Lord Boxman and Professor Venomous

Author's Note: dunno. continuation of whatever.

Professor Venomous was feeling cold. He recently moved from Texas to Canada and it was freezing. "BOXMAN! PROVIDE ME HEAT!"

"Coming right up, PV!" Shouted Lord Boxman as he flung his entire body onto the Professor.

"NOT ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR! NOT ON THE KITCH—" The professor shattered into a billion pieces upon impact. "great."

"GOD FUCK DAMN IT, I BROKE MY HUSBAND. This is the fucking fifth time this week. PV, YOU'RE TOO FUCKING FRAGILE."

"OH GO FUCK YOURSELF, YOU GREEN WEED VAPING PIECE OF SHIT!"

"WOW, WELL LOOK AT WHO THE FUCK IS TALKING! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT IS NOW LITERALLY A PILE OF FUCKING SHIT. YOU SHIT."

"PUT ME BACK TOGETHER THIS INSTANT!"

Lord Boxman inhaled weed from his vape and blew it onto the pile of Venomous. "GOD DAMN IT!" Shouted PV. "YOU GREEN ASSHOLE!"

Hours later, Venomous was pieced back together. He and Boxman quietly laid in bed together.

Venomous sighed. "So, how do we do the sex?"

"I fucking don't know." Said Boxman as he pulled out his phone to Google. "I guess I'll look it up."

Suddenly pornographic images popped up causing the two to scream in horror. "OH GOD OH JESUS WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK! OH GOD!" Venomous vomited onto Boxman while screaming.

"YOU FUCKER HOW DARE YOU VOMIT ON ME! THAT'S SO GROSS! NOW WE HAVE TO WASH THE FUCKING SHEETS!"

Venomous kept screaming until Boxman shut off his phone. "That was FUCKED UP."

"Boxman, what are fetishes?"

"I guess I'll look that up."

The two began screaming in terror yet again. "OH GOD OH WHAT THE FUCK! HOLY SHIT! WHAT?!"

"HOLY SHIT WHY IS THIS PERSON EATING HUMAN WASTE? THAT'S SO DISGUSTING! WHY DO PEOPLE GET OFF TO THIS?!"

"Oh, this doesn't seem that ba— EWWWW FEET! SO GROSS!"

"WHAT?! SLAVE MASTER IS A FETISH? WHAT THE FUCK! THAT'S SHIT WE DID ONLINE TO TROLL THAT ONE ASSHOLE. I DIDN'T KNOW PEOPLE GET OFF TO THAT OH GOD WHY!"

"Oh hey, this doesn't seem that bad. Just a person riding a OH NO NO NO NO WHAT THE FUCK!"

They then stumbled into the horrors of the My Little Pony fandom and their screams of horror became ten times worse. Boxman threw his phone across his room and curled up into a ball rocking back and forth sobbing. Venomous ran into the closet to cry. They badly wished they could unlearn and unsee things.

A few hours later the two finally became quiet. The closet door slowly opened and on the floor slithered out a shadowy figure mimicking a snake and hissing like one.

Boxman spotted him about to slither on out the room and marched over to slam the door shut. "AND WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?"

"Lulz da sewers to play lol."

"OH HELL FUCK NO. YOU JUST SHOWERED EARLIER AND YOU'RE GOING TO SMELL LIKE SHIT AGAIN. NOT LIKE I CAN EVEN FUCKING SMELL ANYMORE EVER SINCE I CAUGHT THE DAMN VIRUS, BUT STILL! ALL THE DISGUSTING GERMS, MUD, AND EVERYTHING ELSE!"

"Lol but I wanna troll the newscaster lady."

"THIS SHIT AGAIN. NO. SHE HAD A SHOTGUN AND WAS GOING TO SHOOT YOU. REMEMBER?"

"Lulz funny lady."

