A compassionate heart at Sacred Heart
PART ONE
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "SCRUBS" OR THE CHARACTERS. I LOVE THE FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN JD AND TURK, THE LOVE BETWEEN TURK AND CARLA AND THE FATHER/MENTER AND SON/STUDENT RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN JD AND Dr. COX
SEASON ONE
MY FIRST DAY
JD:
For as long as I can remember I have been able to sleep through anything. My best friend Turk once joked, "Dude once you are out, I don't think a tornado could wake you up". He was not wrong I have always been a deep sleeper but last night I did not get any sleep. See now fresh out med school Turk and I are starting our first day of work at SACRED HEART hospital. Sacred Heart is a teaching hospital where I am starting as a medical intern today as Turk is starting as a surgical intern. This morning as I got ready for my first day, I was more than a little nervous. The more nervous I am the more goofy I get as I now found myself using shaving cream to make a silly face on the bathroom mirror.
I was very thankful for Turk. Chris Turk is my best friend, and he was my college roommate. We went to the same college, the same med school and now have been accepted as interns at the same hospital. "You are going to be great Turk", I told him as we were on our way to our first day of work, he smiled, "You know it buddy, and so will you…hey buddy look at me…you got this". See that was one of the things I love about Turk, no matter how nervous he must be feeling himself he had the confidence to know he can do anything.
As I walked into the hospital however and a nurse greeted me with a "Thank God you're here. The patient in …"and started telling me in a rush what was going on as I looked around at the people in the waiting room in need of a doctor. I realized in that moment that no matter what I learned in four years of college and four years of med school and now thousands of dollars in debt from student loans: I did not know jack.
DR. COX:
Well today was bound to be a headache waiting to happen. Today Sacred Heart gets a fresh batch of interns who were bound to suck me dry with pages and questions until the only joy I can get is giving the new baby doctors the tough love act. Unlike the chief of medicine Bob Kelso (who I believe must be the devil who see patients as just wallets to be biopsied) however my tough guy act was because I cared about helping the patients not because I want to see who I can make sweat. "How are you?", Carla Espanosa the nurse who was one of the few people at this hospital I respect asked me. I answered, "Carla you know I need coffee first and questions later".
Carla gave me a concerned look, "We get some new interns today. You know what might happen if you actually play nice with the interns"? I told her, "If I say yes are you still going to tell me"? She raised an eyebrow and teased, "Oh I don't know maybe if you treat the interns like students and not annoying ants spoiling a picnic you might just dare, I say make a friend".
I rolled my eyes, "I don't need friends I just need people to do their jobs, so people don't oh what's the word oh right die". Carla gave a playful smile, "Say what you will Dr. Cox, but I can't always be the only one on staff who can talk to you without fear". I pretended to whine, "But Carla I like the fear, I find it can be useful". Carla now shook her head and walked away. The new shift started with the arrival of the new interns. I could not help thinking of what Carla said as I admitted to myself that maybe Carla had a point. Maybe I did not want a friend, but I could always use an intern as my right-hand man. The question was as I looked at the new arriving interns was who shall be my monkey of choice.
JD:
I became a doctor because I want to help people. During orientation however the chief of medicine and a lawyer named Ted Buckland did not seem actually worried about patient care as much as making sure we knew as Mr. Buckland told us, "The hospital doesn't want to be sued. Being sued is bad". The chief of medicine now stepped forward, "Hello everyone I am Dr. Bob Kelso. Now while you are at Sacred Heart, I want you to think of me as your safety net". I now turned to Turk, "I somehow feel less then safe". Turk just smiled and as the orientation ended and as we got ready to leave another intern a beautiful woman with blond hair and a bright smile walked up to us, "So we know where Dr. Kelso's priorities are at. If I had a dollar for every time that we just heard the words no and sue, I could buy new shoes".
She then smiled and introduced herself, "I'm Elliott Reed. Yes, I know I have a guy's name I have three older brothers and I am the only girl, so my parents had picked the name thinking I was going to be a boy". Turk now teased in a playful E.T voice, "Elliott…". She shook her head with a, "Don't". I now asked her, "He is Turk for Chris Turk and I am John Dorian, but I prefer to be called JD. So, are you medical or surgical"? When she answered, "Medical" I had to smile. I doubted Dr. Reed would want to go on a date with me, but she was worth the shot of asking…just maybe after we had known each other for longer than five minutes. So, you could say orientation yesterday was interesting.
Now I was on my first day at sacred heart and the only person who was actually talking to me and not at me was a very pretty nurse named Carla Espanosa. I smiled at Turk as he too noticed Carla and he smiled at her. It seemed I was not the only one with a hopeful date in mind.
CARLA:
"Oh, Cox is going to have fun with this group of interns", I thought as I noticed the interns looked nervous but none more so than a young man with dark black hair he had gelled to stay up and bright blue eyes that were wide as he looked around the hospital like a deer caught in headlights. I could see kindness in his eyes and knew that this Bambi was going to need someone in his corner if he was going to survive his internship knowing that doctors are allowed to be human, and it is ok that you are not superman. I went over to him, "I am Carla Espanosa the head nurse come with me and you can shadow me with your patients between rounds" and he introduced himself as he gave me a thankful smile, "Thanks I'm Dr. Dorian. Everyone calls me JD".
Nice nickname but he still looked like a Bambi to me. As my new Bambi and I were checking on an elderly coma patient I told my new friend JD, "We are just waiting for Dr. Cox". No sooner did I say that the man himself walked in the room and seeing JD told him as he gestured to the patient, "Get an IV in him". As Dr. Dorian went to do so, Cox asked me in his coxy way, "Carla do you actually spray your perfume on or do you just go swimming in it". I knew he just wanted to look tough in front of the new intern and just told him, "I smell nice". Seeing that Dr. Dorian was still working up the nerve to put in his first IV out of med school and on the job Dr. Cox gave him a whistle and a, "Times up". I frowned at that. I have told Cox he should not whistle at people because it was belittling.
