Harry felt like he was choking. Or maybe drowning. Whatever it was, he couldn't get enough air.
A cloying wave of spray-on deodorant, perfume and sweat hit the back of his throat. Light from the tinsel-bordered stage beamed into his eyes. He shielded them and coughed, trying for a deep breath, but it wouldn't come.
He started pushing through the crowd.
"Hey Potter, what's your hurry?" Dean Thomas's surprised face and a staying hand that Harry dodged.
"Harry! You'd better stick around. You know what's next!" Susan Bones, giving him her kind smile. He tried to return it, but managed only a small nod as he brushed by.
"OK everyone. Shh, shh. Is this on?" Feedback pierced the air. Harry's fingers shot to his ears.
"Guess it's on. Can you? Turn that down. Yeah thanks, Dennis." Ernie MacMillan, of course, puffed up and sweating under the lights.
Harry moved faster, pushing through clusters of tuxedoed boys and brightly-gowned girls recklessly now.
"Ouch!" A sophomore he knew from Band whirled on him, "Watch where you're— Oh hey Harry." Her anger turning to an indulgent smile in an instant. Harry ducked his head and kept moving.
"So this is the part of the night we've all been waiting for, yeah?" Always loud, Ernie's voice was unbearable amplified. "Can I have the prom court up on stage please? Great. Everyone here? Well, where the eff is he? No, let's just go ahead."
Harry saw Ernie smooth his hair as he turned back to the crowd.
"CASTLEMONT HIGH, ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR PROM KING AND QUEEN!?"
A ragged cheer went up. Harry could see the door now.
"Ladies first, so let's have the pink envelope, please." Thumps and more stage patter as Ernie drew out the moment before shouting Parvati's name to the strains of swelling music.
Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw shiny black hair, a huge pink dress, a radiant smile.
He sped up.
"They say every queen needs a king, so you know what's next! Not that this one will be much of a surprise." Ernie's chuckle rumbled and the crowd tittered in response.
Ms. Sprout caught Harry's eye from behind the punch table and winked at him. He slid by with a furtive glance, moving more carefully as he got closer to escape. The last open stretch of floor neared and he put his head down, hugging the back wall of the gym until he reached the door. Fingers finally touching the cold metal, he yanked it open, looking over his shoulder one last time as Ernie wrestled with a blue envelope.
No one was watching. Ron was MIA—probably hitting a flask with Seamus somewhere—and Hermione, who Harry could see across the room, was so wrapped up in whatever it was she had going on with Draco Malfoy that she didn't notice as Harry slipped out into the night.
Tripping down the stairs two at at time, he skidded around to the back of the gym at a full run—to where there weren't any doors or windows, where the air was clean, and the sounds from inside were so muffled that he could barely make out Ernie's confused tones or the shouts of the crowd or the abrupt cut-off of the music.
He stopped only when he was sure no one had followed, in a spot hidden by the patch of ragged bushes that clung to the side of the building. Pitching forward, hands on his knees, eyes on the white rubber toes of his black Converse, he took deep, ragged breaths of the cool night air, feeling like he could never get enough.
"Everything OK, or should I pull the fire alarm?" A languid voice came out of the darkness.
Harry started up on a sharp inhale, eyes wide as a figure stepped into the light filtering through the leaves above. Tall, slim, dark suit, lit cigarette held carelessly. And was that a fur coat flung over his shoulders?
"Hey Theo," Harry said, embarrassment sending heat up his neck. "I'm fine. Just a little...hot."
A soft laugh in the darkness followed by a plume of smoke.
"Shouldn't you be in there? They were calling your name."
"I know."
"Then why aren't you?"
"It's the last place I fucking want to be, OK?" Harry tipped his head back and took a few more deep breaths.
"But they love you in there." Theo's voice held its habitual tease.
"Yeah, well I don't love them. And they don't know me." Harry straightened. "Can I have one of those?" He gestured to the cigarette.
"I don't know. Isn't it against some varsity blood pact? I wouldn't want to be responsible for losing the first state championship in twenty years. The shame would be too much."
