Disclaimer – I do not own any of the characters in this story. I make no money from this fanfiction.
Hello! I have shipped this pair since the pilot episode back in 1999! Elliot coming back has struck a serious need to finally let them live out their happily ever after. I imagined things a little differently than how they're currently playing out, so this is only canon up until Law and Order: Organized Crime season one, episode three.
Warning – Lemons. NSFW.
Six months.
Six months was no time and an eternity all at once for Elliot Stabler. He found himself enjoying a long walk most nights in the quiet neighborhood once he'd finally found an apartment at a livable price. It was all much more expensive than he'd remembered it being years ago when he rented for awhile after his separation. The crisp air and reasonably quiet evening was doing wonders to his constantly whirling mind. He tried not to think of the cases on his desk, the persistent twinge in his left knee, his youngest son wanting to stay the entire summer with Kathy's parents in Rome, the fact that Olivia Benson had yet to respond to a single one of his text messages.
His wife had been his best friend, and was more so that than a wife the last few years. They'd worked hard at it until the very last moment, but the effort was often tiring and neither had truly let go of all the resentment. The move overseas had helped, but there were too many occasions where she asked him to be honest about communicating with his old partner. It would only escalate, fueling both his anger and her suspicions. But he was faithful. Sometimes his mind would wander to Olivia at the strangest times, yet he never had the guts to pull the trigger and call. He thought the damage was too severe.
Kathy often saw these moments of weakness and took them to mean he was hiding the communication, not his severe guilt. As much as he missed the companionship, he didn't realize how deep their tension ran until he was on his own. His son refused to stay with him after the first month, demanding to go back to where he last saw his mother. Elliot was rarely home again and knew he needed to do what was best for his son. He allowed Eli to go back to his grandparents, assuming he would be back the next year. When his son called about an accelerated program over the summer, how was he to deny him? There were moments he missed Rome, but the job was the only thing keeping up both households.
Elliot was just beginning to plan out his next call when he saw her. She was seated on his stoop, dressed in a pretty dark blue dress and black heels. The dress was knee length with inch wide straps, a modest v-neck showing off just a little cleavage. Her hair was longer than he was used to, messy curls framing her face. She had on makeup, the red painted on her lips making his insides flip a little. She smiled at him; the smile that he knew was so familiar and only for him. She just couldn't help it; the way his blue eyes pierced her soul without an ounce of effort clearly hadn't changed. She stood as he got closer and he returned the smile, unconsciously smoothing his plain black t-shirt and dark denim jeans.
"Liv," he said in way of greeting.
"Elliot," she responded, adjusting the small black clutch beneath her arm.
"I feel under dressed," he joked, gesturing to her outfit. "Hot date?"
"Actually, yes." She had to hold her laughter at his shocked expression. "I promised Rollins I would go on one last blind date before she stopped harassing me."
"Yet here you are," he pointed out.
"Yet here I am," she agreed. She sighed, as if irritated with herself. "I was halfway through dinner when I thought I saw you walk past. I couldn't stand hearing one more minute of why he no longer banks with Wideman Credit Union."
Elliot couldn't help but snort. "Everyone knows not to bank there."
She laughed and nodded her agreement. "I knew I needed to get out there right after he said it. What idiot banks there in the first place?"
He shook his head. "No one you should dating, that's for sure."
"Definitely not," she laughed.
There was a brief silence and he couldn't keep up the happy charade. "So what brought you here?"
"I wanted to see you."
"You haven't returned my calls or my texts," he reminded her gently. He held up a hand when she made to protest. "I don't blame you. I'm glad you're here; I'm just confused, Liv."
"I am, too, to be honest. I really had to deal with what happened and once I tried to talk about the letter and then in the car, it was a hard for me to reset again."
"I can't apologize enough for that. Do you want to talk about this upstairs?"
Their eyes held for a solid minute before she nodded almost imperceptibly. They didn't speak in the elevator on their way to the eighth floor, a heavy tension laying between them. Had she not already been aware, the moment the door opened, she would have known it was Elliot Stabler's apartment. Simple, clean, neat, minimal; only a black couch set in front of a flat screen mounted on the wall, a big white board with his latest case taking up a chunk of the dining room.