Cox now did the IV himself as he remarked, "Why does this gomer always have to try to die on my lunch hour". JD's eyes widen a little as he remarked softly to himself about Cox, "So insensitive". Cox who has particularly good hearing heard that and gave JD a look, "Listen newbie the man is 90 years old and has been in his coma for over a year. Heck Carla has her breasts next to his face and no response". I now told Cox, "Hey be nice to Bambi". JD now asked, "What about his subconscious"? In reply Dr. Cox leaned over the patient and said like he was mocking him, "Eisenhower was a sissy". Then Cox put up his arms like he was expecting to have to defend himself against the patient and now told JD, "I think by the grace of God we'll be alright. By the way whenever I am in the room you are definitely not allowed to talk".
JD:
"What just happened" I thought to myself. When I heard my attending was Dr. Cox, I was already nervous to meet Dr. Cox because I heard talk that he was one tough nut, yet I also heard that he was the doctor who cared the most about the patients. I do not know if he was in a cranky mood when we meet in the room of one of my patients who was a coma patient or if that was just his personality, but he looked at me like he was sizing me up. Well, I was thankful for Carla's kindness as she was showing me the preverbal ropes. At the nurse's station Turk caught up with me as he told me, "I just had my hands in a person's chest if feels so strange to be allowed to do that". He noticed Carla and gave her a wide smile and playful, "What's up". Carla just raised an eyebrow in response.
"How is the patient?" I asked Turk. He answered, "He is good. I just need to remember sooner or later everyone stops bleeding…whoa that was actually kind of deep". Carla told him simply, "No it wasn't". Well, it was time for rounds as me and the other medical interns gathered around Dr. Kelso who was looking at us with little patience. I was happy to see the intern I had met at orientation the day before Elliott Reed join us as she smiled at me. After Dr. Kelso was done drilling us our questions for rounds and rounds was over, I summoned my courage and asked Elliott, "You were really good at rounds. Listen would you like to go out with me tomorrow night for dinner".
Elliott answered, "You mean like a date? You know what, I would like that. We can meet up after work". I was surprised and excited as I told her, "Great. I will see you". A little later I was with a patient Mr. Buckley who asked me, "I just have bad gas. What are you testing me for"? "He is just scared", I thought to myself as I told him, "Mr. Buckley I heard a heart murmur. It is most likely nothing but if we don't check it out then I'm going to worry about you all day". He nodded, "All right I'll do it for you". I gave him a smile and told him, "You're a good man".
On my way outside to meet with Turk, I saw a janitor working on fixing an automatic door. I explained to him, "I'm just waiting for someone". Seeing me and my questioning look he told me, "The door is jammed". Remembering how I once saw a little kid spill some coins and one rolled into the automatic door at a Target store I suggested, "Maybe someone put a penny in there".
At that the janitor now gave me a look like a parent suspecting they are about to catch their child in a lie as he asked, "Why a penny"? I now realized I might have made a mistake as I told him, "No reason, just making small talk". The janitor gave me an odd look as he told me, "If I find a penny in there, I am coming for you". Not knowing what to say I walked away as for the second time that day I found myself asking myself, "What just happened"?
COX:
The jury was still out but I think I may know which intern I want for my right-hand man. I just needed to know if I found him annoying because he was actually annoying or if I just found him annoying because I found almost everyone annoying because I am…well me. The intern was a John Dorian. I overheard he went by the nickname of JD. When he called me insensitive, I thought, "Great he is one of those annoying now let us all hug it out and sing kumbaya types". Yet there was something in his tone that told me even if I made him nervous because I am now his boss, he was too honest not to be honest about what he really thought that I think I might like.
Wheeling a half-asleep elderly patient named Mrs. Wells into the doctor's lounge with me I found Dr. Dorian waiting for me as I asked him, "What the hell are you doing? Did you really just page me for my opinion on giving a patient aspirin". He answered, "I was worried it might expedite the patient". I replied, "It's aspirin just have her open her mouth and toss some in". He then started, "It is just that Dr. Kelso said…". I cut him off as not wanting Bobbo to get his hands on this one I warned this newbie, "Listen I am going to put this as simply as I can: Bob Kelso is the evilest insult to medicine and may in fact be the devil himself only God really knows". I noticed him looking at the "sleeping" Mrs. Wells who I brought in with me and he asked, "Should we be talking about this in front of her".
Unable to resist an opportunity I told my newbie, "Oh her…she's dead". The look on his face was priceless. Newbie now gave me a "you don't have to be a jerk about it" look and a sarcastic, "You've been like a father to me". I sighed and told him, "Fine you want some real advice learn some self-confidence or you are not going to make it as a doctor". I then left giving JD a, "Good luck being on call tonight pumpkin". I had to smile as I overheard Mrs. Wells telling Newbie, "I am not really dead". I smiled as I thought to myself, "Oh yes this newbie is now my newbie".
TURK:
I knew I had to be strong in front of my best friend JD but inside I was a nervous wreck. I know I will be a good surgeon…no I am going be great surgeon but all the information you learn in school does not prepare you for how scary it is to cut a living human being open. My attending Dr. Wen was awesome with the way he talked to all the surgical interns with the honest compassion of an attending who remembers what it felt like when they first started. I asked him to call me Turk, but he still called me Christopher. I even made a new friend among the interns Dr. Todd Quintin, but everyone was already calling him, "The Todd" as he was already becoming known for his love of high fives. The dude wanted to high five about almost everything.
Best of all I met this beautiful nurse, Carla. We flirted a bit, and I could see she was a kindhearted and motherly soul who liked taking care of people. JD had already befriended Carla as he told me how nice Carla was to him in helping him get his first day on the job bearings (and that he thinks she likes me) as JD also told me how excited he was for his date tomorrow night with Dr. Elliott Reed. By the end of the day, I could feel everything catching up with me. Feeling the need to talk I found JD. He asked, "So I found a place for us if you still want to be roommates". I told him, "I think that is a good idea. Truth be told being a doctor is scarier than I excepted". JD gave me an understanding look, "It's ok to be scared sometimes". I smiled as I told him, "I need you to tell me that sometimes. I love you like a brother". He smiled, "I love you too".
