Victoria stared incredulously after Albert for a moment, as he stormed away before returning her full attention to Dash before he could whine again.
She yanked off her cloak and wrapped it carefully around him, her heart breaking with every whimper of pain and fear that he let out.
"Shh it will be OK, I will get you help, there we are," She said softly to her beloved dog as she scooped him up and hurried back in the direction of the castle, fighting back her tears and the sick feel of worry for her pet as she stumbled and tripped over branches and rocks obscured from her sight.
Just as she was dashing up the driveway to the main doors they opened and a very familiar figure stepped out donning his hat, his attention turned to where his horse was being led to him by one of her stable boys.
She simultaneously felt so much better, and as though she were going to burst into the tears she had manged to suppress for the most part, though her cheeks were damp from where she had not been able to hold onto them when Dash had let out a particularly heartbreaking whimper.
"M… Lo… Lord… Lord M!" she panted, just barely loud enough to carry the distance between them, sure to have been snatched by the wind and whisked away. But as ever it seemed as though her Prime Minister was attuned to her in a way no one else had been, and his head snapped around.
"Mame! What happened!?" he exclaimed racing over to them, going as far to drop his cane uncaringly in his haste. "Are you harmed? What happened, I thought you were with the Duke!" he asked confused looking around.
"I was, he left me. Dash is hurt Lord M, he got his leg trapped in a hunting wire," she felt herself tearing up up more as he placed his large, warm hand on her arm to look at her precious bundle. "He is in such pain!" she trembled.
"It will be OK," he smiled at her with that grounding warmth, the sure and certainty of him allowing her to catch her breath. "Here let me take him, he must be getting heavy, we will take him to the doctor and get him checked over," he reassured her.
Carefully she placed her dog into his arms, and then groaned in a little pain as the burning in her arms made itself known. They turned and hurried back towards the castle.
"I warned you not to feed him all that meat, it would have been easier for you if he were a few pounds lighter," William teased.
"You are teasing me, now?" she exclaimed, but she could not prevent her laughter, a little choked though it was.
He just smiled at her, that crooked smile that she imagined was just for her as she had seen it gifted to no one else.
They hurried through the castle, making their way towards the doctors quarters.
"Victoria, niece, what happened? Are you harmed?" Leopald appeared in a doorway as they hurried passed, a concerned look on his face as he took in the blood staining her stomach and down her skirts, she almost felt grateful for his concern until he then narrowed his eyes onto William, and she lost her temper.
"I am quite well and unharmed, no thanks to your nephew! Now if you will excuse us!" she uttered the word she had so carefully avoided using to describe herself and William together, aware of tongues wagging and what people thought, but right now she did not care about that, right now she was standing up for what she wanted, no needed.
Spinning on her heel she hurried along after William who had kept walking with Dash though he had slowed down. They said nothing as they turned down the last corridor, and the poor doctor nearly needed medical care himself when they burst through his doors.
Once he was calmed to be informed the Queen was unharmed, he turned all his attention onto Dash, not a hint of mockery or thinking this beneath him as he calmed him with a gentle stroke before starting to look at his paw.
"You need to warm up a little Ma'me, you had a shock, come, we will be right next door as soon as you have news Doctor," William said.
"Of course," he nodded looking up for a second before going back to Dash's paw. Victoria allowed herself to be led from the room and into the sitting room next door, servants hurrying away with orders from William as she dropped shakily into a chair by the fire feeling as a puppet must when their stings were cut.
She started when something was wrapped around her shoulders, turning as the familiar scent of orange spice, something slightly flowery from the conservatory of Brocket Hall, filled her senses, and she was greeted with the emerald green of a very familiar coat.
William knelt in front of her, gently taking her hands the way he had a thousand times to kiss them, though he did not now, he frowned as he felt the cold in them.
"I threw my gloves down when I knelt by Dash, I did not even think to pick them up," she sighed.
"Here, put these on, I will feed the fire, there will be tea brought up soon," he instructed gently, dropping his own gloves into her lap, before hurrying to the fireplace, kneeling in front of it to get it roaring rather than spluttering the way it was.
Looking away from his figure, so capable at anything that he wished to put his mind to, she picked up his gloves and put them on, eager for the warmth of the fabric, and trying to suppress the thought that in a way this was like holding his hand.
He turned just as a few of the logs he had thrown onto the first sputtered and cracked before catching and starting to burn brighter and brighter by the second, the sound of her giggle distracting him from his task.
"Our hands are so different," she explained, holding up her hand and bending one of the fingers nearly in half to show where her hands sat in his large gloves.
"My hands are unusually large," he said with a twinkle in his eyes.
"And mine unusually small," she laughed. She only felt comfortable about her size with him, only he could tease her however indirectly about her height and she did not take it to heart and hear all Conroy and her mother's mocking over the years.
William rose and took the tray with their teas one from the servant that brought them in, placing it carefully onto the side and quickly pouring them a cup each.
"You were leaving when I arrived, I am taking up yet more of your time," Victoria sighed as she took the cup, sighing as the warmth sank into her fingers through the gloves.
"I would far rather be here with you then doing anything else," William smiled as he settled into the chair opposite hers. "Especially in this moment,"
"You do not think me foolish?" she sighed.
"He is your beloved pet, and once your only companion, I would worry for you if you were not upset by this, pets are dear to us, they offer us a comfort and a security, love, when it seems that we have none. Lady Emma bought me a dog a year after Augustus passed, I did not want the thing, and yet she became my dearest companion and helped ease my aching heart on even the hardest of says simply by being there with me," William smiled softly.
"What was her name?" Victoria asked equally softly, aware that she was being granted personal information that he had probably not shared with anyone else. Not how the dog made him feel at least.
"I called her Scruffy," William chuckled. "She was a mop of fur and no legs as a pup, and my son, he had a Teddy bear he called Scruffy,"
"Then a more perfect name could not have been granted to her," Victoria said gently.
"What happened Ma'me? What did you mean no thanks to his nephew. I met Ernest and he said that you and Albert were riding together back to the castle," William asked concerned, leaning forward so his elbows were resting on his legs.
"I offered to show him the Norman oak in the forest because he likes trees so much, we were getting along OK, actually having a civil conversation, and then I heard Dash, we went to look and he was helping at first, he cut him free and made the splint, but then somehow he started scolding me on how much time I spent with you and that I did not rule as well as I should," Victoria took a sip of her tea to try and quell the tremble of anger in her hand.
William sat blinking at her as she placed her cup down with a sharp clink onto the table and burrowed deeper into his coat, still shivering from a mixture of cold, fear and anger.
"And then when I tried to explain, he just walked off! Left me in the middle of the forest with Dash!"
"Wait he left you there? You did not send him away?" William asked furiously, startling her from her thoughts to see an absolutely furious us scowl on his face.
"Yes, to be frank he stormed off in a tantrum!" Victoria growled.
"I…"
"What is it Lord M?" Victoria asked as something else crossed his features.
"If I spent a little more time…."
"No! Absolutely not, the only person to blame here is Albert!" Victoria huffed.
"Your Majesty, I am finished," The Doctor poked his head in, and then looked supremely uncomfortable as he realised that he had obviously interrupted something.
"Is he OK?" William asked concerned, standing and making his way over to the doctor, Victoria right alongside him.
"He is OK Ma'me, my lord, I have given him what I can for the pain, but he is still in discomfort and will be for a week or so. I have set his leg but we must be careful to make sure that he does not jump up or down, or put any pressure on it,"
"We will, thank you Doctor, I will come and get him," William smiled, bowing slightly to her before following the Doctor.
Taking a deep breath Victoria made her way back over to the fireplace, unable to shake the cold from herself. She tugged William's coat a little tighter around herself as she stood in front of the fire, allowing his scent to soak into her senses.
