Author's epistle: Hey, so this is just me warming up. Just in general, this is as detailed as I'll get on this account. For the deep stuff, you'll have to go to Zuko_Es_Estupido on A03 account.

Please read my profile to see what you will and won't find here (tl;dr plenty of Kataang and Maiko, zero Zutara, some other random fanon ships)

Reviews are welcome!

Zuko stumbled into his Ember Island beach house slightly dazed. Toph and Sokka were in the Great Room, playing what looked like a pretty lopsided game of pai sho. They both looked up at his arrival and murmured greetings before going back to the game. Zuko just nodded stiffly and went on to his room on the ground floor, hoping he didn't run into anyone.

Seeing Sokka was not exactly fun for Zuko, especially considering what he'd seen the evening before.

As it was, he was almost avoiding Aang, and he was very nervous around Mai, which he was sure she'd picked up on, but so far, she'd said nothing.

Zuko paused outside his room. Mai had been out on the beach with Suki and Katara earlier but he hadn't seen her. It hadn't occurred to him that Mai might be waiting for him in the room they'd been unofficially sharing.

The thought of her long, lithe, beautiful body stretched out on the plush futon caused a stirring at his groin, but he heard happy, giggly voices, recognized them as Aang and Katara, and immediately felt ice-cold water splash on his desire.

"There you are, Hotman! It feels like we've barely seen you since yesterday!"

Zuko cursed inwardly, wishing he hadn't hesitated so long outside his door.

Plastering a smile on his face, he turned to greet his friends. They certainly looked ready for the beach. Aang, taller now than Zuko, was in very abbreviated red shorts and nothing else. He had a slight tan that made his blue arrows stand out all the more. Katara was in a modified bikini that covered everything but her belly button. The sky-blue fabric complemented her dark skin and bright blue eyes. They were an attractive pair, Zuko thought indulgently.

Then his face fell when he thought about another pair he'd seen lately.

"Zuko?" said Katara uncertainly, reading his expression. "Is something wrong?"

"Uh … gottagotothewashroom!"

His words were almost one exhaled breath and he nearly knocked them over in his haste to get to the main washroom on the first level, ignoring Sokka and Toph's startled looks as he barreled past them.

Shutting the door behind him, Zuko took a deep breath to still his racing heart. Much to his relief, nothing untoward was going on in his loincloth, which confirmed his suspicions from the day before.

It had started off as such a nice day, too. Everyone had arrived ready to relax. Once everyone had settled into their rooms, they'd hit the beach. Zuko and Sokka had faced off against Sokka and Aang in kuai ball, no bending allowed, while Mai, Katara and Toph had gone surfing. Haru, Teo and Toph's new boyfriend, Satoru, had gone sailing. As the sun dipped low, Sokka started a barbecue on the beach.

Zuko, thinking he'd heard little kids out by the lagoon in back of the beach house, had gone to shoo them away. His caretaker had already let him know the problem he was having with young kids trespassing back there. They could get hurt or worse fooling around back there when the sun was going down.

But he didn't find any kids.

The noises he heard were Katara, doing some waterbending exercises solo.

And there she was, stripped to the waist, oblivious to any onlookers, on full display.

And there Katara's bare breasts were, also on full display.

Zuko took one look, and once he realized what he was seeing, tiptoed away, mortified, his face burning as if he'd inhaled a bowl of fire flakes.

He'd barely been able to look at Katara, when she'd finally emerged, fully clothed, from her waterbending exercises. She'd not noticed him at all as she'd basically been sitting in Aang's lap, clearly enjoying being with her boyfriend.

It was a cute scene, but Zuko was painfully aware that he'd just seen more of Katara than Aang had seen to that point, at least if could read between the lines of some things Aang had told him recently.

Mai had noticed his mood, but she hadn't said anything. He'd gone to bed holding her and worrying until he fell into a fitful sleep.

