Thanksgiving for the Shepherds has always been family-centric. When Derek's father died, him and the whole Shepherd clan celebrated Thanksgiving in the cemetery to honor his father. When he was thirty-five, he and Addison catered Thanksgiving for the whole Shepherd clan because the day before Thanksgiving, his mother broke her hand. That year of course was the birth of the Hotdog Thanksgiving. A lot of yelling and blaming happened that Thanksgiving but still, it didn't lose its essence, it still was about family. Which brings Derek to where he is now – home in New York for a Shepherds Thanksgiving Celebration.
Admittedly, he hasn't attended one in years. He wasn't there for two consecutive years when he and Addison were still married because he chose work over family. And he certainly didn't appear to celebrate Thanksgiving – or any other celebration – there after the divorce. But now is different, he and Meredith were slightly on the rocks because of his choice to pursue a trial in DC and he needed something familiar.
That's why when Nancy had called him to ask if he wanted to come that year, he immediately said yes. To say that Nancy (or his mother) was surprised that he'd accepted the invitation was an understatement; yes, they were hopeful but they didn't count on it too much. Because well, Derek hasn't stepped foot in his mother's home in years. He hasn't stepped foot in New York since the night he abandoned the city and his life.
But whatever surprise his family felt didn't compare to the surprise that he felt when he walked in the foyer of his mother's home that cold Thanksgiving Day. Close to the fireplace, Addison was sitting – well, Addison, Jake and their kids were sitting there looking through at what he could only assume was a photo album from med school.
He didn't know why but as he saw their faces, a dull pain crept on his chest. Addison was happy – really genuinely happy. And he got to admit that it's been a long time since he saw her that happy, he hasn't seen that smile in years. Not even when they were still married. And even though he's glad she's happy, something inside of him hurts. Addison's happy, but she's happy without him. Derek knows they've all moved on and he shouldn't feel that way but it just didn't sit right with him.
And just when he thought that the aching feeling of hurt couldn't get any worse, it did…
"Mama, look!" He heard as Henry tugs on his mother to get her attention. "Pretty girl." He smiles widely, pointing to a photo.
Derek doesn't need to look to know which photo he was pointing to because the adjective that Henry used to describe his mother (not that he knew that it was Addison in the photo) was the same words that he used that day. Pretty girl, it's alright. I'm here, you're okay.
Addison's laugh caught his attention as she too looked at the photo, "Do you know who that is, Henry?"
"No." Henry shakes his head. "But she's a really pretty girl."
"Well, pretty girl says thank you to you." Addison smiles, holding her son close. "That's mommy when she was still in med school, Henry."
"Really?" Derek hears Henry ask; his voice laced with fascination. Henry looked down at the photo then back again to his mother, causing Addison to laugh again.
There was something in the realness of the happiness in Addison's laugh that hurts Derek. You're the only man who makes me laugh this way. You make me so happy, Derek; he hears a young Addison at the back of his mind.
"Mommy's telling the truth, Henry. That really is her, and you're right, mommy's a very pretty girl." Derek winces at Jake's interjection. Jake peeked at the photo before looking back at Addison, giving her a loving smile. "But honey, your eyes look glassy in this photo. And you look really red."
Addison laughs at that, "Remember the story that I told everyone in the bathtub at Pete's funeral? Well, that day…" But Derek didn't hear her finish talking about that day because he was already thinking about it.
xxx
"Mark, where is she?" Derek hisses at Mark as they continue to navigate the Montgomerys vacation home in the Hamptons.
Mark sighs in frustration then stops to look at Derek, "I already told you. I don't know where she is! And I don't think we're going to find her that fast because this place is huge and you keep nagging to me about how we lost your girlfriend in her own house."
"Archer's going to kill us if we don't find Addison." He huffs, pushing Mark in front of him to continue walking.
"He's not going to get mad." Mark says for the hundredth time. "If we should be blaming anyone here, it should be Archer. He's the one who insisted that we should smoke pot here."
Mark was right, Archer was the one who had insisted that him and all of the Columbia Squad (and Savvy and Weiss) smoked pot. They've all graduated med school and as a gift for Addison, Bizzy let Addison decide how she would spend the whole summer before the board exams. Addison insisted that she wanted to go on a vacation with her boyfriend of four years and her friends. And to her surprise, Bizzy agreed with the condition that Archer would be there to look after them. This of course leads them to their current problem – Addison went missing after the pot smoking session that Archer insisted that they'd do as an act of freedom from med school.