His scent, much like the man himself made her feel safer and more at home than she had ever known in her life, he made her feel normal, he made her feel capable. While everyone else was waiting for her to trip and fall on her face, waiting for the chance to criticise her, mock her, point out she was not ready to be Queen, he was there with words of comfort and giving her confidence to know she could do it, he believed she could, when she stumbled he was there with a hand on her elbow to ensure it was not seen.
Frowning she remembered all Albert's scolding words and disapproval, his mocking comments posed as criticism.
"You have been a brave boy, yes you have, you're going to be just fine, we can't have your mistress worrying too much about you, can we, no, we both want to make sure she is happy and content and safe,"
Victoria raised her hand to her mouth to hide her laughter as she heard William talking to Dash as he made his way back to the room, clearly he did not realise his voice would carry so. It warmed her heart.
"Here we are Ma'me, shall I carry him back to your rooms?" He smiled as he stepped through the door a moment later. He tilted his head, his smile becoming a little more crooked at the smile on her face.
"Yes please, and we shall be returning to Buckingham Palace," Victoria nodded picking his gloves up from the side table she had placed them on.
"Ma'me, are you sure you want that?" William asked softly, not judging, just asking.
"I came here hoping that he would be happier, and maybe I would see what everyone is wanting me to see in him after I got a hint of it at the ball. Instead all I have seen is that I was correct in my initial judgement of him," Victoria huffed as they made their way through the corridors. "I prefer the city,"
"If there is anyone's instincts I would trust, they would be yours," William inclined his head as he carefully moved Dash into a more comfortable position. "Fetch a basket large enough to fit Dash into please, and some blankets for him," He said to a passing servant, the young boy looked wide eyed at the Queen and the blood on her dress, and Dash bundled into a blanket with his damaged, bandaged paw resting out of it.
"Your majesty, my Lord," The boy bowed.
"I will be in my rooms," Victoria nodded to him with a light smile, she recognised the boy as the one that Penge was clearly training up to be fit to replace him one day.
"Of course Ma'ma, right away," The boy nodded before hurrying off.
"Do you really mean it?" Victoria asked softly. A few moments later as they carried on making their way to her rooms.
"Mean what?" William asked curiously.
"About trusting my instincts, I fear sometimes that I am nothing more than a foolish girl to you that you feel duty bound to humour," Victoria admitted quietly, looking determinedly down the corridor, aware that he had stopped in place just behind her.
"Your Majesty...Victoria," His tone, the use of her name for the first time that she could remember had her spinning, her crystal blue eyes wide as she looked at him. "You are anything but a foolish girl, yes you can be naive at times, but that is no fault with you, and everything to do with your mother and Lord Conroy and the way they smothered you, you are making up for lost time at an impressive rate, learning everything that was kept from you, and it has only been a year. As for humouring you, yes I do that sometimes…"
"Lord…" She gasped feeling a shot of hurt going through her, taking a small step back, but he stepped forward to close the distance between them with three steps.
"Everyone humours the people that they care about at times, I definitely do not humour you because I feel duty bound, but because I care for you, and I like seeing you happy. I am sure there have been times that you have humoured me, I hope not just because I am your Prime Minster and Private Secretary,"
"I…" She had humoured him, from small things when he had wanted to ride a different way to the direction she had wanted to go because he had spotted a nest of Rooks in the trees, to the big things, such as postponing three days of meetings because he had not been back to Brocket Hall for a little while. Because she cared about him, and wanted to see him happy.
"You are…" He seemed to realise how close they were, and stepped back, considering his words carefully. "You have changed my life, being honoured to be allowed to be your Prime Minister, your Private Secretary, getting to be part of your life, has changed my life, and definitely for the better,"
"Having you part of my life has definitely changed my life for the better as well. You were the first person to ever tell me I had a choice," She smiled softly.
"I trust your instincts, whatever you choose, and I will support you in that, even should you choose to forgive Albert and marry him," He was definitely blushing, enough so that she could forgive his words.
"I will definitely not be changing my mind," She snorted, spinning and walking back towards her rooms.
"Your Majesty! What happened!" Emma gasped as they walked into Victoria's living rooms and the women saw the state she was in. "Are you harmed?"
"I am fine, just a little tired and shaken, Dash was the one that was hurt," Victoria frowned sadly as she looked at her dog.
"Ma'me!" The boy servant wheezed as he skidded into the room, a large basket and blankets clasped in his hands.
"Thank you!" Victoria smiled at him, taking the items from him, gripping his arm briefly. "You must have run the whole way there and back, tell chef that you are to have a large plate of food," She smiled softly.
"Thank you Ma'ma, you're too kind!" The boy gushed before hurrying away.
When she turned she found William looking flustered and a little awkward as he was surrounded by her Ladies who were fussing over Dash in his arms.
"Here we go, such a good idea Lord M, this will stop him jumping around," Victoria hurried over and lined the basket with the soft blankets before retrieving Dash from his arms and placing him carefully inside.
"My Lady! What happened!" Lehzen gasped as she walked in.
"I must look an awful fright," Victoria laughed looking down at herself. "I am quite well, though Dash was hurt,"
"Is he going to be ok?" Emma asked concerned stroking Dash's head gently.
"The doctor has looked at him, he said that he will be fine, we just have to be careful with him for a while and make sure that he does not use that leg too much," Victoria shuddered. "Lehzen, I am sorry, but I wish to return back to Buckingham, please see that we are ready to move,"
"Already?" Lehzen blinked before curtseying. "Of course I will!"
"Thank you, coming here was a mistake," Victoria said softly.
"Not yours," William could not stop himself from saying, and was relieved when she smiled honestly at him.
"Well, lets get ready to leave and keep an eye on Dash!" Emma said cheerfully in her gentle, no nonsense way.
The next hour was a whirlwind of activity for Victoria as William was swept from her rooms, and she was hurried away to change out of her bloody clothing. It was only once she was picking through some of her things that she realised that she still had William's coat. She carefully placed it into one of her trunks, feeling a little guilty as she quickly dropped a few dresses on top of it to hide it from view.
And then it was a flurry of getting everything ready to leave Windsor and head back, and she did not have five seconds to think until she was seated in the carriage with Lehzen, Emma and Harriet, Dash carefully laying cuddled into her arms whining a little from being moved, then her mind would not stop spinning, thankfully her ladies knew her well and knew to leave her be, even though they exchanged some worried glances.
Victoria thought she had made herself clear, once they had returned to Buckingham she had done nothing more to indulge either of her cousins, her uninvited cousins she reminded herself, they ate meals together as was polite, but she only indulged the conversations that Ernest made, ignoring his attempts to force her and Albert to talk by pointedly turning to speak to someone else.
However, it seemed that her family were eternally hopeful, and did not care what she wanted more importantly. Which led her to where she was now, sitting behind her desk with her state papers littered around her desk, William sitting opposite her, both of them staring stunned at the five people standing in the doorway to her office.
"Lord M, would you assist me," She huffed starting to collect the documents, grimacing when she realised a few would not have dried yet and would smudge.
"He is part of the problem, there are others that can help you!" Lord Conroy said sharply, pointing at William.
"He is my Prime Minster and Private Secretary, and these are documents of state that are for eyes of no one but myself and he, definitely not for the eyes of forgein dignitaries, whether they are related to me or not!" Victoria said sharply as she snapped shut the dispatch box and pointedly locked it, tucking the key away into the safety of her skirts.
Her mother, uncle, Ernest, Albert and Conroy all blinked at her tone.
"You spend too much time with him Drina, it is not appropriate you should be…"
"I remind you, mother, I am the Queen of Britain, what I should and shouldn't do is none of your business anymore. And I repeat, again, because you seem to be hard of hearing, he is my Prime Minster and Private Secretary, we must spend time together to run the country!"
