1. Do something good for the people you hurt

- Harry Potter

- Ronald Weasley

- Hermione Granger

- Neville Longbottom

2. Fall in love

3. Travel

4. Own something for yourself

5. Father?

Draco sat back against the pillow in his dormitory bed, placing his quill and ink on his bedside table, the 4-poster curtains stopping the Lumos of his wand from waking up the others sleeping soundly around him. He lifted a hand to wipe away the tear tracks from his face and let out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding. He felt... clarity. Well, except for number 5 on the list. That still required some thought. But seeing the list in black and white gave him a feeling of purpose again, something he'd been lacking over the last week since he'd got the news.

Folding up the list and placing it under his pillow, he extinguished the light from his wand and laid down in his bed, closing his eyes and for the first time in weeks, drifted off to sleep.

*** 3 weeks earlier ***

"You pathetic, stupid, worthless excuse of a Malfoy!" Lucius matched each adjective with a strong punch to Draco's curled up body.

Draco bit his tongue to stop himself from crying or whimpering in pain, he should be used to this by now, it was hardly a rare occurrence in Malfoy Manor.

"I told you not to embarrass me at the Ministry party, that you needed to be on your best behaviour, but your clumsy, useless, piece-of-shit brain just couldn't comprehend that could it? Like it can't comprehend beating a mudblood in class, or beating Potter at quidditch, you just never..." the words continued to spit from Lucius' mouth in a never ending tirade of venom that always succeeded in breaking Draco down, destroying his ego, his confidence, made him feel worthless.

Just kill me already, Draco thought desperately, as he took hit after hit, feeling bones start to crack.

The war had ended before the summer, and Draco had done his time in Azkaban, though not nearly as much as he had expected. Harry Potter of all people had spoken for Draco at his trial, pleaded Draco's case of being underage, of not giving Harry away at Malfoy Manor, of protecting his family, claiming that Draco should have all charges against him dropped. Of course, the Wizengamot were never going to go for that, but they took Potter's statement into account, minimising his sentence to two months in Azkaban prison. It was better than Draco could have asked for, but Azkaban was still hell on earth and gave Draco even more reason to have nightmares every night, on top of having a murderous madman and several death eaters in his home, and on top of his father's never-ending abuse.

Potter had also spoken for his mother, telling the story of how his mother had lied to the Dark Lord in the forest, saving Potter's life. As she had never been asked to participate in the Dark Lord's bidding she was acquitted of all charges and sent back to Malfoy Manor, a free woman. His father on the other hand was not spoken for by anyone, for which Draco could never blame Potter for. He expected Lucius to go to prison for a long time, possibly until his dying day. His father however, still had some tricks up his sleeves, and with the spineless, gold-loving Rufus Scrimgeour still in position as the Minister for Magic, Lucius was able to avoid Azkaban altogether, persuading the Wizengamot that instead of himself and his vaults of gold rotting away in Azkaban, he would commit to spending whatever it took to make reparations to the Ministry, Hogwarts and Diagon Alley. It was a tight vote on the Wizengamot, but in the end, Lucius Malfoy literally got away with murder. And as Draco was picked up by the throat and slammed onto the floor, Lucius raising his wand and the word Crucio forming on his lips, Draco couldn't help but feel the bitterness of injustice well up inside of him.

The pain of the curse hit him and Draco arched his back, a silent scream taking over him as waves of agony engulfed his body. The curses continued for what felt like hours until Lucius eventually got bored of it. He brought his wand down to his side and tiled his blonde head to the side, studying his son's face, covered in blood, sweat and tears as he whimpered and cried from the pain.

"Get out of my sight", Lucius said coldly, "you will not leave your room until I say so, I will have a house elf bring you food when I think you deserve it" and with that he gave one last sneer and swept from the room.

