Anai

Author's Note: lmao but ptsd tho shit sux especially flashbacks that keep you awake for dayz lulz but no srsly it sux

Anai woke up, it was time for work. "God, fuck." He muttered as he went to get dressed for yet another workday. Today was actually going to be special though. There was a cookout and he was going to be doing all the cooking. "Fuck the fuck yeah." he smiled.

He walked into work and grabbed an apron and approached the nearest stove. "Okay, what the fuck am I cooking today?"

"Lol I saw your food Instagram, Anai! Chef Anai!" Spoke a random employee. "Your Christmas feast looked like peeled tits, lol" she laughed.

Anai quickly snapped his head to glare at her then proceeded to pull out knives and stabbed her. "GO TO FUCKING HELL AND DIE!" He screeched. "MY GIRLFRIEND HAKUMI IS A VEGETARIAN AND I RESPECT THAT! GO DIE INTO THE FUCKING OVEN!" He crammed her into the oven and set it to slow cook for the next three days. "We're having idiot fucking soup in a couple of days — ANY FUCKING ONE ELSE WANT TO CRITICIZE MY GOD DAMN COOKING OR DO YOU WANT TO REMAIN ALIVE?"

"Ha ha!" Chuckled Haida drinking a beer, "Classic Anai!"

"Shit," spoke Fenneko. "his cooking is great so we just let him slide by with all these injuries and murders."

Anai was busy screaming his head off and flinging knives onto a wall. "YOUR COOKING DISGUSTS ME!" He screeched at a ladybug. "I HATE YOU!" he slapped Buffalo, an employee there. "YOU ARE SO FUCKING RAW THAT I CAN STILL HEAR YOU FUCKING MOO'ING, YOU COLOSSAL FUCKING DISASTER!"

Buffalo didn't want to be cooked and quickly left the office to retire and become a pharmacist.

Next Anai slapped Ton his boss. "YOU ARE SO FUCKING RAW THAT YOU'RE STILL FUCKING ALIVE. STOP WITH THAT!"

Ton was shaken and ran to his desk.

Retsuko asked, "What is Anai even supposed to be cooking?"

"Oh, dunno. We just placed a stove here so Anai can stop having massive mental meltdowns and cook us delicious lunch."

"Hey, Anai!" Shouted Haida, "Could you cook us some noodles?"

Anai screeched, screaming his head off as he cooked noodles for everyone and then he fell upon his knees crying.

"God damn, kid has some ptsd."

"Yeah, just like the author of this story."

"What the fuck?"

"SHUT ALL YOUR FACES!" Screeched Anai as he flung scalding hot noodles at everybody's faces. "EAT YOUR GOD DAMN SHIT! AND THEN GO FUCK YOURSELVES IN HELL WHERE YOU BELONG! MY NAME IS FUCKING ANAI, I HATE IT! SO CLOSE TO FUCKING SOUNDING LIKE FUCKING ANAL! FUCK MY ENTIRE LIFE!"

"Ha ha! Classic Anai!" Noodles splattered upon Haida's face scalding his forehead. "Damn that smells good."

Tadano appeared. "Hey like so I'm the Elon Musk in this universe… sup?" Noodles splattered upon his face burning his forehead. "Ow, you fuck." He left.

Everyone died but then didn't die so there could be a part two later. TO BE CONTINUED.