"It's not finished quite yet," he supplied, easily reading the amused look on her face, even after all this time. "Eli won't be back for awhile. He's staying in Rome for the foreseeable future."
The sympathetic look was enough to bring up a sting in the back of his sinuses. He busied himself starting a pot of coffee without asking, knowing her answer is always yes. He pulled down two mugs, spooning two sugars in hers and a little creamer, adding three to his and barely any creamer. She watched him, aware that he was distancing himself from her.
"When I read the letter, I wanted to hate you."
Elliot's hand paused on the handle of the pot. "I wouldn't blame you."
"Let me finish." He nodded but stayed silent. "I wanted to hate you so badly, Elliot. I wanted to burn it and forget it ever existed. It took me years to think that I move passed all of that. I was devastated when I read in that letter that you never moved past it. It killed me to realize that no matter what I told myself, I never really did either. I wanted to talk about this months ago."
"And I blew you off," he interjected, turning for the first time to face her, his heart breaking when he saw tears in her eyes. "Sorry, keep going."
"You did blow me off and then proceeded to tell me to back off. It took so much out of me to build the courage to show up here after all this time. You said how I changed your life for the better, how you could always trust me. I trusted you, Elliot. You broke my heart when you left."
Olivia took in a breath and wiped at her eyes, noticing that Elliot did the same, but mercifully stayed silent.
"You were everything to me, Elliot, and you just abandoned me like I was nothing to you. I know that I wasn't now, but it didn't feel like that. I understand that we had to tread lightly and mind our manners after you and Kathy got back together but I deserved better."
"Olivia."
"No, you got to drop a bomb in my hand of how wounded you were to have left. You got to tell me I mean the world to you while telling me to screw off. You can take my pain, too." She raked her fingers through her hair and composed herself as best she could. "I wanted to be here for you but you chose to ignore me. When I was out to dinner tonight and I thought I saw you, I wanted nothing more than to run and speak to you. That's what I've missed the most, just talking to you."
"I'm here now," he said, his voice barely over a whisper, his arms rising and falling in surrender. "I'm not running this time, Liv."
"How do I know that's the truth?" she breathed out.
"With Kathy's death came a lot of self-reflection. I already knew I screwed up by not talking to you when I left. I told you before, I was scared that if I saw you, if I even heard your voice, I wouldn't have been able to do it. It was the only thing I could do to keep my family together at the time. I still wonder if it was worth it."
Olivia couldn't stop the surprised look. "But you and Kathy worked things out."
He scoffed. "As best we could to keep the kids from seeing we were just two people sleeping in the same room most of the time. But that doesn't matter anymore. We did love each other and there's no reason to tarnish what memories people have by diminishing it."
She nodded her understanding. This wasn't something new to her.
"I meant what I said in that letter. I regret not being there for you through everything. I've thought about you every single day since the day I put in my papers."
"I've thought about you every single day, too, Elliot. You were the majority of my life. I never thought I would go through life without you. I made captain, there's almost a whole new squad, I have a son now."
"I never imagined I wouldn't be here for it either, Liv. I didn't want to go back on my decision and by the time I was settled into it, I was too scared to call. But I don't think you would have done all this with me there."
"Excuse me?" she asked incredulously.
"Let's be real for just a minute. We were too close. You know it, I know it, the entire world knows it. You would not have moved up or out with me still there. We'd been dancing with each other way too long for you to willingly change the song."
"You did it for me then," she shot back, only proving his point. She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts.
"At the time, no, it wasn't for you," he conceded.
"Where were you when I was kidnapped and held hostage?" she asked, her voice raising and thick with emotion. "Where were you when I was going through PTSD completely alone? Where were you when I gained custody of Noah? Where were you when he said a bad word and I didn't have anyone to turn to on how to reverse that? Where were you when I needed to know what questions to ask the schools before I chose one? Where were you, Elliot?"
"Being a coward," he yelled back. He made no move to wipe the tears that were now flowing freely down his red cheeks. "I was tucking my tail between my legs and trying to keep my family together!"
"I was your damn family, too!" she yelled, throwing her hands up in the air.