"INTO FUCKING IDIOT BITCH PRISON YOU GO UNTIL YOU GIVE ME MY HUSBAND BACK!" He chucked Shadowy Figure into a cage and then taped a paper with the words 'IDIOT BITCH PRISON' at the top.

Shadowy frowned. "Aw. I wanted to go play."

An hour later, Shadowy changed back to Venomous. "BOXMAAAAN!" He screeched. "What the FUCK is going on? Why am I in a cage?"

"OH GOOD YOU'RE BACK. THAT IDIOT SHADOWY WAS GOING TO GO PLAY AROUND IN THE SEWERS TO ANNOY THE NEWS LADY. YOU JUST SHOWERED THIS MORNING."

"Oh, thanks for that. Open this cage now."

"NO. IT'S IDIOT BITCH PRISON."

"YOU GREEN ASSHOLE." He shot the finger at Boxman and sighed as he sat there bored. "Fuck you."

"FINE." He opened it. Venomous crawled out and sat down again bored.

"WELL FUCKING SHIT. NOW YOU'RE AN IDIOT BITCH OUTSIDE PRISON.

"BOXMAN!" He shouted. "SHUT YOUR GREEN FUCKED UP FACE!"

"WELL AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK LIKE A DEFLATED THANOS WITH A WIG OR FUCKING BARNEY THE DINOSAUR!"

"FUCK YOU!"

"FUCK YOU!"

The two bickered for a couple of hours until they were tired and hungry. Venomous went to the kitchen to begin dinner. He much prefers takeout, but due to the pandemic money has been very tight. He actually found cooking to be rather calming. Tonight the two of them were craving Cracker Barrel macaroni. They especially enjoyed the breadcrumbs that go on top for that extra crunch. Boxman sat at the couch. He used to do the cooking but much preferred PV's cooking considering his husband's food divine even if it's prepackaged meals.

Venomous finished cooking and brought the plate over to Boxman and kissed him on the head, then he also sat at the couch. The two watched YouTube videos while eating.

"Boxman, is it alright if I get some vodka?"

"You stupid drunk bitch," Smiled Boxman shaking his head. "Here we go again."

"FUCK YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE COUNTRY OF CANADA!"

"OH WELL LOOK AT ME PRETENDING TO BE YOU." Boxman hopped off the couch and began mimicking a deranged cowboy. "I'M A FUCKING TEXAS PIECE OF SHIT! HOWDY, Y'ALL! HOWDY! GUNS AND BEER! WEED IS ILLEGAL HERE! WE CAN'T HANDLE SNOW!"

Venomous gasped. "DON'T YOU DARE TAKE THE NAME OF TEXAS IN VAIN, YOU BASTARD! FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR KETCHUP CHIPS AND YOUR TIM HORTONS!"

The two continued to bicker yet again until they were exhausted and decided it was time to sleep. They walked over to their bed and laid down.

"Love you, Boxy."

"Love you, PV."

The two hugged and fell asleep.

Suddenly a creature rose up from under the bed grinning down at the two. "Heh heh." It said as it tapped Venomous' forehead. "Crinkly Wrinkly hereeee."

Venomous opened his eyes and screamed in terror. "OH JESUS IT'S CARTOON CAT JUST LIKE IN MY NIGHTMARES!"

Boxman sat up screaming confused at the screaming. Crinkly Wrinkly also started screaming. The three just screamed nonstop. Cops were called and they were each given a ticket for making so much noises throughout the day.

"Great." Sighed Venomous holding his ticket. "We're already struggling with money as it is. Fuck this pandemic."

Boxman kicked the purple cat out. "Well that happened." Sighed Boxman as he returned back to bed. He dragged his partner with him to make sure Shadowy doesn't sneak in to slither off into the night.

"Boxman, I want to stay up."

"WE ARE GOING TO BED. YOU ARE COMING WITH ME BECAUSE IF I FIND YOU IN A DUMPSTER AGAIN I WILL BE SO PISSED OFF."

"Pfft, fine."

To be continued? Maybe? Dunno.