"That is why you need a husband, to…"
"Control me? Rule me? Handle me? Yes you have said so before Lord Conroy," Victoria said bitingly. "I was trying to be tactful and save embarrassment for Albert, but it seems that it must be said, I will not be marrying him, we are not a match, and the choice is mine, and he is not my choice!" Victoria said firmly.
"Because of him and his influence on you he is…" Albert started, but Victoria nipped that in the bud by slamming her hand onto the table.
"It has nothing to do with Lord M and everything to do with you!"
"Albert is a wonderful man and will make a wonderful husband," Leopald scolded.
"Albert has done nothing but insult me since he came here, from my piano skills and what I choose to do at the end of the day - which by the way I play cards because it is a social event and I am still working when I do so, to how I rule, to the uniform my grandfather created, I have no desire of a husband who chooses to find fault in everything that I do, insults me at every chance, and…"
"That is enough he…"
"I. AM. SPEAKING!" Victoria roared, and everyone, including William stared at her stunned. "You do not interrupt me Lord Conroy, you are my mother's comptroller, nothing more, and certainly nothing to do with me, you do not advise me, and I have no desire to hear any of your thoughts, opinions, or anything in between,"
"Well, I am your uncle! Albert does not flatter, but only because he wishes to help you improve," Leopold said sharply, scoldingly.
"There is a difference between flattery and insults, rudeness! And I do not recall asking for his help in improving anything," Victoria turned on him. "Once upon a time, when that was all I knew, I would accept his behaviour as 'helping' me. I know better now,"
"Lord Melbourne..."
"Showed me that how you treated me was wrong, mother, as have my Ladies, and the others that I have taken on to assist me in my duty, who can manage to do so without making me feel lesser, and try and grasp every inch of power that can be dug out of me," Victoria turned to her mother.
"You should not speak to your mother like that, you are lucky to still have her," Albert scolded, and Victoria was sure she saw a twitch in William's eye. He was standing to the side of her, supporting her, and ready to step in should she need it, but was trusting that she was more than capable to deal with this herself.
"Just because she is my mother does not mean I must like her, I will love her in a way, I always will, she is my mother. However, my relationship with her is very different to your relationship with your mother, you love a woman you barely remember, I know my mother, and I know that I was a meal ticket to her first always, her daughter second. Just because she is my mother, does not mean she is allowed automatic forgiveness and freedom in my life, and I am appalled that you think you can guilt me into treating her better because of your experience,"
"Ma'me, she is our aunt we know her," Ernest said softly.
"You have barely ever seen each other. You know her as well as I know your father, my uncle, which is to say barely at all. Do you know that when I was seriously ill at 16 with typhoid fever her and Lord Conroy tried to get me to sign a document to make Conroy my Private Secretary, I was half mad with fever when they forced the pen into my hands and tried to make me sign the document," Victoria tilted her chin up even as William could not keep in the angry sound in his chest. "That is who my mother is!"
"What?" Ernest and Albert both turned to the Duchess a little stunned.
"I was seriously ill, still in danger of dying, and her thought was to sign my power over to Lord Conroy so that he could control me, should I survive, when I took the throne. That was my mother's priority, and when I truly knew that power would always be more important to her,"
"Still, Albert was trying to help, as he was advising you in ruling," Leopold pressed. Victoria and William turned to him incredulously.
"Tell me uncle, how is cousin Albert meant to advise me on how to be ruler of Britain, the greatest Empire in the world, when he is the second son of a Duke? You dare offend me by telling me that I should stand and be lectured on ruling my country by a boy my age, who has ruled nothing, and comes from a country that is by comparison tiny to my country, he did not advise, he insulted and he told me what I should be doing, that is not advising!"
"Not to mention that Duke Albert left the Queen in the forest, alone with her injured dog to walk back to the castle carrying him herself," William spoke up.
"It is just a dog!" Albert threw his hands up.
"He is more than that, and if you cared for Her Majesty, then you would understand that. And I am more talking about the fact that you left the Queen of Britain, alone, in a forest, after the charterist had already made an attempt on her life. I do not see your much acclaimed duty and responsibility in that action," William glared.
"No indeed, it was more the action of a boy and one having a tantrum at that," Victoria narrowed her eyes.
"You are of the same age, if he is a boy you are a girl," Leopold snapped.
"You get away with a lot because you are my Uncle, but you will not forget that I am the Queen of Britain, and you are in my country, it matters not who you were married to before, I am the Queen now. I think you have taken advantage of my hospitality a little too freely. I will be raising with Parliament that I do not believe it is suitable that our country still pays you an allowance when you have nothing to do with our country anymore, especially when you have an...exalted country of your own to rule and are King yourself. I do not see why my money should still line your pockets for a marriage long ago, and one that you have replaced,"
The silence was deafening as Leopold stood open mouthed as he stared at her, and she felt a thrill of satisfaction go through her, they had pushed her, and she was going to show them that she would no longer be pushed around, she would not be told what to do, or made to feel lesser anymore. She was the Queen of Britain, and she had learned that to claim power you have to be able to back up your words, and out of all of them in the room she had more behind her to back up her words, she was the most powerful person in this room, and they were all grasping at her power except for Lord M.
"And as for him being a boy still, I was raised to be Queen of Britain from a young age, I have ruled my country for over a year now. I am Queen. He is a boy, looking for some power of his own, expressing opinions and a belief in how things should be done, when he has no idea the true weight of responsibility that comes with my position, and the things that I do to ensure that my duty to my people is its highest,"
"Drina…" Her mother tried.
"I have made my choice, I will not be marrying Albert, you came here without my permission, and I have been beyond indulgent of such an insult considering you are family, I even tried to see beyond the manipulation and his poor behaviour to see something more, and I was proven right about his personality when he left me alone, in a forest to carry my pet back to the castle by myself while he stormed off after daring to lecture me on who I keep company with even though we are nothing more than strangers to each other who happen to be related. Now, I am done with this conversation, you have my answer, you will leave me, or I will ensure that my guards make you," Victoria said in her most imperial voice.
Even then they all hesitated except Ernest he started stepping away, seemingly weighing up being able to argue her out of what they no doubt saw as her being dramatic. When she took in a breath to call the guards, they retreated.
Once the doors were shut behind them she dropped into her chair with a great gust of air. Closing her eyes to try and quell the burning anger in her.
"I did not know Ma'me, about when you had the fever, I remember hearing about it, but you were just a name then, a potential, and you were...they were…" William clenched his jaw, such an anger crossing his face such as the like she had never seen on his features before. "I knew that they were bad but…"
"That was the moment when I realised that the only way I was going to be free of them was when I became Queen, and I had to make sure that they would not be allowed any power in my rule, or I would be nothing more than their puppet for the rest of their lives. I just had to hold out until Uncle died and then I would be free,"
"You were so young,"
"I felt awful, for being so relieved and happy when Uncle died, I had my freedom. Do you know the first thing I did as Queen was to have my own bedroom, I had to sleep in my mother's room on a tiny bed up until that day so they could watch me, they banned me from being alone with Lehzen because I loved her," Victoria smiled sadly, before brightening a little." My second act as Queen was to meet you, and when I stated I did not wish Conroy to be my Secretary you said 'then we should find someone else' as though that was it, nothing more difficult than that, and a lot of the fears I had that I would not be able to free myself eased when you said that,"
"They are vultures," William scowled, anger still clear over his face.
"I have no doubt that should I have married Albert he would try and make sure I was pregnant as quickly as possible and use that time to take control over me and my role as ruler. That my mother and uncle would gain more control. It seems my family desire only to control me," Victoria sighed.
She stood and moved to the window, staring out over the grounds of Buckingham Palace, her Palace. She rested her delicate fingers upon the windowsill, her blue eyes shining in the sunlight streaming through the windows, highlighting her beautiful skin.