"You're right but I'm her boyfriend. I'm supposed to…" But Mark cut him off by pointing to one of the hallway closets. From where they were standing, they could hear loud crying noises from the inside.
"Addie!" He called out as both him and Mark walk towards the door of the closet.
"Red, open the door." Mark says firmly as he tries to wriggle the door open – it was locked from the inside.
"Addie..." Derek tries in a softer manner. "It's us, Derek and Mark. We know you're in there. Please open the door, we just want to know if you're okay."
After a moment of silence and waiting, they heard the locks opening, Derek immediately pushed the door open to see Addison curled up in a fetal position on the floor. Oh, he could only imagine what Bizzy would say if she saw Addison like this…but that's not the important thing here.
Upon opening the door, Derek immediately sat down next to Addison and pulled her in his arms. As soon as he wraps his arms around her, Addison cries in new vigor. He could feel her tremble in his arms, her harsh breathing worries him so as much as he wanted to hold her close, he pulled away from her slightly and cupped her cheeks.
"Honey, breathe with me okay?" Addison nods slightly as Derek starts coaching her to breathe properly. And for a moment, they stay like that until Addison's breathing starts to normalize and she buries her head on the crook of Derek's neck. Her breath tickling him.
"I'm sorry." She whispers on his neck. "I didn't mean to worry you, I just, I couldn't breathe and I didn't know what was happening. And then I was in here, and it's dark. I thought I was lost so I started crying and then I couldn't breathe again."
"Don't say that you're sorry. It's not your fault." He says softly, kissing her cheek.
He feels Addison shake her head, "But I am sorry. I made you worry about me."
"I love you; I'll always worry about you. Especially when you're missing and I have no idea where to find you. I get scared but that's okay because that means that I'm scared to lose you. And the idea of living everyday until eternity without you, it scares me so much. But," He continues, taking her face in his hands, meeting her eyes. "Pretty girl, it's alright. I'm here, you're okay."
Addison giggles softly, causing Derek to raise his eyebrows in confusion. "Why are you laughing?" He asks.
"Because that's the sappiest thing I've ever heard you say." She chuckles as Derek pouts. "And you called me pretty girl."
"Well, you're a very pretty girl." He insists, stroking her cheek with the back of his fingers.
"Even when I'm stoned?" She asks, raising a skeptical eyebrow.
Derek laughs before kissing the tip of her nose, "You're always pretty. Beautiful, even. Not even a pot of marijuana can turn you ugly."
"So, you promise that when we grow old that you're not going to leave me for some younger pretty girl?" She asks teasingly.
"Well, I'll be damned if I ever let you go." He says. And Addison smiled widely at him, drawing him in her arms. The two of them held each other – not wanting to let go. Derek just wanted to hold her for everyday until eternity and when he felt Addison kissing the side of his neck, he knew that she felt the same.
Unbeknownst to them, Mark who was standing (envious and softened at the same time) there the whole was taking a couple of pictures using his digital camera. And even though he was slightly annoyed that neither of his friends noticed that he was right there, he couldn't help but smile. Mark knew that Derek was planning to propose to Addison that summer – he had helped Derek picked out the ring. And because of the moment he witnessed between Addison and Derek, he knew that what he and the rest of their friends were saying was right – Addison-and-Derek were meant to be.
Hours later, when everyone was sober and they were all gathered in the living room of the vacation home, Addison and Derek decided to take a look at the photos Mark had taken throughout the day. And as they stumble upon a picture of them – in the closet, Derek was holding Addison's face but they were both smiling at each other adoringly; the two of them shared a look. Not only the picture would be one of their favorite pictures, the entire summer that they went through together that year would be their favorite.
With that, Derek smiles softly before pulling out a red velvet box out of his pocket.
"Marry me, Addison?"
xxx
Derek smiles at what he would used to call the best vacation that he and Addison ever had. The two of them of course had visited a lot of places for vacation during the duration of their marriage. One being the place with the sheets that they both loved. But still, the memory of Addison smiling adoringly at him before saying yes to his proposal – that topped every vacation because that was when he'd really realized that he had found the one…at that time. The right person for that time in his life.
