This was written in 2019...and I'm just getting around to posting it.
For some reference, this story takes place about seven-ish years after the Rebellion, putting Katniss and Peeta in about their mid-twenties. Consider a Post-Rebellion Alternate where Rue was not picked for the 74th Hunger Games. All other deaths, however, have occurred.
A Babysitter's Life
This is my first time on a train. Actually, it is my first time anywhere.
Underneath me, I feel every track as we head towards my destination—District 12. Outside, a forest envelops our rickety train and I take a deep breath when a whiff of pine hits my nostrils. Already, I am getting accustomed to something new; our trees are mostly fruit-filled, smaller but plentiful, and sweet-smelling. The forest around me is encompassing, filled with the rustic scent of undisturbed life.
My mother tells me this is the opportunity of a lifetime. It is a chance to see another District; meet some new people and learn what skills I have. I can tell, however, that my mother is more anxious to see me settled in somewhere…anywhere, really.
I think that she's just tired of finding me laid up in another wheat field staring up at the sky.
The train begins to slow down as we reach our last stop and my new home.
It is still early and my train had very few passengers; there's a handful of people waiting for their loved ones—and one boy.
He is grey-eyed and olive-skinned with thick, inky hair brushed back from his sharp face. The boy leans against a post and when our eyes meet, I know that he has come for me.
Steeling myself, I stand up when the train comes to a halt and make my way out.
The boy is already in front of me when I step down onto the platform.
He lifts a strong brow at me. "Rue Andrews?"
"Yes," I confirm.
"Rory Hawthorne," the boy replies. "I'm to take you to the Mellarks."
Rory reaches for my lone bag and I whip it away. "No need. I got it."
He guffaws, a small grin on his lips as he holds his hands up in surrender. "Just trying to be polite."
"I'm sorry," I say as we head off the platform into what I'm guessing is the main part of District 12. "I'm not used to—"
"People trying to be polite?" he responds.
I let out a snort. "It's just very early…" Something niggles at my memory and I look to him, trying to remember where I may have seen him. A poster drifts into my thoughts… "Why do you look familiar?"
Rory gives me a long look. "Maybe you've heard of my brother—Gale?"
Oh yes—Gale Hawthorne.
Part of the Star Squad during the Rebellion and currently the sweetheart of District 2. His wedding to some businessman's daughter was splashed all over the papers and the Capitol's main channel. My mind recalls a picture of Gale with his family and I briefly remember an image of Rory in a fitted suit.
I turn to him. "You look better in your regular clothes."
Rory colors. "Yeah…Alice, Gale's wife, wanted us to wear those monkey suits." He meets my eyes. "So, how did you fall into the job of glorified babysitter for the Mellarks?"
"My mom was visiting her sister in District 4 and met Mrs. Everdeen," I explain. "She was telling my mom about how Katniss is expecting another child and has to limit her activities because this pregnancy is a little more difficult. Also, that their daughter needs someone to run around with while Peeta is at their bakery. So, my mom volunteered for me."
I also jumped at the chance. I needed something new.
Rory nods in understanding. "It can get stifling sometimes."
"Don't I know it," I reply as we reach the end of town and toward a border fence. "So, your family was close to Katniss', right?"
"Yes. Katniss and Gale used to go hunting together," Rory recalls. "He was in love with her at some point…but she chose Peeta. It was the right choice, in my opinion."
"Oh…so you also knew Pr—"
"I knew Prim," Rory finishes hurriedly. "We grew up together and when we were in hiding in District 13, we took care of each other. Then, she joined the medical team—" He stops, his expression heavy. "We're here."
I stare up at an iron archway, leading to the cul-de-sac of grand houses. "Victors' Village."
"Yup," Rory replies wryly. "Population: Four and a three-fourth people. I guess with you—five and three-fourths."
I roll my eyes at him. "Thanks for the math lesson."
We reach the first house on the right. There's a well-tended garden in front and a pathway leading up to the house created with…primroses.
Rory follows my gaze as we approach the front door.
"Peeta planted them when he came back from the Capitol."
"For Katniss," I muse. "That's romantic."
A laugh comes from in front of us.
"I don't think we had romance on our minds…we were just trying to keep ourselves from attacking one another."
I look up to find a very pregnant Katniss Mellark standing in the open doorway.
Katniss Mellark looks surprisingly young.
While we are just a few good years apart in age, Katniss' smooth complexion and clear greys could easily fool someone into thinking we are school-age friends instead of employer and employee. I have a hard time registering that the woman in front of me was once a seventeen-year-old who, in one action, started a revolution.
"Thanks for picking Rue up," she tells Rory. "What do I owe you?"