"You meant more to me than anyone, too, Olivia," he confessed suddenly, unable to bear the burden alone any longer. "That's my greatest secret. I couldn't keep having you mean more to me than anyone. My wife, my kids, were suddenly secondary and I could not live with myself. I didn't see it because I didn't want to admit it. It took going to that ridiculous counseling to truly come to terms with it."
She stared at him for an immeasurable amount of time, trying to understand what he was saying. It all made sense, but they had never crossed the line they knew they had already stretched way too thin. Yet here he was, telling her his feelings had matched hers. His marriage had been in jeopardy because of their connection. His relationship with his children had been on the line. What would she have done if it was for Noah?
"I understand now," she said gently. "If I thought I was losing my connection with Noah, I would do anything to fix it, including leaving my job and my friends without looking back."
"You were more to me than that," he admitted. "I think you know that, though."
"I do now. I never thought that it ran as deep for you, but I believe what you're saying."
"I felt so lost." He ran a hand over his face. "I felt like a huge piece of me was missing. I think I faked being alright for almost three years after. I could feel our connection severing and it was extremely depressing."
She nodded her understanding. "Cragen actually told me I needed to clean out your desk and stop keeping as a shrine." They both smiled at the image. "It's nice to know I wasn't the only one going through it."
"I never really came out of it," he said with a sigh. "It was so natural seeing you again. I felt like no time had passed at all."
"There was a certain disconnect for me at first but somehow we fell right back in even if I wasn't mentally ready to. I was really hurt and all of that came back, too."
"I could feel it and I think I pushed too hard and then pulled back completely."
"You fell back into what was normal for you." At his raised eyebrow she added, "Work."
His eyebrows rose and fell. "You're right. I buried myself in avenging Kathy's death. I felt like I owed her that. But in actuality, I did the thing she hated the most. I alienated myself from the people who I needed the most. I didn't even really mourn until a month or two later. I got help, like I told you I would. I go every Monday and Thursday still. It's helped a lot."
"I hold guilt over that," she admitted. "I feel like I should have been here for you. Even over a decade later, you're still my best friend and I haven't been here to support you going through the process."
"I appreciate that. I thought it was going to be a lot harder, to be honest. I almost wish it was. I feel like I'm a terrible husband for not mourning her longer or deeper or something. It's not easy by any stretch but it's almost like we disconnected so much over the years that I've somehow been mourning the end of us for a very long time."
There. He said it out loud. He was terrified Olivia would be disgusted with him. That she would say he was a monster for feeling that way. But all she did was smile a sad smiled and nod slowly.
"I watched you go through that before. We walked it together and I watched a certain part of you close off."
"You've always understood me," he said with a chuckle. "Even when I couldn't figure myself out, you could."
"What are partners for?" she asked, smiling.
"Thank you for coming tonight," he said sincerely. "I needed this. We needed this."
"I agree. I wish it would have been sooner but I think we both needed to heal a little on our own and get over some of the hurt we caused each other and ourselves."
"Do you think we can ever come back from this?"
The emotion was back in his eyes, in his voice and she felt it overcome her as well. "I want to."
"But can we?" She chewed on the corner of her bottom lip, trying to find the right words, but he found them first. "I guess we have to ask ourselves if we want to live without each other again. I can't keep going back and forth anymore. My soul can't take another hit."
"Mine can't either. I don't think we can keep going in circles. It isn't healthy."
"I don't know if I can be without you again." His voice was soft, almost as if he didn't mean for her to hear. "I hated being without you. Did you feel the same?"
"I really missed you, Elliot."
"I really missed you, too, Olivia."
Elliot couldn't take it anymore. He crossed the room, the coffee forgotten, his arms opening for her. She all but threw herself into his strong embrace, her arms wrapping around his neck as he enveloped her. His face buried in her hair, her scent still familiar over ten years later.
"I'm so sorry," he murmured.
"I forgive you," she whispered. "I'm sorry for ignoring you when I know you needed me."
"I deserved it."
"You didn't."
"You're here now," he pointed out. "I promise you that I will never leave like that again. I want to regain your trust. I'm willing to work at it if you are."
It seemed like hours before he felt her nod. "I am."
