"I had many thing to say, but I could not", he said.
He... the blue eyed person of my life.
Being a rough and tough, disciplined CID officer, I preferred silence and discipline all over in my life. But he was different. From Day 1, I found that he had a habit of being over talkative, it was rather irritating, but I liked it!
No doubt I used to love him, but I could not express. During our free time or personal meetings, it was he who used to talk all the time. I just used to keep watching him silently. His qualities did not match with mine nor he was the person of my taste. But our turning was done perfectly! Perhaps we used to complete each other.
His over talkative attitude, I agree, was a matter of displeasure for me, especially during duty hours. Many times, I felt, he talked unnecessarily. He just loved pattering! Even in my absence in our house, his habit of talking did not cease. He talked to our neighbours, our helping hands, and even to the plants of our balcony garden and the bird coming there.
I could not understand how a person could speak so much! Did not his mouth or tongue hurt? Sometimes I really used to get irritated by his continuous talking near my ears, especially when I was busy in some works and he was free. I really used to pray sometimes to the Almighty to stop his talking. He was indeed beautiful, both externally and internally, but his over talking habit was certainly a bad stain of his character.
After I got promotion to higher rank, our free time got decreased. I really could not find out necessary time for him. He used to wait. He used to wait for me to return home so that we could spend some moments together, but time is the thing I lacked in my life. I had steps of success laid open in front of me... how could have I wasted a single moment? I Must Reach The Topmost Step!
I did not notice when he stopped talking unnecessarily with me. We did not share much words unofficially, for I had no free time left outside bureau, but the time we spend together in the house for dinner or breakfast, was turning into a silent one. He did not talk much with me. If I had asked him something, his answers were turning more and more short and inattentive day by day. But when deep dark circles had began to form under those beautiful eyes, I had noticed. I told him to visit a doctor, he had replied, "I don't need a doctor, I just need a..."
Rest words were left unspoken. I could see him getting tired more and more day by day. I felt bad for him but what I could I do? I did not have any free time.
But this grief or better to say this depression could not affect his talking habit much. Though he did not speak much with me anymore, he just kept talking randomly. Sometimes he used to speak even himself. I was left amazed! How could anyone love speaking this much? Those words literally had no meanings at all! They were just randomly spoken words! Just meaningless!
Then came the dark phase of epidemic. We could not stay at home, we too were frontline warriors! We too came to road to stop people from gathering, though it was not CID's duty. But it was our responsibility towards humanity, we could not stop ourselves. But it was perhaps the greatest mistake we did!
He too tested positive for COVID- 19. I, though being negative, was supposed to stay in home isolation. He was admitted in hospital and after two days, he badly needed oxygen support. But where the hell was that oxygen cylinder?
The department had managed to arrange one for him, but he had refused to take it. Rather he told it to give it to the little girl admitted in the adjacent bed of him. The girl survived but he...
I could not see his dead body. It was sealed in coffin. And I was in home isolation. His corpse was not given to us. The government had made arrangements of his corpse like the others. It was nothing more than a dead body for the government but for me...? He was just a mere number added in the list of the infected and dead people of the country, for the government, but only I knew what I had lost.
I had heard his last words from a nurse. He said, "I had many thing to say, but I could not."
The dreadful period of epidemic passed away after taking many lives, after destroying many lives. The life was getting back into its tracks slowly. But for me?
When I return to house every night after a long hectic day, I found the house to be dark, empty and silent. None was there. None waited for me. None spoke with me. It was just a deep, solid and dark silence prevailing inside the house. Nobody else was there.
I could see the plants of our balcony garden was drying slowly. It was not that I did not care them anymore, I watered them regularly. But they were getting dried gradually. Perhaps they too could understand that something was missing. The rhythm had broken somewhere. Perhaps I am unable to give them that love, which they were habituated with. After all I could not talk with them. I did not know how to do so.
Now I had no steps of success lying ahead me to climb up. What waited for me, was nothing but solitude! My soul was missing somewhere. Nowadays nobody disturbed me when I am busy, nobody fought with me for the remote while watching TV, nobody wished me "happy birthday" sharp at 12 AM and nobody prepared a birthday cake for me with that much love and care.
The thing I missed the most was that continuous talking near my ears. I really had not understood when I had got habituated with that talking in these years. Previously I used to desire for this silence in this house, but when I achieved that l badly needed that talking around me! This ever desired silence was like a venom for me now! Could anybody of you bring me back that talking? I just needed it in my life to be alive!
I felt a deep ball of pain was rising across my throat while my eyes were burning. I could still heard whispers near my ears in that ever known voice, but I knew that it was nothing but an illusion. I knew he could not be there. But...
I covered my mouth with my palms. I could not. I should not. I must not. But a sharp scream was climbing upwards through my throat!
A deep dark silence for a moment!
For a moment more!
Then the whole house echoed with a sharp scream as, "Is there anyone? Someone please speak with me. I just can't tolerate this silence. Someone please speak with me. Someone please say something. IS THERE ANYONE?"
I was lying there on the floor silently. Thin streams of tears were rolling down from my eyes. Can anyone please bring that talking back to me? I am ready to pay whatever is needed. I badly needed that talking to be alive!
"I had many thing to say, but I could not.", he said, inside my heart!
END OF THE STORY
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