Billionaire Cockatoo
Summary: Reborn as a cockatoo she ended up becoming Tony Stark, bird. Whom happily troll people, tossed carrots at Steve Roger face, rat villains out and attempt to rip out Loki eyes. All in that order, while arriving home just in time for tea. (one-shot.) (OC-reborn as a bird.)
She was a human.
She was a woman.
Her hair was brown her eyes we're hazel. She had brown skin and liked pink nails. She was a human. She was a woman. She was not a bird with white feathers and odd yellow thing on top of her head, nor did she like this cage and she wasn't something you can trade for money.
She was a woman.
She was a human and yet deep down she knew she no longer was.
Somewhere along the lines of life and death she ended up born again as a bird and she supposed it could be worse she could've been a tree and gosh how dull would that be.
This did not stop herself from telling herself that she was a woman. She was human. She was a bird.
There it was again her mind correcting herself that she was a bird.
She was not a woman.
She was not a human.
Her hair was not brown her eyes we're not hazel. She did not have brown skin or like to paint her nails pink.
She was a bird with white feathers, a yellow crown and blue eyes.
She did not speak the human tongue she spoke odd loud, bird noses. She was trapped in a small cage hidden away in someone house with the other birds around her. She watched people pick them up one by one. Watched them go away while she was left alone.
"Mummy, mummy, look can we get that one."
"No, sweetie not a cockatoo."
She was left alone. One day she will get out though. One day she will live if not as a human again then at least a bird and yes, even though that's disgusting eating worms from the ground. She tried to think how reincarnation could be worse. After all, she could be a tree and that would be so dull.
She escaped of course.
Someone was going to buy her and she used that time to run it was odd running. She hadn't run since her last life being stuck in that small cage and her tiny legs, clearly, we're not meant for running, but she moved out of the way from the incoming neck and ignored the people cries.
She tried not to notice how her wings wanted to fly because in one life time she feared heights. Her wings took of anyway and of she goes, flying through the sky. She started to scream wanting to get down, but she didn't know how so now she was just flying and heading towards a city.
Maybe, escaping wasn't a good idea after all.
Obadiah is sorting through his stuff when he hears a loud wrack from outside. He turned and raised an eyebrow a large, white bird just smashed into the window and slowly going downwards. He thinks nothing of it and returned back to his paper work.
Little did he know that this one act would cause the bird to hate him for the rest of his life.
It's, Happy who finds it right outside of Stark tower. Maybe it is a bad idea because boss wasn't an animal person nor was, he a bird person, but the bird looked out of it and his shift was over. So, he picked it up and took it home only to find the bird gone the next morning.
Shrugging his shoulders, he got ready for work meeting his boss outside of the tower.
He tried not to notice that said bird sitting on boss head looking oddly proud and seemed to be trying to turn boss hair into a nest. Pepper noticed both made eye contact, but none of them moved. Maybe boss hadn't noticed?
"Do you ever get a feeling that something on your head and trying to turn it into a bird nest?"
Nobody answered.
"Nope," boss said. "Just me then. Because I swear there's something on my head. Maybe, I just drunk to much this morning."
Pepper attempted to shoo the bird of it fluttered her wings just jumping out of the way of boss hand that comb through his hair.
The bird landed back on the boss head looking far too smug. Pepper tried to shoo her away again only for the bird to stare. Boss looked oddly seriously and by the time he turned around to see Pepper trying to shoo what boss thought was himself away.
"Why are you telling me to shoo Pepper?" boss asked.
Happy tried to shoo the bird away now that boss wasn't looking at him while Pepper tried to explained.
Boss of course was a genius, so naturally his eyes looked above him, but the damn bird was gone by the time he did and no doubt Tony Stark thought Pepper Potts and Happy Hogan had lost their mind. All while there was some cockatoo out there laughing her head off.
Oh, yes, she knows that was Tony Stark and she knows she born into a world that wasn't hers, but really after being reborn as a bird only to find out fictional characters we're real was the less of her problems. She just wanted to have a bit of fun, by fun she didn't mean by being caught in a box the moment she landed on the ground, solid on the Black Market and shipped across the world.
She prayed that she didn't end up as Ivan, cockatoo because wouldn't that be a horror show. Finding out you're the villain pet bird. The same bad guy that tried to kill Tony Stark without a shirt and two fancy, golden whips. Nope, instead her wing was clipped and now she lived in the desert with a bunch of terrorists. And, hey look that's Yinsen.
She wanted to be with him because anyone was better then being with Mr. soon to be burnt face.