Panting heavily, Draco managed to shakily move one palm to the floor and push himself up onto all fours, his vision swam and bright spots filled his eyes, normal now after each of these episodes. Each small movement caused another shock of pain to run through him and he took his time trying to get up, finally crawling over to a wall and using it to drag himself up onto his feet. He lay his face against the cold stone, relishing the cold feeling against the fiery pain of his injuries, and tried to catch his breath and blink his vision clear. After a few minutes he managed to stumble up the stairs to his room, where he collapsed onto the bed and tried to breathe deeply, making a futile attempt to get his muscles to stop spasming after the Cruciatus curse. It was ridiculous, he thought, how little it had always taken for his Father to get mad at him. He was used to the punches and kicks and not being fed, that had been happening ever since he could remember, but the Cruciatus Curse had always been saved for his biggest fuck-ups, not for every minor thing like it had become over the last couple of years.

This latest episode had happened straight after they had attended a Ministry party, his father getting Draco an invite so could get back in favour with all the Ministry officials, imperative if he wanted the Malfoy name to be restored to its former glory. He thought back to the evening...

- 0 -

Draco sighed as he looked around the Ministry ballroom in boredom, these parties were always so dull, just a bunch of stuffy Ministry officials bragging to each other disguised as vague pleasantries. His father fit right in though, simpering to every important person that would listen about the progress and improvements he was making in the structural reparations to Hogwarts and the Ministry. They all listened and thanked him as though he hadn't had a huge part to play in the destruction of these places in the first place.

It was all so forced and boring, and sighing and resigning himself to the next few hours, Draco managed to paint a smile on his face and walk around as his father introduced him to new members of the Ministry. Draco didn't really take in the names, just saying all the right words and nodding and smiling at the right times. That is, until he was introduced to Finlay Blackwell. At almost thirty years old, Finlay Blackwell was the youngest head of the DMLE, and the most devastatingly attractive man Draco had ever met. He was a little taller than Draco, tanned and muscular, with a winning smile and sharp, confident eyes. As Draco shook his hand, he felt the strength and warmth of the man and imagined what it would be like to be held in those arms. For the first time all evening he found himself hanging onto his every word as he explained his plans for the DMLE starting under his leadership. After a few minutes of talking Finlay excused himself and went to talk to another DMLE member.

Lucius turned to Draco, "You're doing better than I expected tonight Draco" and Draco felt an odd feeling of pride at the words.

"I need to talk to a few members of the Governor's Board about recovering my position there" he continued, "why don't you work the room and keep showing everyone how we've turned over a new leaf?"

"Yes father" Draco nodded, and Lucius swept over to a small group of men a few metres away.

Sighing, Draco looked around the room. As much as he wanted to continue making his father proud, he just didn't want to talk to anyone here, they were all so boring. Or at least, he thought, as he made eye contact with Finlay Blackwell and felt a blush creep up his cheeks, most of them are. Draco turned and made his way to the drinks table. Get a grip, he scolded himself, it's highly doubtful he's into men and even if he were, you're not allowed to be!

He picked up a glass of red wine and took a quick gulp, with a deep breath he turned around, taking a step back from the table – and bumped straight into Finlay Blackwell. Draco watched in horror as his red wine spilled all over Finlay's crisp white shirt and expensive navy silk robes.

"Oh shit - I mean - oh my god I'm – I'm so sorry, it was a complete accident -" Draco stammered, blushing furiously with embarrassment and found himself at a complete loss, he had been banned the use of his wand for a month after leaving Azkaban and had no idea how to sort this mess out.

Finlay however was completely unflustered and opened his mouth to respond but Lucius was at Draco's side in a heartbeat, clearing the mess with a quick flick of his wand, the shirt and robes good as new.

"Apologies for my son, Mister Blackwell" Lucius simpered, a dangerous glare shot Draco's way, and Draco knew there was going to be trouble waiting for him at home, "it's been a while since he was at an event like this, I'm afraid he's a little nervous".

"No need to apologise either of you, these things happen, no harm done" Finlay ignored Lucius and smiled calmly at Draco, who continued to avoid his eyes, "quite honestly it's the most exciting thing that's happened all evening". Draco was both grateful and embarrassed by how unbothered he was, feeling his attraction towards the man grow even more.

Draco finally looked up to apologise once more, but his words stuck in his throat as he found Finlay still looking directly into his eyes, his eyes held an amused and curious glint. He felt a wave of heat rush to that part of his body and suddenly didn't know how to reply. He felt his father's glare deepen at his unresponsiveness.