His smile quickly fades as he puts his gaze back on Addison and Jake. They just looked so happy, they resembled him and Addison before the fire between them went out. And he wonders if the same thing would happen to the couple in front of him. He knows it's bad and cruel to think about it but he still does. A petty part of him wants it to happen just because him and Addison couldn't make it work but a part of him also knows that it most likely wouldn't happen. Jake loves Addison with all his heart – and Jake proved that to Derek when he told him about the recreation of prom that he was planning out for Addison.
"Derek, you're here!" A familiar voice cuts his thoughts, causing him to turn around. "I'm so glad you made it." Derek saw Nancy rushing down the stairs towards him. "I actually thought that you'd change your mind about coming here."
"Well, I'm here." He says, forcing a smile before hugging his sister. "I missed you, Nancy Pants."
"Only Mark calls me that," She says softly, holding Derek tightly. "But you get a pass because I missed you too."
"It's nice to know that the somewhat love you feel for me hasn't disappeared." He says teasingly as the pull away from the hug.
"You're my brother, that's never going to change." She says softly, wrapping an arm around Derek's shoulder.
Both of them turned back to the sight that Derek was looking at a few moments ago. And once again, his gaze was locked on the couple in front of them. A gush of pain strikes his chest as he takes in the position that they're in – Jake's arms were wrapped around Addison's waist from behind, his chin resting on her shoulder as they show more pictures to Henry and Nina. It was a sight to see.
"You saw them," Nancy asses knowingly, cutting through Derek's mind.
"Well, they're in the middle of the living room." He says smugly. Though he knew that even if they weren't in the living room, he'd still notice. Because even in the darkest room in the house his eyes will be captured by flaming red hair – Addison's hair. Though it's a little lighter now than he last saw it, he'll know that it's her. He just will.
"I know that they're a sight to see but behave, Derek. They're part of the family." Nancy warns in her no-nonsense voice.
"What makes you think that I'm going to do something?" He asks defensively.
"I just know," She smirks, tugging on Derek's arm. "Now let's go, Thanksgiving dinner's about to start so help me fix the table."
Derek nodded, following his sister in the dining area where his mother was in. He was immediately met with a warm hug from her mother. Telling him that she was happy to see him and that she was glad he could come. His mother didn't mention why there were more people attending this year's Shepherds Thanksgiving and he didn't ask. Instead, he focused himself on helping his mother and his sister in fixing the dinner table for all the occupants.
After a lot of hugs from nieces and nephews later, everyone was now seated on the dining table. And lucky for Derek, his mother had him sit right next to Addison and Jake. Which lead to very awkward small-talk with the couple and Derek's spiraling jealousy to increase. Addison and Jake were almost perfect – any outsider would notice that, especially Derek.
Shepherd dinners were never stiff – quite the opposite actually. Their family dinners are known to be festive and nostalgic, especially during Thanksgiving and Christmas. But this year, it's been radiating stiffness and uncertainty. The reason why it feels like that? He doesn't know why.
(Okay, he knows but there are two possible reasons – he just doesn't know which one is right.)
He's not sure if it's his presence that makes everyone wary or maybe its because there is no common ground between him and the couple next to him. And besides, Derek can't think. All he knows is that the faint smell of lavender shampoo is tickling his nose again. Just like how he'd wake up before when Addison's hair ends up on his pillow. Everything about this dinner screams new and unfamiliar – except that smell and he's glad to know that not everything about Addison has changed.
"Derek?" His mother turns to him, causing him to snap out of his reverie. "I was just asking why Meredith and the kids didn't come with you. They've never been to a Shepherd Thanksgiving before, it would've been a good way for everyone to get to know each other."
"Oh, I, uh…" He stammers. He forgot to tell anyone from his family the real reason why he was there, but then again, he couldn't say anything about him and Meredith because that would tamper the holidays. So, he lies instead. "Meredith was held up with the patient loads in Seattle and she didn't want to leave me with two kids to travel with."
"So, you left your two kids with her instead?" His mother asks, shaking her head disapprovingly.
"Well, she has friends and family in Seattle. Besides," He defends. "I don't think Meredith likes celebrations like this."
"Derek…" But he doesn't hear what his mother has to say to him because Jake caught his attention.
Jake stood up from his chair to get a glass of scotch. Then returned to his seat next to his wife, pushing the glass of scotch towards her.