JD:
I was in the lounge looking over a patient's chart a couple of moments later I would be on call. Dr. Kelso walked in. He asked me, "How are you sport? Ready for your first night on call"? Even though in my head I was screaming with nerves I gave him a dutiful, "Yes sir". He smiled, "That's what I like to hear". As the night shift started and went on, I was getting a stress headache. Everything seemed to be happening in a blur of everyone needing something. I knew I wanted to be a doctor to help people I just never expected to feel so stressed that all the knowledge about the human body in the world does not make it any less scary to know lives are on the line.
I was wondering if I had made the wrong choice to go into medicine when one of the nurses a kind and spirited woman named Laverne gave me the bad news that Mr. Buckley had died. I went to his room and was in a state of disbelief, "Why didn't anyone page me"? Laverne now told me, "It was one of his valves there was no way to catch it in time. You are going to have to pronounce him honey". Swallowing the lump in my throat I pronounced, "Time of death 9:24". I now felt shame that I had been thinking of how stressed I was forgetting that if I thought I was scared the patients were the ones coming to the hospital sick and/or injured and looking for help. I now learned the worse part of losing a patient was how quickly you had to move on to help the next patient.
As morning came and my double shift was almost over it would be Dr. Cox who would end up giving me my second wind and let me know I had made the right choice in becoming a doctor. It was when we were rushing to save a car accident victim who was coding as his blood pressure became dangerously high with his internal bleeding. I was going to have to make an incision to relieve the pressure. Dr. Cox got my attention as for the first time he used my real name instead of "newbie" as he told me, "You got this JD now cut him or lose him". Somehow, I believed him and was able to make the incision and as the patient had his blood pressure go back to normal and was now in stable condition, I felt thankful towards Dr. Cox.
Unlike Dr. Kelso who had earlier told me when he was upset that I was still treating a patient with no insurance, "Dr. Dorian do you not realize you are just a walking, talking pair of scrubs to me" proving what a jerk he was, Dr. Cox may have been rough around the edges, but he was the good guy in this story (every story needs a good guy). Because while for Kelso it was about what was best for the hospital for Cox it was about what was best for the patients.
Well, my first shift at Sacred Heart was now ending as Carla told me, "Bambi, get out while you Still can". Still, I now knew as a doctor the hospital will always be at the back of my mind waiting for me. On my way out I saw the Janitor give me give me a "well look what I found" look as he held up a penny. Well, I hoped he was just having one of those days and would be nicer tomorrow because I had the feeling the Janitor was well- meaning but a prankster at heart. Well, I am just glad I made it through my first day without looking like an idiot. Well of course with that thought I would knock into a glass door. Thank God for good friends like Turk and Carla because I cannot do this all on my own. No matter how much a good doctor may care no matter how much I may care…I am no superman.
MY OLD LADY
JD:
In med school one of my professors told me that if you do not count the emergency room that are mostly people with broken bones that sort of thing and the maternity ward that is for people becoming parents about one of three patients admitted to the hospital will die. It is a chilling thought but that is why every doctor knows that when you make death your enemy do not expect it to play fair. I walked into a patient's room to check on my new patient Mrs. Tanner. I saw two family members, a man and a woman in the room with her and neither of them looked happy as they were arguing, and Mrs. Tanner looked unsurprised by the arguing. I cleared my throat, "Excuse me, I'm the doctor. I'm Dr. Dorian". The man and woman seemed to find something they agree on as the woman remarked, "unacceptable" and the man remarked, "What are you sixteen"?
Mrs. Tanner now told them firmly, "Now that is enough. Yes, he's young but I am sure he is a good doctor". She asked me, "How about it dear, Are you a good doctor"? I answered, "It is really too soon to tell". Mrs. Tanner smiled, "I like the honesty". She turned to her family, "He stays". As her family went back to talking to or rather at each other Mrs. Tanner told me softly, "You most likely want them to leave. Show them you're a man not a boy". I now spoke up to her family, "Alright everybody out". The woman remarked, "I am fine where I am" and the man remarked "Make me". I now raised my voice slightly to show them I was not a pushover, "I said out"!
TURK:
I could tell it was bumming JD out that my new girlfriend Carla and his new girlfriend Elliott were not exactly getting along. Both women meant well and were trying but Carla perceived Elliott as being condescending and Elliott perceived Carla as being judgmental. Well, I was sure they would work it out. Today at work I had a new hernia patient. JD who knew surgeons like to keep our patients at arm's length because well you try cutting someone open without needing a little detachment so you can focus, still asked me, "What's his name"? I answered, "Well his name is hernia patient, but we've gotten close, so I like to call him hernia". JD gave me one of his "be sensitive" looks he gave to anyone he felt needed it as he told me, "He must feel so safe and cared for".
Easy for him to say his job was to find what was wrong with a patient, mine was to cut them open it to fix it. Still, I knew JD was right that every patient needed to know they are seen as a person not a case number as I found my patient's name was Greg and he loved baseball. Greg looked so thankful that I was just hanging with him talking baseball that it made my heart ache a little. See this is exactly what makes it hard getting to know someone going under the knife.
ELLIOTT:
I needed help with my new blood clot patient Mrs. Perez with someone who knew Spanish. I gave Mrs. Perez a smile hoping to reassure the woman she has a doctor who cares, "Don't worry Senora Perez I called for a nurse who speaks Spanish". That was when Carla walked in. She gave me a teasing look, "Well I see that fancy prep school of yours did not teach you Spanish even though about a third of your patients are likely to speak it as their primary language". I told her, "Oh like every doctor here speaks Spanish". That was Dr. Cox walked in asking Mrs. Perez, "Hola, Como estas"? She answered, "Me duele el pecho cuando respiro, doctora" (my chest hurts when I breathe doctor). He told her, "Nosotras obtendremos una radiografia" (we will get an x ray).