Perhaps sensing the discomfort, Finlay chimed in "Draco I would love to show you all the work your father here has put into the Ministry building reparations, have you seen them yet?" Draco shook his head. "They're very impressive, would you mind if I took him on a tour Lucius?" Finlay turned his charming smile to Lucius, "I think it would be great for Draco to see the progress if he is to work here one day soon too".

The suggestion of a ministry career for his son was all it took for Lucius to smile courteously at Finlay, and give a gracious bow.

"By all means Mister Blackwell, I think that sounds like a very good idea" he said silkily.

"Wonderful" Finlay beamed, and gestured out the door, "Draco?"

"Yes please, I would appreciate a tour" Draco managed to speak calmly, though his pulse was racing at the idea of being alone with this greek God of a man.

Finlay smiled and beckoned for them to leave, leading the way out of the door and down the corridor, he walked them along for quite aways and headed up the steps to a couple floors above, occasionally pointing something out and explaining how it was before the war. Draco tried to listen but was distracted, wondering what body was hiding under those robes, he could tell from the small amount he could see that this man was in great shape. But no, come on Draco, he scolded himself again, nothing can or would happen, you're an ex-deatheater teenager for heaven's sake!

They made it to the end of the corridor and Finlay stopped outside a door, turning to face Draco, he beamed. "And this, is my office, one of the perks of being a department head is that you get your own private office. Come on in, it has a great view" and he opened the door, making way for Draco to walk in first.

Draco's jaw dropped as he stepped inside the room. It was beautiful, windows spanned the whole back wall, looking out into London which was lit up against the dark night sky. On the right was a huge walnut desk and office chair and in front was a seating area with a plush dark grey sofa, coffee table and two big comfy chairs. A bar table with expensive looking alcohol stood next to it. The place was sexy at night, and Draco walked up to the window, looking out at the view.

"What do you think?" Finlay spoke quietly into his ear, and Draco jumped a little, not realising he was so close behind him. The warm breath tickled his ear and Draco swallowed, heat shifting to his groin again.

"I think I could happily work here every day" Draco replied quietly back, not turning around for fear of his half erect penis being too obvious. "This view is incredible, and it's so..." Draco scrambled for a word that wasn't 'sexy' "so private".

"Yes, I do love that about it" Finlay mused quietly, leaning even closer to Draco "nobody knows if I get up to any mischief in here" he whispered against Draco's neck and Draco's breathing got heavier, he closed his eyes willing his now complete erection away. Finlay was just playing with him, he wasn't into him right? While he knew he was attracted to men he'd never actually done anything with a man, was this just normal behaviour for two men?

Draco stayed looking straight forward, pretending to enjoy the view, his heart hammering in his chest "What kind of mischief does the head of the DMLE get up to?" he whispered back and Finlay moved forward, his body pressed into Draco's back, his mouth to Draco's neck and pressed his lips down gently, just brushing the sensitive skin, causing Draco to let out a breath and bite his lip, his erection pulsing. Finlay brought a hand round to Draco's chest and let it glide down slowly until he suddenly brought the hand firmly around Draco's erection through his trousers and squeezed. Draco gasped, closing his eyes and moaning, much to his embarrassment.

Finlay smirked against his neck. "This sort of mischief" he whispered, and he started to move that hand, stroking Draco's erection through his trousers. Draco's eyes flickered open, trying to bit back a moan against the pleasure.

"Wait" he said breathlessly and Finlay paused "Won't people see us through the window?" he asked, thinking if anyone from the party were to look up and see the light on and Draco getting a hand job at the window.

Finlay smirked against his neck and unbuttoned Draco's trousers, sliding his hand under his boxers and wrapping hand around the rock hard length. "Do you really care if they do?" he whispered and once again Draco's skin tingled at the feel of his breath. Finlay pushed himself against harder against Draco's back, his own erection pushing through his trousers into Draco's arse and his hand speeding up its stroking of Draco's erection. Draco moaned and put a hand against the glass in front of him to steady himself. He'd never have someone else do this to him and he knew he wouldn't last long. What if Finlay was expecting sex?

"Um..." Draco started, trying to work out a sentence through the feeling of Finlay's hand "I've never – this is my first – oh god yes – yes" he was distracted by Finlay's other hand coming round to fondle Draco's balls as his hand around his erection sped up.

