This is a collection of stories about the time Sasuke spent with Orochimaru during his training.

Sasuke's Sn(e)aky Domestic Warfare

Already 3 years in training

It was Friday evening, and Sasuke Uchiha had just completed another round of training. He decided to take a walk in Orochimaru's cave. He liked taking walks but walking in the cave was rather depressing. He passed some rooms and stopped when he heard Orochimaru talking to Kabuto.

"Kabuto, I want Sasuke's body," Orochimaru hissed, "I need to start the ritual soon."

Sasuke felt a shiver running down his spine. It was not the nicest thing to hear in the evening. He threw a short glance into the room.

Kabuto was massaging Orochimaru's neck.

Another shiver ran down Sasuke's spine. It looked so wrong.

Quickly, he returned to his room. He sat alone on his bed in his empty room in Orochimaru's dark cave. Orochimaru's residence was somber and shady. It was comparable to a shinobi Neverland ranch.

Soon Orochimaru would try to take over his body to get another round of fresh life. However, in the last three years, Sasuke had learned a lot and felt ready to avenge his clan.

In contrast to his optimistic and forgiving former teammate Naruto, Sasuke was a person to hold grudges. And he held a number of grudges against his sensei.

First, Orochimaru had attacked him and his team during the chunin exams. They just had wanted to pass an exam and not be murdered by a creepy snake mutant. Team 7 all still suffered from nightmares.

Sasuke sighed.

Second, Orochimaru had given him the curse mark without asking for his consent, which was comparable to getting an unpleasant STD. The curse mark still itched like crazy.

Sasuke clenched his fist.

Third, Orochimaru had made him wear the ugliest revealing clothes from his own clothing line. He refused to train Sasuke otherwise. Sasuke would have rather worn Rock Lee's green spandex suit. Why did he have to wear the clothes with the amplest cleavage anyway?

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched in anger.

There were even more reasons, but they did not matter.

Orochimaru could not teach him anything new. He was even weaker and more pathetic than ever.

To avenge his clan, Sasuke had trained a lot and swallowed down a lot of frustration day after day.

But now, it was time for some payback.

Sasuke picked up his small notebook. He had set up a plan for mental warfare against his sensei, starting small and advancing over time. Staring into the depths of his notes, he passed over the strange little poems he had written about the shinobi world, focusing his attention on the list of points to follow. They were Reputation, Passion, and Confidence. These were the concepts about Orochimaru that Sasuke wanted to leave laying in ruins. Sasuke crawled under his bed and got out a large shovel. It would get dirty.

Point 1: Reputation

Sasuke could count Orochimaru's loyal friends on two fingers, Kabuto and snakes. He just needed to spread some hate strategically.

The next day Sasuke was sitting with the snake summons in front of the Ryūchi Cave. He had brought them some eggs and meat. They were sitting beside him, and all were having a little picnic.

"It is pleasant to see you visiting us," Aoda hissed, "And even offering gifts and your cleaning services."

"I'm happy to see you," Sasuke said in an uncharacteristically soft tone, and Aoda and the other snakes gave him a warm look.

They liked the boy, and the snakes crept around his arms and legs to show him that they have missed him too.

"So, I came here to visit and help," Sasuke stated. A large shovel and a container were strapped to his back.

Aoda studied the teenager with curiosity, "How is Lord Orochimaru doing?"

"He's doing fine," Sasuke stated a bit slowly, "I don't see him often these days. It seems like he found himself some new friends."

"New friends? Do we know them?" Aoda chuckled softly.

Sasuke offered the snakes some more eggs, "He was traveling to Mount Myōboku a lot lately," Sasuke mused. His plan was going well so far.

"Mount Myōboku? For the toads?" Aoda puffed, "I can not believe that."

"Well, they are powerful," Sasuke shrugged his shoulders, "And you know how Orochimaru loves to collect powerful objects."

Aoda narrowed his eyes. All the other smaller snakes hissed nervously.

Reputation destroyed, check, Sasuke mentally checked one point of his list.

After some time, he remembered his plan. He got up and asked, "So, where do I find it?"

Surprised, Aoda tried to find out the reason for Sasuke's sudden interest in their snake poop, "You really aim to clean our feces pit?"

"Yes, I want to help you," Sasuke nodded seriously and stated, "And I can use it for a special kind of medicine."

Humans are so bizarre, Aoda thought.

Aoda guided Sasuke and Sasuke followed the giant snake to a gigantic mountain of snake poop.

It smelled like hell. It was perfect. Eagerly, Sasuke rubbed his hands.

The noble Uchiha heir started climbing into the snake crap pit. He infused his feet with chakra to keep him from falling into the hole. Then, he started filling the poop into his bucket. It took him some time and effort, but Sasuke did not care.