"Addison doesn't drink scotch." He says almost automatically, causing everyone in the table to look at him. Derek doesn't mind though because it's true. Addison doesn't drink scotch, not without him – at least he hopes she still doesn't drink scotch without him.
Addison shot Jake an apologetic look before turning her attention towards Derek, "The scotch isn't mine. We're sharing it."
"Oh," He says quietly. "I'm sorry, I just thought…"
"It's alright." Addison gives him a soft yet breathtaking smile.
Derek nods mutely, trying to wrap his head around what he just found out. Scotch-sharing – or more accurately, drink-sharing was their thing. And now, it was Addison and Jake's thing. There were so many times in between their surgeries when they were still in New York that they'd meet in the cafeteria to share a cup of juju or post-surgery coffee. Then there were times when he and Addison went out for dinners and she'd insist that they share his scotch. He took them for granted, he realizes.
"But you don't even like scotch," Derek reminds his wife, to which she replies with. "I don't like scotch but I love sharing them with you." The two of them share a smile before Derek leans in to kiss Addison. Nights like that made it seem like nothing could tear them apart, they shared a lot of intimate things – they were even supposed to share the rest of their lives together.
He took another glance at the table and saw that everyone was still looking at him. Well, everyone except Addison. And he just knows by the way her posture is, she's thinking of something to say to lessen the tension in the dining table.
Addison always did well in moments where her patients are the cause of awkwardness. But when it comes to abrupt awkwardness in family events – especially if Bizzy was involved – she never did well. That much Derek knows hasn't changed.
"There's a pumpkin pie with Shepherds Thanksgiving named on it. Who's ready for dessert?" Derek asks enthusiastically and Addison shoots him a grateful look.
"Well…" Addison trails off slowly, recovering by giving everyone a teasing smirk. "Who can say no to a New York pumpkin pie?"
xxx
The rest of the dinner went smoothly, the pumpkin pie was still as impeccable as Derek remembered. And everyone seemed to recover from Derek's question – everyone, except Derek himself.
So, after sharing glasses of scotch with his brother-in-law's and Jake, he decided to step out to the porch where his mother kept a porch swing. He just couldn't stay inside. The reason he was there – the familiarity was getting to him and it was getting bad.
Apparently, he wasn't the only one who couldn't stay inside because as he walks closer to the porch, he catches Addison's red hair.
"It's the scotch." He says teasingly as he sits next to her – her head was in her hands. Clearly fighting intoxication, Addison never did well with drinking scotch.
Addison chuckles at that, "You know drinking scotch was never my strong suit."
"Yeah," He breaths. "I know."
And for a moment, they sit there in uncomfortable silence. Until Henry and Nina catches Derek's attention from inside the house.
"So, your kids…" He trails off, waiting for Addison to lift her head.
"What about my kids?" She asks, meeting his eyes.
"They remind me of you and Mark." He says softly, averting his eyes back to Addison's children. He just couldn't look into her eyes, it's a dangerous place to be in.
"I would say that," She agrees. "Henry is such a little Mark. Especially his choice of food. You know how Mark was the only person we knew that would eat pizza by rolling it?"
"Yeah." He laughs, remembering the way his best friend used to eat pizza.
"Henry does the same thing. Although," Addison smiles, fixing her gaze at her children as well. "He's got a lot of Jake's mannerisms and his manners. Or at least I think he has because Henry adores Jake. And I think it's come to a point where he's idolizing him."
"And Nina?" He asks, looking back at Addison – whose eyes were shining as she continued to watch her children.
"People say she's like me and I agree. She maybe just a few months old but she already has some of my mannerisms and she's smart." She says softly, meeting Derek's eyes once again.
"She's a pretty girl too, she has your eyes." Derek says, letting himself get lost in Addison's eyes.
He knows that it's wrong to feel whatever it is that he's feeling but he can't control it. Not when Addison's around – not when he's surrounded by memories of Addison-and-Derek.
"You know…" He trails off, taking Addison's hand in his. "I always thought that Natalie would have your eyes too."
Addison looks at him at surprise, it's been years since anyone has mentioned that name to her – and admittedly she thought that Derek has forgotten. "Well that's funny, because I thought she'd have your eyes."
"She would've been beautiful." Derek whispers, his eyes softening as he imagines a little redhead child with his eyes running around his mother's house.
"Well, she was supposed to be our baby." Addison reminds him. "And we're both incredibly desirable."
