A/N: I know a few of you waited for this story, so I hope you'll enjoy it. My friend who usually edits my fics currently doesn't watch the show so if there are any mistakes, I own them.

Three knocks on the wooden door. Today was the first time in months that she drove, and for some reason, it felt like the most natural thing in the world to drive here, of all places. Helen tightened her hold on the heavy ceramic dish she was carrying.

The door opened, and she was surprised by the sight of Cruz, or more accurately by his domestic appearance. She wasn't sure why, since she came to his house and not his office. He was wearing a thick dark robe over what seemed like very expensive pajamas.

"Helen."

His husky voice made her shiver, and she wasn't sure why.

"I'm sorry for coming by unannounced," she started. "Rebel told me that you had some health issues, and I wanted to come and check if you needed anything." Now that she said it, Helen realized that she sounded like a stalker. "And also, I wanted to apologize."

"For what?" He asked, his eyes widening.

"A few weeks ago, when we first met, I said that I didn't think your heart was in the case. I didn't realize that you had a personal experience with what happened to us. I've been feeling a bit guilty ever since I found out."

Cruz nodded and invited her to come in.

"I brought you a casserole. I hope you like sweet potatoes," she said and handed him the dish. That was another thing – she cooked today, after a long time, she didn't go into the kitchen.

Cruz hummed. "I was just thinking about having dinner. Why don't you join me?"

Helen wasn't sure what she expected from coming here tonight. After she opened the Facebook group for the victims of the Stonemore valve, she made quite a few house calls, visiting those who needed assistance and giving them hope. She did that until her own body made it difficult for her to engage in everyday tasks. Coming here and checking on Cruz seemed like the logical thing to do, but at the same time, it felt different.

Helen accepted his invitation to come in purely due to her growing curiosity about Cruz and his life.

Cruz led her to the kitchen and began setting the table. Helen offered to help, but he motioned for her to sit. "It smells good," he said as he laid a plate and cutlery in front of her. He offered her wine that she sadly had to refuse since she took medications and because she was driving.

Helen cut and served the casserole to herself and Cruz.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"This is one of the good days," she said.

Cruz cut a small piece of the casserole in his plate and chewed it slowly. "Nutmeg." He noted.

"I hope that's okay." Helen felt her heart racing when she realized that not everyone appreciated nutmeg in their food.

"Yes. It's surprising and smart, actually." Cruz seemed to notice her panic and smiled at her. "My wife used to put that in her gingersnaps. I've always loved the aroma."

Helen relaxed into her seat and picked at the corner of her casserole with her fork. She was too nervous to eat, and she wasn't sure why. Maybe it was the odd feeling that she broke some invisible barrier between Cruz and her and wandered into unknown territory.

"What's wrong?" he asked and covered her hand with his.

The warmth of his hand, the gentleness in which his fingers engulfed hers, made Helen feel raw and exposed. "It's nothing." She shrugged and tried to appear nonchalant but knew that the barrier was broken from both sides. If she could venture into his personal life, then Cruz could go into hers.

"You seem upset or anxious," he said.

There was no point in denying that he was right. "I guess I am."

"Why?"

In the depth of her mind, she knew the answer, but it was something that she wasn't sure she was ready to admit, especially when the potential for heartbreak was that high; her heart was damaged enough.

Cruz seemed to notice her unease and removed his hand from hers. "Can I share an observation with you?"

She hummed affirmatively.

"You're genuine. In fact, that day in my office, when you said that my heart wasn't in the case, you were brutally honest. But you're not candid right now."

Helen nodded because Cruz was not wrong. "Mr. Cruz," she started.

"Please, you've seen me in my robe. You can call me Julian."

"Julian." His name felt good on her tongue. "I don't know what I expected when I came here. I can't explain it, but when I heard that you had health issues, every muscle and bone in my body just needed to be here and to do something to help."

"You thought you'd take care of me?" he appeared amused by the idea.

Helen's shoulders slumped. She knew he didn't intend to mock her, but it came across that way.

Julian seemed to notice the change in her demeanor and he covered her hand with his again. "I didn't mean it like that, Helen. I'm not used to that sort of kindness anymore, you know."

