Peace

A/N: Hi there! After Stephanie Meyer said she had a book outlined for Jacob and Renesmee, my mind started wondering what problems their relationship could face, and what their happily ever after might look like. I know a lot of people hate the idea of Jacob and Renesmee together, and I totally understand why, but I decided to embrace it for this story. This story will have feministic themes, so if that's not your jam, you will not like this story. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

"peace" by Taylor Swift
Our coming-of-age has come and gone
Suddenly, this summer, it's clear

RPOV

I didn't have much time.

I had to make this decision quickly. I had no idea how much longer my mom and dad would be gone on their hunting trip, and once my dad was in close proximity, I knew he would hear my thoughts and try to change my mind.

Was this really what I wanted to do?

Yes… and also no.

Yes, I had to. I couldn't keep sitting here in my misery.

For the fourteen years of my life, which now left me stuck as a 20-something-year-old, everyone fawned over me. I was tired of living up to the expectations, especially now… I couldn't be the person everyone expected me to be. I felt caged here sometimes – like my entire life was already decided for me and now I wasn't living up to those plans.

I needed to get away. Away from the memories made in Forks, away from the skeptical glances in La Push, away from my family's pity-filled eyes. I wanted to explore the world outside of Washington. Maybe I could visit some of my other vampire friends around the world and learn about their cultures and different ways of life. It didn't matter where I went, really. I just needed to figure out who I was now. I was having, what humans would call, an existential crisis, maybe?

I thought about what my parents would say if I had the guts to face them before I left. I liked to think that my mom would be understanding… She would just miss me and would ask if I wanted her to come, too. My dad would probably get angry with worry and demand that we all go together instead of me going alone.

But that was the point – I had to go alone. I needed time with just myself. Time to breathe, be independent, figure myself out, deal with the insurmountable grief that was drowning me.

I graduated college with my first bachelor's degree a couple years ago – I double majored in English Literature and Gender and Sexuality Studies. I studied the misogyny in Jane Eyre one minute and the oppression of women the next.

Maybe that's where some of my current angst and sense of adventure was coming from – I wanted to be one of the empowered, independent, and self-sufficient women I'd read and studied about. I never craved any of that before, but I wanted it now. Maybe that's how I could find some solitude and healing?

Ugh, no one would let me go alone if I told them my plan. I had to make a hurried, rash decision.

But, before I chose one way or the other, I had one more person to consider in all of this – the most important person. It was the person I'd been careful not to think about yet…

Jacob.

My Jacob…

I didn't want to be like my mom, risking everything for love that might fail. That was a decision that worked out well for her, but I didn't want her life. I'd done enough damage to Jacob, and I didn't want to hurt him anymore. Plus, didn't I get a say in who I wanted to be with? It felt like fate decided it from the moment I was born. I never even had a chance to decide my own path, my own destiny, figure out my own desires.

None of that meant I didn't love Jacob… Because I did. He was my best friend, my favorite person. Everything I had was his, including my heart. But that's why I had to leave. I just kept hurting him because I couldn't give him –

I shut that thought down right away. That was a very dangerous path to travel down. That thought trail led to the soul-crushing pain and agony from the grief and my unforgivable mistake.

I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying to refocus and not think of the gut-wrenching, earth-shattering trauma.

Maybe my pain was clouding my judgement on my relationship with Jacob. I just couldn't make sense of anything right now, probably because of the overwhelming pain that always lingered over me nowadays.

I had no idea how me leaving would affect Jacob. Had an imprintee ever left their imprinter? Ugh, just thinking about it that way made it feel like he had some kind of claim on me. I didn't want to live under the same spell that haunted Emily, Kim, and Rachel, always at my husband's beck and call. "Haunted" was probably a strong word; they were all nauseatingly happy, and I was just bitter nowadays. I was the only one that struggled with the imprinting magic, and I only started grappling with it recently. And, plus, they were human which meant they could have normal human lives with their imprinters…

I was becoming incredibly bitter, envious, and hopeless.

I also didn't like the unspoken responsibility I would have as the Alpha's imprintee… I couldn't live up to those expectations. Not after everything that happened… Not after the comments I heard Kim saying to Emily… Not after my conversation with my Aunt Rosalie… Not after the turmoil I put Jacob through, causing him to defend and protect me against his pack members. I just wasn't the right fit for that part of Jacob's life.