Derek laughs halfheartedly before growing serious. "She would've been a great kid. She would've been an incredible big sister."
"She already is." Addison mumbles almost inaudibly.
"What?" Derek asks, his brows knitting in confusion.
"She already is." Addison repeats. "Because if she wasn't anencephalic and if she lived, her siblings wouldn't have been here. She made a sacrifice so her siblings could live. And sometimes, I like to think that she's my kids and your kids' guardian angel."
"So, you're saying that if she lived, you think you and I were still together?" He asks, almost uncertainly. He'd like to think that they would have but he wants to hear what Addison has to say.
"Yes." She answers simply. "Because her death…it caused the death of our relationship. I mean, it started there."
He winces at that. After years of hating Addison, he's at the point in his life that he finally accepts that Addison wasn't the only one to blame in the demise of their marriage. If anything, he should be the one to be blamed. Because Addison had come to Seattle to fix them but he destroyed them – he destroyed her by sleeping with another woman during the hospital's prom.
And now, he feels sorry. Sorry for hurting Addison, and sorry for their daughter. Derek knew that Natalie would've adored Addison and with what he did to her mother, he thinks that their daughter probably despises him. Because he didn't fight, and her mother always fought (maybe too much) for everything.
"I don't care, Derek. Dead or alive, this is our daughter and I want to meet her. Even if its just for a few minutes. I just can't not meet her – even if it's just to say goodbye."
"You know…" Addison trails off, cutting through Derek's mind. "It's kind of ironic that we never told Amelia because she was just getting back to her feet back then but when she had her unicorn baby – when she had Christopher, she said the exact same thing that I told you. Or at least something close to it."
He doesn't need to ask what it was; he still remembers what the verbatim of her words – "I save babies for a living and my baby's going to die, you're a neurosurgeon and our baby has no brain." – That night was when they found out that their baby was an anencephalic baby. And he spent most of the night trying to calm his wife down. That was also the night that Derek Shepherd began to question if there really is a God, and if there was, then he had a damn well sense of humor.
"I'm sorry." He whispers, tightening his grip on Addison's hand.
"For what?" She asks, her brows furrowing in confusion.
"Just because…" He mumbles shyly.
And she doesn't press because a simple because implied a lot of things.
Because I chose patients over spending time with you.
Because I wasn't there when you needed me.
Because I was never home.
Because of the indifference.
Because of prom.
Because I never gave you a proper chance – because I never gave us a proper chance.
Because I caused you so much pain when I promised to protect you for the rest of my life.
"I've forgiven you a long time ago, Derek." She gives him a soft smile before her lips curl into a teasing smirk. "I just hope you've found it in that tiny heart of yours to forgive me too."
He chuckles softly, his eyes shining. "This tiny heart of mine has forgiven you too." You're also probably what's inside my tiny heart right now, he thinks but he doesn't say that out loud.
For a moment they just sit there, soaking each other's presence – or more accurately, Derek was getting lost in the smell of Addison once again. It was familiar and nostalgic. At that moment, he realized that he actually didn't need to come to New York to find familiarity because Addison was already the biggest symbol of familiarity.
"Um, Addison." He whispers, untangling his hand from hers.
"Yeah?"
"I think you should go back inside." He says, pointing to the inside of the house where Jake was obviously looking for Addison. "You wouldn't want him to worry."
Addison chuckles as she follows his gaze. "You're probably right about that. But hey, how'd you know that he was looking for me just by staring at the window?"
"Because I'm a guy." He says teasingly, watching as Addison stands up from the porch swing. And I'm a guy who was married to you, he thinks but he doesn't say that. He can't say that.
"Yeah, right…" She smirks as she walks towards the door. "Hey, Derek?"
"Yeah?"
"Happy Thanksgiving." She says softly, giving him a soft smile.
It's his turn to smile at that, "Happy Thanksgiving, Addison."
And as Addison disappears to the inside of his mother's house, he slumps on the porch swing. He was being reminded by the conversation about Addison that he and Mark had a few days after Addison left for LA.
Derek sighed before looking up and whispering, "You were right, Mark."
xxx
"Seriously, you're still blaming me?" Derek asks angrily as he follows Mark in the Attending's lounge.
Him, Richard and Mark just finished meeting with a few candidates to replace Addison's place as the head of Neonatal. None of them were qualified enough for Derek and Mark had a few side comments about Derek only wanting the best to replace Addison in a professional capacity. Which started an argument between them, which also led to Mark now blaming Derek for Addison's departure from Seattle.