"Nothing," he tells her easily. "I got to walk a cute, intelligent girl to your house. That's reward enough."
I turn to him. "I appreciate the intelligent. I hate the cute." Reaching into my pocket, I hand him a few bills. "Here. Buy yourself a thesaurus and come up with some better adjectives."
"I like you already," Katniss says with a smirk before looking at Rory. "Stop by the bakery. Peeta has a few things that he needs help with."
"You got it," Rory replies. Stepping onto the porch, he gives me a wink. "I'm glad you're here. See you around."
He turns and saunters off before I can reply.
"Rory is a real charmer," Katniss remarks as she closes the door.
"He's a little much," I tell her.
She laughs and then looks me over. "So, what made you decide to leave the lush orchards of District 11?"
"I don't know." I look around the entryway—painted a cool blue—before glancing to each side where the living room and den are. "There was just a yearning, I guess. A chance to do something new." Turning, I meet her eyes. "Isn't that what you fought for? A chance for the generations after you to live fully?"
"At the time, I was just trying to stay alive," she says, somewhat shyly.
Her hands go to her belly; she's entering her seventh month, from what I can tell. I'm the oldest of six and by the time Charlene—the last of my siblings—was born, I knew without my mom telling me that she was in labor.
"Well, it worked out in our favor. Thank goodness for that." Katniss' mouth opens just a bit as if to reply before it firmly closes. "Sorry. I've been told that I speak with absolutely no filter at times and it can throw people off."
"You remind me a lot of Johanna," she tells me.
"Johanna Mason?" I think for a moment. "She seemed a bit blunt during her interviews and I was never good at axe-wielding."
"Talk to Johanna for five minutes and you might want an axe of your own."
We both laugh and I can see the tension melt off her. I can also see that she is exhausted, her hands imperceptibly going to her lower back.
"Why don't we go to the kitchen and you can tell me more about my duties?" I say gently.
Katniss nods, letting out a small breath. "Right down the hall towards the back."
We head past the stairs and make a turn into the open archway where the kitchen is. It's homey; peach wallpaper with a delicate filigree pattern and dark wood. A table stands adjacent to the backdoor heading to the yard and I lead Katniss to a chair, pulling it out for her.
"You're perceptive," she remarks. "Aster will like you."
"Where's your tea?" I ask and Katniss nods towards the cupboard next to me. I go to the cupboard and find the chamomile easily. "I like the name. Totally makes sense."
Katniss gazes at me curiously. "What do you mean?"
"Aster—it means star." The kettle is already filled on their stovetop so I just turn the flame on. "You know because you and Peeta were 'The Star-Crossed Lovers of District 12'."
"Damn, I never thought of that," she tells me with a smile. "She was born in September and that's her birth month flower; we just kind of stuck with a theme."
"If this one is a boy, are you going to give him some sort of bread name?" I tease as I search the cabinets for a mug. Their kitchen is organized well enough for me to find them in one of the upper cupboards.
"Actually, I wouldn't mind a flower name for a boy," a jovial voice says behind me.
Peeta Mellark looks quite different compared to the propos footage from the Rebellion.
Back then, he was gaunt; his blue eyes somewhat blank as Katniss stood at the forefront of the cameras. It was a little disheartening as he had so much charm during his Caesar Flickerman interview.
Besides Thresh, my mom favored him.
Putting memories of my past behind me, I watch as he greets Katniss, dipping his head to meet hers in a sweet kiss.
"Hello, my love," he greets her tenderly.
In return, Katniss reaches to run a hand through his dirty-blond locks.
Present Peeta Mellark is, by far, my favorite.
"Rue, right?" He gives me a bright grin and I nod. "You've got Rory singing your praises."
"It doesn't seem all that hard to impress Rory," I say wryly. Pouring the boiled water into the mug I find, I dip in the tea bag and place the cup in front of Katniss. "That teabag would probably impress him."
Peeta laughs warmly. "You're going to fit in just fine here."
Aster Mellark wakes up from her mid-afternoon nap.
By then, I have already set myself up in the room next to hers and I can hear her slight wail as she pulls herself from her slumber.
Without thought, I go into the nursery and find her in her daybed, staring up at the hanging mobile of the planets. The room is painted a sage green with the opposite wall being a beautiful mural of a meadow.
Going to the bed, I sit at the edge looking down at the toddler. "Hi, Aster. I'm Rue."
Aster has the brightest blue eyes I have ever seen. They are large and almond-shaped with thick lashes framing her gorgeous orbs. Her hair is raven black and thick; it hits her shoulders and I think of the many hairstyles that I can do with such locks.
When she's a grown-up, Katniss and Peeta will have their work cut out for them.
