Spike 1
Tractor Terror
Ages ago, in 1980s Cape Suzette, there was a corn farm, run by a family of eight red wolves. The parents were named, Wilbur and Brianna Karnage. (Karr-noj) They had six children, and those kids spent 20 hours every weekend, helping their parents with every task of the year the farm needed, starting with plowing and ending with harvesting, particularly while Wilbur was dusting someone else's field for extra income.
The family was always righteous to one another with delicious, home cooked meals, story time by the fire, and even TV time, when the family would watch NASCAR races. But there was one young wolf who craved adrenaline. Whether he was assigned to feed the cats or man the seed spreader, his heart cried for adrenaline. He was 13 years old, and his name was Don. Not a day went by that he didn't long to travel, and he found it equally unpleasant, sharing a bedroom with both his brothers, Dan and David.
One scorching weekend, in April, he got an invitation from his best school friend, Mad Dog, who lived across town. The invitation was to a pool party to celebrate the return of Mad Dog's adult brother, who had recently come home from serving in the U.S. Marines. Don wasted no time in showing it to his mother. "Can I go to Mad Dog's party at 4:00?"
"Have you forgotten?" asked Brianna. "You father and I need you to plant the seeds today."
"But I never get to hang out with friends outside of school," Don argued.
"We've been responsible for this farm for your entire life," his mother reminded him. "so you know corn and other crops need serious priority."
"Alright," shrugged Don. "I'll do it." So he hitched up the big diesel John Deere to the seed spreader, swiped the rest of his father's keys, took position at the corner of the field, loaded the seeds in, and threw the tractor into gear. But just a quarter mile down the field, he put his plan into action. He left the tractor in gear, at idle speed, climbed rearward, out of the cab, and began to undo the trailer hitch. But the tractor went over a big, unexpected bump, overboard fell Don, and next thing he knew, he was dangling from the trailer tongue for dear life while the tractor carried on, assuming that there was still someone behind the wheel.
Spike 2
Sandstorm
Don almost yelled for help, but realized that it would get him badly busted. He also noticed that he couldn't leap off and make a run for it, because the seed spreader would be able to flatten him before he could get to his feet. He tried to climb atop the trailer tongue, so he could crawl rearward to escape, but the lack of room for footing, combined with the inevitable tractor vibration kept him dangling by all fours. That could only mean one thing. He would have to escape the slow way, so he walked his hands rearward and made a swing for it with his left heel. He missed, and he was already feeling the aches in his arms. He made a harder swing and still missed, so he tried one last thing. He tucked his left leg back on top of the tongue and made the lunge, but only his middle finger caught the safe spot. And he badly felt the pinch. He made a swing for it with his right arm and was lucky to be able to climb up.
By now, the tractor was less than a minute from the end of the field, so Don threw it into park, left it idling, whipped out his dad's keys, wiggled the crop duster key loose, and left the rest of the keys on the seat of the tractor. From there, he checked to make sure that the coast was clear, ran 100 yards to the hangar, and did a snappy check of the plane's flaps.
He had barely checked out all four of them when he heard his father calling his name. "Don! Don, where are you? You're supposed to be handling the planting task!"
Don knew his parents would both notice the takeoff but was already swearing to stop at nothing to get away. So he gently opened the door of the plane, got right in, started it right up before closing the door, didn't take the time to taxi to the end of the runway, and took right off from the middle.
For the first 20 seconds or so, the altitude was a very unnerving experience, but Don Karnage caught on quickly and was having a blast. It was not just a blast from the velocity and three dimensions that he could steer the plane in, but he was blown away by the view. In fact it was such a good view that he almost forgot something critical. "I can see my school from here. I can also see Khan Tower from here. I can even see Mad Dog's house from here. Oh, yeah! I forgot. The party starts a quarter after four. I just have to figure out a safe place to land."