It had happened just like this only once before. The hug was long – too long to be considered normal between two platonic friends. Elliot's cheek brushed hers, her heels making them the same height. His nose skirted along until it found the side of hers, their foreheads pressing together. Their lips mere milometers apart now and Olivia realized how in sync they truly were in that moment, their warm breath meeting and mingling in the limited space between them. This had been the moment over a decade ago that he had pulled away and saved them from the point of no return. History would not be repeating itself again.
Elliot's lips hovered over Olivia's, a war waging in his mind and heart. The tightening of her hands on his shoulders broke the dam he'd set in place twenty-four years ago into a thousand tiny pieces and he made his choice. Her knees buckled and her throat made a strangled sound as his lips finally – finally – pressed into hers. She took a large breath in through her nose and it came out as a huff when he pulled her body tightly against his own. Their chests rose and fell together, their hips pressing in and their legs tangling perfectly in order to twine themselves as close as possible while standing.
Her arms went fully around his neck, desperately holding him in place. As if knowing, her lips parted at the exact moment he made to deepen the kiss and this was not lost on him. The electricity that exploded at their lips meeting was nothing compared to when his tongue stroked against hers. Elliot's hands roamed her back, his elbows still tight against her sides, his palms tingling against the fabric of her dress. He kissed her senseless, the sensations running through her stomach something of books and movies.
Olivia could feel his shoulders tensing and knew his mind was catching up with his actions. Her hands went to his face, having imagined this moment since almost the day they'd met. She had tried for decades to ignore how no man ever compared to him. She found men like him, the total opposite of him, somewhere in between, but none matched the feeling coursing through her veins. It was familiar yet exhilarating. It terrified her that she felt the one thing she never felt with any other man – home.
Elliot held on for dear life, his world shattering and coming together all at the same time. His confessionals typically consisted of the obscene thoughts about the woman whose tongue was currently in his mouth. He was surprised Father Gregory could still look him in the eyes at the handful of mass services he attended a year. His skin felt like someone had set a torch to him and he didn't know how much longer he could just kiss her. She seemed to feel the same, her knee hitching up and getting dangerously close to the apex of his thighs.
"Liv," he huffed up between deep kisses. She shook her head as if to tell him talking was pointless. "Olivia."
She stepped back as if he'd pushed her, reality slamming into her like a ton of bricks. Her hand came up and covered her swollen lips. Their eyes locked – blue to brown – both of them searching for unspoken answers. Elliot shook his head and shrugged, truly at a loss for words.
"I can't say I'm sorry because I'm not," she said from behind her hand.
His entire face shifted into a pleasantly surprised expression. "I would have to agree with that, actually. Why did you step away?"
"I'm taking advantage of you. I'm walking in here when we're both vulnerable and you're grieving."
He took a deep breath, taking the time to let it out through his nose before responding. "I'm never going to be fully over Kathy dying but I've had time to work through a lot of it." He hesitated for only a moment, the desperation in her eyes driving him onward. "But I also never got over the women I fell in love with over twenty years ago."
And then there it was.
Just like that, he broke the silent but necessary-at-the-time code they'd had. Anyone with a pair of eyes and half a brain knew Olivia had fallen for Elliot the first month they we're partnered, him not long after, but never in her wildest dreams did she think it would ever be out in the open. Tears filled her eyes quickly, the amount of emotion behind those words told her he meant them and then some.
"I never got over the man I fell in love with over twenty years ago, either."
He opened his arms to her for a second time and there was no hesitation in her walking into them, allowing him to pull her into another drugging kiss. He brushed her hair behind her ear, cupping her face tenderly, committing to memory the feel of her skin beneath the pads of his thumbs. He could feel her laugh lines, the lines by her eyes that hadn't been so prominent before. He found her aging gracefully extremely sexy. He knew he hadn't gotten any younger either, but she seemed to be interested all the same, her hands playing with the hem of his shirt.
"Go ahead," he murmured against her lips, his arms reaching to he ceiling.
Olivia hesitated for only a moment, teetering on whether or not to keep it at just kissing. His tongue swiped along her bottom lip and his shirt was over his head before he knew it. Her hands were like torches against his already heated skin as they immediately fell to his chest. Oh how she imagined what those pecks would feel like beneath her palms. It was unsurprisingly even better, his muscles tensing before relaxing.