Dr. Cox then turned to me back to speaking English, "Laugh so she knows I'm not yelling at you". I gave a nervous little laugh and Cox now told me, "Listen Dr. Barbie you have been here for over a month now. You need to stop second guessing yourself. I do not want to give you my two cents about everything. In fact, right now I would like to pick you up and shake you until all the hours of my life that you wasted falls right out". He then left and Carla gave an honest laugh as she told me, "Well that was fun".
JD:
I was on my way to Mrs. Tanner's room when I was approached for a walk and talk with Dr. Kelso. He told me, "So I hear you plan to put your patient Mrs. Tanner on dialysis". I nodded, "If we don't, she will go into kidney failure". He nodded then told me, "But you know what you need to do first sport…find her". We had reached Mrs. Tanner's room to find her gone and on her bed was a note that read, "Went to the park". The park was where I found Mrs. Tanner with her family as they were having a birthday party for her granddaughter who according to the balloons was turning seven. I hated feeling like a party pooper but for Mrs. Tanner's safety she had to get back to the hospital as I told her, "Mrs. Tanner, I don't know how it has been with your other doctors but when you are under my care you stay at the hospital until I say otherwise".
Mrs. Tanner gave me a smile, "It's Samantha's birthday now you are not going to make me miss this are you? At least stay long enough for her to blow out the candles". She then turned to her granddaughter, "So what is your birthday wish sweetheart". The little girl smiled, "I want horse riding lessons" and with that she blew out her candles and I soon had Mrs. Tanner back at the hospital.
TURK:
Dr. Wen, my attending, my fellow intern Bonnie and I were performing the surgery to fix my patient Greg's hernia and Bonnie and I were both looking at the camera when Dr. Wen noticed something, "Wait go back". It was then we found Greg had a lymphoma. The good news was that we caught it early. So as soon as we had Greg resting after his hernia surgery, I gave his father a call. As I was telling Greg's father, "Actually I think it is lucky we found the lymphoma as early as we did", Dr. Kelso walked up to me as I ended the call. Dr. Kelso now told me, "Well son I hope that was not a personal call". I answered, "That was the father of my hernia patient Greg Hale. I was telling him about the lymphoma we found".
Dr. Kelso nodded, "Yes I heard about your little bowling game in the hall". I told him, "I just think he is a good kid who could use a friend". Dr. Kelso answered, "Son your patients don't need a friend they need a doctor". I could tell Dr. Kelso would most likely be soon telling JD the same thing if he hadn't already.
JD:
I was discussing with Mrs. Tanner her need for dialysis. She sighed, "I am not a big fan of dialysis". I told her, "Unfortunately we don't have a choice". She then surprised me, "Actually I do have a choice…I think I am ready to die". I could feel my jaw drop.
IN JD'S MIND:
A delivery man walks in the room, "I have a ton of bricks for a Dr. Dorian". JD signs for it and is now buried under bricks. The delivery man now causally tells JD, "I need my pen back" and JD's hand emerges from the bricks to return the pen.
I snapped out of my daydream as Mrs. Tanner tells me, "You're going to have to close your mouth sometime". She told me, "I have thought this through, and I am ready. I really am". She told me, "It is alright honey everyone has their time to die". "No, they don't", I said quickly hating how much I sounded like a child as she added, "You're being irrational" and I added, "No I'm not". After talking with Mrs. Tanner, I knew I had to talk with Dr. Cox. He would know how to talk Mrs. Tanner in to accepting dialysis.
COX:
When JD came to me about his patient Mrs. Tanner, I knew he was scared not just of losing his patient but of death. I told him, "Newbie if the patient declines dialysis that is her choice". He asked, "What about our duty as doctors to…". I didn't let him finish as I told him, "Listen this is not about her this is about you. You are afraid of death and if you want to work in medicine, you cannot be. When you work in medicine you have to accept that pretty much everything that we do is a stall in a game that will ultimately ends the same".
IN JD'S MIND:
As JD plays tic tac toe with the grim reaper, Death calls out, "I Win!" and JD ask in disbelief, "What! How"? Death answers, "Diagonally". JD tells him, "Very sneaky Death".
ELLIOTT:
I was in Mrs. Perez's room with Carla as we checked on her vitals and I asked Carla, "Teach me how to tell her she is going to be alright". Carla nodded and answered, "Vas a estar bien". I repeated, "Señora Pérez, Vas a estar bien". She gave me a thankful smile and "Gracias". My heart ached for her as she held her rosary and I was hoping to give her any comfort I could. As Carla and I left the room I told her as I worried for my patient, "That blood clot isn't going anywhere so my gut tells me to push thermalities but thermalities scare me because she could bleed out". Suddenly I felt the need to be alone to think as I rushed away telling Carla, "I'll be right back".
Getting thirsty I saw a vending machine and as I was trying to choose between Pepsi or ginger ale, I felt dread as I thought to myself, "What do I do? If I cannot even choose a drink without feeling like no matter which one that I choose I will wonder if I should have chosen the other one, how am I going to trust myself that I know I am choosing right by my patient"? Carla had found me and now asked, "What happened to I'll be right back? That woman needs her doctor to tell her something, anything and you're hiding"?
I told Carla, "I am just trying to decide if I want a Pepsi or ginger ale. Either way I get a drink and there is no way I could kill anyone with this decision, and I still can't make it…I think I'm in trouble here". Carla gave me a gentle look, "I don't think that these kinds of decisions are easy for anyone. If it helps, one of the reasons why I never liked you is because you are already better at this then most interns here and I kind of like being the only strong chick in the joint". I had to smile as I told her, "You, kind of just complimented me". Carla smiled, "Kind of".