William could only stare at her, feeling his anger slipping away as he looked at her in profile, the light seeming to become trapped in her brown hair and shine from within, flowers from his own conservatory decorating her hair, as they did nearly every day. The deep blue of her dress matched her skin perfectly and made her eyes all the bluer.
She was delicate, tiny, but full of so much life and joy, full of potential, so young and yet she was learning to understand the power that she wielded, and how to wield it properly. The incident with Lady Flora would not be a mistake she would make again.
As ever his traitorous heart fluttered as he looked at her, in a way he was ashamed to admit it had never before, not even for his wife. He had told Victoria when she had come to him and confessed her feelings for him that rooks mated for life, and had implied that Caroline had been it for him, but he had long realised that the only woman he would ever truly love was standing in front of him, so far beyond his reach.
Though she had rejected Albert, she was looking, and she would one day find the right person, and he would have to stand at her wedding if it were before he was allowed to retire, and watch her pledge her life to another man, because he was nowhere near good enough for her.
"I know we do not talk about it, what I confessed at Brocket Hall, but… I need you to know… I probably would have accepted Albert, and the way he has acted, because that is the only form of love I have known besides the love from Lehzen, insulting me, scolding me, demeaning me is the love that I have known… but then, then you came into my life and I have learned what it is to have support and gentleness, kind words that support me but guide me, and I knew that marrying Albert would be to lock myself in a marriage of the Kensington System,"
She turned now and smiled gently at him, her face as open and as vulnerable as it had been that day at Brocket Hall. And because he was a fool in love he could not stop the words that spilled from him.
"We do not talk about it, and we both know that your small chamber would never allow… anything more than what we have between us now. I would never bring scandal to your name, or tarnish it in any way. But, I hope my actions say what my lips never can," he glanced to the flowers in her hair.
When he looked back at her she was looking worrying pensive, and he worried that he had said something wrong, but then she smiled at him, that warm smile that allowed all her emotions to shine through, and he allowed himself this brief chance to bathe in it before he had to once again restrain himself.
"Well, Lord M, shall we get back to work? And I believe we need to start on setting my uncle's allowance stopped," she grinned mischievously.
"You were serious about that?" William choked out a laugh.
"Now my dear Lord M, you were the one to warn me never to make an empty threat against my enemies!" she grinned settling back at her desk and opening the dispatch boxes again.
William settled down opposite her, in what he privately thought of as his seat. For however much longer he was allowed to have this, it would be enough. He would be able to hold onto this to see him through when he was no longer allowed to bask in her presence.
Victoria settled back onto her bed, pulling the covers around her, wiggling a little before letting out a loud sigh. It was no good, she could not sleep, she had been trying for nearly an hour now. Her sleep had been broken for the last week, her thoughts spinning and churning since the whole incident with Dash, Albert and her Lord M.
Huffing to herself she threw back her blankets and slid from her bed, sliding her feet into her slippers, and tugging on her dressing gown. Dash thumped his tail against his basket as she made her way over, carefully picking him up and making sure that he was covered with his blanket before she made her way to the adjoining door between her and Lehzen's room.
She perched on the side of her old governess' bed, carefully placing Dash at the foot of the bed. She curled her legs under her and then reached out gently shaking the Baroness awake. "Lehzen, Lehzen!"
"Ma'me?" Lehzen blinked sitting up and looking around the room blurrily and still half asleep.
"I am sorry to wake you, I truly am, I know you have a busy day tomorrow, but I need to talk to someone or I am sure that I am going to go quite mad!" She sighed dropping backwards onto the bed.
"You always have been dramatic," Lehzen said amused, tugging herself into a seated position against the headboard and then lifting the blankets. "At least get under the covers, it is chilly," She said fondly.
Victoria crawled up the bed and slipped under the covers, giggling a little as she did so. "This reminds me of when I was a little girl,"
"I do so miss those days, our lives are so busy now," Lehzen smiled softly.
"At least we do not have anyone hovering over us, or monitoring us when we do spend time together now," Victoria smiled dropping her head onto Lehzen's shoulder.
"You know, I worried for if you would marry Albert that my position at your side, helping you would be limited," Lehzen admitted into the dark of her room. "I do not feel that he would be happy with me running the household, and his behaviour of how jealous he became with someone else spending any time with you worried me,"
"I would never allow you to be dismissed,"
"I have seen so many women worn down by marriage, manipulated, bullied and pressured into doing as their husband wants. I do not doubt your love for me, my sweet Queen, but I worried for how long you would be able to withstand him," She reached out and linked their fingers together. "I did not think that marrying Albert was right for you. Lord Melbourne however,"
"Lehzen!" Victoria gasped sitting upright.
"It is why you are here is it not?" Lehzen laughed.
"Maybe," Victoria mumbled before dropping back into the pillows and rested her head back onto her friend's shoulder. "Yes it is. I can not stop thinking about it, I need to marry and produce an heir, and I want the companionship of marriage. But I have seen Princes, Dukes and everyone in between paraded around in front of me, and none of them appeal to me. When I think of marrying, all I can picture is him!"
"Go on," Lehzen encouraged.
"I thought that perhaps he did not love me in the way that I love him, but then he all but said it, saying that we could not be together, but he tried to show me through his actions how he felt for me, and there are times that I see the way he looks at me, he has a smile that I believe is only for me,"
"The flowers that he sends you," Lehzen said gently, wrapping her arm over Victoria's shoulders.
"Yes, I...I know that he is older than I, but I am Queen of Britain, I need a husband who is mature, I want someone who I can trust is not marrying me for my power, my money, to try and suppress me so that they can rule through me, I want someone who sees me as a woman and not a Queen, and I want someone who will be my partner and speak kindly to me,"
"Lord Melbourne," Lehzen summed up.
"Yes. But the council will never agree, even though he is the only man I wish to marry," Victoria sighed, frustrated tears appearing in her eyes. "And I need their agreement,"
"So tell them that you will marry no other man," Lehzen said.
"What?" Victoria sat up a little.
"I know that you know the consequences of a ruler not having a child to carry on your reign, I taught you that history. You hold the power Ma'me, they can tell you what you can or can not do in many things, but they can not force you to marry and have children. Use that power,"
Victoria lay there as her mind spun with what Lehzen had just placed in front of her, her argument already forming in her head, what she could say to her small council, what leverage she could use against them to make them agree.
"Do you think...if I get permission, do you think he would say yes?" Victoria asked quietly.
"Oh my dear, if a man had looked at me the way that he looks at you, I would have changed my mind on my vows and married him right away. I believe that if you remove the obstacle of the Small Council, he will say yes, you may need to convince him that he is not taking advantage of you, and that this is what you really want," Lehzen hugged her tightly.
"Thank you, what would I do without you Dearest Lehzen," Victoria sighed.
"Nowhere near as lost as I would be without you," Lehzen smiled gently.
Victoria straightened her dress and looked in the mirror one more time before nodding, Mrs Jenkins and Skerrett both breathed a sigh of relief, they had worked hard with her this morning making sure that she was presenting the right image.
For the finishing piece she reached out and carefully pinned the broach that she had commissioned to be made, a perfect replica of one famously worn by Elizabeth the First.
The Virgin Queen.
Smiling a little she looked over the completed image, her dress was white and simple, very little fancy about it save the material itself and the pearls decorating it, the symbol of virginity that Elizabeth loved to use in her portraits to make sure her meaning was well and truly understood, her hair was pulled back in its normal braids and bun, but there was nothing adoring her hair except her tiara, and the flowers that her Lord M had sent her the night before, orchids.
It was as though he knew what she was planning, though he had no clue and she had worked very hard to ensure that, Emma had been delighted at the chance to scheme and ensure he caught not a whisper of this when Victoria had explained. Orchids would always make her think of him, the first flowers he had sent her, the first flowers that arrived the day after her confession at Brocket Hall and his rejection.