"Woo," she repeats my name. Aster holds her arms out to me and I can't help but reach for her.
I love the 'little one' smell and mourned each time one of my brothers or sisters outgrew that innocent scent of babydom.
Standing up, I give her a smile. "Are you hungry?"
"My wuv," she says simply.
"What does that mean?" I ask.
Aster points outside. "My wuv! My wuv!"
"Your parents might need to fill me in," I tell her as I carry her down the stairs, heading for the den.
Katniss and Peeta sit on the sofa, her head on his shoulder and his hand on her belly, as they talk to one another quietly. I almost hate to break up the intimacy of the moment, but Aster is already scrambling down my body and heading towards her parents.
She waves her hands out at Katniss, who picks her up. "My wuv, my wuv."
Katniss turns to her husband. "Now she will never call me Mama."
I think back on Peeta's greeting and I bite back the need to coo—I am not sentimental.
But the thought of Aster imitating her father is just too much for me.
Next thing you know, I'll be singing love songs and reading sonnets.
The next few days are pretty much routine.
I wake up first to get dressed and ready before Aster wakes up. I am lucky because I get the hallway bathroom to myself. Katniss and Peeta have their own in the master bedroom.
After that, Aster usually wakes up and I bring her downstairs to make her breakfast and some toast for Katniss. Morning sickness did not go away after that first trimester and she remains nauseous mostly in the morning, though there is an occasional afternoon disappearance into the commode.
Peeta, who wakes up at the crack of dawn to heat the ovens, comes back to deliver a fresh loaf of bread to check in on his wife and Aster. I make sure that he brings his lunch to the bakery before he takes off with a final kiss to his family and a friendly wave for me.
I can tell that he is assured that his two ladies are safe with me. We share one goal; to make sure they are cared for.
Eventually, I meet Haymitch Abernathy. He is a bear of a man, but his dark eyes soften when Aster rushes into his arms.
"Nice to meet you," he says gruffly. "You know…if it wasn't going to be them, I was rooting for Thresh."
"Yes, I know." My eyes go to the rough ground. "Thresh was that kind of guy, though—kind enough to save Katniss from Clove. Had a bit of a crush on him back in 11, but he never saw me as anything but the little sister type." I look up to see Haymitch still gazing at me, his eyes full of empathy. "Kind of broke my heart when he—"
Haymitch puts a hand to my shoulder. "Well, it's a damn shame because you grew up very lovely."
"For some reason, I feel like you don't give compliments too frequently," I say with a smile. "Thanks."
I think I can find myself caring for Haymitch as much as I'm beginning to care for the Mellarks.
"Get out!"
A shout comes from the house and immediately Haymitch gives Aster back to me.
"Wait here," he commands. "Do not come in until I say it's okay."
There's nothing I can do but nod in agreement.
It's a full hour before Haymitch emerges from the house—he looks exhausted.
"Katniss is asking for Aster," he says.
"What happened?" I cradle Aster who has long fallen asleep against me.
We head towards the house and I can't help but feel a little apprehensive. The house looks as it normally does in the evening; warm yellow light seeping through handmade curtains and quiet as a mouse. However, there is a sinking feeling hitting my core as we walk up the steps.
"Once in a while," Haymitch starts. "Peeta has these…episodes. Usually triggered by stress or in this case, a memory of the old bakery. They're infrequent but when they hit, they hit hard. Katniss, in her condition, isn't able to handle it so their old mentor is in charge."
"Thank you," I tell him. "Not many mentors would care to help."
"I like 'em," he says offhandedly.
A smile grows on my lips. "You more than like them."
Haymitch opens the front door for me. "Well, just don't tell them that."
After telling him goodnight and promising to update him later, I close the door behind me. I go to the den first; Katniss is lying down on the couch, her eyes closed.
When my steps creak against the floor, she opens her eyes and sits up carefully, her hands resting on her belly. Every day, I see her little one growing even more. Her grey eyes are weary and lined with tears, but she reaches for Aster immediately.
I place her in Katniss' arms. "Are you okay?"
"He came across an old rolling pin of his father's," she explains quietly. "Mr. Mellark was always such a nice man, but he wasn't without his faults. He never defended Peeta or his brothers from their mother."
I nod in understanding. "I'm guessing she wasn't the mothering type."
"Far from it. Peeta wanted to understand their relationship," Katniss continues. "It's just with being a father or a mother, it's hard to understand how anyone could not love their child. Mrs. Mellark didn't love her kids and Mr. Mellark couldn't muster enough love to defend them."
"But Peeta still loves them, anyway?"
Katniss smiles, her eyes far away. "That's just the way Peeta is. He can't help but love—even if you treat him badly. I've been one of those."