Karnage flew across town in only 20 minutes with no trouble in navigation and spotted his trajectory from a 150 foot altitude. There was still one more thing that was unnerving him. "Oh, no. Where should I land?" Mad Dog lived on a very busy street with a lot of palm trees and a discouraging number of power lines. There was also an unnerving sun glare to contend with. Karnage shielded his eyes with one hand and had to steer with the other, but it hardly worked. He tried to cope by flying at an angle, and that's when he spotted the beachfront. He carefully descended to a lower altitude. But when he was right above the sand, something alarmed him. The wind from the plane caused an instant sandstorm, whipping the sand in both sideways directions and burying what looked like 15 or 16 beach goers. He almost buried the lifeguard as well. And a few more people ran for cover, luckily meaning that the coast was clear. But he still had to make a tough call. He made his landing on the wet sand, just so as not to get sand in anyone's eyes. He touched down and slammed on the brake, just in time to traumatize three other kids without getting them injured.
He carefully taxied out to the dry sand to prevent the plane from being swept away by the later, high tide, shut it off, leaped out, and made a run for it. Tired, but triumphant, he stepped up to Mad Dog's porch and rang the doorbell. He could already smell the burgers, potato chips, and ice cream out back.
Spike 3
An Ungreat Dane
The door swung right open, and right in front of Karnage, a surprising, broad shouldered Great Dane. "Are you Don Karnage?" he asked.
"Indeed I am," Karnage answered, walking in.
"You must be a friend of Mad Dog's." said the Great Dane "I'm Dumptruck, by the way."
"That sounds like the most lopsided name in Cape Suzette," Karnage replied in disbelief.
"Yeah," said Dumptruck. "I know. Visits with Mad Dog and Hacksaw's parents have made me realize that my parents have been neglectful."
"Quick, guys!" urged Mad Dog. "My brother, Darwin, will be home in just a couple more minutes. Let's hide in the master bedroom, quick!"
"What in the name of Helen Keller is this whole thing about?" asked Don Karnage, puzzled.
"We want to make the surprise especially stoking for him," Mad Dog explained. "...and show him just how stoked we are to welcome him home," added Dumptruck.
"You clearly have a point," Karnage admitted to both of them. And with that, he unlocked the front door, and everyone ran to the downstairs master bedroom.
"So what do you think compelled Darwin to join the Marines?" Hacksaw asked Mad Dog.
"Maybe he's in it for the pension," Mad Dog answered.
"Maybe he's after some coveted awards," added Karnage.
Dumptruck cut in as well. "Maybe he wanted…"
But before the kids could chat any further, the front door swung open, and the person asked one basic question out loud. "Where is everyone?"
Don Karnage, Hacksaw, Mad Dog, and Dumptruck immediately knew it was Darwin and came running into the living room. "Surprise!" they all exclaimed together.
Darwin was drastically alarmed and ran to the corner, trembling. "Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! It's the Russian Special Forces again! I'm done for! I'm done for! I'm done for!"
"You're safe now," said Karnage.
"It's just the four of us," added Mad Dog. "Me and three school friends."
"No offense," replied Darwin. "but that surprise reminded me of the real Russian Special Forces, who attempted to take me and four other troops hostage, just a couple weeks ago."
"We assure you, all is safe now," Mad Dog continued. "so come on out back and join us for the party."
"Great idea," added Karnage, Hacksaw, and Dumptruck together.
Once all five guys were out back, Mad Dog hit the button on the stereo, and no one had any trouble, dancing. They partied the night away until around 3:00 in the morning, when they were exhausted.
Spike 4
An Ultimate Plot
16 years later, Don Karnage, Hacksaw, Mad Dog, and Dumptruck all had a pilot's license, but one thing had been bothering Karnage for a while. "We do looting for a living, and after all these years, that bothersome Baloo is still interfering with us."
"Maybe we can set a lethal booby trap for him," suggested Hacksaw.
"Maybe we can pry both propellers off the Sea Duck," added Dumptruck.
"Even when we stole the whole plane," argued Karnage. "we still didn't quite make it."
"If we can't get Baloo killed," said Hacksaw. "maybe we should look into coercing Rebecca."
"...into signing the Sea Duck over to us, right?" asked Don Karnage.
