eyes and said, "Yup."
Robert breathed in deeply as he heard the answer. This man was annoyingly monosyllabic.
"Do I have any family? And please don't say just 'yup'!" He holds the gaze of the foreign man. He felt even more bond with Brown then him and seeing Gibbs sitting here matter-of-factly just seemed wrong. But apparently Robert needed someone to fill him in on his life.
"A father but you didn't get along that well. You last saw him around three years ago."
"That's it? No wife, children? Nothing?" Robert was shocked, apparently he was all alone. It kind of fitted his job but actually he didn't feel like an eremit. He rubbed his hand over his face.
"The team is your family. Always has been." Something shifted in Gibbs' eyes but Robert was still not able to decipher his gaze. The situation highly frustrated him and he felt the pressure in his head rising already.
"For god sake. Is that all? Am I really a workaholic, happy to work for a grumpy guy, ready to die for it? Is there nothing more?" He nearly screamed the last words. This couldn't be all he had gotten out of life.
"Tony." Gibbs' voice was suddenly soft and he let his hand rest on Robert's arm.
"No! I'm not Tony, I'm Robert. I don't want to be this Tony." His eyes watered and he pulled his arm away. Suddenly a wave of emotion threatened to drown him and he choked hard on his feelings. Gibbs sighed deeply and leaned back and for the first time Robert could see something on his face. All at once he looked worn out and tired.
"Fine, Robert. But this doesn't change anything." Resignation colored Gibbs' voice and eyes. Robert felt strange, it wasn't right. The whole situation wasn't right at all but his damn mind still didn't provide any hints.
*/*
Gibbs stayed. Robert was sure he didn't even leave at night. He was by his side as he woke and until he closed his eyes at night. He was silent most of the time, only answering Roberts' questions. After the first week McGee bowed out. This young guy was clever and likeable. He had worked with the lokal feds and at the end they had found the terror cell, responsible for the bomb attack. Robert was glad. He didn't want to have something to do with any of this. Gibbs seemed pleased and his mood improved for a few days but soon he was back to the gumpy self he had shown before. Robert had expected Gibbs would leave as well but this stubborn guy was still sitting in the chair next to him.
It was the Wednesday of Robert's third week in hospital as the doctors let him know he was able to go home soon. First he felt relieved and enthusiastic but soon sadness colored his mind.
"Something wrong?" Gibbs asked as Robert stared for what felt like ages out of the window.
"No." But he couldn't suppress a groan.
"Spill it!" Gibbs demanded and anger rose within Robert.
"It's not your business." He hissed and avoided Gibbs' gaze.
"Yes it is." The voice was calm but somehow Robert could feel anger radiating from him.
"Why the hell should this be your business?" Robert grumbled annoyed.
"God damn, DiNozzo. You are family. The only family I have and this gives me the goddamn right to make it my business!" Gibbs' anger was palpable and Robert's head spun around to look into his face. Gibbs stared at him, challenging, the blue filled with anger, hurt and pain.
For the first time Robert was forced to think about the people in his former life. He realised that they had lost a friend and even though he wasn't dead, 'Tony' was. It must be as hard to see him not recognising them as to be the one meeting new old people.
"Sorry." Robert sighed. "I forgot that you might be as affected as I am. It's just hard."
"For me, too. We actually were quite close." Gibbs fixed his eyes at some spot on the wall far away from Robert.
"We were?" He was irritated. He still didn't like him and couldn't imagine that they had been friends.
"Yeah." Robert was sure he actually could hear sadness color his voice but was still too occupied with his confusion and the uncertainties of his future. "What am I supposed to do when I'm out here?"
"I hope you're coming back to DC." McGee and Gibbs but mostly McGee had told him about DC and the rest of his team, of his life and still it didn't sound appealing to him.
"I don't know. My life doesn't sound desirable. I'm still wondering what kept me there." Robert watched Gibbs intensely hoping for any kind of answer. But Gibbs just remained silent, only shrugging his shoulders.