"Fuck off." Harry held out his hand and Nott chuckled, pulling a slim silver case from the inner pocket of his suit. Harry took it and turned it over in his hands, shaking his head. He tripped the latch and withdrew a cigarette, putting it to his lips as Nott leaned forward with a matching silver lighter, flicking it to flame under Harry's chin.
Harry inhaled, keeping his eyes on Nott's face. Arresting at most times, in the play of shadow and light and with his hair swept back from his forehead, he looked like—Harry laughed internally—a movie star.
Taking a deep drag on the cigarette to hide the sudden warmth flashing over him, he saw Nott's eyes narrow slightly.
After a beat of silence, Harry nodded toward the gym. "You know, you're supposed to be in there too. You're on the Court."
"Am I?" A sniff and a half-raised shoulder.
Harry snorted and they smoked for a while.
"Why are you here anyway?" Harry finally said, curiosity getting the better of him. Prom didn't seem like Theo Nott's scene.
"Pansy required me. I figured I'd be a friend." Theo waved a hand and Harry noticed a showy corsage wrapped around his wrist. "And I didn't want to wake up forty and and annoyed with myself for missing it, you know?"
"Last I saw, Pansy is doing just fine. I saw her with Michael Corner just before my, er, escape." Harry laughed dryly and picked a bit of tobacco from his tongue.
"Yes. About fucking time." Theo rolled his eyes. "Hence my escape," he said with a quick grin.
Harry smiled back in spite of himself.
"And why did you...?" Theo made a running motion with his fingers, grin fading as he leaned a shoulder against the wall.
Harry passed a hand over his face. "I thought I was going to throw up or black out or something." He swallowed. "I just. Really don't like the attention sometimes. I never asked for it. I know that makes me sound like a total douche."
"No." Theo made a dismissive gesture. "You were what, six, when the first movie came out?"
"Yeah. And not even twelve for the last one."
"Not like you had much of a choice, then."
Harry shrugged and looked up.
Nott was watching him, his bearing a bit tense. "Going back in?" he asked, adjusting the ridiculous coat around his shoulders.
"Fuck no." Harry said quickly. "I didn't come with anyone. I'm getting out of here."
"Where are you going?"
"I don't know. Somewhere else." Harry looked away over the parking lot.
Nott pushed off from the wall, his smile glinting through the dim. "Want a ride?"
Theo Nott drove a bottle-brown, vintage, two-seater Mercedes. Harry knew this. But it was still a surprise somehow to sink against the soft leather seat, redolent of a scent Harry realized he associated with Theo.
"Where are we going?" he asked, after the first few dazed minutes, noticing they'd started to climb a familiar road up out of town.
"There's a place. Past the observatory." Theo glanced over and Harry snorted. It would have been quite the surprise if Nott had been taking them to the notorious makeout spot.
"I think I know which one you mean. You turn off the road and it's in the trees?"
"Yeah! There's never anyone there."
"I know," Harry glanced to the side as they passed the observatory turnoff. Several cars were already parked there, windows steamed. "I never understood why everyone goes to the same place to make out."
Theo shuddered. "Truly disturbing." He drove them a few turns further down the road, then steered into a clearing framed by trees, but with a view of the city lights and gentle hills fading into deep twilight beyond.
"Empty again," Harry said as Nott cut the engine. He took a moment to wonder what exactly they were doing here, glancing over at Theo's profile, his heart speeding.
Theo Nott. He was alone in a dark, private lookout with Theo Nott. Beautiful, eccentric, sardonic, gay-as-fuck Theo.
Part of him was fucking thrilled. Part of him was terrified. Everyone knew about Theo, but Harry wondered if Theo knew about him.
Theo shifted and turned to Harry. "Well." His brow went up. "You want to get high?"
Harry felt a slow smile spread over his face. "Yeah, OK. You have some weed?"
"Of course." Theo opened the door and walked around to the back of the car, opening the trunk and rummaging. "In my roadside assistance kit." He held up a First Aid bag.