"Don't worry, we don't need to go further than this" Finlay whispered in his ear. Draco gave in to the feelings and moaned, rutting into his hand and panting as he could feel himself nearing his climax.

"Oh look" Finlay whispered with amusement "some people are leaving the party already" Draco looked down and sure enough some people were filtering out of the front doors. Shit, Draco thought, what if someone looks up, what if his father sees them? What if he comes looking for him?! He tried to pull back from the window but Finlay chuckled and held him there.

"Don't worry, they're not going to see us, don't you like the feeling though? That you could get caught at any minute? Doesn't it turn you on?" he kissed Draco's earlobe as he whispered this and Draco was unbelievably turned on as Finlay pumped his hand harder, rubbing his other fingers on the sensitive spot behind Draco's balls and Draco couldn't hold it any more.

"Oh god, oh fuck I'm coming" he burst out as he felt his orgasm explode from him, hitting the glass in front of them. Draco panted, his hands against the glass and his eyes closed as he caught his breath. He opened his eyes and seeing the people outside again he let out a small squeak and pulled his underwear and trousers up quickly and backed away from the window.

Finlay laughed, not in a nasty way, and smiled at Draco as their eyes met, Draco had no idea what to say after what had just happened, he was in blissful shock. "There's a charm on the glass" Finlay admitted "nobody can see in" and he smiled at Draco and moved forward, capturing Draco's lips in a passionate kiss. "That was fun" he murmured against Draco's lips before pulling away.

"Y-yeah it was... amazing, um, Mister Blackwell" Draco wanted to kick himself for being a stuttering wreck in front of this man.

Finlay laughed, "Surely we're on first name basis by now, call me Fin" he said smiling with a glint in his eye and leaning back against his desk. Draco nodded then noticed Fin still had an erection and suddenly felt embarrassed and selfish.

"Oh god I'm sorry I didn't even think, I could um... take care of that for you?" he gestured towards Fin's crotch, a slight tremor in his voice betraying his inexperience. Fin smiled kindly and leaned forward, kissing Draco gently on the lips again. "No don't worry, it was your first time, I'll take care of this" he smirked "why don't you head back down to the party, looks like it's wrapping up".

Draco nodded, but felt sad all of a sudden, would he ever get to see Fin again?

"Well thanks for the... tour" Draco said quietly, and with a small quirk of the lips.

Fin laughed "You're welcome for another one any time" and Draco's heart raced.

Draco left and wandered back down to the party, stopping by the bathroom to make sure he didn't look any different to how he did when he left the ballroom. He looked at himself in the mirror, hardly believing that had just happened and took a deep breath to steady his nerves, then left to find his father.

- 0 -

His father had ambushed him the second they got home, furious about the wine situation and how with Draco's lack of magic he couldn't sort it out.

The abuse continued over the next few days, Narcissa would sometimes wander in half way through and ask if Lucius was ready for lunch or dinner, but never acknowledged Draco or what was happening, not that Draco ever expected her to, why suddenly start caring now after ignoring it all these years? The pain was getting unbearable and in between Draco found himself exhausted like he'd never been before, the cruciatus curse getting used more and more the closer Draco got to going back to school. As if his father needed to make up for the time away.

Draco had got his wand back yesterday, a ministry official dropping it off with him at the Manor, a well performed glamour charm and pepper-up potion making him appear less dead than he felt as he stood up and accepted it and spoke his gratitude for having it back. His father took it away and only tossed it back to him two days before school started. Deciding to make a start on packing, Draco trudged up to his room and pulled out his wand, saying the usual spell to get the clothes and items he needed to fold and pack themselves neatly in his trunk. Nothing happened but Draco felt a small ache in his chest when he spoke.

Frowning, but pushing his shoulders back and straightening up, he said the charm more clearly. Nothing happened again but pain in his chest hit him more sharply this time and he winced and gasped. What has happening? Was his wand cursed? Did the ministry do something to it? Maybe it was the time away from magic and the exhaustion. Maybe tomorrow he would be able to do it, when he'd rested. He knew his father wouldn't do anything more this close to school starting back, he'd never want anyone to notice to bruises and scars for fear of his reputation.