"It was hard to see that through the camera's view," I remark. "But for some reason, from the beginning, I thought it was real."
"Maybe it was." Katniss shrugs, her eyes full of tears. "I was just too young and stupid to see it. Peeta…he always knew—and that's what I fell in love with. That damn hope of his."
"It's a good way to be," I reply. "Do you need anything?"
"Can you just check on him?" she asks quietly. "Peeta never wants me to see him after one of these episodes."
"I'm sure that's not true." However, I'm not sure if I'm wrong or not. "I'll go make sure he's okay and let him know that you're down here."
Katniss nods, before closing her eyes and cradling Aster even closer.
Going upstairs, I turn the opposite way of my room and toward the double doors. In the few weeks that I've been here, I have never been in the master bedroom as there was no need. However, I can't help but worry about what state I'll find Peeta in. Katniss has tiptoed around the torture tactics of the Capitol, but obviously, it has damaged Peeta in some way.
Carefully, I knock.
"Come in," Peeta says dully.
I let out a breath before turning the doorknob and stepping in.
I don't close the door—just in case.
"I told Katniss I'd check on you," I start as I walk into the room.
Peeta is laying on the bed, turned away from me, in a fetal position and I can hear him sniffle.
"I don't know why…I acted horribly towards her."
I stay where I am, but I feel like whatever happened has ebbed and now I'm facing a shell of a person.
"Katniss loves you," I reply. "You know that, or you wouldn't be feeling so bad."
He laughs gruffly. "That's true…I've always loved her, you know. Since we were kids."
"I know." Who doesn't remember their time in the cave? My mom only let me watch it because it was featured on the screen at our town square. More than one woman swooned over Peeta's sweet story of Katniss and the Valley song. "And that's how I know that you never really mean to hurt her."
"You have more faith in me than I do at the moment," he tells me.
Peeta finally turns to me and I can see that his hands are bandaged. There is a small bit of blood on his lower lip while his blues are red-rimmed with regret.
"I do. I have faith that you love your family more than anything," I say. "More than your parents may have loved you. Aster and the new baby will never feel that they weren't adored because you and Katniss would rather die than let that happen."
He nods in agreement. "I'll go check on them…after I clean up."
"I agree. You look like crap."
Peeta guffaws. "Get to sleep, Rue. You're done playing therapist for the day."
I grin. "It's my lauded life to take care of you Mellarks."
"You're doing a good job."
I tell him goodnight, closing the door behind me. I listen briefly behind it, just to make sure that he's alright, and leave only when I hear him getting out of bed.
In my room, I remind myself to call my mother. She is a stoic woman—not quite as affectionate as others—but I can tell that she loves her children fiercely. She wouldn't be working her butt off from dawn till dusk if she didn't.
After I change and settle down, I still feel restless. It must be the adrenaline of everything that has happened in the last few hours. Also, I hate to admit, but I do worry about the Mellarks. Despite everything, Katniss and Peeta are still young adults just trying to make their way. They're still learning how to be parents to Aster and their soon-to-be-arriving baby.
My mother tells me that she and my father made all sorts of mistakes with me, but it made them work as a team and made them stronger.
I hope it's the same for Katniss and Peeta.
My stomach growls and I realize that I haven't eaten dinner. There's always a little something in the fridge so I'm quickly on my feet and out the door. It's as I head down the stairs that I hear something; it's coming from the den where I left Katniss.
"I'm so sorry, love." It's Peeta. "Sometimes, I don't how you put up with me. Part of me thinks that I'm never going to be fixed."
"There's nothing to fix," Katniss tells him. "You can't repair what's a part of you…a part of us. This damage from the rebellion and the Games, it's not going to go away. But we can't let it take over us. Every day, we just try and live as best we can. We fought so hard to get here."
I hear the smile in Peeta's voice. "When did you become the optimist?"
Katniss snorts. "All these stupid hormones have made me soft. As soon as this one is out, I'm going into the woods and shooting something."
"I look forward to it," Peeta tells her.
They laugh quietly and it fills me with happiness.
For all is well in our little home.
"So, everything is alright?"
I walk along the edge of the forest with Rory on a rare day to myself. It has been two months since I've come to District 12 and I feel like it's become part of my skin. I know every creak of the Mellark house or the exact cry that Aster makes whenever she wants the blue spoon and not the pink one. I know the right amount of time it takes to make Katniss' favorite tea and when a homemade loaf made by Peeta has been proofed enough.
I can even feel the seasons change; this autumn is tense. Baby Mellark is almost here—and sometimes I feel I'll know the exact moment that he or she is ready to come.
"Yes, it's been quiet since the incident," I tell Rory as we walk into the woods just beyond the border of District 12. "How were they when they were younger? Before the Games?"