Harry laughed. "That's pretty good, dude."
Theo grinned. "I know."
Harry opened his door and got out too, stretching as he walked forward and took in the view. His bowtie suddenly felt tight around his neck, so he loosened it, rolling his shoulders before turning around. Theo was leaning against the car and watching him, his hands still. Abruptly he looked down and fiddled with what looked like a joint.
Harry moved closer. "Wow, old school. I've never smoked it that way."
"Pipes and bongs?" Theo's lip curled.
"Yeah. It's always whatever someone else has, really." Harry laughed a little.
"Not much of a debauched child star, are you?"
"Nope." Harry came to lean against the car's smooth side too. "I'm pretty hopelessly square. After my parents died…well, my aunt and uncle were pretty strict."
"You're emancipated now, though right?"
"Yeah. That big, messy court battle was fun."
Theo nodded and got out his silver lighter again. Flame wicked and he puffed the joint to life, taking a deep drag before passing it to Harry, who put it gingerly to his lips. He hoped desperately that he wouldn't descend into a coughing fit, but needn't have worried. The weed was fresh and soft—slightly floral—and the smoke glided down to his lungs on a smooth wave, the burn he usually felt absent.
"Wow," he managed to choke out after holding the hit in for a few seconds.
"I don't do shitty weed." Theo managed to sound slightly pleased and slightly affronted at the same time.
"Obviously." Harry laughed without meaning to, which meant he was already getting high.
They passed the joint back and forth in silence for a while until Harry waved his hand in refusal. "I think I'm good."
Theo nodded and went around to the driver's side of the car. He popped something in the tape deck and quiet music started playing.
"Let's look at the stars, Potter," he drawled, finally taking the fur coat off.
Harry's eyes widened and he stood dumbly, watching as Theo flung the coat on the hood of the car and then hopped up on it. "Come on," Theo patted the coat next to him. "I'm none too steady on my feet and I'm used to this stuff." He half smiled and Harry was transfixed for a few seconds by how arresting his face was, the strong nose and cut jaw—the hooded eyes and dark brows.
Those brows went up, which prompted Harry to move. How long had he been standing there staring? He climbed up on the hood and swung around so he was leaning against the windshield, then propped his arms behind his head, he hoped casually.
The night was deep and velvety above them and the lights stretching out below gave Harry a dreamy, detached feeling. Or maybe that was the weed. His hand drifted down and he dug his fingers into the soft fur of the ridiculous coat, stroking it's silken nap.
"Where the fuck did you get this thing?" The first thing that popped into Harry's head came bolting out of his mouth.
Theo laughed. "It's my mom's. Something from a long time ago in New York. She'd never wear it now. But I was getting dressed and the outfit just felt like it needed something. It's prom, after all."
Harry shook his head, but he was smiling. Unbidden, he remembered the first time he'd seen Theo Nott—Sophomore year after Harry had transferred from L.A. He'd walked into history class and there was this boy…in suspenders and an old-fashioned hat, rolled sleeves, possibly a hint of lipstick and mascara? Just sitting there in the sea of Rip Curl t-shirts and Levi's like it was nothing at all.
"Oh that's just Theo," Hermione, his Welcome-to-Castlemont-High ambassador had said later at lunch. "Isn't he great?"
He was something, that was for sure.
Harry had been watching him ever since, though he doubted Theo realized. Doubted anyone realized. Harry had only dated girls since he'd come here. Cho and then Ginny. Some less serious things in between. But the boys had always been there too. Just more hidden.
"So what really happened back there?" Theo's voice cut through the weed-laced rabbit hole Harry seemed to have slipped down.
Harry scrubbed a hand over his face. "I guess...Sometimes I just get really tired of it?"
Theo nodded.
"It's like. I get all this attention for something I did when I was a kid, but it's not really me. It's not anything I want." Harry closed his eyes. "I'd give anything to blend in sometimes. And tonight just the thought of getting up there on that stage. Smiling for everyone. I couldn't do it." He sighed hugely. Part of him felt like he'd let the entire senior class down.