So instead of packing, Draco decided to head outside, the house elves bringing him a glamour potion which would last a good few hours. He went to Diagon Alley to pick up a few items, books and new robes for school starting. Maybe the fresh air would make him feel better.

The streets of Diagon Alley were busy with students buying things for the year ahead. Draco would be in a new eighth year for the students who were impacted by the war. He was shocked to say the least at being invited back by Professor McGonagall but eternally glad that he would be away from his father. He would be lying though if he said he wasn't concerned about the reception he would receive by his classmates, especially the Gryffindors. Thankfully he still had Blaise and Pansy there who had kept in touch over the last month when he got out of Azkaban, he had been worried that they would have abandoned him, not that he would ever tell then that, but it was good to know he had allies. As he walked down the street, ignoring the stares and hateful whispers, he tried to distract himself from worrying about school. Instead he thought of the Ministry party, of Fin. It felt like a dream now, and he had definitely dreamt about it since, usually with a fairly damp and sticky awakening. He hoped he would see him again. He couldn't get that smile, those kind, confident eyes, the breath on his neck, the hand on his... Careful Draco, he thought, it wouldn't do anything for your reputation if you get a raging boner out in public.

He had bought everything apart from books now and walked into Flourish and Blotts and started looking around for the list of text books he needed for the year when he heard a familiar voice just up ahead.

"Oh Harry, Ron, it's so good to see you! How was the rest of your summer?" Granger's happy voice rung out. Draco froze, looking up and seeing the Golden trio all together. Shit, Draco thought, these were the last people he wanted to see. Potter and Weasley embraced her in an energetic hug.

"It was great thanks Hermione, just the usual fun chaos at the Burrow" Potter laughed, nudging Weasley "How was your holiday to Aust..." Harry trailed off as he looked over Hermione's shoulder and noticed Draco, making eye contact. The other two looked at where Harry was staring and also stared at Draco, Weasley's more of a glare.

"Piss off ferret" Ron spat "nobody wants you at Hogwarts this year, go back to Azkaban where you belong!"

Draco swallowed, dropping his gaze and started to turn around towards the door, he wasn't ready for this, the exhaustion he felt before and the ache in his chest from earlier were creeping back in. His father would kill him if he saw him being this weak.

He heard Potter and Granger both whispered "Ron!" sharply and suddenly Harry Potter was standing in front of Draco, blocking his way out of the door as Hermione took Ron away to find the list of books. Draco faltered, unsure of how to act, of what to say, so instead he just waited on Potter speaking.

Harry opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, before sighing. "Don't listen to Ron, you have every right to be at school this year along with everyone else. You've done your time in Azkaban".

Draco didn't know what to say to that either. He definitely didn't deserve to be in school since he was part of the reason it got destroyed after the Death Eaters came in. He also probably hadn't done anywhere near enough of the time he should have at Azkaban.

Harry saw the doubtful, ashamed expression on Draco's face, and sighed again.

"Come to Hogwarts okay, people will get over it with time" Harry said, and Draco wished he had that optimism. He also wanted to shout at Potter for feeling sorry for him, he didn't want his pity. But he also didn't want to go back to Azkaban and didn't want to push Potter by snapping at him.

Realising Draco wasn't planning on talking Harry spoke again "Okay Malfoy well I'll get Ron out of here so you can get your books in peace, and I'll see you in a couple of days okay?"

Draco merely nodded, still avoiding Harry's eyes, and turned back around to the shop, heading up the stairs in what he hoped was a deliberate looking fashion and not because he wanted to avoid Weasley.

Harry kept his word and talked an annoyed Ron Weasley into going for ice-cream and left Hermione to wander round the store. Draco found all but one of the books he was looking for and wandered around a few more times trying to find the Transfiguration book he was looking for.

Hermione noticed him looking around, and saw the store owners giving hime a wide berth so decided to step in. She didn't agree with Ron's views on Malfoy, yes he had been a prat, but he had gone to Azkaban and served time when Hermione didn't think he even deserved that. She took a deep breath before walking up to him confidently. "Is there a book I can help you find Malfoy?" regretting coming up behind him when he jumped back, panic flitting through his eyes before his emotionless mask slipped back into place.

Draco hesitated before replying "I'm looking for the Camouflage Transfiguration textbook" he replied quietly.