I now cleared my throat, "I think I'm going with ginger ale… and that clot isn't going anywhere so let's push thermalities".
JD:
I stood in front of Mrs. Tanner's room as she talked with her family. I was thinking to myself, "There is no way I'm going in there", only for the Janitor to prove me wrong as he came into the hall on his floor buffer. Seeing how earlier that day the Janitor had mimed to me as I was talking to Dr. Cox, "I'm going to get you" and when I mouthed back, "Why" he just shrugged, I was in no hurry to see if Janitor would make good on his threat, I ducked into Mrs. Tanner's room as her family was leaving.
As her family left, I walked in. I asked Mrs. Tanner, "You didn't tell them did you"? She answered, "It didn't come up and they would just give me a bunch of reasons to change my mind". I told her as I pulled out a notebook where I had written a "bucket list", "Speaking of which here are some things you could do like visit a foreign country". She answered, "I've done that". As I read from the list Mrs. Tanner told me the things she done. Finally, she told me, "Honey I promise you there is not one thing I regret as I lay here. I really am ready". I told her, "You have had an amazing life".
She told me, "So we agree. Now don't you have other patients you should be seeing". I answered, "Me? No, I got off an hour ago". Mrs. Tanner now gave me a motherly look, "So with your precious free time you are here talking to an old lady. What about your list, how many of those things have you done? For that matter when have you ever just let yourself lay in the grass and just be in the moment. You have to start taking time for yourself young man. Promise me you'll do that". I nodded and as I checked her vitals something on my face must have showed as she asked me, "Are you all right".
Feeling she deserved my honesty I told her, "I'm scared". Mrs. Tanner gave me a warm and understanding look as she told me, "Come here" as she waved me over to her side and gave me a hug. For a couple of moments, she just let me stay by her side as she told me, "It's alright Dr. Dorian. You're going to be alright". That night Mrs. Tanner went peacefully in her sleep as I stayed in my chair by her side to watch over her.
I would later find out that while I was losing Mrs. Tanner, Turk lost his patient Greg Hale during surgery to remove his lymphoma, and Elliott had lost her patient Mrs. Perez. My professor said that about one of three patients admitted to the hospital will die but sometimes the odds are even worse than that. Sometimes all you can do when that happens is to try to learn something from it, anything at all. The next day Greg's father would tell Turk, "I can't tell you how thankful I am that my son knew he had a friend in his corner". Dr. Cox would tell Elliott, "Don't second guess yourself. You made the right call". As for me as I let myself lay in the grass in the park while waiting for my friends to join me, I learned that you can never let fear of death keep you from living.
MY Occurrence
JD:
When you work at a hospital you never really know what to expect. Today I was paged by Dr. Cox to find him with a patient in the emergency room because he had an accident with a nail gun while on the job as a construction worker and had his hand nailed to a piece of wood. It turned out the patient was Ben Sullivan. He was Dr. Cox's friend and the brother of his ex-wife Jordon. As I saw Ben's hand nailed to the wood, I got woozy.
Yes, I had seen blood before of course I am a doctor after all but there is just something about an injured hand that feels like an attack even if it was a construction accident. Dr. Cox of course never missed an opportunity as he teased, "Oh Ben I think he is going to faint. Quick show him the bloody side". Ben playfully did so, and I fell to the floor. Dr. Cox just told Ben, "Come on let us get that hand x-rayed" then told me not stopping to maybe help me up, "Later Newbie". Ben followed him as he gave me a playful, "Bye".
TURK:
I cannot believe the mistake my fellow surgeon Bonnie and I almost made in surgery today. We were about the perform surgery to remove one of a patient Mr. Weinberg's testis when thankfully Dr. Renee Evens stopped us as she noticed, "Wait a moment…Mr. Weinberg is Jewish". "Yes so", I asked. Dr. Evens now pointed out, "Then why isn't he circumcised"? Todd then walked in to tell us that there was a mix up because, "My appendicitis patient doesn't have an appendix".
Later at lunch I told Carla, JD, and Elliott about the mix up. I told them, "If I do my best and lose a patient, I can live with that. If a clerical error is why someone is walking around with only the lonely, well that doesn't sit well with the big dog". JD nodded, "Clerical errors may be few but when put together they add up to a lot of near misses". Elliott agreed as she told us about a lab mix up that wrongly led her to believe one her patients was pregnant. Elliott explained, "Her first name is Tracy and the other patient's last name is Tracy. So, Tracy's not pregnant the darn lab just got the names wrong". Little did we know it but both Dr. Cox and JD would soon wish the lab had made a mistake with a patient they both cared about even if the lab did not.
JD:
At the nurses, station I saw Dr. Cox's ex-wife Jordon and her brother Ben in conversation. As I asked them, "Hey do either of you know where Dr. Cox went". Jordon sighed, "Listen DJ, I am a little too busy being worried about my brother and his latest on the construction job injury so be a good lapdog and find your trainer yourself". No matter how many times I have told Jordon my name is JD she still makes a point of calling me "DJ" or "RJ" the same way Dr. Cox calls me Newbie.
Ben now told Jordon, "Hey don't be mean to him, you're mad at me". Jordon answered, "Yes because you know you should not be doing construction work when you know how clumsy you are. How many times have you hurt yourself with that nail gun"? Ben answered, "Well it is a new nail gun so with that one just this once but yes with all nail guns the estimate would be slightly higher". Ben now sighed and told Jordon, "Look Jordon, I'll call you later". Jordon walked away, "Fine". She walked pass Dr. Cox with a "Jerk" as Dr. Cox walked over to Ben.
He told Ben, "So Ben it has been weeks since the last time we went out for beers. What is that about". Ben asked Dr. Cox, "So do you want to go out tonight". I'll be honest that I felt a stab of envy as I thought, "Dr. Cox had never asked me out for drinks". No sooner did I think that though Dr. Cox turned to me and asked, "Hey Newbie would you like to join us"? I smiled as I answered, "Oh God yes". Could this be it. Dr. Cox knew how much I looked up to him could this be him reaching out and we could be friends as well as coworkers.