"It's not the end of the world." Theo nudged his shoulder to Harry's, seemingly reading his mind.
"No, you're right." Harry rolled his head over to look at Theo. "You're right. I just feel an obligation sometimes."
"To your public?"
Harry snorted. "No."
"Look. Just, tell everyone you shot too much Jäeger beforehand and felt sick or something. That way your rep stays intact." Theo waved a lazy hand in the air and Harry started laughing—laughing in a way that let him know he was really high and may not stop laughing anytime soon.
It felt good.
"Like I care about my rep," he finally gasped.
"No? Captain Wholesome lacrosse champion? Most popular boy in school? Would-be Prom King?"
"No," Harry nudged Theo back. "No. I'm telling you I don't care about that. And why do you keep bringing up lacrosse?"
"I enjoy the game."
"You do not."
"All right, I enjoy the players." Theo raised a brow and Harry started laughing again.
"Truth comes out. Is that why you're always waiting for Draco after practice?"
"Maybe." Theo smirked. "You don't seem bothered."
"I'm not." Harry stilled and kept Theo's gaze. Theo pulled the joint and lighter out of his pocket, lit the joint again and took a light drag.
"What is it about you, Potter?" He squinted at Harry as he exhaled. "Other than my weakness for varsity athletes?"
Harry felt a jolt rocket through him. "What do you mean?" he asked, becoming very focused on Theo's face, his full lips, on what he was going to say next. He realized they were sitting so close that he could smell a faint hint of Theo's cologne.
"It's the confidence, I think—" Theo's eyes raked over him and Harry felt his pulse speed.
"The confidence?" Harry interrupted. "To do this?" Before he could think, he leaned down and forward, closing the distance between them and ghosting his lips against Theo's. He felt Theo's surprise in the start of his body and the way his mouth slackened for a moment. But it didn't last long because then Harry felt Theo's hand wrap around the back of his neck, drawing him closer. And after that, he felt Theo's tongue, insistent against his lips.
Harry angled his head, opening as Theo pushed up, his other arm going around Harry's waist, the lit joint still smoking behind them. Harry's fingers went to Theo's jaw, then his hair.
His mind went to an entirely different place, made up of touch, soft breath, pure sensation. When he came to, they had somehow slid off the car's hood and Theo had him pressed against its side, one knee between his legs. Harry's glasses had gone into one of Theo's pockets and the joint had fallen to the ground, forgotten.
"You are really fucking tall," Harry gasped, reaching up to touch his lips to Theo's neck.
"Well your eyes are really fucking green," Theo muttered, a hint of a smile in his voice. After a moment he pulled back, his gaze roving Harry's face. He heaved a shuddering sigh and Harry brushed a thumb over his jaw.
"Surprised?"
"Yes. No." Theo looked away and then back. "I'd wondered a couple of times and hoped, I guess. Idly." He frowned. "So this isn't…new for you?"
"This?" Harry waved his hand back and forth between them. "Knowing this about myself?"
"Yeah."
"No, it's not new." Harry shrugged. "It's not something I've acted on a lot, but it's not new."
"So this isn't because you're high or I'm the only gay you know or something?" Theo looked uncharacteristically uncertain and Harry whooshed out a laugh.
"I've had a crush on you since the tenth grade, so no."
Theo's face transformed and he leaned down again, so close that his lips were just brushing Harry's. "A crush? How cute, Potter."
"Cute?" Harry reached up and grazed his teeth over Theo's lower lip, tugging gently. "I'll show you cute."
Theo gave a low sort of growl just before he tongued deeply into Harry's mouth. Harry's hands convulsed on Theo's upper arms and he gave back as good as he was getting.
They grappled for a moment in the silence of the clearing, the only sounds their ragged breaths and the slipping of fabric against skin. Harry felt Theo's fingers snake under his untucked shirt and over his bare stomach. His muscles rippled and he inhaled sharply.
"Fuck, Potter," Theo breathed into his ear, hitching Harry closer.