So, that's what Yinsen found himself with a bird.
Did she mention that caves we're not cockatoo friendly environment?
Tony Stark not only wakes up to a car battery keeping him alive, but he also wakes up to a white bird looming over him.
"Mr. Stark your awake."
"That's Yinsen," the bird said in broken English.
"I didn't think cockatoos lived in caves."
"They do not Mr. Stark," Yinsen said. "She was brought on the Black Market. Sadly, her wing is clipped and she cannot fly elsewhere."
There was a loud knock at the door and it's here where Tony learned that the men wanted him to build a weapon. He didn't of course as if he was going to listen to bunch of terrorists. Instead, he made something to keep his heart going and made a suit to break out.
His plan was to take Yinsen and the bird with him back to the state, but Yinsen died in the crossfire and while Tony Stark was ready to give them hell.
The bird had the same idea and attack with fury.
"Argh, my eyes."
The white bird would then attack every terrorist. They tried to gun down the bird, but she only moved out the way killing on of their own instead. Tony decided to use this time to flee so he did, taking the bird with him. The suit didn't go to far landing nearby, but it was enough for him to walk the rest of the way.
"So, do you have a name?" he asked the bird.
"Good Stark," the bird said.
That didn't answer Tony question.
Rhodey finds Tony in the desert with a very tired bird beside him. Rhodey didn't think Tony was an animal person, but the cockatoo made an exception.
The moment Tony got inside the plane he was given orders about water and mangos because of course, the bird wanted mangos. Rhodey didn't even know that cockatoo ate mangos.
"So, what's the bird, name?" Rhodey asked.
"We're working on it," Tony said. "Okay, birdbrain what do you want to be called?"
"Not, birdbrain don't have arrows."
This only left both men baffled.
"How about bird Jr?" Tony asked.
The bird huffed and looked towards Rhodey with hope in her eyes because apparently the bird lost hope in Tony for coming up with good names. Rhodey didn't blame her.
"How, about Lily?" Rhodey offered.
"No," the bird said.
"Hey, I was going to name her," Tony said sounding more like a hurt child.
Both Rhodey and the bird ignored him.
"Maven?"
"No."
"Den?"
"No."
"Star?"
"No."
"May?"
"No."
"June?"
"No."
Rhodey was running out of ideas.
"Stephine?"
"No."
"Jade?"
The bird didn't want to talk to him turning her back and huffing at him going back to Tony side and sitting on his shoulder.
"Crystal," Tony offered.
"Crystal good," the newly name cockatoo said.
And, thus that's how Tony Stark got a cockatoo by the name of Crystal.
Happy meets her again and he's pretty sure it's the same bird only now boss is keeping her. The bird got no cage, but a whole room set for herself and the first time Happy is looking after her the bird fly's out of the window. Because, yes, the bird was able to regrow her flight feathers out and now Happy had lost his boss, new pet.
He was so going to lose his job until later that day he found a USB in his hand with one of boss old weapons that was never allowed to be in the public hands. With a plot to kill his boss. So, with Crystal on his shoulder Happy deiced to do what all body guards would do in this situation.
"Boss, I think Mr. Stane is trying to kill you."
It turned out Obadiah was and the man was shortly arrest soon after.
It's during a court case where Crystal demanded to be inside, but they wouldn't let her in. Something about no birds allowed into buildings. So, she does what cockatoos do best be super annoying. She fly's outside of the window and makes a loud, horrible screeching nose.
"As I was saying Mr. Stark. Iron man is a dangerously weapon." Senator Stern was cut off again.
By the sound of Crystal making an awful sound that sounded as if she was an alarm clock. The court turned to frown at Crystal. All, but Tony who is not at all listening to any of them.
Crystal stopped screaming.
"As I was saying…"
Crystal started to scream again flapping her wings and pecking at the glass.
The court turned again.
Crystal stop screaming.
"As I was saying Mr. Stark."
Crystal screamed again.
"Oh, for crying out loud," a reporter said. "Just let the damn bird inside."
So, someone does the window open and she goes to fly over towards Tony landing on his shoulder and looking far to smug for anyone liking.
Tony Stark was the only one that was oddly proud.
Hammer didn't like this one bit. It was bad enough he had to get one bird for Ivan to do his job, but now he had two of them.
The other one he was sure was Tony Stark bird it had to be because she was just as annoying as Stark himself.
Only now, there are two cockatoos talking in broken English about who had the better human.
"My human better," Ivan bird said.
"No, my human better," Stark bird said.
"No, mine smarter."
"Nah, mine is."
