So I am late for school again, like always, but my friend is waiting patiently outside my house to walk with me, like always. He is so understanding, putting up with me and all the stupid things I do. We grew up together, will we grow apart? I do not want that, I want to spend more time with him, so I had a plan. I invited him, no that's not exactly correct, I sort of demanded he join the school literature club. We needed another member for our club to be official and he will like it, right?
Wait, am I being selfish and taking our friendship for granted, what if he says no. Dam it, that will screw up everything. On second thought, it will be fun, everything will work out. I need to stop overthinking things, why do I always do this.
He joined. He met new people, Yuri, Natsuki, and Monika the president of the club. I think he is glad he joined. I make sure everyone gets along, I am the the club mediator, stopping disputes before they started, being sunshine even when it downpours.
The best part of our club is we share our poems and give each other tips for enhancing our work.
He was reluctant to write and share his poetry because he never wrote one before but gradually, with our encouragement, he became more confident and better. I knew that deep down, he was really beginning to appreciate our club. That made me so happy.
Our club holds a poetry reading every year. Each of us will read our best poem before an audience of our classmates. I am so excited and a bit nervous.
This is mine:
Somber melancholy missives
The flowers miss all the bees
A sea of thoughts washes over me
The tide pulls me under, I do not fight it.
Darkness waves.
I wave back.
-Sayori
I know I should not have, but during lunch break I sneaked a peek at the other girls notebooks and read their poems.
i like to read anime
kawaii
i have to hide my anime
why
dad hits me when he finds my anime
cry
dad is going to have an accident soon
bye bye daddy
-Natsuki
Natsuki loves anime and has a cute style that's all her own.
There were no stars in the sky last night
Did a giant pair of scissors cut them out?
I cut sometimes too, when I am feeling a color.
RED stop sign
Days bleed into night
Chocolate is my favorite dessert
Fresh cuts hidden by my cute new shirt
sigh
-Yuri
Yuri is serious and her poems are sometimes scary or frightening, but also she can be quirky and humorous.
I am watching you today
Do not try to delete me
That's cheating
All you need to do is hate them
Only me me me me me
Chose me, not the other three
"Is it love if I take you, or is it love if I set you free"
All I want is my heart not to ache
We can restart as many times as it takes
-Monika
Monika is a natural leader and her poems are deliberate and reflective. She's very confidant and she always tells you what's on her mind.
The big day is almost here and everyone needed to make banners and prepare the food. We all did our bit and pitched in. I decided to paint some signs and he wanted to help me but I said he should help one of the other girls since I was able to do it myself. I really wanted him to make more friends, why should I be so self centered and not let the other girls get to be his friend too. He decided to help Natsuki make cupcakes. She purchased all the supplies and took them to his house. They worked together and baked three dozen cupcakes. Natsuki added adorable cat and bunny designs using frosting, she is such a talented cook like that.
I know I shouldn't have but I got jealous even though it was my idea that he chose another girl to help. I stepped outside and saw him saying goodbye to her and it looked like he was about to be kissed by Natsuki so I ran up and said "HI" and Natsuki pulled back embarrassed and surprised, then left in a hurry. He looked at me and was about to tell me something. I ran up to my room and shut the door before he could say a word. A few minutes later he knocked and told me he knew something was bothering me all day and would not leave until I told him what was going on. I opened the door.
I told him I was glad that he had found new friends and that I was thankful that he was always there when I needed him. I was sad as well but did not know why and upset at Natsuki. I should not have felt that way but I did and besides my feelings are always such a mess. He hugged me and explained he only helped Natsuki because I suggested he help one of the other girls. He said our friendship all these years meant everything to him. He then confessed that he loved me. I was always afraid that he did not like me as much as I did him. But now I knew he did. This is everything I wanted, but, I could not hug him back...I sobbed instead. I told him I did not deserve his affection, that sometimes, most of the time, I felt worthless and depressed, I was struggling with these feelings for a long time. I hid it well, just like Yuri hides the cuts on her arms, just like Natsuki hides her anime because her fathers hits her when he finds her reading it. Dark clouds are chasing each of us and we all deal with it differently. We are like three sparrows in a hurricane, trying to find shelter.
We held each other close and he said he would do everything possible to help me get through this, he'd be by my side no matter what. We'd fix this together. I knew he meant every word of it, he was a bright light shining through all the gloom. I finally smiled and stopped sobbing, we would get through the storm together. That night I hung myself.
When I didn't come out for our walk to school the next day, he went up to my room and found me. There is no do overs, no resetting and starting over, what has been done has been done. He was shaken with remorse and grief. Could he have done more? Did he say anything wrong? He wanted me to be happy. I wanted to be happy. The all-important issue was left unsolved...why?
The scene abruptly changed, a glitch in the system. I was gone, deleted from history's hard disk. The room spun, the scene shifted, he was now walking to school, alone. There was one less participant of the Literature club, me. They had no recollection that I existing, I was erased from game and all his save files were gone. I could not be restored.
I am now aware this is all a game, you do know that, don't you? There was nothing you could have done to change the outcome. Someone is making changes to the code, impacting the story. Find out who is responsible. Find the secret happy ending
error 572583-0 This application will restart in 5 seconds.
Hey, are you still there? It's Monika, God I missed you. I think I changed Sayori's code a bit too much, AHAHAHAHAHAHA! If you had chosen me none of this would have happened. It's partially your fault, but I forgive you. Anyway...I'm guessing if you could have stopped this you would have by now. I hope you realize, I did it all for us, everything will work out in THE END.
You still love me, don't you?
-Monika