You'll Never See Daylight; If I'm Not Strong
Addison reconciles with Derek after he's pulled her girlfriend out of Elliot Bay.
"Meredith-"
Addison Montgomery's breath catches when she sees Meredith Grey cold and blue, lying lifeless on the table as Richard, Bailey, and Burke work on her.
"Don't do this-"
"Addison, we've got this," says Richard firmly.
"Have you tried-"
"Addison, you can't do this. We've got to do this," says Richard.
Addison begins rattling off suggestions as Richard tries to get her to leave the room. "Addison you can't do this, you've got to leave the room and let us do this-" says Richard.
"But-"
"Get her out of here," says Richard, his heart breaking for Addison as a nurse leads her out of the room. Addison collapses against the wall in the hallway, tears finally falling as she replays the image of Meredith freezing in the trauma room in front of her.
Silently, Derek approaches her, and sits down next to her.
Normally she'd yell, or push him away, but this time she just sits.
"I was there, and I'd seen her earlier but then I had a patient…" Derek says softly, as Addison continues to sob. "When I came back to check up on her, there was a child who I recognized from before, Meredith had been helping her to find her family. So I asked her where Meredith was, and she walked up to the edge of the pier, and she pointed straight out into the ocean."
Addison nods, not looking up at Derek yet.
"She kept looking over the bay as if she expected Meredith to come out at any moment, and that's when I jumped in. And I saw her, and she was sinking. She wasn't swimming, so I dove down deep, and I picked her up, and I swam and I swam, and I came up to the dock, and they got her into the ambulance. And we did CPR, and we came here."
Addison starts sobbing harder, and Derek reaches to comfort her, then pulls his hand back, and then he reaches out to Addison to comfort her again.
Derek places his hand gently on Addison's wrist, and Addison leans into him, and she cries.
"Is she gonna be okay?" Addison asks him.
"I don't know, I can't tell you that, I'm sorry," says Derek.
"Thanks, Derek," says Addison. "Thank you. For bringing her back."
Derek nods, and he sits there as long as Addison will let him, and Addison cries, and Derek cries a little bit too. And Mark joins them, and Addison and Derek let him. And they wait for a really long time.
They ask Derek to come in, to check on her brain function.
"How is she?" Addison leaps the moment the door opens.
"It's not good," Derek sighs.
"What!? I have to go in there," Addison flails.
"No, Addison. You're in no shape," says Mark.
Derek pushes past them to go talk to Meredith's friends.
"It's not good," he sighs. "You should maybe… Prepare yourselves…"
Addison hears him through the doorway, and her heart breaks in two.
It's two hours later when they've finally warmed her up to eighty-eight-nine degrees.
Alex is checking up on a Jane Doe patient he'd found at the docks.
Izzie is still optimistic.
Cristina keeps asking a million questions about Meredith's stats and numbers, until nobody answers her, and she goes to the dollar store.
George wants to be realistic, and doesn't want to sugarcoat things.
Addison stays by the wall, and Derek brings her a cup of hot chocolate, just like she likes it, and passes one to Mark, and has one himself. He says that Meredith's mother is in rough shape also, and Addison whimpers.
And then Cristina comes back with a bag of miscellaneous things she bought for 99 cents, and she decides that Addison needs something more comfortable to sit on, so she gives her a yellow dollar-store chair that has easter eggs and ducks on it.
They sit for a while, and Addison decides to go check up on Ellis Grey. She's still recovering from some earlier heart trauma, but Ellis still lights up to see her.
Addison starts worrying though.
"What if… What if it wasn't by accident," Addison sobs to Derek.
"You think- no, Addison you don't think she would do this on purpose," says Derek.
"But what if… She's a good swimmer. What if- and what if it's my fault," says Addison.
"Oh, no Addison. You do not get to break down, not while there's still hope… And it's definitely not your fault," says Derek. "She loves you. Meredith loves you."
"I love her," Addison sobs. "I really, really love her."
"I know," says Derek. "And I think she knows that, too."
Addison sits down outside Meredith's room for another while, then she goes to check on Ellis again. Ellis has a heart code, and then she doesn't recover. Addison runs the code for a long time, as the team runs the code on Meredith.