COX:
It sure felt good having Ben visit. I only wish it was not a hospital visit for an injured hand. Still, it felt good to see my friend again. Of course, Newbie became our one-man fan club. I invited him to the bar with me and Ben because darn if the kid wasn't growing on me. Not that I would let JD know that as I pretended, I only invited him so Ben and I could have a designated driver as Ben playfully took away the beer JD was going to have, "I will drink this for the both of us". As we played pool, I could not help but tease my newbie, "Oh chalk boy" as I gave him my stick to chalk. JD playfully rolled his eyes but like the good newbie he is obeyed as I now teased, "Oh and if you could chalk it and not pleasure it that would great".
That made Ben laugh, as he told me, "Sorry I know you are trying to sound like big tough doc but right now you sound like a cartoon pirate". That made JD laugh, and I had to smile…until I noticed that Ben's right hand was bleeding through his bandage. I asked, "Ben why is your hand still bleeding"? He answered, "I don't know. It is weird the same thing happened the other day I cut myself shaving and it would not stop bleeding". JD and I both being doctors now shared a look as both knew that what was happening with Ben was a big red flag.
The next day Ben went to the hospital with me as he agreed to a blood smear test and I paged JD who soon joined us. "What are you looking for?", Ben asked. I told him, "Don't worry it is most likely mono". Ben asked isn't that the kissing disease". JD had his look he gets when he goes in to when of his daydreams as he seemed to remember something and told Ben, "You can get it in other ways…like being sneezed on by a guy at a college party".
I told JD, "Newbie your main job today is getting his lab results back". JD nodded wanting to know what was going on with Ben as much as I did, "Yes Dr. Cox". He then walked out of the room and back to work as I turned back to Ben. Ben asked, "Perry, I know you guys wouldn't have me here if you didn't think there could be something potentially wrong with me. Do you really think it could just be mono"? Truth was I was worried it was more serious than mono, but I was not going to worry my friend before knowing the lab results, "Ben whatever this is don't worry you know I have your back".
JD:
I was on my way to see if the lab had the results of Ben's blood test back when I was stopped by the Janitor who startled me. I asked him, "Why do you always have to sneak up on me like that"? He answered, "I don't sneak up on you I follow you. I only have about an hour worth of cleaning to do and the rest of the time I follow you around like an animal". I told him as I wondered if the Janitor did not understand how creepy he was being, "You are joking right"? He gave me a teasing smile, "Of course I am…or am I". I walked away and found Ben's lab results.
Reading the results, I felt my heart sink. Carla was now walking by and seeing the look in my face she asked, "What's wrong Bambi"? In answer I showed her the results and she frowned in understanding. As I walked to Ben's room, I felt the feeling doctors get when they have to give someone bad news and the walk to their room feels like forever. I went to Ben's room where Dr. Cox was with him as they were playing a game of cards. Ben saw me and smiled, "Hey new friend". Seeing the folder in my hand Dr. Cox asked me, "Newbie are those the lab results"? I nodded and after a moment I found my voice, "Ben you have leukemia". After a moment of painful silence Ben could only say simply, "Well that sucks". In sad disbelief I could only agree, "Yes it does".
MY HERO:
JD:
I went to work and in Ben's room I found no Ben but an upset Jordon. Jordon crossed her arms as she told me, "You my friend are an incompetent fool. Where is my brother"? We started looking around the hospital as I reminded Jordon, "He just found out yesterday that he has leukemia. That is life changing news so we can't really blame him for feeling the need to wonder". That was when we found Ben in the pediatric ward as children played. Ben was playing tag with a couple of children as he lifted up a little boy and little girl, "Anyone looking for one of these".
I told him, "Ben put the small children down". He did so then gave me a playful grin as he told me, "New friend you look like you need a pick me up". He then indeed lifted me and playfully spun me around as I let out a joking, "Eagle!". Ben then put me down and gave Jordon a turn as he picked her up and spun her around.
After that I soon had Ben back to his hospital room as Jordon asked him, "When are you going to take this seriously"? Ben told her, "I think I have earned the right to try to find comfort through humor after finding out I have a life threatening disease". Jordon told him, "Will you at least put on a hospital gown". Ben replied playfully, "But I don't like people to see my bum". Jordon replied, "Then wear underwear". He told her, "You know how I feel about underwear".
She rolled her eyes, "Every girl who came to our house when we teenagers, knows how you feel about underwear". Ben turned to me with a playful smile as he told me, "Those where my sweatpants years". I told him, "I know what you mean. I feel the same way about hats because I don't like what they do to my hair". That was when Dr. Cox entered the room. He pointed to Jordon, "Shut up", to Ben, "Shut up", and to me, "and you definitely shut up". I told him, "I didn't even say anything".
He replied, "I know but I was going with the odds. Now listen everyone we are going to beat this disease and we are going to do it by doing it as a team. What do you say"? Jordon nodded, "I'm in". Ben raised a fist, "Go team kick some cancer butt". I joined in, "Yes let's go team goodbye cancer". Dr. Cox sighed and told me, "When spoken to Newbie and only when spoken to". I nodded and noticed Dr. Cox was doing his tough guy act but gave me a thankful smile. He now told Ben, "Dr. Owens is the best oncologist on staff. He will be in soon to see you. I have other patients to take care of right now, but I will be back later".
With that Dr. Cox walked out of the room. I could not help but feel a surge of respect for Dr. Cox as I knew he would come through for his friend. I knew Turk did not understand why I looked up to Dr. Cox so much as Turk advised me, "Be careful about hero worship buddy. Dr. Cox may be a great doctor, but he is still a condescending ego maniac". I understood where Turk was coming from but there was something about Dr. Cox that made me wonder what happen to him to make him the way he is.
