THE S.T.E.M. TROOPER OF MICHIGAN VS. THE QUEEN OF NARNIA
Summary: This is a scenario from Book Two (The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe) of the Chronicles of Narnia series, where Edmund Pevensie meets Jadis, Queen of Narnia in C.S. Lewis" version, but in this Fan Fiction story, written by Yours Truly, someone different happens to come face-to-face with the Queen in the clearing not too far from Lantern Waste. First Fan Fic story ever from a novice writer & new member. Comedy or Parody? I'm not sure, but I hope that you all enjoy it!
Rated: K+ for light violence & mild language.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Chronicles of Narnia or any of the Narnian characters. The protagonist is my creation, even though she & the antagonist share the same name.
After the snowstorm finally cleared up, Jadis found that she was all alone in an open place in the middle of a wood. Cyber & Corrin were nowhere to be found.
There was crisp, dry snow under her feet & more snow lying on the branches of the trees.
Overhead the sky was pale & blue, like the sky on a fine Winter day in the morning. Straight ahead of her, she saw between the tree trunks, the sun, just rising, very red & clear. Everything was perfectly still, as if she were the only living creature in that country.
There was not even a robin or a squirrel among the trees & the wood stretched as far as she could see in every direction. She shivered from the cold, wrapped her arms about her, & complained under her breath over the foul weather.
She thought that her two loyal robotic "K-9 Units" might be somewhere close by, so she tried to make contact with them via the comm-link on her wrist. "Cyber, come". "Corrin, come." There was no response, only dead air.
Jadis learned from her training to remain calm if she should get lost anywhere, so she stood still to get her bearings while thinking about what her next move would be.
She decided to use her comm-link to send a holographic image of herself up into the sky so that the dogs would see it & come to her. Unfortunately, the image would most likely also be spotted by someone or something in this strange place that could endanger their lives, but she had no choice, it had to be done.
Just as Jadis was about to send up the image, she heard, very far off in the wood, the sound of bells. She listened, & the sound grew louder & louder. At last there swept into sight a sleigh drawn by six reindeer.
The reindeer were about the size of Shetland ponies, & their hair was so white that even the snow hardly looked white compared with them. Their long antlers were gilded & looked like something on fire when the sun's rays shone upon them. Their harnesses were of scarlet leather & covered with bells.
On the sleigh, driving the reindeer, sat a thin dwarf who would have been about three feet high if he had been standing. He was dressed in a vest of white polar bear's fur, & on his head was a red hat with a long gold tassel hanging down from its point. His white beard hung down from his cruel, dark-skinned face & covered his knees as if it were a blanket.
Behind the dwarf, on a higher seat in the middle of the sleigh sat a great lady, taller than any lady that Jadis had ever seen. She was wearing a light blue gown with swirling white patterns covered by a white fur mantle. She held a long, straight jewel-encrusted wand in one hand & wore a tall, pointed crown of icicles on her head. Her face had a pale, almost unhealthy complexion, with dark eyes & a thin, slightly red mouth.
The sleigh was a fine sight as it came sweeping toward Jadis with the bells jingling, the dwarf cracking his whip & the snow flying up on each side of it. Jadis stepped back out of the way & looked on cautiously, hiding her right hand at her side in case she should have to draw her weapon.
"Stop!" said the lady, & the dwarf pulled the reins up so sharp that the reindeer almost sat down. They then recovered themselves & stood chomping their bits & blowing. In the frosty air, the breath coming out of their nostrils looked like smoke. "And what, pray, are you?" demanded the lady, looking hard at Jadis.
Jadis boldly placed her hands on her hips, returned the lady's hard stare, & said in a strong, clear voice, "Well, I'm a human being, sweetheart, a woman". She was brought up to be proud of what & who she was, & was not one to be intimidated by anyone or anything. The lady frowned. "Is THAT how you address a Queen?" she asked sternly. "Oh, are you a Queen?" Jadis replied jokingly, with a laugh. "I'm sorry, honey! I thought that you were a Christmas ornament with a skin problem!"
The lady's eyes grew wide & her mouth opened as if surprised. Once she realized that she had just been insulted, she roared, "YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR EFFRONTERY, SCUM!" She suddenly drew herself up to her full height in the sleigh & raised her wand high in the air like a javelin.
A crackling bolt of blue lightning quickly shot out of the lady's wand toward Jadis. She dropped to the snow-covered ground & rolled out of the way just as fast, the bolt striking the ground instead, turning the area to stone. The missing of her target enraged the lady even more. She quickly looked down at the dwarf, & shouted, "SLAY THE HUMAN WOMAN, YOU FOOL!"
The dwarf did so, rushing at Jadis while drawing his dagger. Jadis rose up on her hands & knees, grabbed the dwarf by the wrist with one hand & squeezed, forcing him to drop his weapon. Jadis then struck the dwarf in the forehead with the palm of her other hand. He fell backward against the sleigh, where he received a sharp blow to the back of the head, lost consciousness, & slid to the ground.
The lady was now beside herself with fury, & with a blood-curdling shriek, jumped down from the sleigh & lunged at Jadis with both her arm & wand pointed at her. Just as another bolt of lightning was about to shoot from the wand, Jadis quickly moved back several steps, stretched out her own arm, made a fist, & aimed her weapon, a small, round object on her index finger that resembled a ring directly in the lady's face.
Jadis' ring-like weapon made a strange sound & quickly emitted a large, transparent, square-shaped light, which again caused the lady's eyes & mouth to open in surprise, only this time, they opened as wide as saucers, for she had before seen such anything so unusual in all of her born days!
The lady then saw what looked like a face inside the square-shaped light. A cruel, twisted ghostly white face with bulging, jet-black eyes & a severely twisted mouth. It was an abomination, an image of evil personified!
All of a sudden, the lady dropped her wand, covered her own face with her hands & screamed as if she was being tortured. She stumbled backward toward her sleigh as the dwarf had done, as Jadis determinedly advanced toward her with the ever-present light in front of her, like a predator cornering its prey.
The lady almost fell down on her narrowed behind, but once she regained her balance, she gathered up her gown & petticoats & ran away from Jadis & that Deplorable Light, into the snow-covered clearing & then over the horizon, as fast as her high-heeled boots could carry her, screaming all the way. She left without her sleigh, reindeer, dwarf, fur mantle, wand, everything!
Jadis burst in riotous, uncontrollable laughter, & again wrapped her arms about her as if she felt she was going to burst at the seams, until she heard the sounds of metallic barking. After she finally regained her composure, she quickly ran toward the sounds, responding to them as loud as she could. After she & her four-legged "companions" made their way toward each other, they expressed their excitement of being reunited with her, only as much as a pair of robotic dogs were programmed to do, while Jadis told them about her encounter with the lady, even though she knew that they couldn't understand a single word.
"Cyber, Corrin, there is NO weapon anywhere in any world, real or imaginary, that can make an evil thing run like Holy Hell than its own reflection! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA! WHOOO-WHEEE!"
Even though Jadis Goldsworthy just had quite an experience, she was none the wiser than she, S.T.E.M. Trooper of Michigan, had just faced off against Her Imperial Majesty, Queen Jadis of Narnia, with little more than some boss combative skills, a high-tech mirror device, & a whole lotta rib-tickling humor!
IS THIS THE END, OR THE BEGINNING? YOU DECIDE!