She heard the zipper of her dress just before the cool air of his apartment washed over her now-bare back. She allowed him to pull the straps of her dress down her arms, tugging a little at the fabric to get it over her hips before it pooled around her feet. They had matching moans at skin meeting skin. He wasn't prepared for her to be without a bra, her full breasts pressing against his chest. Her hands reached for his pants but he grabbed her wrists.
"Not here," he gasped, feeling suddenly lightheaded.
She gave him a confused look but realized quickly he meant to move the party elsewhere. He tugged gently at her wrists, making and maintaining eye contact as he walked backwards down a very short hallway to the one bedroom of the apartment. It felt like a dozen things were silently passed between them, their connection back in full force. The love for her was set deep within his sea colored eyes and she wanted nothing more than to stare at him for hours.
The backs of his knees hit the bed and he paused, allowing her to finish the task of undressing him. Only once his pants hit the floor did he allow himself to look away from her eyes and to the glorious body before him. She was all curves and soft lines, a perfect opposite to his hard muscle and defined lines. There had been a case where he saw her in her underwear but it still didn't prepare him to see her in nothing but a pair of plain black panties.
"Liv," he breathed out, pushing her back to take her in her long neck, her feminine collarbone, the roundness of her breasts, her sturdy hips and down to her long legs. She was unabashedly looking back, drinking in his strong shoulders, the planes of his muscular chest and stomach. She swallowed when she noticed his black briefs were barely containing his desire for her. She licked her lips, his thighs making her knees weak.
Olivia made the first move, backing out of his grasp and unceremoniously pulling the last garment she was wearing down her legs and stepping out of them. She waited until he did the same, their eyes never wavering from the others. She sat on the edge of the bed, popping off her heels before sliding back. He kicked off his shoes and stepping out the clothes around his feet. He followed her path onto the bed, his body covering hers as they settled into the middle. He hummed in delight, his hips resting perfectly between her thighs, her knees on either side of him. He kissed her again, slowly and with a purpose.
In almost every fantasy, this was the way it happened. Elliot on top of her, dominant yet gentle somehow. His torso was heavy against hers, but not too much so. He exuded a serious manly strength, made even more pronounced by his arm sneaking beneath her and adjusting her hips without any real effort. He draped himself over her, one arm to the side of her head barely holding his shoulders and head up, enjoying the feel of her skin beneath him. She had never been fragile to him, but she suddenly felt extraordinarily feminine.
Elliot pulled back slightly, using his free hand to brush the hair from her forehead and look into her eyes. He searched them, seeking permission. They both knew this was the true point of no return. He wondered if she understood the gravity of it to him. The way her chocolate eyes glossed over as they continued staring at one another told him maybe – just maybe – she did.
"Elliot."
His eyes fluttered at how intimately she spoke his name.
"I've never been with another woman, Liv." He breathed out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. "I've wanted you for so long but I never..."
She silenced him, her chin tilting up and capturing his lips. Her hands smoothed down his bare back, loving the way goosebumps rose up in her wake. His shoulders relaxed beneath her gentle massaging, his body and mind following suit. He rested his forehead against hers, allowing their breathing to synchronize, his heart calming enough to pull himself together. His lips whispered over hers.
"You're the only other person I've ever loved."
"I got you," she assured him, her fingertips still kneading his shoulder blades. "I've never loved someone the way I do you, Elliot."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
A relief swept through him, knowing he wasn't alone in his feelings allowing him to return his attention to fact she was naked beneath him. He stroked her cheek, kissing her deeply before ducking to her neck, his lips and tongue doing wonders to the sensitive skin below her ear. His fingertips traveled over her breast, down her stomach, crested the curve of her hip and wedged between them. He made eye contact again, his eyebrows raising ever so slightly. She nodded and gasped as he rubbed the head of his arousal between her folds.
Elliot moaned upon entering her, her wet walls welcoming him like a tight, warm glove. Her eyes rolled back, the way he stretched her something she'd never experienced before. He paused fully seated within her, relishing the way her she rhythmically clenched around him. They stayed like that for a few minutes, instead allowing their hands to explore each other as they both adjusted to accommodate the other. She didn't think it could get any better. But then he moved and proceeded to light her world on fire.