COX:
This was more painful than I dared to let on. I could not tell Jordon because Ben was her brother and she needed me to be strong for her as well as a good doctor for Ben. I couldn't tell JD because the kid still looked at me like he thinks I have all the answers and I will be honest that I don't want to lose that. Then again maybe JD needed to lose that. He needed to remember I was only human. I knew the kid saw me as a father figure and that both flattered and scared me.
Never mind JD I am thankful Jordon, and I had our divorce before we had kids because never mind being JD's father figure being a father period scared me. It scared me not because I wouldn't love my children if I ever had any but because so help me God, I will be dead before I let myself become my father.
All of this was on my mind trying to think of anything but how scared I was of losing Ben as I was with Ben in his hospital room. He asked me, "Do you trust Dr. Owens because if so good because I trust you". I told him, "Ben do you not want to talk about anything else. You must have something else on your mind". He shook his head, "No pretty much just the leukemia thing". I replied, "Ben leukemia is a terrible disease, and we will not dignify it by talking about it unless necessary". At that Ben could only nod.
We were joined by Jordon and then a couple of moments later we were joined by both JD and Dr. Owens. Dr. Owens explained to Ben about his white blood cell count being too high. Ben asked, "And we want the count to be low like in golf". Dr. Owens nodded, "Yes exactly do you play golf". Jordon sighed, "Who cares if he plays golf"? Dr. Owens replied, "I was just bonding". Ben told him, "It's working". Dr. Owens told him "I have you scheduled for your first chemo session this afternoon". Ben partly joked and partly scared replied, "This afternoon doesn't really work for me. Ironically, I have a golf game to go to".
Needing to get away to think I told everyone, "Well Ben, I will see you in a bit". Ben gave me a hopeful look that made me felt a tug of guilt, "Are you going to be at the chemo session"? I wanted to be able to tell him yes. I wanted to be there for my friend, but this was the first time someone close to me (I do not count my so-called parents with my violent alcoholic father and enabler mother) had their life on the line.
JD met up with me in the hall and told me, "Dr. Cox if you want, I do not mind taking some of your patients so you can be with Ben during his chemo session". I was touched by the offer. It was so like my newbie to want to help me that way, but I did not think I had it in me to see Ben going through chemo, "Thanks Newbie you're a lamb really but no thanks". He started, "Dr. Cox Ben is your friend and a patient, and he needs…". I cut him off, "A patient is a stranger that you can emotionally distance yourself from if needed but Ben is my friend. So, thanks…but no thanks. I then walked away before JD could say anything more.
JD:
I was at a loss at the way Dr. Cox suddenly seemed to bail. I was with Ben and Jordon during Ben's first chemo session. Ben turned to Jordon, "Remember when we were little and whenever I was sick Mom would give me a tanka truck". Jordon replied, "Yeah why". Ben teased, "So where's my tanka truck". Jordon took a tanka truck out of her purse and handed it to Ben. Jordon sighed, "It is so like Perry to bail whenever anything gets too real for him". Believing in my heart that Dr. Cox was not bailing on Ben he just needed to emotionally recharge I could not help my instinct to stand up for Dr. Cox as I said, "He didn't bail". Ben replied, "If he did then he's a complete wuss".
That day after work I went and stopped by Dr. Cox's apartment. I told him, "I know you're scared but Ben needs you". Cox raised an eyebrow, "Yes I think I'm scared too. Mostly because I have already told you I'm scared. Maybe that doesn't make means I'm ignoring Ben. Maybe it just means I'm human". He then told me, "Newbie don't think you just came here just for Ben. You also came here because you're afraid that with me not there you are for the first time are going have to rely on only yourself and that is very sad".
I left Dr. Cox's apartment as I realized that he was right. I had to learn to trust myself more and remember that even if he is a hero to me that Dr. Cox is still only as he himself said only human. Of course, that did not change that Ben should not be alone. The next morning at work I went to Ben's room to find Dr. Cox with him. Ben smiled at me and Dr. Cox told me, "I got this. See you later Newbie". Seeing that Cox and Ben needed a moment between friends I gave him a nod then left.
COX:
While I almost did not see Ben before and during his next chemo session, I knew that I had to show him that I was not going to let my fear of losing him keep me from being the friend he needed. I told him, "I'm sorry I was not here for your session yesterday". Ben sighed as he told me, "Listen I love you man, but you can be a real wuss sometimes". I reminded him, "Look I have never been good with emotional stuff and you know that".
Ben nodded, "And I don't need you to be. I just need you". After that Ben had his chemo and the good news is that the chemo did what it is supposed to do, and Ben's cancer is now in remission. As a doctor I know only time will tell if Ben stays in remission, but I am just thankful that I did not lose my friend…not yet.
After my shift ended, I was in the locker room getting ready to go home when I saw the Janitor standing in front of JD's locker reading what looked to be someone's journal. I saw the Janitor smirk as he read from the journal (that was clearly JD's), "I think we are at our most heroic when we admit we're not heroic. Dr. Cox cares more than any doctor I have met. I guess he will always be a hero to me". The Janitor gave a smirk, "What a dork". Now I was both flattered by what my newbie wrote (I was his hero?) and I was mad that the Janitor was so mean to JD in a different way than me.
I may be hardly above giving Newbie a hard time, but he knows I mean to tease and teach but never do I intend any true meanness. But invading JD's privacy and reading his journal? How did the Janitor not understand that was crossing a line? Is JD a dork well yes, he is but even I can admit even if only to myself newbie is the kind of kind- hearted dork the world needs more of.
I walked up to the Janitor, "Hey Jumpsuit haven't anyone taught you not to go through other people things"? He raised an eyebrow, "What do you care. I thought you hate Dorian". I told him, "Well I don't. Dorian may be a dork, but he is my dork". That was when Janitor and I heard the sound of someone clearing his throat and we turned to see it was JD. JD told the Janitor as he pointed to his journal, "That is mine". The Janitor just shrugged and handed the journal to JD and walked away without a word of apology or a word period.