"I didn't know Peeta all too much," Rory says as he kicks a stone in his path. "He was always a good guy…like his Dad. I've known Katniss since I was a kid because she spent so much time with Gale. She was serious and stubborn like him; they were peas in a pod. In the end, they were too much alike. My mother always knew that they weren't meant for each other, but Gale was insistent that she was his."
"And the Games changed that?"
"Katniss learned to care for someone outside her circle," he tells me. "She didn't have to take care of Peeta, but there was something about Peeta that just made him special…and it killed Gale. I mean, any idiot watching the Games could see that kiss was real."
"Is it silly that I always wanted a kiss like that one in the cave?" I admit. "Not the 'fearing for my life' aspect of it, but that 'I'm seeing something wonderful right in front of my face and I can't let him go' part." I smile dryly. "So far, none of my kisses have been like that."
"Mine were." Rory stops, his eyes looking out ahead. "Back in District 13, Prim and I…" His fists clench. "Maybe it was because we weren't sure what was going to happen from one day to the next…but they felt real."
"I didn't know Prim." My hands instinctively go to his to stop him from breaking skin. "But from what you've told me and what Katniss tells me whenever she can muster up the courage to, Prim was not the kind of person who would just kiss someone and not mean it."
"What if it never happens again?" he asks.
I shake my head. "One day it will and if all else fails, I'll give it a go."
Rory grins at me. "You'll take me on?"
"I never said that," I say. "I'm just realistic. I don't think that I'll ever have a kiss like Katniss and Peeta's from the cave. Love doesn't come in spades."
"You sound just like Katniss," Rory teases. "She was always saying she never wanted kids, especially when the Capitol was up and killing them for show. And she was still adamant after it was all over—took Peeta years to convince to her to have Aster." We stop and Rory helps me onto a rock overlooking the wide meadow before us. "My mom was there the day Aster was born. She told me as soon as she was in Katniss' arms, that resistance…that fear…just melted from her eyes."
"And you think one kiss will change my mind about love?"
Rory grins at me. "I don't know—but it doesn't mean that you shouldn't give a try."
"Hi, Mama!" I call out into the phone receiver. It's been forever since I've heard from her; my mother has been working tirelessly since returning from District 4. She is a supervisor in one of the orchard fields and it leaves her little time to catch up with me here in 12. "How is it going?"
"Same old, same old," she replies. "We miss you out here. I mean, Casey has been doing just fine taking care of the rest of the brood, but he can't make the roast and potatoes the way the younger ones want it!"
Casey is seventeen and should be focusing on school. Instead, he takes care of my younger siblings and takes a night shift at one of our production factories. As beautiful as it is in District 11, it doesn't come without hard work.
"They shouldn't be so picky," I admonish.
"How are Katniss and Peeta? Their little ones?" Mom asks curiously.
I bite back the need to roll my eyes; I am sure that she's been telling everyone that her oldest is living in the Mellark home, reaping the benefits of some Victors.
It is quite far from that.
Over time, I have come to realize that the rewards don't necessarily balance out the punishment of winning the Games. Wonderful as Katniss and Peeta are, they work hard to create a semblance of normalcy for themselves and Aster.
It can be a trial for both, but I have seen them work through moments of gripping table edges or counters, biting back tears at memories, and having nightmares that leave them both trembling in cold sweats.
And I am here to take Aster to my room when needed or bring one of them a glass of water or a cup of tea after a hard day.
In some ways, it's important to me that they live as normally as they can—because they've fought so hard.
"It's just fine. Katniss and Peeta are just a run-of-the-mill couple with a different kind of love story," I tell her. "Aster, their daughter, is just precious. It's almost time for the next one to come so we're just waiting."
"That sounds great," my mother replies. There's a long pause. "Sweetheart, Troy has been asking about you."
I grip the receiver at the sound of his name. "Oh yeah?"
"He's been asking if you're coming home," she continued carefully. "I don't know what happened between you two, but you've been connected since birth. His mother and I practically worked in the orchard side by side when we were having you both—"
"What are you saying, Mama?" I ask abruptly.
"In about a month, a job will open up here in 11," she tells me. "We miss you. I'm not trying to pressure you—I just want you to think about it." There's a sigh and I'm not sure if it's coming from me or Mom. "And, this whole thing with Troy—you have to make a decision, either way."
"I know," I reply. "I have to go. Aster is going to wake up from her nap soon."
"Alright, Rue." There's resignation in her tone. "Talk soon. I love you."
"Love you too, Mama." I hang up, biting back the need to sob or scream into the receiver.
I lied. Aster is already awake, sitting on the porch with her parents.