"Are you seriously blaming me?" Derek presses. "I thought you said Karev ran her off."
"Derek are you really that blind?" Mark counters.
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asks defensively.
Mark sighs in frustration, his (ex) best friend was really that blind when it came to his own faults. "It wasn't just Karev, it was you too. You and Meredith, you ran her off."
"Me... I did not run her off. She ran me off when she slept with you." He retorts without missing a beat.
"You slept with someone else too, Derek." Mark reminds him.
"Yeah after she slept with you." He says smugly.
"Would you stop blaming Addison for once? It wasn't just her fault." Mark says in defense of Addison. "You stopped being there for her when she needed you, you were not a perfect husband. You should've done better."
"That isn't enough reason to sleep with you. And besides," He continues, slumping down on the couch. "I thought you were in love with her, why are you telling me that I should've done better?"
"I was – I am in love with her," Mark says, sitting next to Derek. "But Addison, she's in love with you. Even when she stayed with me, I knew that I could never trump you in her heart. And loving Addison makes me want the best for her, even if its with you. If it means being the man who watches from the window, it's fine. As long as you took care of her. I was that man. And you know…I think someday, you'll be me too."
"That's never going to happen. I'm not in love with Addison." He says confidently. "And whatever we had; it doesn't matter because I've already started to forget about it. I'm moving on."
"Addison's not easy to forget, Derek." He insists.
"It maybe hard for you but it is for me."
"Addison's not easy to forget, Derek." He repeats. "But it's easy to pretend that it is. It's easy to pretend that whatever you had doesn't exist. And it may not happen now, or next week or next year but one day, all those memories that you two had – they're going to haunt you and you're going to realize the mistake that you made by letting Addison go. And you know what would hurt you the most? It's the fact that you'll be me. You're going to be the guy watching through the window because you can't have her – because unlike you, when that time comes, Addison wouldn't be pretending to forget what you two had. She actually has and she's already moved on."
Derek closes his eyes as Mark's words ring in his head over and over again – "Addison wouldn't be pretending to forget what you two had." – Especially because now, he realized that Mark was right. Mark who has said a lot of wrong things that has caused more harm than good was right. And what he unsettles him more is that Mark was right about something involving Addison – Mark and his friends were also the same people that said that he and Addison were meant to be. Not that they were wrong because they were right. In one point in his life, they were right. And how he wished that they were still right.
And not that he isn't happy with Meredith and their children but now he just wonders. What if he fought for Addison? Would the two children he has now be replaced by Henry and Nina? It's pretty to think so but with the way things turned out, he'll never know if it will happen.
"Do you think things would have been different if you'd have kids?" That's what Meredith asked him years ago and he answered. "I don't know." And it was true, he doesn't know – both him and Addison didn't know because they lost the chance to find out. As quick as they were given the best surprise that has ever came their way, it quickly turned into the worst.
Now, as he looks at Addison through the window, his heart sinks – Addison was looking at Jake the way she used to look at him, she was resting her head on his shoulder the way she used to do when the scotch that she drank was already getting to her. A part of him wonders how Addison doesn't flinch while doing the things she used to do with him but a part of him also knows why it isn't affecting her the way it's affecting him.
It's because she's already forgotten and moved on, and just like Mark had said – unlike Derek, she wasn't just pretending. And now as he watches through the window, he realized that Mark was right about another thing. He was now the man who's going to be only watching Addison through a metaphorical window because he couldn't have her.
During the days when Derek was still pretending that Addison (and their history together) didn't exist, he used to wish that she'd just disappear from Seattle but now – he wishes that he could still have one more chance. One more chance to talk to her and tell her that he hasn't actually forgotten. And maybe from there they could prove their friends right again – that they were meant to be. From there, he'll be the man who she'd have a family with; he'd be the one telling their kids how beautiful their mother was and still is; he'd be the one who she'll be sharing scotch with – and ultimately the man who'll be taking care of her once inhibitions go down or maybe…if he'd have another chance, he'd still be the man who worries when he doesn't know where to find her.
But he can't do those things. Not anymore at least. So, before closing his eyes again, he takes one more look at the couple through the window. "I'm still right here, pretty girl. You're okay, you're going to be okay with him."