He took her slowly, methodically; purposefully taking his time in order to feel every single centimeter of her. It was a steady uphill climb that quickly reached a precipice when Olivia's feet found the back of Elliot's thighs. He moaned and his hips snapped a little rougher than he meant to, but the gasp in response broke something in him. He no longer held back, quickening his pace, sliding in and out of her yielding core.
"Yes," she cried, tilting her hips up and meeting him thrust for thrust. "So close."
While he was not a talker in bed, her voice spurred him on and he found himself rising up for better leverage. Part of him worried about bruising her inner thighs, part of him secretly wanted it. She loved every second it, her eyes locking on his, the way he was losing control with her pushing her clear off the cliff into bliss. Elliot felt her tense just before she called out his name, her back bowing and her legs shaking against his hips. He stroked her deep and hard, clenching his jaw in order to try and make it through her entire orgasm.
It was a losing battle, Olivia's fingernails digging into his back, her heels pressing into his thighs. He groaned, burying his face into her neck as he came deeply within her. She held him as he shook on top of her, both of them shocked by how powerful their releases were. He stayed there for an immeasurable amount of time, only moving once he was completely flaccid and slipped from her warmth. He kissed her languidly, never wanting the leave the bubble they had created. He could feel her skin getting cold beneath him and it pulled him back to reality.
"Let me grab you a towel."
Olivia nodded but pulled him in for another kiss before reluctantly dropping her arms and legs back to the bed. He gave her a sweet smile and went to the bathroom for a clean towel. He tossed it to her and went back in the bathroom, allowing her the dignity to clean herself off without him staring at her. He was surprised to see her at the door as he was coming back out.
"I'll only be a second," she said, grabbing his hand and pulling him from the bathroom before stepping inside and closing the door behind her.
He shook his head and laughed, surprised by how the whole situation wasn't awkward at all. He cleaned himself up, choosing to stay naked and slide beneath the navy blue sheets and comforter. They shared a smile when she came out, padding across the hardwood floors to other side of the bed. He was pleased when she hopped in without putting anything on. She leaned toward him and he met her halfway, his hand coming up and cradling her face as he kissed her.
"Hi," he whispered, pulling back.
"Hi to you," she giggled, feeling like a teenager.
Olivia tucked herself into Elliot's side, allowing him to wrap his arm around her and pull her tight against him. He kissed her forehead, lingering for a moment to smell her hair. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, wondering when she was going to wake up. Over time they slowly made their way further down the bed and under the covers. Elliot turned to his side, loving the way she accommodated him, her legs tangling with his beneath the sheets.
"Thank you that. You felt...amazing," he murmured with a chuckle. "I don't think I ever imagined it being like that."
She looked surprised. "How did you imagine it being?" she asked, curious.
He shrugged. "Amazing, wonderful. Still didn't compare."
"You've really imagined this before?"
"More than I ever care to admit. What about you?"
"Same," she agreed.
"Was it comparable?" She shook her head. "Better or worse?"
"Way better," she said quickly. "I never imagined you being as into it as me."
"I guess I can understand that. Maybe that's why it was so different for me, too. I always felt a certain level of tension between us, but I wasn't prepared for how explosive it would be."
"Well, that was almost twenty-five years in the making," she pointed out, her fingers drawing random patterns on his arm that was draped around her.
"That is very true. It's crazy to me how much chemistry we still have. It's been a really hard few months but being with you makes everything fall away."
Her face fell a little. "El, I don't want to just be an out from reality."
He cut her off. "I know what you're going to say. I didn't mean it like that. I just mean that not everything seems so blurry now. I've been working hard on moving past things and I have as much as I can but everything has been a little dull. I'm not doing much other than working and counseling. I barely even see the kids since they're spread out with families. I don't feel so..."
"Alone?" she supplied, nodding her understanding. "I get it and I think I'll grow to feel that, too. I can't lie, Elliot, I'm still a little guarded, but I feel a major shift."
"I want to earn your trust back. We both still have jobs and you have a son you're raising, but I want to continue this."
"What exactly is this?" she asked, her voice wavering, nervous of his answer.
"I see this as a forever kind of thing," he explained, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I'm a lot of things, Liv, but a serial dater, or one night stand kind of guy, I am not. I don't want anyone else. I don't want to let this die before we even get a real chance to start. I want you, all of you, for as long as you'll have me."