I feel bad for lying, but I'm not ready to face what I've left behind.
Stepping out onto the porch, I find Peeta and Katniss sitting on the swing seat. Across the way, Aster is sitting on Haymitch's lap as he plays a game of chess with Rory.
I sit down on the steps of the porch, leading to the courtyard. The sun is just beginning to set and I close my eyes to take in that last bit of orange warmth.
"You okay there?" Katniss asks. "Did your phone call go alright?"
"Yes." I let out a breath. "Just going through something similar to the whole Gale situation, if you know what I mean."
"So, you ran here," Peeta says.
It isn't a question and we both know it.
"I needed a change." I turn to them. "Troy has been my friend since birth; our mothers worked side by side while we were in their stomachs. So, I guess he always thought I belonged to him." I open my eyes, finding Rory looking at me, curiosity in his gaze. "I just want to belong to me. I'm not ready to just…give in."
"Woo!" Aster toddles over to me, perching herself in my lap. "Sing."
"Sing? What am I—your own personal songbird?" I tickle her and she giggles. "Well, if I'm going to be someone's songbird, I would love to be yours." Aster settles against me and I take in that wonderful smell of youth before deciding on a song—one that I heard when I was a child whenever my father came home from work when my mother still danced.
"Something in your eyes, makes me want to lose myself
Makes me want to lose myself, in your arms…"
I'm not much of a singer, but Aster nestles herself against me contently. Haymitch and Rory have paused their game to listen and though it should scare me, I feel light singing this song.
It reminds me of better times.
"If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done…"
"You're dancing with me, Katniss." Peeta helps her stand carefully. "I don't want our last dance to have been at Snow's Ball."
Katniss doesn't argue instead letting him lead her into the courtyard to dance along the fireflies.
As I watch them, they look lightyears away, wrapped up in nothing but each other.
"It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong…"
I close my eyes once more, rocking Aster against me. I fall into memories of warm fall nights and the smell of coffee on the stove. I can't even make a pot sometimes without wanting to burst into tears. It just evokes memories of a man who would drink coffee to stay up so he and my mother could have a conversation to themselves sans their six children.
"But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light…"
I open my eyes just as Katniss embraces Peeta and for a moment, I don't see them.
I see my mother and father dancing to their wedding song.
"Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much…"
I always told myself that I wouldn't settle for anything less than what they have. Seeing Katniss and Peeta with one another strengthens that resolve, nothing less than having someone look at me the way that they look at one another.
Like they've found home in one another.
I finish my song, and everyone applauds softly as Aster has fallen asleep in my arms.
"You're crying." I didn't even notice that Rory has found himself on the porch steps. He reaches forward to brush away the stray tear that managed to hit my cheek. "I never pegged you as the sentimental type."
"My parents used to dance to that song every night after us kids went to bed," I find myself admitting. "If I close my eyes, I can still picture them as I peeked behind my door. Then Dad was gone, and the music just stopped."
"Makes you wonder if love like that could even last forever," he says. "Or are we all just destined to muddle through half-lives and half-loves?"
"Half-lives and half-loves." I find myself almost laughing…or weeping. "If there was ever a more appropriate word for how my life is currently going."
"No." Rory shakes his head, gazing into my eyes until my skin tingles. "Someone like you could never do anything but live fully and love fully. You're just afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
"Afraid because you already know everything that you need to be happy."
The arrival of the fourth Mellark comes when the first leaf of autumn hits the ground. I am sitting in the kitchen with Katniss having a cup of tea; her stomach has reached its limit at this point and so has she.
"So, this…Troy…" She takes a sip and sighs in contentment. "What made you run away?"
I try to gather my words before responding, "I think he only really saw me as a woman when others started to notice." I smile crisply. "It bothered me, too—this ownership he thought he had—like I was just waiting for him to decide that he wanted me. Love shouldn't be an obligation; it should be an honor. In the end, all I want is for someone to look at me the way my father looked at my mother. Like Peeta looks at you."
"I understand," Katniss replies gently. "Sometimes, when you feel the world is falling apart around you, you tend to keep who and what you know close to you. Because it's just too scary to see what might be on the other side—" She suddenly grimaces before letting out a breath. "Just some stretching pain, nothing to worry about."
The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. "No, I think it's more." I help her up. "I'm going to help you up to bed and then call Peeta."
"You sure?" she asks doubtfully. "It didn't feel this way with Aster." Another gasp escapes her mouth. "Oh, that felt different."
"My mother had six children," I tell her. "No two births will feel ever feel the same."
Together, we make our way upstairs and into the master bedroom. I go to her wardrobe, taking out a nightgown, and handing it to her.