Helen drew in a deep breath and looked at him. It appeared that since the moment they first met, Julian could get her riled up more than anyone else ever could.

"Can I share another observation?" he asked.

Helen wasn't sure how many of these observations she could handle before she would either burst into tears or leave in anger.

Julian continued without waiting for her response. "You have a void in your heart."

"That's hilarious," Helen replied dryly.

"I don't mean to joke about your condition. I know it's serious," Julian elaborated. "What I mean is that you feel empty, and you're looking for something or someone to fill the void. And I think you came here because you know that I also have a void in my heart."

"What are you saying?" she asked suspiciously.

"I think that on an unconscious level, you thought that you and I could be compatible."

"Mr. Cruz, are you familiar with the term 'mansplaining'?" Helen raised one eyebrow, challenging him.

Seeing an opportunity to mend what he broke, Julian burst into laughter, and Helen couldn't help but laugh with him.

"Be truthful, Helen. Didn't you come here thinking that maybe we could work out on some level?" He asked.

"I don't know. In my understanding, you're very much involved with someone else."

"Annie and I are not –"

"I wasn't talking about Rebel. I was talking about your wife," Helen said. "I've never been married; I haven't ever been in a long-term relationship, but I can recognize love when I see it. Your wife may not be here in body, but I can tell that she's with you all the time."

"You're right. She's always in my heart. She was the love of my life."

"Then regardless of what you think that I came here for, it doesn't matter. I'm not into threesomes." Helen was glad that she didn't put herself all the way out there. Because it was Julian who brought up the subject, she managed to guard her heart.

"Annie said that I should get laid." His admission made Helen snort. "She thinks it would help me deal with the stress in my life."

"That sounds like something Rebel would suggest," Helen agreed. She loved that about Rebel; the contagious carefreeness and joie de vivre. "So that's what you thought this was about?" She motioned between them.

"I don't know." Julian's face reddened a little, and Helen could sense that he was uncomfortable with the topic of conversation. "It sounds a bit crazy."

"Is it?" Helen asked.

"Don't you think?"

"You're asking me whether or not you need to get laid?" This conversation was amusing, and Helen struggled to keep a straight face. "Or are you asking me to sleep with you?"

The stunned expression on Julian's face was priceless, but what truly shocked Helen was the sheer desire that she felt for him. Sex hadn't been in her thoughts since she became ill, but suddenly, her entire body was wide awake.

"The way I see it, you're not emotionally available," Helen said. "Would you agree?"

Julian nodded, but Helen could still see the hesitation written all over his face.

"So what is it that you're offering?" She stood up and leaned against the back of the chair.

"What is it that you're offering?" He returned the question to her.

"My casserole." Helen motioned towards the dinner table. At this point, it was clear that neither of them was interested in eating anymore.

"Is that a sexual innuendo I don't understand?" Julian seemed lost.

Helen wasn't sure if he was serious or joking, but the laughter flowed out of the depths of her throat, and she couldn't help herself. She wasn't sure how it happened, but all of a sudden, Julian was in her personal space, and she didn't mind it at all. She looked into his eyes. Many emotions battled each other in his rich brown gaze, some of which Helen could decipher, some of which she could not. Confusion, hope, longing, anger, sadness, lust.

When it came down to it, lust was slowly overtaking her too.

Julian tilted his chin towards her as if motioning that it was her move.

"Before – if – we do this, there should be some ground rules," she said as her arms snaked up his chest and settled at the back of his neck.

He nodded.

"One, this is just casual, right?" She knew that making sure that this wouldn't mean anything would be more challenging for her than for Julian.

"For now," he said.

"For now," she agreed. "Two, this does not affect the case."

When Julian's arms slid around her waist and pulled her to him, Helen let out a small sigh of surprise.

"Won't affect the case."

Helen nodded slowly. It was becoming increasingly difficult for her to focus. "Three, you don't say your wife's name at any point of whatever is going to happen."

His lips were a breath away from hers. "Four, we won't ever tell Annie anything about this."