Hermione noticed his reservations and worry in speaking to her and she responded with a kind smile on her face, "Ah yes, a pesky one, very true to it's name" she pointed upwards to what at first sight looked like an empty shelf at the top of the bookcase, but at a close look was actually a row of books with a camouflage charm.

Draco nodded at her, "thank you" he said, and Hermione smiled and nodded, trying to hide her shock at hearing those words coming out of a Malfoy's mouth. She moved to the next bookcase over, browsing through anything extra-curricular that she could find.

Draco stared at the shelf for a minute, fear gripping his chest, he pulled out his wand, knowing that shop owners avoided him like the plague just now, though they'd always take his money, they would never help him get the book down. He took a deep breath, hoping that the spell worked and he didn't make a fool of himself.

"Accio Camouflage Transfiguration" he said quietly, but instead of the book flying into his hand, he was hit with a wave of pain in his chest so strong he fell to his knees. He only heard Granger shout "Malfoy!" before he blacked out and fell.

- 0 -

Draco blearily opened his eyes, blinking until his vision finally came gradually into focus. He could feel a bubble around his mouth and nose, an oxygen charm, he realised. He tried to sit up but a firm hand held him down and he turned a little to focus on a doctor sitting beside him.

"What –" Draco asked, his voice and head both feeling heavy, "where am i?"

"Draco" The man spoke, looking down at a clipboard "It it important that you rest, you've been unconscious for a couple of hours".

"What happened?" Draco asked, panic in his voice.

"A classmate brought you in after you collapsed in Flourish and Blotts" the doctor explained "how are you feeling?"

It came back to Draco, using the magic, passing out, Merlin, would he ever stop embarrassing himself?

"I feel okay" Draco said, and for the first time in days it was true, he wasn't exhausted or in pain. He looked at the doctor who had a look of seriousness and apprehension on his face, as though he had bad news to deliver. "What's going on doctor?" Draco asked.

"Draco, would you like me to call your parents? We have some news to discuss, news that might be difficult to hear" The doctor said solemnly.

"No" Draco said quickly, Merlin knows he didn't need to disappoint his father further "please just tell me."

The doctor nodded and hesitated, finding the words.

"Draco, we did some tests while you were unconscious and we discovered a problem with your magical core, the place where your magical abilities come from. It's directly tied to your entire body so it can affect your motor capabilities, organ function and your brain function" the doctor hesitated here, making sure Draco was following along "consistent intense torture and post-traumatic stress can cause the magical core to turn against itself, slowly – or quickly, depending on how continuous the abuse is - and causes the organs to shut down, ultimately causing death".

Draco felt the world stop, a ringing started in his ears like when a bomb goes off in a movie. Was this doctor saying what he thought he was saying?

"Having looked at your diagnostics I would say that you still have some time, however I have spoken to the only two facilities in the world that have the capabilities to treat this and, well" the doctor swallowed "they have um, a zero-tolerance policy on death eaters and have refused to treat you" the doctor looked down nervously "now with some proper rest and not using magic, staying away from stress and pain –"

"Doctor" Draco cut in, his head was spinning, he was lost, he didn't want to understand what he was beginning to understand from this.

"Doctor" Draco repeated "how long do I have left?"

The doctor swallowed and looked at Draco with solemn eyes.

"You have approximately one year left".

The last week was a blur, Draco had excused himself from St Mungo's, taking the information sheets from the doctor without a word and had gone home, packed everything by hand, and left for Hogwarts. The train ride passed without Draco speaking, hiding in a compartment by himself. He had sat in the great hall and listened to the Headmistresses speech, talked to his friends as if nothing happened and went to the dorms, which were now shared with the other eighth years from all the houses. He spoke when spoken to but couldn't focus on anything. He ignored the glares from the other houses, ignored Harry Potter staring at him in confusion and Granger and his friends staring at him in concern, he ate very little and went to bed early every night where he cast a Silencio and screamed and cried into his pillow before passing out and starting the day again.

A week passed until Draco sat awake one night. He had one year. He needed to take his life into his own hands for the first time in his life. One year to make a difference. To make his own story, not his father's.

Draco pulled out a piece of parchment, quill and ink and started to make a list.