"Aster is still down for her nap," I inform her as I turn and give her privacy. "I'll check on her, call Peeta and Mrs. Hawthorne then come back. Is there anything you need while I'm downstairs?"
Katniss shakes her head as she gets into bed. "No, I'll be okay."
"I'll make you a sandwich and bring up some water," I tell her. "You'll need your strength."
She smiles gratefully. "You think of everything."
Peeta and arrive quickly. After a quick exam, it seems that Katniss has a long while to go. We all continue throughout the day as normal; Peeta bakes in the kitchen knowing that we will need sustenance throughout the next few days. Mrs. Hawthorne sits at Katniss' side knitting a swaddle blanket for the little one while I care for Aster.
Aster comes to visit her mother a few hours into the labor. She jumps onto the bed and nestles at her mother's side.
"Hello wuv," she says, her bright blue staring up at her mother.
"I'm bringing you a little brother or sister," Katniss informs her as she lets out a small exhale. "Will you be good for Daddy and Rue?"
Aster nods, her blue eyes solemn. "Yes, wuv."
There's a knock and Peeta emerges from behind the bedroom door. He places a kiss on his wife's forehead and gives her a bright smile.
"How are you doing, love?" he asks.
"Oh, you know the usual—trying to push your child into the world," Katniss answers with a small grin.
"Rory and Posy are downstairs," Peeta tells us before holding his arms out to Aster. "Why don't you come downstairs with me so you can have dinner?"
"I'll take her," Mrs. Hawthorne offers. "I want to check in with the kids, anyway." Going to Peeta, she offers her arms to Aster. "Come on honey, let's go."
"Thanks, Hazelle," Peeta tells her gratefully.
"No problem." Mrs. Hawthorne holds Aster protectively. "I sure miss them at this age."
They disappear into the hallway, leaving me with the couple.
Peeta looks to his wife. "How are you really feeling?"
"Like someone is grabbing my lady parts and just twisting away." Katniss grimaces. "Here comes another one…"
I immediately go to support her back. "Breathe out slowly."
Katniss clenches her teeth. "Oh, this feels intense." She looks between Peeta and me. "Someone distract me."
"Well, we got a new custom cake order—"
"No! Peeta, I love you, but I can't get excited about frosting the way you want me to," she tells him.
"I left District 11 because Troy proposed to me."
Peeta and Katniss turn to me in shock.
"Besides my Mom, you're the only other people who know," I continue quietly. "I sometimes go to lay out in a field near my home…it's my spot. One day, Troy was there and before I could even think, he was down on his knee."
"Then what?" Katniss asks.
I shake my head. "All I could think is…get the hell out of my field." I look between the couple. "Is that bad of me?"
Peeta shakes his head. "What was your other option? Just say yes to save his pride? No offense, but from what you've been telling Katniss, it doesn't seem like a match made out of love—but out of obligation."
"I just feel bad because…I don't want you to think that I came here to run away—even if it sounds like it," I explain. "The truth is that I never felt like I was more home than when I came to District 12. When I came to stay with you three…almost four, I started to feel like myself."
Katniss takes my hand, giving it a squeeze. "You do belong here."
Peeta covers her hand and grins at me. "This is your home now—if you want it to be."
I tried to hold back my tears, but my thank you still sounds a bit watery.
"Okay, Katniss…push!"
Mrs. Hawthorne stands at the edge of the bed, ready and waiting for the newest Mellark to arrive.
Night came and went as we can now see dawn coming in through the bedroom window. I put Aster down to sleep many hours ago while Posy, who volunteered to stay the night, stayed in the bed adjacent to her. I then took a quick nap when—at around three in the morning—Peeta roused me because Katniss was requesting my presence.
Currently, I am holding one of her legs while Peeta holds the other.
"I can't…I'm too tired…" Katniss is exhausted and delirious…tears and sweat intermingling her flushed face. She looks to Peeta. "I'm sorry…"
Peeta shakes his head. "There's nothing to be sorry about. You are tired and you've had no rest. I am a rotten husband getting you into this situation."
Katniss nods. "You kind of are!" Her face crumbles. "I want Prim."
We all go silent at her admission.
Because as much as we want to give her comfort, there is no way to get her sister back.
Tears fill my eyes thinking of the many occasions that I have wished for my father. I think of all the important moments that he won't be there for: my wedding…the birth of my children—
"You can pretend I'm Prim," I tell her softly. "Close your eyes and just imagine that you're gripping her hand…" Katniss looks to me, smoky eyes filled, before doing what I say. "And, just imagine what she would tell you at this very moment."
"She would say to suck it up. There are more important things to do right now," Katniss says.
I move closer to her ear. "Suck it up. There are more important things to do right now."