Hopefully this time, with her plan, it would go better.
"Mrs Jenkin, Miss Skerrett," she paused on her way out the door, turning back to her dressers.
"Yes Ma'me?" Mrs Jerkins straightened.
"I know that you found the coat when you unpacked my trunk from Windsor,"
"We would never say anything Your Majesty!" Mrs Jenkins assured her.
"I know you would not. If I were you two I would put some coin in on the owner of that coat for your bet," She winked at them as they gawped at her, looking a little mortified, but she turned and she swept from the room and through the short corridor to her meeting room where the men of her small council were waiting for her.
She swept through them without pause, without looking at one of them, keeping her eyes on her throne until she turned and seated herself in it.
This felt a little like the first time she had met them when they had come to Kensington to pledge their loyalty to their new Queen, to weigh her up. This time she did not have William at her side guiding her, but for this she did not need him, she was not that girl anymore.
She swept her eyes over her uncles Cumberland and Sussex, Robert Peel, The Duke of Wellington, the men that would be the true deciding factor in this.
The Duke of Wellington's lips twitched up when she held his eyes and she knew he was recalling her comment about being at War.
"Great Lords of my country, I am sure you are all curious as to why I summoned you here in such great secrecy. I shall not keep you waiting, I have chosen the man that I shall marry, and I have brought you here to inform you of that choice,"
"It is Duke Albert then, Ma'me a German Prince will not go well with the people!" Peel grimaced.
"Well then the people can rejoyce, it is not Albert, my chosen husband is British," Victoria smiled slightly.
"George?" Uncle Sussex said disbelievingly.
"Not not cousin George, he dislikes the idea of marriage to me even more than I dislike the idea of marriage to him," Victoria smirked.
"Then who?" Cumberland had lost his victorious smirk.
"I shall be marrying Lord Melbourne," She announced and watched her dignified Small Council fall to pieces.
She allowed them their rants, and their shouts, she allowed them their 'you can't' and their 'we won't agree', sitting there calmly and serenely, making sure her face stayed poker straight, she allowed them to shout and protest, all except Duke Wellington who was standing there looking thoughtful. She waited until they faded out realising that their words were not drawing a reaction from her, and she was clearly just waiting for them to finish shouting.
"Ma'me, you can not marry him!" Robert Peel stepped forward.
"I am afraid that there has been a grave misunderstanding between us," She said calmly, patiently folding her hands into her lap.
"So...you do not mean to marry him?" One of the Lords said hopefully, wincing a little at the derisive snort Duke Wellington let out.
"Oh no, I intend to marry Lord Melbourne, and I will," Victoria smiled.
"We will not allow it! You can not marry without our permission," Another Lord called.
"Well, I am quite disappointed, that truly is a shame. But very well," She nodded, and was amused to note that a good number of them actually looked relieved. Only the more intelligent, and those that knew her a little better were not fooled. Her Uncle Cumberland was in the former, her Uncle Sussex in the later. "I shall hear your suggestions for an heir then," She nodded.
"An...heir?" Peel said slowly, with dawning horror.
"Yes, your suggestions as to who will rule after me," Victoria hummed.
"Are you abdicating?" Cumberland asked delightedly, and it was all that she could do not to laugh at his slavering over the thought, and the eyeroll that Wellington gave behind him.
"No, hopefully my reign will be as long and prosperous as Queen Elizabeth's," Victoria nodded serenely.
"Queen...Elizabeth?" Wellington said with horror, understanding now the hand she was laying before them all.
"Yes," She nodded and gave them a moment before she allowed a more stern expression to cross her face. "As I said, I will marry Lord Melbourne, or I will marry no one!"
"Your Majesty," they protested but she stood sharply, silencing them.
"My Lords you have two choices, you will agree to my marrying the man that I love, and we will provide you with an heir that will ensure that the throne passes smoothly on. Or, I will marry no man, and I will follow Elizabeth's example and have a virginal rule,"
"You will change your mind, it is little threat!" Cumberland snorted.
"Oh, dear uncle," She said cloyingly sweetly. "You have twenty four hours to give me your agreement, or I will be in Westminster Abbey on Saturday where the Archbishop is already expecting me to take vows of virginity before god," She nodded to them all and swept from the room, utter silence behind her as the doors shut.
"I thought that they would send you or Peel, my money was on you, they expect that you will be able to bully me into changing my mind because you refused me in forming a government," Victoria nodded to Wellington as he walked into her rooms. She calmly took a sip of tea as though her heart were not thundering in her chest.
"That was exactly the discussion that took place before they all but shoved me out of those rooms," Wellington nodded.
"I am afraid after a while you all become a little predictable," Victoria shrugged elegantly. "Tea?"
"Yes please," Wellington settled into the chair across from her's and poured himself a tea. "I hope you do not include me in that?"
"Not to the same extent, but still yes," She hummed.
"Really?" He scowled.
"You're going to bring up Lord Melbourne to me, state that I should think about what this will do to him, and his reputation, what people will say about him. You had no intention to come in here to bully me, instead you planned to guilt me into giving up my plan,"
"Ah," He blinked at her.
"I am afraid to say that I will be quite unmoved on this. Here," She drew the letter she had kept on the table beside her and handed it to him.
"Oh, the Archbishop is actually fully preparing for your vow of celibacy," Wellington sucked in a breath.
"I will state this once and only once Duke. I love Lord Melbourne, and I will marry no one else, I have done my duty and I have looked around for a more 'suitable' husband, and none of them have been right for either myself, or for the country, or both. Lord Melbourne is my choice, I marry him, or I marry no man, and my womb will stay as barren as Elizabeth's, and you can all decide on who will be my heir, and as history has shown, that never really goes well, does it?" She said firmly.
"You would be selfish about this one man," Wellington scowled.
"Duke Wellington, you are an intelligent man, yes? Good, and you have met both Lord Conroy and my Mother, you probably have a good idea how I was raised?"
"Yes," He grimaced.
"My childhood was not my own, the rest of my life will not be my own, at my coronation I declared my life to duty and honour and to the good of my country, and I will dedicate the rest of my life to Great Britain, I will honour those vows. The only thing that I will be 'selfish' about as you call it is in this matter, I will have my choice of husband, or you will have no heirs, and it can be on your shoulders,"
"We can drag you to the alter the way that they did with royal girls of old!" Wellington glowered.
"Princesses, I am Queen! I can, and will have you thrown in the Tower for treason for even suggesting such a matter, and should you manage to overrule me, you will be breaking vows that I will make before God, I would like to see what the British people think about that. And any husband I will ensure is unmanned to ensure no heir. Duke Wellington, I tire of this, and of your blatant disrespect, and dishonouring of the vows you took to serve me. Here are my terms in writing, I expect your signature on it for your choice. Make it," She stood and waved him off, the Duke walking from her rooms like a cowed dog.
The Queen of Great Britain sat on the window seat of her bedroom, the letter clutched in her hand, and she was staring at it unseelingly, though she had read through it often enough in the last hour that she was sure she knew it by heart.
It was decided then, and she would rather look the fool if she had been wrong about this.
Looking at the letter from her Small Council agreeing to her marriage to William Lamb, Lord Melbourne, she had a slightly nauseating feeling sweep over her.
What if she had been wrong? What if he did not truly care about her in this way? He had all but said it that day after they had been interrupted in her study, but what if she had misinterpreted his words? His intentions?
What if the conclusion that he loved her had been reached incorrectly by two women who knew nothing about this sort of thing? She was still only nineteen and had only been in love with one man, and would love only one man, and Lehzen had taken celebacy and chosen never to marry, she had no knowledge of romance.
Should he reject her she would look a fool in front of everyone, she threatened them to the tenth degree for this, what if he said no?
