The pub was more of an upmarket bar really, in the centre of Belfast, with bright lights and shiny brass fittings. Kate had suggested it as it wasn't popular with colleagues or criminals, and they would be assured of privacy and some time to themselves. She was surprised and pleased that Steve had agreed to have a drink with her after work. She liked to keep her private life separate from work usually, unless she was undercover, and hadn't been out socially with him recently as they had been at work more hours than was good for them both.
She felt they needed time to talk, and she enjoyed his company. He was caring and warm and funny when the pressure of work wasn't making his life difficult. She had been shocked to find out from the gaffer that he was misusing painkillers, it just showed how they had begun to grow apart. She was determined to turn this around and make sure she was a bigger part of his life. Working with him to explore the criminal involvement in the workshop, and then again when they had needed to address what they'd learned about Hastings had reminded her of how hard he worked, what a sharp mind he had, and how much she missed him. Moving department, moving to Hillside, had been because she despaired of ever making him understand the extent of her complex feelings towards him, feelings he was completely unaware of. But she had soon realised that she couldn't bear to be away from him, and returning to work alongside him had been as natural as breathing for her. However he felt, she wanted to work with him. There was just no point otherwise. They were equals, and maybe that would help him feel it was worth trying. She had to make him see, to understand. Even if he didn't feel the same, she wanted him to know that she loved him. And had done for a long while now.
She returned to where they were sitting with the drinks in her hands, a pale golden pint for him and a vodka and tonic for her. She hadn't driven, but she was determined to only have the one drink to keep her head clear. Her heart lurched as he smiled in thanks and sipped from the glass. She loved his smile, a rarely seen but glorious thing.
"Did I ever tell you I love it when you smile?" she said directly. "You should smile more often, mate."
Steve looked closely at her, picking up on her word choice and meaning without difficulty. He knew her nearly as well as she knew herself. "No, you didn't Kate, but I'm happy to take your advice," he replied with another genuine smile, keeping eye contact with her for longer than was strictly necessary. "So, are you going to stick around, and work with me?"
"Well, someone's got to keep you in line," she laughed, answering his question with a light-hearted response. As the smile faded, she added, "seriously though, I didn't realise what I had until it was gone. Until you were gone."
Steve reached over and their fingers met loosely. "I feel the same Kate," he agreed. "I couldn't imagine not working with you now after this case. It's just the best thing, being with you. I can't imagine trusting anyone like I trust you, it's the truth" he added.
"Well, while we're being truthful, I need to tell you how I feel about you, Steve."
"What do you mean?" he asked, a puzzled look on his face.
"Oh god," Kate said her emotions in conflict. She needed to tell him, she had to. Tears gathered in her eyes. "I'm attracted to you Steve, I have been for some time. I fell for you a while ago. It doesn't matter if you don't feel the same way, but I can't carry on not telling you, it's tearing me up inside."
Steve was quiet for a long moment, but his hands didn't move and remained holding Kate's across the table. His eyebrows knitted together in thought and then smoothed out, as he seemed to reach a decision.
"Mate, I'm really surprised... I'm actually a bit blown away. I never thought you'd feel like that about me. I never thought I'd be good enough for you. Thank god you told me. I've been in conflict with my feelings about you for years. I mean, god, I fancied you the very first time I met you, but I had no idea how you felt. I always thought you saw me as your annoying younger brother. Who said we were good detectives when we couldn't figure out how the person most important to us in the world, feels about the other?"
She listened to his genuine reaction and as the reality of his words dawned on her, she smiled through her tears and stood to pull him close in a long overdue hug. Her heart rate was racing and she felt like a teen again, like her body no longer belonged to her. Her hands wrapped tightly around him, and he gently stroked the side of her face where tears still fell in a long cascade of warm saltiness.
"Mate, don't cry," he soothed. "Oh, Kate."
"I'm not sad, I'm happy," Kate tried to explain, but it really was impossible to speak coherently as she felt overwhelmed like she had never done before. She was a tough police officer, not given to emotional outbursts. But she was a woman too, and standing, holding, the man she had loved for so long, her emotions rose to overpower her.
Steve winced almost imperceptibly, but Kate picked up on the subtle movement almost right away. She pulled away, looking closely at him, but not letting go of his hands. "Is it still your back after the fall?" she asked.
"Yes," he admitted. "But I'm seeing the MO. I'll get sorted, and then I can ditch the painkillers."
"I had no idea, mate."
"I should've told you, but if anyone knew I might have been taken off active duty. Still might. And…it gets worse…I also haven't been able to…you know…since the accident…" he tailed off, embarrassed and ashamed. Kate put her hands around his shoulders gently and kissed him, brushing his lips at first, before exploring more fully. She had imagined this happening so many times.
"I'm not sure I agree Steve," Kate countered his worries with a smile. "Can you feel what I can?" she added playfully.
Steve looked bewildered for a moment, before breaking out in a wide smile. "God, you're right. It must be you, beautiful."
Kate smiled, but then thought of something she had to ask. "What will you do about Steph?"
Steve answered with another kiss, followed by a smile. "Why would I want to see her when I have the most incredible woman in the world in my arms? I'm not stupid."
"Oh, I dunno about that. You want to be more careful, mate. You might end up on your own."
"I'm not on my own though, Kate. I've got you."
They left the bar, hand in hand, heading for her place. Finally.