"Not just the Sea Duck," said Mad Dog. "but her whole fortune."
"Not a bad idea," replied Karnage. "I'll go get the contract ready. You guys, think of a way to capture her."
"We're on it, boss," answered Dumptruck.
Karnage immediately set to work, typing up the contract and did so as follows:
I formally agree that my Cape Suzette condo and the Sea Duck now belong to Don Karnage. I agree that he and his minions may torture Kit Cloudkicker and Baloo in any non-lethal way they want and that none of us at Higher for Hire will ever interfere with Don Karnage or his minions looting again. I fully understand that any breach of this contract will result in 30 years in prison.
Print name_
Sign_
When Karnage had the contract printed and ready, he immediately consulted Mad Dog about the abduction plan.
"Maybe we could catch her off guard with the element of surprise," Mad Dog proposed.
"Perhaps," said Karnage. "but it would really be pretty hard to impersonate the police, because she knows what most of us sound like."
Rebecca woke up with a big, heavy yawn and trudged to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She got dressed and sent Molly to Kindergarten as usual. Minutes later, she walked out the front door, still groggy when out of nowhere, the was tackled right to the floor, and completely unable to wiggle out from under the attacker.
Spike 5
Bladder Attack
The attacker was Dumptruck, and he was not alone. Don Karnage held Rebecca's hands behind her back while Mad Dog tied them. The three guys dragged her outside, on board the Iron Vulture, locked her in the ship's cell, and cut the ropes.
Rebecca was rebelling immediately. "What in the world are you guys trying to pull on me this time?"
"If you ever want to get out," Don Karnage explained. "you will have to sign everything of yours over to me."
"I don't even have the deeds to all of it," Rebecca argued with a smile.
"I thought you might point that out," replied Karnage. "So I typed up the contract for you to sign." And he slipped it right to her, with a pen, through the bars.
"I'm still not going to sign anything over," said Rebecca, attempting to stand her ground.
"Sign the slip, you worm, or I'll…"
"Wait a minute, boss," Mad Dog pointed out. "All we need to do is not let her use the bathroom until she signs it."
"I'll have to use it within ten minutes!" Rebecca squealed.
"All the more reason to sign the slip," Karnage added.
"If none you you let me out," said Rebecca. "I'll go on one of you."
"Quick, guys!" urged Karnage. "Step away from the cell until she gives us the signature or wets herself."
Just to show that she meant business, Rebecca, very discretely, pulled her pants down and peed on the floor outside the cell, aiming directly at Don Karnage, but she totally missed.
Karnage immediately changed gears. "Dumptruck, grab some towels and clean up this putrid mess. The other two of you, tie Rebecca to the underside of my plane, pronto."
Karnage quickly picked up the contract and caught up with Mad Dog and Hacksaw. They had triple knotted Rebecca's legs to the plane's landing gear and her left arm to the fuselage. Her right arm was left loose to sign the contract. Karnage taped the contract to the plane, well within Rebecca's reach, where she could see it right side up. "There you go. It's right there when you're ready to grant us that signature we requested. For that purpose, hold on tight to this pen." With that, Karnage handed her the pen from before, started up the plane, and took right off.
Spike 6
He's Really Nervy; His World is Topsy Turfy
Don Karnage climbed only to a 60 foot altitude and did a barrel roll between two buildings on opposite sides of the street.
"Help!" screamed Rebecca. "Anybody! I'm in danger!"
Karnage laughed as loud as ever for a full two minutes.
Rebecca made a squirm for it and tried to bite through the rope around her left wrist, but she could hardly pull it any closer to her mouth without causing terrible aches and pains.