But… but she had stood in front of them, she had threatened them, she had not swayed to them, and she had gotten what she wanted, and in record time after Wellington had returned to them.
If she could do that, then she could take this risk, even if it risked breaking her heart completely and utterly.
When it came down to it, he would always be worth the risk, and something deep inside of her, some part of her that made her feel as though she glowed with life, happiness, joy and safety when she was with him, it told her that this was worth the risk, it would be worth the rejection.
For if she married another, if she gave it up as something she could not have and had married Albert, or someone like him, she would spend her life thinking what if, looking at any children she had and wondering how they would have looked had they been her's and William's, and mayhap she would love those children a little less for not being his.
She had pressed the issue, and now she had no choice but to ask him the question.
"Lehzen! Emma! Harriet! Send for Mrs Jenkins and Miss Skerrett, I need to change!" she called standing up, and the three women hurried into the room, another of her ladies skirts disappearing through the main door to call her dressers.
"What did they say?!" Lehzen demanded. Victoria smiled as she handed the letter over to the three of them, she had a suspicion that they had been pacing outside her door impatiently for the last hour.
"What if he says no?" She asked softly. They all looked at her with gentle eyes, and Emma dared reach out to take her hands gently in her own.
"I know I have made insinuations and dropped hints in the past, but until this letter, I dared not say the words out loud for the sake of both your reputations. But I have known William a long time now, and he is in love with you Your Majesty, I have no doubt of that at all, and though I feel horrid saying it, he never loved another the way he loves you, even Caroline when their marriage was good,"
"Thank you," She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them and nodding. "Ah Mrs Jenkins, Miss Skerrett, I need something simple but beautiful, no jewels, and I want to wear my hair down, with maybe a few braids,"
"Maybe, I could make a crown of braids for you, if you would like, nothing too much, more like a tiara, and we could feed some of the orange blossoms you got today through them like they were jewels?" Miss Skerrett suggested as Mrs Jenkins dove into her wardrobe, and with terrifying efficiency started sorting through her dresses.
"Perfect!" Victoria nodded, and surrendered herself to their help to get ready for what was going to be the most terrifying day of her life. "Emma…"
"My carriage is waiting for you My Lady," Emma curtseyed with a bright smile.
As she reached Brocket Hall she had an awful sense of deja vu about this, but she steeled herself and clutched the skirts around her pocket where the letter from her Small Council sat, now the most valuable thing that she owned, over the crown jewels and her Palaces.
She had no clue what she was going to say, she had been over it what she was sure near to a million times in her head, and she still could not decide the best way to approach this with him, to get the best result, and now time had run out.
"Your Majesty," William's butler bowed to her as he stepped out the main doors and stood to the side. "My Master is in the conservatory,"
"Thank you, Jenkins, I will announce myself," she nodded and turned down the path to the place she had never stepped foot inside before, but meant so much to her and William, and their story together.
Stepping into the conservatory she looked around wide eyed at all the beautiful and rare flowers, filling the conservatory with their beautiful scents and looking stunning as she gazed around.
William had sent her so many of these flowers, using them to say what his lips never dared to, what she hoped his lips had never dared to.
"Your Majesty!" William stepped from one of the aisles of plants and started when he realised she was there. He was once again dressed down, something that delighted her, his white shirt was minus a cravat and so allowed her a glimpse of his muscled chest, his coat was a more comfortable version of what he would normally wear, his trousers more casual. It put her at ease and she smiled as she walked closer.
"I came to return this," she said softly once she was close enough holding out his green coat to him.
"You came all the way to give me…" he paused in folding the coat over his arm baffled, and I stead raised it to his nose, taking a light sniff of it. "Ma'me… it smells of your perfume," he said confused.
"I have been wearing it, I am sorry, but your scent brings me a lot of comfort, sadly your scent has now faded from it," she smiled as she raised her hands to brush along the petals of some nearby plants.
"You… wore it?" he breathed out, and the expression on his face, in his jade green eyes gave her a hope and confidence to nod and respond.
"Quite frequently. Until the scent was completely gone,"
"I… you came all the way here to return it, were you hoping to steal another piece of clothing Ma'me?" he teased, though he was still clearly a little wrong footed.
"If you would not mind, though I would hope it would only be for a little while," she hummed.
"A little while Ma'me?" she did so enjoy throwing that brilliant mind of his on the few occasions she could.
"I have chosen to marry," she looked right at him, and he was not able to hide the flash that went across his face. She could not even put a name to one emotion, it was such a jumble as it swept across his features and seemed to settle into his eyes even as his face stilled itself into neutrality. Hurt, anger, sorrow, grief, pain, resignation, all of it and more.
"You have chosen a husband, I was not aware that you had been looking Ma'me, not since things with Albert. It is not him is…"
"It is not Albert, why does everyone think it is him," she sighed waving off the thought like an annoying fly.
"I think most people do because at the heart and basic of it they think it would be romantic, having not known all the facts Ma'me," he said before frowning a little. "Wait everyone?"
"Hmm, yes, the Small Council quite exploded when they believed it to be him," she nodded, her blue eyes intent as she watched his face.
"You have already met with the Small Council Ma'me? I did not know there was a meeting, I would not have come out here if I had been aware,"
"I asked Emma to make sure you were not aware of it, I needed to speak to them alone, they have agreed to my choice of husband,"
"Oh, oh right… I suppose my… bias was not suitable for me to be there, for what we have… it has been dangerously close to…" He stammered, and she took pity on him, having seen what she hoped on his face and heard it in his words. She did not want to hurt him, he who was most precious to her that it almost felt at time as though she could feel the ghost of any pain he felt.
"You were too involved to be there William, here," She pulled her precious letter from her skirts and placed it on the table between them.
He glanced down at the letter but hesitated, his hands clenching at his sides before he steeled himself visibly and reached out to pick it up, even then it seemed to take him a moment more to prepare himself before he was able to open the letter and started to read it.
She watched his face carefully for any hint of what he was thinking, what he was feeling about what he was reading as he made his way through the letter. His green eyes reached the end of the letter, and then went right back to the top, he seemed to read it through quicker this time, before again his eyes snapped to the top and he read it slower again.
"Lord Melbourne, I am afraid that I am going to need you to say something, I am getting quite nervous," She finally said after standing there watching him scanning over the letter as though the content were going to change with the intensity of his gaze.
"This says…" He muttered, not taking his eyes from the letter.
"Yes," She nodded, daring to take a small step around the circular table between them.
"I...This can not be," He shook his head.
"Because it is not what you want?" She asked a little breathlessly, feeling her heart seizing in her chest as though it had suddenly been filled with ice.
"I am...I am beneath you, I am not...they would not have said yes, they would not have agreed to this, my reputation, I am not of royal blood, I am your subject," He muttered shaking his head.
"Perhaps it is time for a change then when it came to marrying only royal blood. And I believe with the current events that my marrying an Englishman will go down quite well with the people, and a good number of the Small Council were happy that I have chosen an Englishman," She answered.
"And the rest?" He asked.
"You can read on there why they would agree," She motioned to the letter.
"You truly threatened to marry no one if they would not let you marry me?" He asked a little incredulously.
"Yes I did, they may have a lot of power over me and the things that I can and can not do, however they can not force me to marry, and they can not force me to produce an heir, I reminded them of the issues in the past that came with a monarch not having an heir," She smiled a little.
"Ma'me, what if they had called your bluff?" William breathed out, finally looking up from the letter to look at her wide eyed.