Helen hummed in agreement. "Five, I'm on top."

Their lips crushed against each other in a searing kiss. Helen's fingers wrapped around the nape of Julian's neck and pulled his head downwards to hers. His tongue darted inside her mouth, and Helen felt all her nerve ends tingling. She didn't realize how much she longed to be touched by someone who wasn't a doctor, someone who made her feel like a woman and not like a patient. God, did she crave that kind of touch, and as Julian's hands roamed all over her back and his mouth devoured hers, she felt sexy, powerful, alive.

Julian's lips descended to her neck and sucked at her pulse point, and hummed against her skin. It drove her senses crazy, and her fingers dug into his scalp. His teeth grazed her earlobe, and Helen moaned loudly. She did not object when he peeled her cardigan off her shoulders and slid his hands under her shirt, slightly bunching it upwards. They heard a snapping sound as the clip in her hair broke and fell to the floor.

Helen removed one of her hands from the back of Julian's neck and slid it under her shirt, finding his hand. She nudged his hand upwards to cover her lace-clad breast and moaned against his ear to urge him on. If Julian was surprised with her initiative, he didn't show it. His other hand that was resting at the small of her back and holding her firmly against his body, slid downwards to cup her butt, further igniting the fire inside her.

As his mouth found hers again, Helen whispered, "Bedroom."

Julian did not need any further prompting as he guided her towards the bottom of the stairs to the second floor and pointed upwards.

Helen looked at the stairs, trying to evaluate the challenge they would pose for her.

"There's no need to rush," Julian rested his chin on her shoulder from behind. His hand took hers, and they went upstairs slowly, stopping several times along the way.

Helen gave him a triumphant smile when they finally reached the top. Something about Julian's energy made her defy her own limits more than once today, and she liked it. She took a deep breath before her lips captured his in a heated kiss as she let him lead her to the bedroom.

The bedroom was dark, and the only light came from the streetlights outside. As far as Helen was concerned, the lighting didn't matter. What they were about to do required nothing more than touch.

With their lips still attached, they found their path towards the bed, shedding most of their clothes on the way.

The mattress was firm against Helen's back as she laid down on it, letting Julian kiss his way down her body. His lips stopped on the long, white scar in the valley between her breasts; his palm rested there for a moment. Helen inhaled deeply, feeling the mood in the room shifting.

"I've gotten used to the way it looks," she said.

Julian lifted his gaze to meet hers, and his lips curved upwards in a soft smile as his hand reached towards the nightstand and turned on the bedside lamp. A golden glow illuminated the room. "Everything is sexier when you can see what you're doing." With these words, he hooked his fingers around the hem of Helen's panties and pulled them down. His eyes raked over her body, and Helen wasn't sure what he was thinking. When his head descended towards her groin, she placed her palms on his shoulders and stopped him.

"That's too intimate for what we're doing here," she said. "Plus, rule number five says I get to be on top." She pulled him onto the bed and straddled him.

Julian looked at her in awe, and it made her smile. The poor man must have been starved for that kind of touch, and she couldn't blame him. She was too.

She took his hand and guided it between her legs, gently pressing on his fingers to show him the kind of touch she liked.

He caught on fast and sucked on one of her nipples into the warmth of his mouth.

A soft moan escaped Helen's lips, and she tilted her head back, riding his fingers while she rubbed his member, feeling it harden against her palm. When she felt they were both ready, she stopped his hand and looked into his eyes as she eased herself down on him, feeling his length filling her.

Helen took one of his arms and placed it on her lower back while instructing him to wrap the other around her upper back. "Hold me tight, don't let go." She let her body set a slow and steady pace. She'd always enjoyed taking her time, and if this night ended being a one-time thing, she wanted it to be a good one.

An hour later, as she rolled off him, sated, sweating, and breathless, she let herself close her eyes and cherish the moment.

"That was great." Julian's arm came around her. "Right?"

Helen smiled, and the tips of her fingers played with the hair on the back of his arm. "It was."

They let silence fill the room and engulf them in a soft, comfortable haze.

"So, did this help with your stress?" Helen asked after a few minutes.