Harry's fingers slipped under the very top of Theo's waistband, vague ideas about getting closer, feeling skin and sinew, crowding his brain. But just then an engine revved and bright lights cut across the clearing.
They snapped apart in an instant, Harry feeling the absence of Theo's warmth against him like a tangible thing. The car passed without stopping and they stood there, close but distant. Until Harry reached forward and pulled at the small, elegant buckle of Theo's belt.
Theo let himself be pulled, the corner of his mouth going up.
"We should probably go," he said. "We're probably pushing our luck."
"Yeah?" Harry asked, reaching up again to almost place his lips against Theo's throat. He breathed in and out a few times. "You smell good."
"Well it's not fucking Cool Water." But Theo's voice sounded shaky with desire.
Harry continued to move his lips over Theo's skin as Theo held perfectly still, his eyes closed. "Sadly, I think you're right," Harry whispered after a few seconds. "We probably should do the rest of this another time. Somewhere more private."
"Please tell me that's an invitation."
"Yes. Definitely." Harry made it up to Theo's ear and started nibbling. "I think I'm hungry," he said softly.
"I can tell." Theo laughed and pulled back, his hands on Harry's forearms. "Also you are going to drive me to actions incompatible with a two-seated vehicle if you keep doing that."
Harry just grinned at him a little near-sightedly. Theo looked down and fished around in the pocket of his suit jacket. "You know," he said as he pulled out Harry's glasses. "If you let me help you pick out some different frames, you might not get recognized so much. These round ones are very distinctive." He settled them on Harry's nose and Harry wrinkled it.
"Maybe I will."
Theo just looked at him for a long moment. "Hey, you want to go to the diner?" he asked after a bit, a very casual note in his voice. "Get a milkshake or something?"
Harry tilted his head. The diner. Everyone would probably be there by now. Although maybe they were taking advantage of their limos and the after-parties Harry was intent on avoiding.
"Together?" he asked, lips lifting.
"Well not like, skipping in holding hands." Theo's smile spread across his face. "But maybe we could share a booth?"
"That sounds good." Harry said, a warm feeling building in him.
Theo held up a finger. "But I am getting my own order of fries."
The diner was crowded. Girls' bright dresses spilled out of booths and boys lounged, eyes bleary, ties undone. Harry did a quick scan—Dean and Parvati were laughing across from Lavender and Seamus, Ernie was holding court with a bunch of Juniors, Susan and Terry chatted with Luna and Neville—but Hermione or Ron, and none of Theo's crowd.
He and Theo shrugged owlishly at each other, still high, and headed for a private booth in the back. Theo threw the fur coat over one side of the worn pleather and settled in, his eyes warm on Harry, who dropped into the other side with a quick smile. A few curious glances shot their way and Harry definitely felt a palpable atmosphere of 'what the fuck' regarding his earlier disappearance, but opted to ignore it, taking his cue from Theo's disinterested and above-it-all air.
"So what are your plans for the summer, Potter?" Theo thanked the waitress as she delivered their order, then ripped open a straw and dunked it into one of the diner's ridiculously thick shakes. Espresso, of course.
"The usual." Harry blew on a fry. "Lifeguard again. Help out on my godfather's farm."
"I'm very much in support of lifeguarding." Theo's lips tugged up. "But farming?"
"My godfather Sirius has pear orchards all over here and in the Central Valley. So many he can't manage them all. So the last couple summers I've stayed at his delta property during harvest time. To help and supervise."
"Alone?"
Harry grinned. "All alone."
"Sounds promising." Theo stretched and smiled in a way that made Harry's insides do a slow flip.
"What about you?" He managed to squeak out.
"I'm on my own too," Theo said, his eyes focusing over Harry's shoulder. Harry turned around to see Hermione walking in, Draco Malfoy somehow fastened to her back, his hands around her waist and his lips at her neck. Harry eyes went very wide and he looked at Theo.
Theo rolled his eyes. "About fucking time."
"Seriously." Harry shook his head just as Hermione spotted him. She detached her arm from Malfoy and waved, concern on her face—which quickly turned to bright curiosity as her eyes slid to Theo. Harry waved back and gave her an 'everything's fine' look.