"Except that there was no bluff to call, should they have refused me I would have made my way to the Abbey and I would have pledged my celibacy to the Archbishop who was waiting ready for me," She tilted her chin back as she met those ice green eyes what managed to produce so much warmth and heat. "I told you the other week Lord Melbourne, I learned from you never to make an empty threat,"
"Ma'me, you can not…"
"Lord M...William. I have met many Princes, Dukes, I have had many Royal male nobility paraded in front of me, some of them have been wholly disagreeable, some of them have been tolerable, some of them I have even liked, such as the Russian Duke, but none of them have been you, none of them have brought about feelings in my heart the way that you do, none of them have managed to make me feel as safe, happy and content as you make me feel. I have been given tons of gold, silver, diamonds, emeralds, yards of silk, and yet not one of them are as precious to me, or make my heart beat as fast as when you send me flowers,"
"Ma'me," He was stepping closer to her, his face twisted in a manner that she could not interpret, and so she sped up before he could stop her.
"I know you think me young and I know that you think that this is a passing fancy, first love, that I will meet someone eventually and I will move on. But I will not, as your Rooks meet each other when they are young and know that they are going to spend the rest of their life loving their partner, so I feel for you. My heart will not change, my choice will not change. I will love no other,"
He prowled around the table until he stopped in front of her, placing the letter down onto the table without looking and gazed down at her searchingly, scanning over every inch of her face as though he had not really seen her before, and as though he had known her for a thousand years, the very feeling that she had in her heart, as though she had loved him for a thousand lifetimes, and she would love him for a thousand more.
"I have held my words in for so long, I have spoken of my thoughts to no one, I have held my peace, and I would have held it had I had to watch you marry another, and I would have been happy with what I had been granted with you...but...my life, before you swept into it with your bright laugh, your joy of life, your endless curiosity and excitement, it was dull and boring, it was just one endless day after the next, and I was tired and fed up. I was ready to retire and retreat back here,"
He paused and stepped even closer, daring to reach out and brush their fingers together, she could not prevent her gasp at the feeling of his larger, slightly calloused, warm fingers brushing against her own dainty ones, and then they twined together, the touch feeling so exciting and new.
Her blue eyes were filled with hope and joy, burning with all the love that she held for him in her heart, her own delicate fingers clinging to his own, scared that she was going to lose the touch, him if she did not hold onto him.
"You...you brought light and life back into my life, Ma'me, you helped me learn how to enjoy my life again, enjoy my work, I have found new joy in the small things again, and the big things. The last two years, getting to be by your side, getting to spend every day with you, it has meant more to me than you will ever know,"
Victoria licked her lips as she looked up at him, her heart thundering in her chest again, fear tilting the joy and hope that had built in her at the turn in tone of his words and wistful tone, it sounded almost as though he were reassuring her before letting her down. She wanted to try and stop him, she wanted to change his mind, but she could not force any words past the lump in her throat, and she could do nothing but stand there.
"I knew that you would have to marry, I knew that I could not be your Prime Minister forever, I was certainly reminded by plenty of people about that, I knew that I would not be allowed to stay by your side for the rest of my life. And I thought that I had resolved myself to that, I thought that I had resolved myself to being content with that, but…"
He turned and looked at the table where the letter was sitting on the table, and she followed his gaze before looking back to him, scanning his beloved face.
"But?" She prompted gently, her fingers holding onto his tighter even as they trembled, torn between wanting to cling to him to plead for him to reconsider rejecting her again, and waiting to hear what he was going to say in the hopes that it would be to the positive. She was so aware that this was her last chance with him, she was aware that she would not be able to do this again, they would have no more time for the two of them.
"But, seeing that, seeing those words...seeing that they have agreed, however bullied into it they were," His lips twitched up in amusement before turning back to her. "I am not the good man that you believe me to be. If I were a good man I would say no, I would walk away, I would convince you to reconsider your choice, to find someone else who is more suitable, who does not have the marked past that I have. But I am not a good man, I am a selfish man, and the chance to be with you, when it is handed to me on a silver platter, I have not the strength to reject you. But Ma'me...Victoria, I am older than you, I will not be with you throughout your whole reign, I will not be able to be at your side, I will leave you alone, long before I know that I will be ready to,"
"I know that, I have considered that, and I have considered the hurt that will come with losing you. But, life is too short, what is to say that I will not pass before you? What is to say that it will not be the other way around, and I will be the one leaving you alone? But for the chance to have however much time that I am allowed with you, to be able to bask in your presence, and be by your side without having to worry about propriety and having to limit our time together. It is worth the risk," Victoria looked up at him, and he could not help but smile at her, daring to reach up and cup her face in a way that he had never been allowed to before, cradling her beautiful, delicate face in his larger hand.
"You are worth every risk, your love is worth every risk. And I do love you Victoria, utterly and completely, I love you," the words seemed to hold between the two of them for what could have been two seconds or two hours, and the air between them stilled. Then the most beautiful and honest smile that he had ever seen graced her delicate face.
"William," She said breathlessly.
"I know that as Queen you can not be proposed to, but you deserve to hear the words. So, Victoria, should you chose to honour me so I would be greatly overjoyed to be blessed to be your husband, to get to be at your side and support you through the highs and lows of life, to help you with your duty, and to get to share my life with yours, for however long we are granted together," He smiled gently, his smile for her, those green eyes nearly glowing as he looked down at her.
"Lord Melbourne, Lord M, my dearest William, will you do me the honour of marrying me?" Victoria beamed at him.
"Yes my darling, yes I will,"
Victoria laughed merrily as he swept her off her feet, spinning her in a circle before settling her gently back down. Her heart gave a small flutter as he once again cupped her face, but this time he leant forward until they were merely an inch away from each other, the question clear in his eyes as to what he wished to do. She simply smiled and leant closer, allowed his eyes to flutter shut in anticipation of the kiss that she had longed for, for far too long.
There was no chorus of angels, or swelling of violins around them as their lips touched for the first time, there was no earth changed moment where the world shifted under her feet, it was simply them, sweet, tender and full of love, admiration with a spark between them.
His lips were firm and led hers in a dance that she had never before undertaken, guiding her and teasing her as he always did, and she could do nothing but surrender herself to him, to his lips and strong arms holding her, and she knew whatever happened, she would be happiest in the world when she was here in the safety of his arms.
William stood in front of the Archbishop trying not to shift nervously as he waited, listening to the music playing that indicated the build up to the Queen arriving. He felt as though he were in a dream, he felt as though the last three months had been a dream.
They had spent that time mixed between planning the wedding, discussing with government who would take over from William considering he could not be Victoria's husband and Prime Minister, something that she had actually apologised to him for and he had spent a good couple of minutes laughing before assuring her that the only reason he was still Prime Minister was so that he could be by her side, and that the exchange was more than worth it. There had been a fair amount of politics as well, with many different parties, some who had still not come around to the idea, and others who had been completely won around.
He had heard them referred to as a 'power couple', it seemed as though with the line that had stood between them erased, they were even more of a force to be reckoned with.
What was definitely working for them was the reaction of the public, the papers had gone mad with it, and while there had been a few mocking charactertures that they had been expecting, on the whole the reaction had actually been very good, the dip in popularity that the Crown had taken with the Charterists had lifted dramatically with the wedding, people were taking it as proof of how much their Queen was dedicated and in love with the country that she was marrying not a foreign princling as had been expected, but an Englishman. To drive that point home, nearly everything to do with the wedding had ties back to Great Britain, especially Victoria's wedding dress, of which he had been banned from getting even a glimpse of the design and colour by Victoria and her giggling ladies.
He wondered what colour and design she had gone for, royal wedding dresses were known for the jewels and golden, silver and otherwise richly coloured fabrics. Princess Charlotte's dress had supposedly fairly shone with diamonds, and many had been unsure as to how she had been able to stay standing in the thing.
He shifted a little in place and looked to the side to see the Duke of Wellington watching him, looking an odd mix of amused and exceedingly put out, Victoria had told him of their conversation, and after he had finished laughing he had congratulated her on managing to outwit the great strategist. She had been so proud of herself, and he had been proud, and awed of the lengths that she had gone to be able to marry him.