"And Noah?" she asked, tears building in her eyes.
He kissed her gently and tucked her hair behind her ear. "I know you can do it perfectly on your own, but I would raise Noah like I did all my other children if you'd allow me. I don't expect it to be an easy and fast transition but that, for me, would be the goal."
"I would trust you with Noah's life. I do think that giving us some time to get reacquainted would be ideal, though."
"We will go at your pace. I think it's important to set some ground rules and some goals."
Olivia smiled. "You have some goals already in mind?"
"My personal ones are to show you I can be mindful of having time. Being available to you. Being able to cut out work and not just be a cop all the time. I want to be a man and a woman in a relationship, in a real partnership."
"I love the way that sounds," she said with a dreamy sigh. "I need to work on that, too. Noah has helped me with that a lot but I haven't really found a healthy balance with romantic interests."
"I heard about Tucker. I'm sorry to hear he passed."
"I was worried about telling you," she admitted.
He gave a noncommittal shrug. "I get it. People change. We can all change. I was a little weird about it at first, but I can't fault him for it."
She laughed and rolled her eyes. "I'm happy to be where I'm at now."
"Me too." He closed his eyes for a few minutes, slowing his brain in order to enjoy the time together. He opened his eyes to find her watching him.
"You're different," she said. "It's a good different."
"I told you, I'm working on it. Being alone for months on end really puts your life into perspective. I'm grateful you're here now. I don't think we would have had the same outcome a few months ago."
"I like this new Elliot."
"I do, too. I've been taking time to really focus on what matters. I even looked into early retirement."
Olivia reeled back. "What?"
"I want to be able to enjoy my life, enjoy my kids and eventual grandchildren. I've been so busy serving that I haven't taken time truly appreciate life. I want – no, need – to that at this point in my life. Don't you want that? Don't you want to take Noah on vacation without worrying about a case? Go to dinner and not have to cut it short? Live without looking over your shoulder?"
She found herself nodding. "It's gotten a lot worse the last few years. I've been really feeling a pull to back away from my position. It's been a struggle to show up and lead people every day. The cases are getting harder yet easier and that scares me. I never wanted to get used to someone being raped or murdered."
"Make me a promise, right now. Promise me that in the next year we'll both take a week off and go somewhere together. You can bring Noah, I'll invite the kids. We'll go to a beach somewhere and just relax."
The excitement in his eyes was reflected in hers. "I can promise that. If we are still good, within the year we will find and take the time off to do that." He kissed her soundly. "Speaking of...are you going to tell the kids?"
"Of course. They all are almost adults now and I have no shame in us." He smiled crookedly. "I'm proud to say that we'll be giving things a shot."
"Then I'll be honest with Noah and tell him I'm seeing you. He's old enough to be aware, but I still would like some time before we really start merging our lives in regards to him."
"Do you have a general timeline?"
Olivia knew he was simply asking and not being pushy. "Maybe a month?" she threw out. "We can reassess after that?"
He smiled. "A month is much short than I thought, so I will definitely take it. Whatever pace you're comfortable with."
"I really appreciate that. I'd like to at least see you a few nights a week. Noah has a lot of activities this month and he has a sitter that stays over on weekends because I'm on call. Do you think we could work out a schedule?"
"Of course. I'm on call every day right now but I can request a little bit of time because I haven't taken a single day since Kathy's funeral."
"Can we figure it out tomorrow?" she asked, stifling a yawn.
"Only if you let me take you to breakfast," he offered, sneaking a quick kiss.
She nodded and settled into her pillow, her eyes getting heavy. "I'd love that."
"Liv." Her eyes opened and she smiled at him. "I love you."
She reached up and stroked his cheek, her face turning as serious as his. "I love you."
Elliot kissed her slowly, deepening it for moment before pulling back. They shared a long look before he reached back and turned off the light. Olivia snuggled into him, allowing him to pull her tight against him. He heard her breathing even out almost immediately. He smiled, allowing himself to drift off with her, knowing that when he woke in the morning, his reality would be even better than his dreams.
A/N – Thank you so much for reading! Please be sure to leave a review!