Ellis is gone, and Addison moves to sit outside of Meredith's room again.
She can't bring herself to look again, but Cristina can.
Cristina pushes past her, and she insists that they try a round of drugs again, one more time.
Just as her heart starts beating again, Addison walks into the room.
"She's breathing on her own?" Addison asks Bailey, trying her best to keep her voice steady.
"She is," says Bailey.
Addison breathes a sigh of relief. There's still more that could have gone wrong though.
"She's been down a long time. Do we know the brain function yet?"
Bailey shakes her head, and Addison sighs.
"We're giving her more time," Bailey nods, and she gives her and Cristina some space with Meredith.
Cristina stares at the foot of the bed, while Addison comes around to her head, and cradles it, caressing her hair.
She can feel Meredith's even breathing now, hear her heartbeats on the monitor. She can feel her skin warming up to its normal temperature.
"Ow-" a soft voice can be heard from Meredith.
"Did you say something!? Did you just speak," says Cristina, as she comes around the other side of Meredith's bed.
"Your brain works, all you need to do is form a word," says Cristina.
"Ouch," says Meredith, gritting her teeth together.
Both Addison and Cristina start sobbing tears of relief.
And then, Meredith opens her eyes, and Cristina blurts out that she's getting married to Burke like she's been wanting to all day.
Addison smiles, and squeezes her hand, as she says "you are the one person I wanted to tell. Thank you for not dying!"
Cristina and Meredith celebrate for a while, and then Cristina runs off to tell the other interns, and gives Meredith some space with her girlfriend.
"Meredith…" Addison trails off, hesitant to tell her some terrible news after all that she's been through.
"My mother's dead, isn't she?" says Meredith softly.
Addison nods, and Meredith tells her she thinks it's okay. She'll be okay.
Addison kneels by her bedside, and kisses her on the forehead until Meredith tries to move, and Addison tells her not to strain herself. And then Addison figures out Meredith wants her to be closer, so she crawls in bed next to Meredith, and takes her into her arms.
Outside the door, Derek is watching intently through the window, and Mark approaches him.
"So she's okay?" says Mark.
""Yeah," says Derek. "We never had that. He never felt that way about me," Derek sighs.
"But I did," Mark sighs. "I felt that way about you," he reaches over and squeezes Derek's hand.
Derek looks at him, and smiles, and squeezes Mark's hand back.
"I was in the water," says Meredith. "I was in the water, and it was so cold. And I was swimming, I was really swimming. I know how to swim, but then the water got colder. And deeper. And it got harder, and then I stopped. Just for a moment, I thought 'what's the point,' and I stopped fighting. And then when I tried fighting again, I couldn't get back… And then I guess I blacked out because the next thing I know… I was waking up here."
Addison sobs, and tucks Meredith closer to her chest.
"It wasn't because of you. I love you. I fought to come back because I love you, and I didn't wanna be without you," Meredith cries.
"I love you too," says Addison. "I love you, and I was so scared, and I'm so glad you're back," says Addison.
They stay like that for a long time, as Meredith chats about Burke and Cristina's engagement, and George's marriage to Callie, and Izzie missing Denny, and Alex deciding between plastics even though Mark can be hard to work with sometimes.
"I forgave Derek," says Addison.
"Yeah?" says Meredith, smiling.
"I was so angry at him for hurting you. I loved him once, or I thought I did. And I thought I'd never forgive him, and he saved you. He swam into the water, and he saved you… And I forgave him," says Addison.
"I'm glad," says Meredith. "I'm glad he saved me, and I'm glad you forgive him," Meredith smiles.
"Cristina brought you a Sudoku book," says Addison.
"Ooh, it's one of those nice 2$ ones," says Meredith. "Hah- she already started it," Meredith laughs.
They do a puzzle or two, until Addison tells Meredith it's time to go to sleep, and she stays with her.
"I love you," says Meredith.
I love you," says Addison.
Addison kisses Meredith goodnight, on her temple, and Meredith giggles as she tucks herself into Addison's shoulder, and falls asleep on her.
***** FIN