Seeing Katara's bare breasts had done nothing for him sexually, not that it came as any surprise to him. He'd never considered for a moment Katara as a potential girlfriend. Yes, she was beautiful, and brave, a talented bender, and a warm person, but there was never that spark between them, certainly not the spark that kindled and flared any time he looked at Mai. For more than two years he and Mai had been broken up, and now he was getting a second chance. He didn't want to blow it.

Sitting on the closed lid of the newfangled toilets that had been installed, Zuko ran his hands through his hair. They all had three more days at the beach house. He couldn't continue to avoid Katara and Aang, but he wasn't sure what to do. He didn't know how he could possibly face Katara again.

And Aang … Aang was his friend! His best friend. The Avatar who had defeated Fire Lord Ozai and saved the world!

Zuko sighed and lifted himself up. He splashed water from a basin on his face and took a deep breath. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe he could say he had contracted a severe case of pentapox and keep to his room for the three days left in the little "Gaang reunion." Maybe no one would really notice.

He opened the door and jumped back, startled.

"Wondered when you were going to come out of there, Sparky," said Toph, sounding irritated. "What's wrong? The Komodo sausage rolls didn't agree with you?"

Zuko groaned. This was the last thing he needed.

He looked over Toph's shoulder and noticed the Great Room was deserted and he couldn't hear any voices.

"Where is everybody?"

"Sokka got tired of me kicking his ass in pai sho, so he and Suki went with Twinkletoes and Sweetness to explore the dunes."

"What about Mai?" Zuko's voice was slightly anxious. "Have you seen her?"

Toph made a dismissive sound. "Not my job to keep track of your girlfriend, Hotfoot."

"Okay, well what about your boyfriend?" Zuko shot back. "Know where he is?"

"Sure." Toph blinked. "With Mai."

"What? You said you didn't know where she was!"

"Wrong. I said it wasn't my job to keep track of her," returned Toph with a triumphant grin. "Satoru, Haru and Teo wanted to explore the so-called 'world-famous' Ember Island Marketplace, and she said she knew the best stalls and would go with them to keep them from getting ripped off. What is with you lately?"

Zuko swallowed hard. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"This little vacation was your idea," she said. "But you've been as jumpy as if you'd sat in a white jade bush. Not to mention you've been making yourself scarce around Twinkletoes and the Sugar Queen. They're not being that obnoxiously lovey-dovey. They've even chilled out on the 'Sweetie' stuff, at least in public, so what gives?"

Zuko had no intention of telling Toph of all people the real issue. It was truly no one's business. It was just something he had to endure, just as he'd endured so much in his life. For honor.

"IsawKatara'sbreasts."

Zuko and Toph blinked in unison. Zuko blinked because he had no idea how those words got out of his mouth. Toph blinked possibly because she hadn't understood what he said.

"You saw what?"

Zuko sagged like an underdone cake. He was Fire Lord now. His despicable father and unstable sister were locked away where they could never hurt anyone again. The love of his life was back in his world. Why did he still keep stumbling into proverbial piles of hippo-cow shit?

"I saw Katara's breasts," said Zuko through gritted teeth. "It was an accident. She was waterbending out by the lagoon and she didn't have a top on."

"Well, yeah." Toph rolled her eyes. "Sweetness doesn't like to be constrained when she's practicing bending. You said the lagoon was private property, so she probably thought it was safe to strip down."

"It is private property! But I had no idea she was back there!"

Zuko realized he was sounding defensive and took a breath.

"My caretaker told me he has to keep kicking out kids who go back there looking for sea slugs to sell down in the Marketplace. I ordinarily wouldn't mind them fishing back there, but if a kid falls in and can't swim, that's a problem."

"True." Toph nodded. "But what's that have to do with Katara and the peep show?"

Zuko flushed. "I heard noises back there and I thought it was kids. I went back there to tell them to get lost. When I realized it was Katara, it was too late not to see … that."

"That meaning her boobs."

His ears went bright red.

"Anyway, she didn't see me, and I just … I don't know! I figured if I just avoided her, it won't be awkward."

"Why would it be awkward?" asked Toph wonderingly. "I know you've seen tits before, Sparky."