From all the legends and stories I'd heard, no imprintee had ever refused the bond from their imprinter. But, then again, those stories were all about humans and shapeshifters. There weren't any shapeshifter and half human/half vampire stories. And maybe there shouldn't be… I cared so much about Jacob, but he also needed this separation whether he could admit it or not…

Everything was such a disordered, perplexing web of chaos in my mind. Is that what clinical depression felt like?

I sighed. Probably.

Then I asked myself: would I be truly happy staying here forever in my overwhelming grief, never having time to myself – to figure out who I really am, what I really need – separate from my family and Jacob?

The answer was no.

Okay, my decision was made.

I couldn't waste any more time. I scrambled up from my bed and ran to the hall closet. There had to be some luggage around here. I couldn't risk going back to my house… I probably wouldn't have enough time and being in my little home that I shared with Jacob would probably make me change my mind about leaving. My Grandma Esme had restored a tiny little cabin for Jacob and me last year – it was in between my family's main house and La Push.

Lately, Jacob had been insistent on me coming to my family's house during his patrol shifts. He wouldn't say it, but I knew he was afraid he would come home and see me plummeting back into the dark, undefeatable depression that I'd slumped into recently. He thought being around my family while he was away would help. Today was the first day I'd been alone in about a month.

I pulled out a duffel bag from the closet and hauled it back to my room, thinking about how I was thankful my Aunt Alice's talent was immune to seeing my decisions. I was sure I would have eight vampires stampeding through the cottage's front door right now if she could see the choice I was making. But could Alice see everyone else finding out the news about me leaving tonight? She couldn't see my future, but she could see everyone else's…

Shit. I needed to hurry.

I opened the duffel bag and filled it up with as many clothes as I could manage. I was thankful that Alice kept my closet stocked at my parent's house, too. I didn't fully know where I was going yet, so I packed for all climates.

I ran into the bathroom and grabbed the few toiletries I needed, throwing them on top. I quickly zipped up the bag then grabbed a backpack from my closet. I threw in my laptop, a journal, a few books, my headphones, and my chargers. I ran into my parents' room and into their closet. I opened the small safe and pulled out my passport. I shoved that, along with my small purse, on top and zipped the backpack up.

I scrambled over to my desk. I pulled out a sticky note pad from the drawer and wrote: Went home to see Jake. Be back later. I tore off the note and walked into the living room, sticking it to the coffee table. I didn't want to risk texting or calling my parents just yet. That made me remember something else. I pulled my phone out of my purse, opened my settings, and turned off my location and Find My iPhone.

I paused as I looked around my childhood room. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I felt guilty for leaving so hastily, not telling anyone goodbye. But I knew if I did, I would change my mind, or, worse, someone would insist on coming with me.

I slung my backpack and duffel bag over my shoulder and made my way to the front door. That's when I realized I forgot to consider something…

All our cars were at the main house in the garage. Damn it.

Welp, I guess I was running with my luggage and attempting to pull a suicide mission while launching my luggage into a car and trying to leave before anyone heard me. Good luck with that, I told myself.

Or, I could just say that I am going for a drive to La Push. I could put my bags in the trunk first, as quickly as possible, then talk to whoever happened to come into the garage upon my arrival. And if I got caught with the luggage? I could say I'm donating some of my old clothes to Goodwill. That could work… But would Uncle Jasper be able to tell I was lying by my emotional state?

Geez, a normal person would be able to sneak out without so many quirky relatives.

I secured my backpack around both shoulders and hugged my duffel bag to my chest with ease. I locked the cottage's door behind me then started sprinting toward the main house as quickly as I could. The trees blurred past me as I ran.

There were two things I still needed to figure out – where I was going and how/when I was going to let my family know what I was doing.

I had to get to the airport and maybe be boarding a plane before telling my family anything without them trying to come after me. Okay, I needed to figure out a destination first…

I could go visit the Denali clan. No, that wasn't far enough away, and they would just try to convince me to go back home.

Then I decided immediately – I would visit Zafrina, Senna, and Kachiri in South America. I should have booked my flight before leaving, but I would just have to do it once I got on the road to the airport. I hadn't seen Zafrina since I was much younger, but she and I became really great friends.