He looked to Lehzen and Emma who had been placed in pride of place, where they would be in eyesight of them both throughout the wedding, and both were beaming as they spoke together, Lehzen looked beyond proud right now, and really William understood, Victoria was the daughter that she had never had, and Lehzen had been more of mother to Victoria than her real mother.
Who was sitting further behind them and out of their eye line, pointedly, it had been something that Victoria had wanted, and William had not argued with, not even for appearances sake, not after what his love had told him about what she had tried to do when Victoria was ill.
She had, of course, on numerous occasions stated her opinion of the wedding, of William, of Victoria's mind set, at least until Victoria had played another impressive hand and had managed to get Conroy out of her life for good by offering him a title in Ireland. He had proven how false and power hungry he was, and how weak his love for the Duchess was and had taken the chance and run.
The angry, ungentlemanly side of William hoped that the Duchess had been so quiet recently as she realised that the relationship that she had sacrificed with her daughter to follow along with, allow and even encourage the power grasping of her lover had obviously never been worth it for the loyalty and care that she gotten in return from Conroy. He had not been able to prevent himself from pointing out during one of the few arguments since Conroy left that had she taken the time to be an actual mother to her daughter when she was growing up, she would not be in the position she was complaining about now, but would probably have had an honoured place in Court, had the title of Queen Mother that she desired and the salary that came with that. If she had just loved her daughter, instead of trying to break her and control her, she would be far better off.
Speaking of salary, Peel, the new Prime Minister, seemed to have hoped to either have insulted William, or try and prevent the marriage, by only granting £20,000 a year instead of the £50,000 Victoria had requested, and he had been given a title of Duke and Prince Consort, but no real title of worth. Victoria had been furious and worried when she had told him, but he had merely smiled and waved it off.
He had a good sum of money of his own saved up, and he felt no sting to his pride relying on Victoria's money if need be as he was sure many men would have found appalling as the husband. He knew that he was marrying the Queen of Great Britain, it wasn't like it was going to be any different, the only thing that the salary added was the illusion that the money was not coming directly from his wife, even though technically the money coming from Government was hers anyway.
The music welled up to the tune that Victoria had chosen to walk down the aisle to, and he turned to watch the doors open. Peel was looking bemused as he stepped forward carrying the sword of state and led the procession down the aisle.
But William had eyes for no one but his darling. His breath caught in his chest as he looked at her. She had forgone the bright, rich colours and jewels traditional for royal wedding dresses, instead she looked all the more regal and beautiful as she stepped down the aisle dressed in pure white.
There was a light embroidery on her dress that gave it something else, the lace in her veil was delicate and beautiful, simple but elegant. She was wearing no jewels except for the sapphire brooch that he had gifted her a month into the planning for their wedding, she wore no crown on her dark head, instead wearing a crown of flowers, flowers from his conservatory, as were the simple and delicate bouquet of snow drops in her hands.
She had never looked more beautiful in his eyes, and as she came to a stop in front of him, he barely heard a word that the Archbishop said, staring down into her shining sapphire eyes that shone with her love and happiness, not a hint of nerves was on her beloved face, only her pure joy and eagerness for her to be his wife, and he to be her husband.
He knew that the same would be reflecting back on her as he gazed down at her, he had never thought that he would marry again, he had never imagined that he would meet the love of his life and be allowed to marry her. He had pictured her wedding a thousand times in his head, and how it would make him feel, and he had never allowed himself the indulgence of picturing himself standing as groom, holding her petite hand in his as they took their vows before the great and good of Great Britain, and a large number of baffled European royalty who were mainly here for entertainment purposes.
But none of that mattered, all that mattered was the beautiful woman in front of him, and the words echoing through Westminster Abbey as the Archbishop uttered the words that would ensure that they were bound together for the rest of their lives.
"I now pronounce you man and wife,"
Beaming down at her, his wife, he leant down to kiss her as cheering filled the Abbey, the love between them clear to all that looked upon them as they pulled back to smile at each other.
"A whole five days honeymoon, what will you do with yourselves!" Emma laughed from opposite them.
"We thought that we would only be allowed two," Victoria beamed.
"I am fairly sure that Peel insisted on the five to give him a break from the shock of the last few months and to try and get his head around everything," William teased, and a bright laughter went around the table, Peel himself joining in.
"I have to say Your Majesty, it has gone down quite well with the people and the politicians you stopping your Uncle's allowance that he was still claiming from us," Wellington hummed thoughtfully. The Duchess of Kent winced from where she had been seated at the end of the table.
"I thought it was entirely incorrect that he was claiming money from the British people, and such a large amount when he has remarried, and is a King himself now, even if it is of a lesser country than our own fine one. I felt this even more so when I found out what he was using his money for. Honestly, keeping a mistress on that money!" Victoria huffed.
"Many men take mistresses, your own loving husband has a history of mistresses in his past," Her mother snapped from her place at the bottom of the table. The silence was more than a little uncomfortable.
"Just because your marriage to father was not a happy one, and that all your side, and his side of the family seem quite intent on causing as many scandals as they possibly can, after all Uncle Ernst's mistress' memoirs are still quite the scandal of Europe, does not mean that every marriage will happen like that. And William's actions are in the past, and were not with me. I trust him completely, and I have no worry that he would do something like that to me," Victoria said firmly, a few people coughing and busying themselves with their wedding breakfast to try and hide their laughter at the scalding response. She turned to look at William, and found him already looking at her gently.
William knew that he was lucky to have her in his life in a thousand ways, and this was just another way. Many women would be concerned that history would repeat itself, no matter how much they loved him. But she really meant it, she did not believe that he would betray her in that way, and he never would.
"Are you ready?" her voice came from behind him where he was waiting in the hallway, and he turned to see her standing there dressed in white dress, less impressive than her wedding dress but she looked no less stunning in it, a white cloak trimmed with white fur covered her, and a delicate and simple white bonnet sat on her head, her dark hair standing out, and her blue eyes shinning.
He thought that, in a different life time he would have been standing in this hallway to see her off on her honeymoon to someone else, he would have been standing here to say goodbye to her, for good really, his time with her would have been utterly restricted no doubt, and he would have had perhaps a year longer at her side at the most, and then he would have seen her maybe once or twice before he passed on.
"What is it?" She asked a little concerned seeing the look that he was giving her, walking over to him gracefully.
He reached out and caught her around the waist, drawing her gently to him and leaning down to claim her lips in a lingering kiss, her delicate hands holding onto his coat as she surrendered to his kiss, the love between them a tangible thing that they could almost taste.
"I was just thinking about how lucky I am," William smiled softly down at her as they parted, but he rested their foreheads together, breathing in her sweet scent.
"I must protest, husband," She said with a delighted smile on her beautiful red lips. "I feel as though I am the lucky one,"
"I think that is something that we will always have to agree to disagree on," He smiled brushing his fingers in awe over the apple of her cheeks, unable to believe that they were man and wife.
"I think as there is little that we disagree on, that is entirely agreeable," She laughed merrily.
He looked at her and thought that perhaps in his selfishness in marrying her he had been unselfish as well, so many men would have wanted to limit her, to reign her in, to control and dominate her, and just make her….lesser for their own pride and to gain their own power over a wife of was Queen of the greatest empire in Europe. He could not have born to see her treated such, and he wanted nothing more than for her to shine.
She tilted her head as she looked up at him, fairly glowing, her blue eyes brighter than any sapphire.
"Are you ready to begin the rest of our lives my love?" He asked softly.
"Most definitely," She laughed. He linked their fingers together and led her to the carriage that was waiting to whisk them away for their honeymoon. They would have a lot of challenges going forward, and the changes that their marriage brought about came with major changes in politics, but as they had for the last two years they would face it together, the only difference being that they were able to fully rely on each other, and their marriage, their love, would see them through any storm.