"Probably," Julian replied. He took one long strand of her hair and started rolling it around his finger. His eyes were fixated on her face as if he was counting her freckles.

"What?"

"I was just wondering about you," he said. "You said earlier that you were never married and haven't been in a long-term relationship."

"You wanna know who I was before the heart issues? Is that what you're asking?"

Julian hummed affirmatively.

"Okay, so I'll start from the very beginning. Ever since I was a child, I liked to sing. I always carried a notebook with me, and wrote lyrics. By the time I finished high school, I had written more than a hundred songs. I studied music in college, and that's where I met Johnny and Adam. We formed a rock band, and we started getting gigs all over town." Helen paused and looked at him.

"You were in a rock band?" Julian looked at her with disbelief as if he was trying to reconcile image of a rock star with the woman in his bed.

Helen nodded. "A while later, Greg joined our band as a bass player, and he was something else. People were hypnotized when he played. We started getting shows all over the country. We performed in festivals, clubs; you name it. Eventually, we were invited to perform a few shows in London, and after that, we started touring in Europe."

"Wait, was it a famous band?" Julian asked.

"Winter Brigades, have you heard of us?"

"Of course I did. You warmed up The Frame! I was at that concert," Julian said. "Of course, I don't remember that much. There was a lot of booze involved."

Helen giggled. "Yeah, we were quite famous; released four albums. Adam and I wrote most of the songs. And you know, with fame come the fans and each of them wants a piece of you. Sometimes, they were good-looking, so I spent the night with them."

"Sounds like a wild life," Julian commented.

"It was, until our fourth European tour. I found out I was pregnant; the father was one of those good-looking fans, Joakim," Helen said.

"So he wasn't involved in raising Maddie."

"I didn't know how to find him. I only knew his first name and that I met him when we were in Sweden," Helen said. "At first, I was terrified. I didn't plan to become pregnant, and I knew that it would end my singing career. But then I went back home, and Maddie came, and she filled my life with so much love and joy – I thank Joakim every day for giving her to me." Helen's eyes filled with tears. She didn't intend to become so emotional and raw, but Julian made sharing comfortable.

"How did you get by?"

"After Maddie was born, I sang to her a lot. And one night when I was singing a lullaby to her, I realized that even if I couldn't tour the world with my band, I could still have a musical career. I began to teach guitar, piano, and gave vocal lessons. And at the same time, I started to write songs for children and meet with producers of children's shows, until eventually, I was hired to write music for Happy Farm."

"From rock star to children's music. Now that's something you don't hear every day," Julian said.

"I earned better on TV than I did on rock concerts. It was a steady income that allowed me to buy a house with an affordable mortgage and send my daughter to a private school and a college of her choice. At the same time, I continued teaching at a music school, and many of my students were accepted to top music schools in the country, so I'd consider my career a success." Helen had always prided in her career journey. Very few former rock stars managed to continue making music after they've stopped performing.

"I was kidding about that. My children used to love Happy Farm when they were little," Julian said. "Do you still sing?"

"When my heart problems started, I had to go on oxygen. I tried to sing, but it was too hard to breathe. Now with the heart valve, I've lost the will to sing." Helen never admitted to anyone that she had lost the urge to use her voice for singing. Even Maddie didn't know.

"That's a shame."

"I still write and compose. On my better days, I sometimes play the guitar. Maybe one day, if my valve is replaced, I'll be able to sing again." Helen didn't dare to hope for that. It seemed too absurd that at some point, she'll find her singing voice again.

Julian's cupped her chin and pressed his lips to hers.

"I thought we said it was a one-time thing," she said and motioned between them.

"You will sing again, Helen. I'll make sure of it," he said, and the warmth of his voice made tears rise in Helen's eyes and roll down her face. Julian wiped them off with his thumb and kissed her again. "Helen." His voice caressed her ears.

She hummed.

"Will you stay the night?"

She nodded and kissed him back. Maybe it was a one-night stand, and perhaps it was more. For now, Helen decided that she would seize the moment, and tomorrow she'd continue the fight to get her song back. And with any luck, Julian will be fighting by her side.

THE END