Sasuke was very committed to his plan.

Next on his list was to worsen Orochimaru's relationship with Kabuto. Sasuke found this task relatively easy due to Orochimaru's moody behavior and tendency to let his wrath out on poor Kabuto.

Sasuke henged into Orochimaru and hid behind corners or stood in Kabuto's doorway.

Every time Kabuto found him, Sasuke hissed, "I'll kill you."

Kabuto shuddered every time.

Maybe I should have joined Tsunade, Kabuto started to think.

After these incidents, Orochimaru started to miss Kabuto's regular neck massages.

Point 2: Passion

Sasuke knew that Orochimaru was pretty proud of his own clothing line. Every prisoner and comrade got something designed from Orochimaru personally. He was one of the first designers in the shinobi world. The Sannin even took care of the laundry to preserve the state of his masterpieces.

Sasuke walked in, wearing an old Akatsuki cloak from Orochimaru.

"My dear Sas- what?" Orochimaru shuddered, "What are you wearing?"

"I found it somewhere, and I had no fresh clothes left."

Fortunately, Sasuke thought angrily. He put a staple of his dirty laundry in front of Orochimaru. The clothes were completely covered in suspicious brown stains.

"What happened to the clothes?"

"I trained," Sasuke shrugged his shoulders.

"With whom?"

"Our summons." Sasuke raised his eyebrow, "They miss you."

Orochimaru shrugged his shoulders, "I was busy."… with the preparations for stealing your body, Sasuke.

Sasuke left the room and left Orochimaru with his dirty laundry.

What Orochimaru did not know is that Sasuke had mixed the washing powder with snake poop. All the clothes in the washer would be destroyed. Summon snake poop stains were pretty overpowered.

Time to order some new Akatsuki clothes, Sasuke rolled his eyes. They are more comfortable anyways.

Orochimaru needed to design a whole collection for everyone. He was overstrained and tired.

Passion, check, Sasuke thought.

Point 3: Confidence

Orochimaru and Kabuto were already sitting at the breakfast table when Sasuke walked in.

"Good morning, my dear Sasuke," Orochimaru showed his creepy smile.

"Hn."

Sasuke sat down next to Kabuto and Orochimaru.

Orochimaru still had his creepy smile on and wondered how he could start a conversation when Sasuke cleared his throat.

"Something smells in here," Sasuke stated and looked directly at Orochimaru.

With a shocked expression, Orochimaru repeated, "A smell?" He was still eating some eggs.

"Yes. Snakes? Rotten limbs? A difficult mixture to describe," Sasuke explained in a cold tone, "The other residents also already complained about it."

"Kabuto, did you notice it, too?" Orochimaru asked.

Kabuto nodded. His glasses misted because he tried to inhale differently to escape the grotesque smell.

"Maybe we could increase the ventilation in the cave?" Sasuke suggested sheepishly.

We are underground. The Uchiha have never been the smartest ones. Strong yes, but clever, well, Orochimaru rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"I'm afraid it might be," Kabuto gulped, "You, Lord Orochimaru," he stated honestly. Kabuto just could not take the smell anymore.

Orochimaru's eyes widened. Me? Smelling? His confidence level was never the highest, so it was kind of a sting. Desperately, Orochimaru pondered about what to do.

He felt judged by his two most favorite students.

Since the snake Sannin could only smell with his tongue, he put his long and nasty tongue out of his mouth and wiggled it around passionately.

However, he forgot that he was still eating.

He still tried to, and it ended in him spilling all his food on his clothes.

Confidence, check, Sasuke held back an invisible smirk.

Orochimaru now looked like a toddler covered in his own spill and food. With their mouths gaping, Kabuto and Sasuke observed him and tried hard not to laugh at him.

If Orochimaru could have blushed, he would. Quickly, he stood up and left the kitchen immediately.

Sasuke let the levity of the moment crack through his usual moody facade, mouth turning upwards on one edge in a smirk.

Maybe I should have joined Tsunade, Kabuto repeatedly thought. Massaging her neck would be more fun for sure.

Orochimaru took four showers that day, again scrubbing his whole body and sobbing under the shower.

What he did not notice was that his shower gel and lotion had been replaced a week before.

With a specific mixture of snake poop.

The cycle of washing and smelling even worse afterward continued for the next two weeks.

The next night was the special night.

When Sasuke walked into Orochimaru's room to pierce him with his Chidori, Orochimaru was mentally worn out: his clothes and body covered in snake poop and his neck completely stiff. His summons had ignored him for weeks.

You know how the story ended.

Sasuke : 1

Orochimaru : 0

A\N: Shoutout to Rauchster for beta reading this!

Leave a review if you want to.

NEXT: Healing the Akatsuki