I slowed my running once I made it through the trees. I walked as casually as possible to the garage on the side of the house. I entered the code on the touch screen lock pad and watched the garage door open way too slowly. I unlocked my dad's Volvo and opened the trunk. I threw my bags in quickly.

Just as I closed the trunk, I heard the garage door, that was connected to the house, open.

"Nessie!" Aunt Alice sang as she pranced over to me and planted a kiss on my cheek.

Of course she would be the one to come greet me. "Hi, Aunt Alice," I said with a forced smile, trying to be nonchalant.

She eyed me skeptically then leaned down to whisper in my ear. "I don't know what you're doing exactly, but I can see everyone in our family really upset later tonight… And I think it has something to do with you leaving or going somewhere?"

I swallowed as I turned to look at her after she lifted her head back up. "Please don't say anything," I barely whispered, unsure if anyone was nearby and could hear us. "I promise I'll be back soon."

"Where are you going?" She demanded. "You know your father will kill me if I let you just leave!"

Maybe I wasn't going to be able to escape. All she had to do was call the names of my other family members, and they would be here in seconds to physically stop me. I felt tears fill my eyes.

"Alice, please," I pled. "I have to get away. I'm not doing anything dangerous. Just please let me go. I'm an adult. I can make my own decisions. I just… can't be here any longer right now."

She studied my face for a moment. I saw her expression soften. "You'd better take my Porsche, then; it's faster and the tank is full. I don't know how long I'll be able to stall."

I lunged myself forward and hugged her tightly. "Thank you!"

She walked to the front of the garage, plucked her keys off the hook, and threw them to me. I grabbed my bags from the Volvo's trunk and put them in the Porsche. I walked to the driver's side and paused by the door.

"Did you tell anyone?" Alice asked.

I shook my head sheepishly.

"Jacob?" She asked, eyebrows raising in surprise.

"No… I'm going to call him and my mom and dad once I'm on the plane or after I land… I guess you can pick your car up at the airport in Seattle."

She frowned. "Are you sure you've thought this through? You know what you're doing?"

"No," I replied honestly. "But I have to go, despite the unknowns."

She walked toward me and hugged me again. "Be very, very safe and call one of us if you need something, anything, Do you promise?"

"I promise."

She gave me a stiff nod then disappeared back through the garage door and into the main house. I was dumbfounded for a second. Did she really just give me a window to leave? She wasn't going to coax me into staying?

I didn't have time to mull the interaction over any further. I jumped into the car, quickly backed out of the garage and started speeding toward the Seattle airport, which was about three hours away. I just hoped Alice could stall long enough.

. . . . . . . .

I pulled into the long-term parking lot at the airport and made my way inside. I checked my duffel bag and retrieved my boarding passes. I booked my flight as I was driving. My first flight left in less than an hour. I had to fly to Denver first, then I had a layover for a couple hours before flying into Panama. In Panama, I would stay the night before flying into Asunción, Paraguay.

I called Zafrina while I was driving. She was excited for my visit, and said I was welcome to visit them as long as I wished. She told me to call her once I landed in Asunción and she would give me information on where we could meet. She warned me that she and her sisters lived very rustically, not nearly as civilized as my family. The Amazon Coven didn't usually interact with humans, except for when feeding.

I told her I wasn't opposed to her lifestyle and was just grateful to have the opportunity to visit. She told me it would be best for me to have a hotel room since they did not have proper accommodations for sleeping and other human-ish needs. So, I also arranged for hotel rooms in Panama and Asunción while I drove.

I made it through airport security. I only had to wait about 15 minutes at my gate before boarding my first flight to Denver. I would call my family once I landed. Denver was far enough away that they wouldn't be able to get to me before I got on the flight to Panama.

Alice must have been holding down the fort well because no one had called or messaged me as I settled into my window seat on the plane. I switched my phone to Airplane Mode, pulled out a book from my backpack, and settled in for the three-hour flight. I tried not to think about what I'd just decided to do – runaway from home, essentially… I felt guilt mixed with giddy. Guilt because I loved my family and didn't want to hurt them. Giddy because I was doing something solely for me, completely by myself, for the first time in my life.

But the empty seat next to me made me ache for my favorite person, the one that would be next to me if everything was the way it should be, if the world wasn't such a fucked-up place.