JD then turned to me and told me with a smile, "Thanks Dr. Cox I appreciate you standing up for me". I told him, "Well don't mention it…ever. Newbie I didn't confront the Janitor to be nice". JD raised an eyebrow, "Then why"? I answered, "Because Newbie nobody is allowed to mess with you but me".
SEASON TWO
MY PRIVATE PRACTICE GUY
JD:
Now that I was a resident it was easy to feel like less of a student and more of a doctor. Not that I do not still have a lot to learn as Dr. Cox is always happy to remind me. Today at work I met a private practice doctor named Pete Becker. I first saw Dr. Becker when I assisted him with a patient, and he surprised me with a coffee. I smiled and I thanked Dr. Becker, "Thanks a latte". Dr. Becker laughed, "That is a good one". At first, I was confused as I thought, "How is that funny"? Dr. Becker then told me, "I'm Dr. Pete Becker just never call me Petey, and we'll be friends for life".
He then flirted with the patient as he told me, "Now I need you to help me get her out of bed so I can get her back in to it". He turned to the patient, "And you don't flirt so much". She blushed with a shy smile. Dr. Becker now left the room and I followed him. I realized, "Oh now I get it 'thanks a latte'" As, soon as Dr. Cox saw Dr. Becker at the nurse's station Dr. Cox crossed his arms with a frown. Dr. Becker seemed to pretend not to notice as he told Dr. Cox, "Hello Perry it has been a long time". It would seem not long enough as Dr. Cox replied in a cold tone a simple, "Petey".
COX:
Well, this was just all I needed as I went to the nurse's station to ask Carla a question to find dear Pete Becker, dear old Petey flashing his smug grin with no remorse for how he used Jordon to get to me and the part he played in mine and Jordon's divorce. Of course, he would be with Newbie happy to try and take my protégé the way he tried to steal my wife. Well not on my watch as Petey walked away and I gave JD a, "Newbie come".
Being the observant guy, he is JD asked, "Dr. Cox are you ok because you looked at Dr. Becker like he ran over your dog. He seems like a nice guy". I now told JD, "Trust me Newbie dear Petey is a very not nice guy, and if you are smart you will stay away from him". JD gave me a concerned look. Sometimes that look frustrated me as I wondered why newbie seemed to look up to me so much. Sure, respecting me as a doctor and his boss or even a person is one thing, but it is not like I hide that I anger issues. Why would JD want me of all people as his mentor?
JD:
I was not sure what to make of what Dr. Cox said about Pete Becker being "A very not nice guy" as Pete seemed nice enough. He even gave me advice on how to handle Dr. Cox's rants. As Pete told me, "First thing is to tell him after a rant, and I don't know why this works but it does tell him 'I'm sorry did you say something' it is then that you will see the three stages of Perry Cox seeing a rant is not bothering you. First, he will drag out the word really". That was true as when I tried telling Cox, "I'm sorry did you say something" his first response was, "Newbie I rehehehehelly don't have time to repeat myself".
Pete had told me "Next he will offer begrudging respect". Again, it seemed Pete was right as Cox told me, "Still I got to hand it to you for holding your own there…so there". So, as I said Pete seemed nice enough as he gave me advice and yet something told me that if Cox did not trust Pete, it was for very good reason. I would find out the reason as I went into the doctor's lounge to find Cox and Pete in conversation.
Dr. Cox was telling Pete, "What would really be good for you is if you never mention Jordon again". To break the tension I asked them, "Will it be alright if I change the channel. I just wanted to hear the news". Pete now gave a too wide grin, "Sure". He then went for the remote but, Dr. Cox grabbed the remote and held it tight as if just daring Pete to try to take it from him. Pete shrugged, "Ok I'll just change it by hand". He then walked over to the T.V but Dr. Cox tackled him to the ground.
I told them, "Never mind we can just keep it on this channel". As Pete stood up, he remarked in a sarcastic tone, "That's fine grown ups tackle each other all the time". Dr. Cox glared at him, "You tried to take something that did not belong to you and you did it knowing I still love her. Jordon and I were having problems, problems you knew about because I made the mistake of confiding in you. What did you do with that information you used it to get Jordon in to bed didn't you"?
Now it was clear both what led to Dr. Cox's and Jordon's divorce and what Dr. Cox meant that Pete really was not a nice guy. Dr. Cox now looked at me and then told Pete, "Now when you see that Newbie here is the resident, I trust to be my right-hand man you want to take my protégée from me don't you because that is who Pete Becker is…a brat who only wants something so someone else can't have it". Pete replied, "look I did not make the first move".
Before I could stop myself, I cut in, "That's not true you bought me a latte…oh you mean about Jordon". Dr. Cox turned to me, "Newbie I will get to you in a minute so don't think of going anywhere". I nodded and Dr. Cox told Pete, "Well you're not fooling anyone…not any more so go…GO". With a sigh but not saying anything more Pete left the room shutting the door behind him. Once he was gone, I told Dr. Cox, "So that explains what you meant earlier about him not being a nice guy".
Dr. Cox told me, "Listen JD why you would want me as your mentor I will never understand just like I will never understand why Hugh Jackman continues to think he can act but so help me God Newbie you are my student and no pin head like Pete Becker is going to take you from me. Why? Because and this this your only fair warning that if you tell anyone what I am about to say I will crush you into little newbie cubes but…when I look at you, I see a bright young doctor with endless potential and…I care about you".
I could feel my eyes widen hardly daring to believe what I was hearing, "I care about you too Dr. Cox… and I am thankful that you are my teacher. Can I give you a hug"? Dr. Cox shook his head and told me firmly, "No you may not Cinderella I am your boss and teacher not your fairy godmother". But I could see he was fighting a smile as I told him, "Fair enough". I then left the room thinking to myself that I looked up to Dr. Cox in spite of his temper because under the temper was a good heart that cared. He just needed to let himself believe that caring was not weakness but strength.