Katniss nods, eyes still closed. "Okay, I think I'm ready to push again."
"At the count of three," Mrs. Hawthorne begins. "One…two…three!"
Katniss bears down and it is a long, tense-filled moment as we wait to see if there is any progress—
A shrill cry breaks the moment.
"It's a boy." Mrs. Hawthorne grins before taking the little one and putting him on Katniss' chest. "Looks like he's got a little gold on him."
Katniss lets out a content sigh, her eyes on the sticky, little thing currently laying on her. "Hello there."
"We have a son," Peeta says in a thick voice. He kisses Katniss on the forehead. "Thank you, love."
"Always." Katniss then turns to me. "Thank you."
"It's my job," I tell her before wiping the tears from my eyes.
Stepping out into the hallway, I am surprised to discover Rory coming up the stairs.
"What are you doing here?" My voice is hoarse with exhaustion and I lean against the wall to keep my body up.
"I slept downstairs in the den," he explains sheepishly. "So, the baby is here?"
"A boy." I smile to myself. "Beautiful like the rest of his family and golden-haired like Pr—" I stop, struggling to suppress the emotion churning inside of me. "Why did you stay?"
Rory goes scarlet. "I stayed…for you."
I shake my head. "You stayed because you were helping Prim's family. I'm nothing but a glorified babysitter. Remember?"
I turn away so he won't see me cry over the dumbest reason in the world—I don't want to be Prim's substitute.
Suddenly, Rory crosses the space between us and pulls me into his arms.
"I came here for you." His hand reaches gently into the tangle that is my hair. "The person who cared for Prim—who loved her—was still just a boy. He will always love her in some way, but he had to grow up."
"And now?" I ask into his chest.
A wisp of a kiss brushes against my forehead. "The man holding you stayed for you."
I hold him closer to me, never wanting to leave this feeling of belonging—of home.
"Thank you for staying."
For now, this is the closest I can get to 'I love you'.
"Careful now," I instruct Aster as I help her hold her little brother. "He's still very fragile."
"Ohh…baby," Aster says in awe. The newborn in her arms let out a yawn and she giggles. "Hello, wuv!"
"I guess you've been dethroned," I tell Katniss with a laugh as I settle into the chair next to the bed. "Maybe she'll start calling you Mama now."
"I'll gladly relinquish the title," she replies, looking at the children by her side. "They look like they're going to be a handful."
"Aster is a spitfire in herself!" I look to the little girl who I've come to love like one of my siblings. "But she'll protect her little brother—like you protected Prim."
Katniss meets my eyes. "Listen, Peeta told me what you did before I had the baby. I was tired and I say things that I don't mean. When I had Aster, I asked to see my dad…"
"It's really not a problem," I say in what I hope is a light voice.
"It is because you're not Prim…she's gone," she says in a tight voice. "And because we all care for you, not just as some replacement Prim—but because you're you." Katniss places her hand over mine. "Peeta and I hope you will stay for the long haul. Aster needs you…so does Oak."
"I still can't believe you named him that," I tell her.
I jokingly told her and Peeta weeks ago that since they're into flower names for girls, they should look into tree names for a boy.
When they asked for an example, I gave them Oak—my father's middle name.
"It sounded right," Katniss responds with a wave of her hand. "Anyway, the point is we need you."
I settle back for a moment, taking in her words, before finally answering.
"May I make a phone call?"
Katniss' mouth widens in a grin. "Take all the time you need."
I leave the room, heading down the stairs, and go into the kitchen first to place the kettle onto the stove to heat some water and then take Katniss' favorite cup out of the cabinet. Making sure that Peeta's lunch is packed, I then head into the den where the telephone is.
Taking a deep breath, I reach for the receiver and dial.
The call is answered immediately.
"Hello, Mama."
We walk around the forest, steps steady as we head towards an unknown destination.
"So, you're staying?" Rory says, his eyes ahead.
I nod, letting the smile rise on my lips. "I'm staying."
He reaches, his hand taking mine, our fingers intertwining with ease. It feels right. "Now what?"
I stop and Rory follows suit turning to me.
My hand reaches to the nape of his neck, pulling him close enough so that I can push onto my tiptoes to press my lips to his. He pulls me closer and I sink into him, losing myself as we fall deep into the kiss.
Moments…hours later, we finally separate, breathless and grinning.
I take his hand once more.
"How about you show me the rest of our home?"
FIN.
This is different, but I enjoyed writing it.
I hoped you enjoyed reading it.
Song: "Feels Like Home"- Chantal Kreviazuk
Thank you again if you even got through this. Aster and Oak really appreciate it.
Please feel free to message me with any questions, comments, or requests.
Until the next story,
JLaLa