"Mine. Is."
"No, mime is."
"Nah."
"Mine."
"No, mime."
"Mine got bigger brain."
"Yours have smaller brain."
Hammer wanted both of them dead and while he didn't care if Stark was going to kill him for killing of his bird. He was concerned about Ivan because when he went to kill Stark bird the man stopped him.
"Do not harm the creature."
Say, what you well about Ivan Vanko, but the man didn't like animal cruelty.
However, it turned out that Stark bird found Hammer for a reason because he and Vanko quickly found themselves in jail, soon after.
"You had to keep her alive didn't you," Hammer said to his now prison roommate.
Who would've thought that Tony Stark would actually listen to a cockatoo? At least, Hammer wasn't the only one in jail because a bird ratted him out. Turned out to be a pretty common occurrence.
When Tony Stark meets Phil, he isn't too sure what to think of the man who said he was not with the FBI or the CIA, but Crystal didn't seem to mind him. Instead, she happily sat on Phil head making a nest out of his hair.
"She likes you," Tony pointed out.
Phil raised an eyebrow.
"No, really she does. That's what she does to people she likes. It's, why Pepper doesn't like her too much because her hair often turns out like a bird's nest whenever the pair are in the same room."
Tony had learnt soon after his own godfather ended up in jail to pay attention to the people that Crystal liked or didn't like.
They said dogs are good at telling who to trust and who not to trust, so maybe it worked for the same with birds. He didn't know. He was never allowed to have an animal as a kid nor would he want one with Howard as a father. So, Crystal is the first animal that Tony Stark has and all of this is fairly new to him.
"So, who are you and what do you want."
"Debrief," Crystal said.
"What the bird said sir. I'm here to debrief you on about the incident with Afghanistan."
"Ah," Crystal said. "Watch out for Loki."
Tony, wonder how Crystal learnt that name because he's pretty sure Loki was a Norse God.
"You should take note," Tony said.
"Of, what?" the Agent asked.
"Of, what Crystal just said. Watch out for Loki."
He didn't have a problem with Phil, but he wasn't going to tell Phil anything so he lets the man go with Crystal on his head. He isn't too worried because he knows Crystal would come back. She always does.
"You do know that's a bird on your head," Clint pointed out the moment Phil arrived back empty handed.
"Yes, she won't come of."
"Why don't you?" Natasha stood back as the bird let out an awful demonic scream.
"That's why I hadn't removed her yet," Phil said unimpressed. He does not get pay enough for this.
"Is that Stark bird?" Agent Hill asked.
Naturally Agents would assume that the bird was Stark. They didn't know too many, billionaire that had pet birds, and allowed them out of their own tower knowing the bird would come back home intime for tea. Stark bird wasn't treated like a pet. She wasn't locked up in a cage or had her wings clipped. All she got was a ring around her leg and free to fly whenever she wished to even though most of the time, she seemed to think the place to be was Stark shoulder and only every now and again would she sit in some stranger hair. Or, call the cops on people for plotting Stark death which happened a lot and really the number is surprising on how many people ended up behind bars. Simply because a bird said so and Stark listened.
Tony Stark didn't actually listen to people in general, yet he was willing to listen to a cockatoo of all things who was now sitting in Phil hair. The worst part. If they did dare remove it and end up hurting Crystal. Not only would Iron man be trying to kill them, but Tony Stark would do everything in his power to make sure the place got burnt down in the process.
Which, is why Phil left a mental note about not killing or harming the bird even though she was currently giving everyone a headache. With her screaming that sounded as if a demon had just taken over her body.
"Who's making that awful sound?" Fury yelled coming from three rooms down.
Just like that Crystal seem to have sense something bad was going to happen because of she went. Flying out of the open room and leaving Agents to explained to Fury that yes, there really was a bird here and no Agent Phil was not having a bad hair day.
It's here where Agent Phil had come to the conclusion that Stark bird is a troll.
Natasha never got the job. She was meant to be working undercover, but somehow Crystal knew who she was and told Stark about it because of that Stark never allowed her anywhere near him.
She still ended up having to write down that report though.
Tony Stark qualified because if Tony Stark listened to a bird about who to trust and who not to trust. Surely, he would at least be willing to work with the team.
"Adopted of course," Thor added.
He's with the newly group of heroes now turned into a team slightly concerned about the bird on his shoulder whom is currently half asleep.
They've been talking about Loki next planned of attack when Stark bird flew in from out of nowhere and decided to make her home on Thor shoulder.
