Hi, after watching Reckoning this piece wanted to be written. I admit it is not the easiest topic, and I am not trying to pretend to know all the answers. I thought I'd share it anyway. I value discussion, and I am open to that. This is my attempt at understanding the episode and promo.
"Walk with dignity," that fragment had alarm bells ringing in his head immediately, and low and behold it showed up in their list of white supremacy phrases. It not being the full quote was a relief and talking things through with Hondo helped but there still was that little doubt. It felt odd taking Hondo's advice and pulling Durham's file, the kid had been at his house for dinner with his wife. They were colleagues and, yes it felt odd having to question a fellow SWAT officers' belief.
Still pulling the file felt necessary to calm his swirling thoughts and it looked clean until Deacon showed it to Hondo. That comment about the arrest percentage, even if it was bad training… he had to admit it shouldn't be that blatant. And still, it is in the whole country.
Deacon was contemplating canceling on the invitation but when Hondo mentioned, trying to sound Durham out by using the full quote, he couldn't deny he was curious, and he needed to know.
So, he went over to his colleague's house to find him in the company of other familiar faces from his past. A group of white cops, complaining about policies and the strain political correctness puts on their work.
Some of that, heck most of that resonates within him. Probably heightened through his latest experience with that teacher at Matthews school. When had everything changed? Why were cops now the bad guys in so many people's eyes?
He tried not to partake in the complaints, and he almost missed the moment Durham turned to topic back to that one day, the day he had felt like screaming at the system.
"I can see it in your face that it bothers you taking orders from him."
Another statement that scares Deacon. Has it been that obvious? Was that still that deeply ingrained in him?
Deacon searches his soul and thoughts. Yes, at first it felt like a betrayal, just like the others at that campfire said, it was to appease the masses, he and Buck had to suffer for it. But now?
Hondo had proven himself. He was, no he is, a good team leader. He had shown that time and time again.
Why was he still responsive to these claims?
What should he do now?
At the end of the night, he has no answers, just that weird feeling that something wasn't right, with himself and with this group of officers he now somehow had been included in.
Deacon struggled trying to work out the situation and his game plan alone. He couldn't talk to Annie about it, and he wasn't too sure that going to Hondo or Hicks would be a good idea but in the end, Hondo knew and so he shared.
Hondo reacted as expected. "Go to Internal Affairs." But he couldn't do that not right away. Cops don't turn on fellow cops. The blue line. It had been ingrained and what was he supposed to say? He understood them and that made the situation all the more complicated.
They all were frustrated with policies at times, even Hondo.
Thinking about his colleague, partner, team leader, and friend again brings back the very valid point he made. Turning on a black cop was easy… why not on a white one? Where was the difference? There shouldn't be one, right?
In his desperation and to help guide him Deacon turns to God, prayer, and the bible.
The Imperial Dukes and other white supremacists use verses in a warped form, and he just needed one to guide him back to the right path:
1 Timothy 3:8-9
Deacons likewise must be men of dignity, not double-tongued, or addicted to much wine or fond of sordid gain but holding to the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience.
A clear conscience.
What would it take to clear his conscience? Durham's assessment that it was noticeable he struggled with taking orders from Hondo. That was something he definitely needed to work on. He hadn't thought about that for a while, at least not consciously.
Yes, it had stung back when it happened, and it took some time to get used to the new dynamic. To the feeling of having been passed over. But Deacon also knew he had a chance to have his own team again, but he took himself out of the running. He also knew that without Hondo and Luca he would've been in a deep hole after his accident. Paying back that loan would've been impossible.
They were all his friends. His team was part of his family.
Being a cop, the right way, was something he took pride in.
Was what this group of officers did wrong? Had they done something more than speaking their mind?
Not to his knowledge but still he felt uncomfortable being around them. He had noticed in his actions, that he had distanced himself from Durham again. Deacon also realized he had taken to observing the young officer quietly and he also questioned everything he knew again, and again.
And in the end, he found one truth for himself:
The color of a suspect's skin makes no difference, just like it doesn't make a difference to him which ethnicity his colleagues have. Being a cop is about protecting the city and all of its inhabitants and not picking and choosing. Being a cop is about being a good example, leading by example and that is what he is trying to do.
It is all he can do without more proof than his word and a queasy feeling.