Karnage plotted his next move in seconds. He made straight for the nearest suspension bridge and did the petrifying. He turned the plane upside down seconds before flying under it. Not done there, he turned the plane around, leveled it on its side, and flew between the wires of the bridge, literally between the deck and the cables. But what he spotted next was equally amazing. Rebecca's neighbors and hundreds more Cape Suzette Residents were watching him out the window, and countless more were watching from the boardwalk. "Sounds like something is working super well," he said out loud in improved spirit, so he decided to see how the crowd would react to his next move. He flew right side up under the bridge and did a loop all the way around the deck. At this point, the crowd began to cheer him on, loud enough for him to hear even over the noisy engine. At this point, it was time for his next move. He took aim from one end of the bridge, headed for it at full acceleration, and just before hitting the cables, shifted sideways and flew right between the towers.
Ever so faintly, he could hear the crowd chanting, and tell that Cape Suzette could hear them loud and clear. "Don Karnage! Don Karnage! Don Karnage! Don Karnage!"
Just to see what he could really do to amaze the crowd, Karnage tried one more thing. He took aim along a downtown alley way right around the middle floor of one of the two buildings and did a knife flight right between them. The crowd was horrified at first but erupted with cheers when he reemerged into open air. At this point, he decided to land, so he touched right down atop the Iron Vulture and immediately, cut Rebecca loose. "You're free to go. Just make sure Kit and Molly don't get any hysterical ideas."
"Gladly," Rebecca replied with relief, but before she could walk away, Molly came running and knocked down both of them with the tightest hug of her life.
"Mommy! Karnage! Danger Woman couldn't have done that better, herself!"
"There, there," said Karnage. "Just make sure you play somewhere safe."
"Now, come along, Molly," Rebecca continued. "You and I both need our beauty sleep."
"And I'll be on my way as well," said Karnage.
"And Danger Woman wishes you the best of luck," Molly said, already on her way home with her mom.
"You too, Molly," replied Karnage.
Home went Rebecca and Molly, but down to business came the media.
Spike 7
Newplan
All of Don Karnage's minions came right out to see what was going on, and the reporters were abnormally excited. "We know you were hated by many Cape Suzette residents until today, but can you tell us what got you into aerobatic flying?"
Karnage handled the interview personally. "It all started when I was only 13. I first got some practice, flying my dad's crop duster, and later, I hardly had any trouble in flight school. We were hardly scraping by as sky pirates, so today, we wanted to try something different. What better thing than crash defying aerobatics?"
The media went on to interview some witnesses, and one of them opened right up to them. "I was out for an early morning walk when I spotted the dreaded fighter plane. At first, I was afraid we were under attack, but the urban barrel roll, right between those tall buildings, totally blew me away."
"Quick, guys," Karnage told his minions. "Let's go before the paparazzi shows up." So they all climbed back on board, and Mad Dog fired up the engines. Once the Iron Vulture was airborne again, Karnage made an announcement. "Attention, air pirates. We need just a few minutes in the galley for a meeting."
The pirates slowly trudged in with a look of dread, and Mad Dog was the first to speak up. "Are we busted for stirring up the media?"
"None of you are busted," Don Karnage explained. "I just need to go over the new plan with you. The first order of business is to swap all of our fighter planes for stunt planes, complete with smoke units. Not any smoke bombs. Just smoke units so spectators never lose sight of us in the middle of a performance. We will also be disarming the Iron Vulture. For any given event, one of you will be at the controls of a separate plane from me, and two will be doing the wing walking. One on each plane. I do have one final thing to address. Because we're going to be performing in front of countless spectators, we will have just one new dress code rule. Everyone has to wear pants, just like I do."
"That doesn't sound like a pirate plan," argued Dumptruck.
"We're not robbing people anymore," asserted Karnage. "Don't you get it? It's supposed to me a brand new acrobat plan."
One month later, Karnage and his minions were prepping for their first air show with their new aircraft and their new attire. So Karnage shelled out the final part of the plan. "Hacksaw, you will be riding on Mad Dog's wings. Dumptruck, you will be riding on my wings. Mad Dog, in this performance, I want to see a knife flight, a nosedive, a square outside loop, and a diagonal figure-eight, all with the smoke unit on. Is that clear?"
"Yes, your daringness," answered Mad Dog.
Karnage and Mad Dog had no trouble with any of their stunts, and between the four of them, the show was literally a million dollar success.