He isn't too sure what to think because she didn't look like a warrior animal and looked more like a house pet. She clearly well taken care of shown by the brightness in her feathers and he is still surprised that Man of Iron is the trainer.
"So, Loki has Clint brainwashed along with a lot of other people and nobody too sure what his aim gain is," Steve said. "Stark what are you doing?"
Man of Iron is currently very busy cutting up fruit. He even has a chopping board next to him with a knife in his hand dicing mango, carrots and nuts. There's also a bowl of water nearby with a perch behind him.
"Making lunch."
"For yourself?" Dr. Banner asked.
"No, for Crystal."
It's not a simple dish and looked more fit for a King, but Thor is just glad to see someone taking a great deal of pride in looking after a warrior bird. Clearly, that's what this bird is. Right? After all, why else would a cockatoo be in a room with a bunch of spies and Earth heroes.
"Crystal, lunch is ready."
The bird eyes open and she few towards Stark, landing on the table and started to eat the pumpkin seeds.
Fury strolled in glaring at the said bird eating food on his table.
"Stark, what have I said about your pet."
"She not a pet she Crystal."
"Stark."
"Relax one-eye she well trained."
She is for the most part not dropping any food on the table and keeping any mess away from anyone else. She even toilet train for she goes outside and returned soon after. Aside, from her throwing carrots in Captain America eyes. The great Captain ended up using his shield to block the incoming food all while Tony explained that she normally never wasted her food, nor use carrots as if they we're knives.
Soon Loki would have this worthless world all to himself.
"What do you want?" he sneered to find a white featherily thing standing in front of him.
He had just kicked out Tony Stark out of this tower who took of as Iron man and now this bird stood in his way. Then he recalled that Stark had a bird and while he hadn't brainwashed animals before he thinks to himself that he might give it ago.
Before he does the bird quickly attacked, pecking at his eyes and he's trying to throw it off. Only to have the bird fling his scepter to the side.
In a fit of anger, he flings the bird out the window, but of course it didn't kill the white featherily thing since she just flew back up.
"I am a God. You cannot not treat me in such a way."
The bird didn't care going for his eyes again, pulling his hair and he's pretty sure he has some scars now from a bird no less before he ended up on the floor.
By the time the Hulk arrived Crystal and him stare down one another before she happily landed on his shoulder and the Hulk moved on.
"Puny God."
And, thus that's how the Hulk and Crystal ended up becoming friends.
Iron man is falling.
Crystal is the first to go to him. She tried to stop his fall. Try to carry him in her talons, but it was no use. She was far too small and he was far too big. He was falling and she was flapping her wings desperately.
Don't fall.
Don't fall.
Don't fall.
No.
No.
No.
No.
She told herself as she tried to carry Iron man, but no such luck he's going to hit to the ground and die on impact all because she couldn't save him.
Then she felt something catching him. Not something, but someone. Someone caught Tony and she cheered landing on the ground as Iron man is place back onto the Earth by the Hulk, but Iron man isn't moving.
The team around them and she on his chest. She pecked at the Arc Reactor in hopes that it would turn back on, but nothing.
"Tony wake, up?" she asked Clint.
Clint didn't have an answer.
"Tony wake?" she asked Thor.
No answer.
"No, Tony wake up?" she said sadly.
No answer.
The Hulk roars the light turned on and she screamed in delight.
"Please, tell me nobody kiss me."
"Tony, wake up. Tony wake, up," she cheered.
By the time they arrived back up to the tower to see Loki. She pulled at the God long black hair.
"I'll go peacefully if you get this stupid bird away from me."
She got a mango for dinner later that night.
Years later, when Peter Parker meets Crystal the cockatoo. He's at midtown high sitting with Ned when a random white bird comes flying into the school building landing on his head.
"Um, dude," Ned said. "Isn't that Tony Stark bird?"
The bird followed him all day until Aunt May took him to see Tony Stark himself in hopes to do something about the bird that seemed to have adopted Peter out of the blue. Surely Mr. Stark would be worried about her. Peter just wasn't expecting to hear the words from Mr. Stark mouth.
"So, are you the Peter Parker I'm meant to turn into an intern?"
"How did you know my name Mr. Stark."
"Crystal told me before she decided to fly off to find you."
Peter just wanted to know how a bird new his name, but he got a feeling Tony Stark didn't know either.
At least the school believed him when he said he actually knew Mr. Stark because with Crystal following him like a lost puppy it was hard not to believe him. And, no Crystal don't use carrots as if they we're knives at Flash. Mr. Stark gave them to Peter to feed her with not to waste them.