Zuko was only mildly surprised by Toph's language, but he was very taken aback that she seemed to think it was no big deal that it was Katara's "tits" being discussed.

"Yeah, but not like that and not … a friend's. It's weird!"

"How? It's just a body part. See?"

Zuko could only stare wide-eyed as Toph lifted up her top, exposing milky, tear drop-shaped breasts with long, brown nipples and slightly puffy areolae.

"What's the big deal?" Toph continued, pulling her top down again. "It's just a pair of titties. We're all adults here, right?"

Zuko suddenly found his voice. "W-what would Satoru say if he knew you just flashed me like that?"

She shrugged. "I have no idea. I'd be surprised if he had an issue with it. They're my tits. I can show them to whoever I want."

"But I wasn't expecting to see them!"

"You weren't expecting to see Sweetness's either!"

Toph cocked her head as if she were listening to something.

"Huh. Mr. Happy isn't standing up in your pants. Are they ugly? Lopsided or something? Satoru seems to like them well enough."

Zuko prayed to the Dragons to give him strength.

"No, they're not lopsided and they're not ugly. They're very … nice?"

"You liked Sweetness's better?"

"No! I didn't like them at all! Only Mai!" Zuko hissed through his teeth. "I only like Mai's!"

"So Mr. Happy wasn't standing up for Katara's, either?"

Zuko now prayed for death. It would be easier than continuing this conversation.

"No. 'Mr. Happy' only gets interested when it's Mai's breasts!"

Toph looked extremely confused then. "So why are you being so weird about this? I thought you were freaking out because you got a boner seeing Katara's tits. That didn't even happen, so what's the big deal?"

Zuko's mouth fell open.

"You honestly would be okay walking in somewhere and seeing, I don't know, Haru, naked from the waist down?"

"I'd actually be amazed, because, you know, these? Don't work!" She wiggled her fingers in front of her sightless eyes. "I can't see shit, remember?"

"Sorry. I'm sorry … that was stupid of me to say," muttered Zuko. "Okay, suppose Suki accidentally saw Haru's manhood and told you about it, and said she felt really embarrassed. You wouldn't …"

"His dick."

Zuko stared. "Excuse me?"

"'Manhood'? Sparky, it's a dick. A cock. A wang. A peen. A milkb-"

"Okay! Okay! Whatever! You're the one who started this with the 'Mr Happy' stuff. Anyway, if Suki told you that, you'd just tell her to shrug it off as no big deal?"

Toph appeared to consider that a moment.

"Probably. But seeing your friend's dick is a little different than seeing your friend's tits, in my opinion. Tits aren't inherently a sex organ. Assholes have made them that, but they aren't really. A dick is sexual, even though you piss out of it, too. So I could see Suki being freaked out seeing a dick that wasn't Sokka's. I don't really get your issue. If seeing Katara half naked didn't make you hard, I don't think it's a big deal. Don't you think you're calling more attention to yourself ignoring her than just dealing with it head-on? Twinkletoes must really be rubbing off on you. You should just put it out there."

"What? You mean tell her I saw her?!" Zuko was aghast.

"Why not?" Toph shrugged. "It was an accident. She probably should know that maybe other people could stumble back there too so she should keep her top on."

Zuko shook his head slowly. "I'm just going to have some of my guards posted along the pathway. I should have done that earlier. I don't want to make her uncomfortable and I don't want things to be weird between me and Aang. You remember all that trouble over that play, don't you?"

"That was ages ago. They've been tonguing each other for years since then, so they probably barely remember that. But, suit yourself," Toph said with a shrug. "If you want to spend the next three days acting like maggot slugs have crawled up your ass, that's your business, but I think you're overreacting. Anyway, you done in here? I really need to pee."

Silently, Zuko stood aside and Toph moved past him, closing the door firmly behind her.

Zuko reeled. His mind was full of images, including of Toph now. He wasn't sure what he should do, but he did know one thing: He needed a nap.

I fucking love Toph. Anyway, drop me a line if you liked, or a follow if you want to know about updates. I never start posting unless I'm finished a story, so updates will be quick and plentiful! ;)