"Why will you be alone?" he asked, turning his attention back to Theo.
Theo shrugged "My parents are doing a boat thing around the Mediterranean and I wasn't invited."
"Aww, and are you sad about that?"
"Fuck, no! I get the house to myself all summer." Theo grinned and Harry gave him a long look back, enticing possibilities blooming in his brain.
Theo's eyes slid away again and Harry glanced over his shoulder to see that Hermione and Draco had started toward them. But just then Pansy Parkinson came in the door with Michael Corner and they all stopped to chat.
"I do have a pool." Theo was saying, his eyes running over Pansy and Michael, a little smile appearing on his lips. "May be in need of some lifeguarding services."
"Oh? I don't come cheap."
Theo's gaze whipped back to Harry and he gave a bark of laughter. "Damn, Potter."
Harry wiggled his eyebrows. Hermione was almost to the table now, sans Draco, who had settled in a big corner booth with Pansy. Michael had drifted off to talk to Terry and Susan.
"Harry! What happened? Hey Theo." Hermione's smile was warm—and a bit avid—on both of them.
"Hey doll. Lovely party," Theo said, winking up at her.
Hermione blushed. "Thanks!"
"You want to sit?" Theo asked, sliding out of the booth. "Think I'll go check in with my date, although she seems to have jilted me for a more intriguing model." He flashed a quick grin at Hermione and Harry before he strode away.
Hermione slid into his spot. "Is this real?" she asked, fingering the fur coat as if it were radioactive.
"Probably. But I think it's really old?" Harry laughed at her expression as she daintily shoved it away.
"So what the hell happened?" Hermione hissed, looking around before stealing a fry from Harry's plate.
"Nothing really. I just didn't want to be Prom King." Harry shrugged but then felt bad. Hermione had worked so hard on the whole thing. "Sorry if I ruined anything for the committee."
"God, no." Hermione's hand shot out and covered his. "Nobody cared! Ernie just called Justin Fletchley up instead. Apparently he got the second most votes." Hermione lowered her voice. "I mean, what happened?" She cut her eyes very obviously over to Theo, who had slid in next to Pansy and was laughing at something she was saying.
Harry shrugged again, but he also felt a huge smile steal over his face.
Hermione smiled too. "Nice." She nodded.
"And what about you?" Harry said, flipping his chin ever so slightly in Malfoy's direction. "Finally worked that out?"
"Why does everyone keep saying that!?" Hermione looked exasperated but also pleased, and happy.
Harry just laughed. "I guess prom night is supposed to be epic. Speaking of, have you seen Ron at all?"
"Not since the beginning of the night. Pansy said she saw him go out a side door with Mandy Brocklehurst."
"Huh. Cool, I guess." Harry shrugged and Hermione laughed.
"Yeah." Hermione twisted and Harry saw Draco motioning to her. She turned back, but was already halfway up out of her seat. "Look I—I'll be back in a little bit, OK?"
Harry shooed at her. "Go, go. Don't come back. Don't worry about me. I'm fine."
She nodded and gave him a brief, blinding smile before hurrying away.
Harry sat for a moment watching scenes play out all over the room; Seamus toppling a tower of creamer pots, Anthony Goldstein pointing a good-natured finger at Terry Boot, Neville slinging an arm around Luna's shoulders, Pansy leaning behind Draco's back to say something to Hermione. Loud bursts of laughter and conversation interspersing it all.
He sighed and the air shifted as Theo slid back into the booth, his foot brushing against Harry's leg under the table. Harry met his eyes, a flash from earlier—his lips touching Theo's smooth skin— running through his mind.
He gave Theo a slow smile.
Theo blinked. "About that raincheck—"
"You busy tomorrow?"
"No." Theo leaned his chin in his hand. "I'm most definitely free. In fact, my calendar is wide-open for most of the summer."
"Well," Harry raised his water glass. "Here's to filling your calendar."
Theo laughed. "Indeed."