(n) homesickness, longing, and regret

She had gone back to sleep not too long ago, but when she awoke again, the feeling was peaceful and serene. There was no darkness, only the sound of waves lapping at the shoreline.

How easy it would be, to close her eyes again and let her dreams carry her far, far away. A part of her wanted to, but at her core, Naminé was never one to stay idle, so she rolled over and pushed herself up from where she had been lying in the sand.

Destiny Islands, she realized immediately, a soft longing in her chest. Indeed, this place was a much more welcome place to awaken than the last, the place where the sea met the sky.

She dusted off her dress as she stood, but as it turned out, there was no need. Not a single grain stayed on her skin nor within her clothes. Convenient, but there was no denying a certain falseness about it all. She'd never been to the beach, but she did know that this was not how sand was supposed to behave.

This was indeed Destiny Islands, but she knew that, in truth, it was little more than an illusion found in the depths of a heart.

All but the ocean. She could hear the waves and taste the salt on her lips. The ocean was the only thing that seemed real. Raising a hand to her chest, she had to wonder, was the ocean really trying to speak to her, calling to her in the harmony of two warm, familiar voices? Or was she simply hearing what she desired above all else?

As though in answer, the sky responded with a sudden streak of light above. A streak of light that was followed by another and then another until there was a fullsilade of falling stars. A meteor shower, Naminé thought, eyes widening in delight. I should make a wish. But what should she wish for?

She wished she could change the past, for a life better than the one that she was dealt. But what would be the point in wishing for something like that? She could not change the past, no matter how much she wanted to.

Then she supposed all that was left was that she should make one for the future. If she had a future.

Naminé clasped her hands together and closed her eyes. I wish—

"I'm scared."

The sound of that small trembling voice cut through her whimsical musings like a thunderstrike. Startled, Naminé turned around and yes, there she was, a small girl in a white dress cowering behind a palm tree.

Looking into the teary eyes of the child she never was, Naminé couldn't help but wonder whose heart was playing this trick: hers or Kairi's?

"What if a shooting star hits the islands?"

Was her heart playing tricks on her? Maybe so, but it wouldn't hurt to play along. Naminé took a deep breath and pondered the question: what would she do if a shooting star came this way? Sora would have replied I'll hit it right back into outer space and the Riku Replica I will protect you, but Naminé had no toy sword to swing.

She had only herself. Fighting was not her forte, so she had to take a different approach. Naminé sat down between treeline and shore and patted the sand next to her. Her invitation was not accepted, but she continued as though it made no difference. "Each star represents a person living in a world different from this one," she said as though she was telling a bedtime story. Which she supposed she kind of was. "So I guess if a shooting star were to come this way… then it just means there is somebody out there who wants to see us very much."

The child shook her head. "That can't be true."

"Why not?"

The eyes that bore into hers did not belong to a child. "Because nobody misses us," she replied coldly. "If someone wants to see us… then they must want to use us. That's the only reason why anybody wants anything to do with us."

Naminé felt as though she had been struck. As much as she wanted to deny it under the guise of comforting a scared child, she couldn't. Not when that scared child was herself, saying the things she had always feared. Because I am her. A shadow cast by the light of the seven.

Emboldened by her doubts, the girl spoke firmer. "Don't go," she pleaded, holding herself as she reached the verge of tears. "Don't go. Please stay. This is the only place where it is safe."

She was not wrong. Stark white walls and endless sea were both bars of a cage, but this place, the false Destiny Islands of Kairi's heart was the first place where she felt safe. What if she wasn't her own person anymore? What if she was still alone? At least this way, nobody could ever try to abuse or exploit her again. It was a fair trade for her freedom, she thought to herself. Her freedom… for a life of safety and eternal loneliness.

Right?

Somewhere, in the distance, the waves roared.

"Maybe it is true," Naminé said vaguely as she stood. There would always be people like Xehanort, but… "But there are people who want to see us because they miss us too." What about me, Kairi, Donald, Goofy? The King! Roxas too, he misses you! "And someone else special who won't let us down." How ironic it was that it wasn't until she was confronted with the manifestation of her own hurt that she could finally believe Sora's words without a doubt.

The child just shook her head. "It's not true," she said as she began to cry. "It's not true. You're cruel for making me hope."

And wasn't hope simply the most terrifying thing of all?

If I become my own person, what then? She had no true home, not in the way the others did. Castle Oblivion and the Old Mansion had been residences of convenience for those she worked for rather than any place she had wanted to be. She liked to think that she had friends—in Sora, in Donald and Goofy and Roxas, and maybe even in Riku—but did she truly belong in their light after everything she had done? Even if she found a home, even if they accepted her… What would she do with a future that was once unequivocally and assuredly finite? And what about the people who once looked at her and saw only a tool to be used and thrown away? Could she face them again and relive the memories, knowing the shame and guilt she had felt back then were indeed real?

All her short existence, she had lived under the knowledge of three simple truths: One, she was a Nobody. Therefore, she was not a person, but a mere fraction of another. Two, the fate of a Nobody was to fade into nothingness, one way or another. Why bother trying to fight it?

And three, she did not belong anywhere, in anyone's heart. No one would miss her when she was gone.

And now… None of that was true anymore, leaving her floundering in the expanse of an open sky she did not know how to navigate.

So many questions. So much uncertainty. Where should she fly now that her clipped wings were whole? It might be safer, easier to stay in the cage she knew so well.

But Naminé did not want to stay stagnant in an unchanging world. She wanted to move forward.

"I know," she said, "I know. If we choose to leave this island, we'll be stepping back into that cruel, scary world again."

The girl sniffed. "So stay. Stay where nobody can hurt us… Please. I don't want to be hurt anymore."

I don't want to be either. Following orders because she had been afraid. Hurting others so she wouldn't be hurt. Even choosing to do the right thing had brought her pain.

"We are going to get hurt if we leave," Naminé agreed, "But being hurt is a part of being human. We are strong enough to be human." She smiled. "And even if we're not, it will still be okay, because there are people out there who can help make up the difference." Behind her, the waves roared. "Even now… Can you hear them? They're calling us home." Home. She… They still did not have one, but surely they'll be able to find one.

Slowly, the little girl came out from behind her hiding place. "You promise?" she asked timidly, "That we belong there with everyone? Even after what we have done?"

Naminé reached out her hand to her loneliness, her selfishness, her fear. This darkness was no fragment of Kairi. This darkness was hers and hers alone. "We will never know unless we try. We owe it to ourselves to try."

A tiny fragile hand reached back.

As though this was the final connection she needed for her heart to be set free, one last star fell from the sky to the sea and became a brilliant white light on the water's surface.

The small girl beside her looked at the open door in awe and uncertainty. Naminé could understand it. After all, a new journey was about to begin. How exciting it was. How terrifying…

The first step into the water was so, so cold, but it only convinced her it was right to take this risk.

"Everything will be alright," Naminé promised. Who knows where that door would take her, where she will wake up next. "It's okay to be scared. That's the only way you can be brave."

She felt a pressure on her hand.

"Yes… We'll go together."

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A/N: Naminé is a very special character to me and getting to contribute a piece to Born of the Waves is a dream come true! I would like to thank the mods for the amazing experience. Not shown here (as does not allow for image hosting, kiphors did an amazing illustration to go with this piece. You can see it on AO3 or in the zine itself!