And They Lived
Summary: Against all odds, despite the seemingly unending chaos, Hange Zoe, the fourteenth commander of the Survey Corps, survived. It wasn't long until she found herself living the life she thought she would never have – with one specific person, at one specific place, three years after the war ended.
Mornings never usually thrilled Hange, but as she continuously strolled through the woods, her footsteps leaving little crackles as dried leaves crumbled under her boots, she felt peace she hadn't had in a long, long time.
The light from the early morning sun filtered through the trees, the air was crisp and fresh and it felt good when it brushed against her skin. When she looked around she could see wildflowers growing in every direction. The entire forest seemed to be a place full of vigor and life – and even hope, and it's as if it was never a witness to the war that happened almost three years ago, which rendered the world almost completely uninhabitable for the remaining twenty percent of humanity who survived.
Thinking about the war, and even the years before that was almost too much to bear, Hange thought. She lost friends, comrades, family, and if she was being honest with herself she thought it almost possible for her to die, too. She had accepted her fate, resigned to her own death the minute she heard the colossal titans' footsteps shaking the ground as they walked closer and closer to where she and the alliance were standing in.
But even amidst the chaos and the impossibility of it all, she survived. And to go on living and to finally live the life she wasn't able to have, it was all that remained for her to accomplish.
Hange took a deep breath and continued her stroll, getting nearer to her destination – her home for the last two years. The basket she had on her hands was heavy but she figured that if she bought more goods from the market today, then she wouldn't have to go back for the next five days or so, as going to the nearest district to buy necessities was too much of a hassle to do every other day, anyway.
It wasn't long until she reached the little cottage she called home, and even before she reached it she could already see someone stirring inside from beneath the windows the cottage offered.
He's awake. She's kind of hoping he saw her note that she has gone out to the market that morning, as she did leave before the sun was up. He was still sleeping soundly – a rare occurrence, given his state – so she didn't feel the need to wake him up.
Hange sped up her pace and soon enough she was inside the cottage already, dragging her heavy basket effortlessly and beaming at the face that greeted her when she entered.
"Good morning, Levi! Did you sleep well?" she greeted. Hange walked towards the kitchen counter and dropped the goods she had bought. A variety of vegetables, fruits, meat, and bread tumbled on the table.
"You were gone long, Shitty Glasses," was Levi's blunt reply. He rolled his wheelchair across the kitchen, getting to where Hange was messily stacking the foods she had bought. Levi clicked his tongue at the way she was keeping the fruits from falling over the pantry but was miserably failing. "The way you're going at it, these fruits wouldn't even last until tomorrow. They've got bruises all over thanks to you." He bent forward and grabbed the oranges which were splayed on the floor, groaning as he did so.
Hange quickly stopped him and grabbed the fruits from his arms. "Don't bother yourself with this, I can do it on my own. Chill over there, okay?" she pointed to the table. "Have you had breakfast?"
"I am not a child for you to fuss over, Hange."
She grinned. "I would take that as a no. What do you want, tiny captain?"
Levi stared at her for a moment with a scowl on his face, but after a few seconds he turned his head to the side and pouted. "Fine. Just some bread and eggs. That is, if we have them."
Hange smiled at him and went on to do the task. She cut a few slices of the bread she had bought, and put them on the pan to toast a little, doing the eggs next. She then prepared some black tea and poured it onto Levi's favorite cup, the chipped, old thing she had saved from when she visited the headquarters – or rather what's left of it – after her recovery.
Placing the plates and the cup onto the table, Hange noticed that Levi had busied himself with reading the newspaper she had bought as well from the market. Across the page she could see Her Majesty's smiling face, along with her toddler and the nameless farmer who fathered her child.
"It says here that the brats have been appointed as diplomats, ambassadors of sorts, for peace talks between the outside world and Paradis," Levi declared, then took a sip of his tea. His right eye flickered towards Hange to gauge her reaction to his words, then looked back at the paper before him.
Hange hummed. "I should say I'm not in the least bit surprised. They saved the world, after all. If there's anyone who could broker peace between the Eldians and the world it is them,"
"And you," Levi fixed her on his gaze.
She looked straight into him in return. "You more than me," Hange said. "But it's not our fight, not anymore. I wanted to, you know. To be among those people to put this world back into one piece, but I'm afraid the world would never listen to a useless commander," she huffed out a chuckle at that.
Levi frowned, his brows furrowed at her words. "You did what you can. Stop saying you were a useless commander, Hange." He sighed, he didn't want to go over this matter again. He's grown tired of it. "Do you think it's wise to leave the fate of Paradis to the brats' hands? Are they matured enough to handle it?"
Hange gave him a teasing smile. "You sound like a worried grandpa,"
He scowled at that. "It's going to be a difficult task, especially after all they've been through." For a moment, there was a look of longing on his face, like he was lost in the memories of smoke, blood, and tears, but it was gone before Hange noticed it. Levi spoke again. "They need you there, Hange."
Hange had to look down at that. When she looked up, she saw Levi carefully analyzing her next reaction. She adjusted her glasses, checked if her eye patch was still in place, and then softly smiled. "But you need me more."
Two years living in this forest had sure enough afforded Levi all the time in the world to heal and recover.
But he had to admit it to himself, he's never the same as before. He had been in the goddamned wheelchair for basically three years, with only one eye working, and a constantly weakened bodily state. But even if he seemed paralyzed and most decidedly living like a broken man, he can swear he had never felt this peaceful in his life. Not even during his time as soldier, not even when he was a kid underground.
As he wheeled himself across the woods, carefully following the trails all too familiar in his mind, Levi thought back of the conversation he had with Hange earlier that morning. He had lost count of the number of times he'd spoken about her being an asset with peace negotiations with nations outside Paradis. He never thought Hange would step out like she did, leaving her post as commander and entrusting the Corps and the negotiations to Armin, being a person keen to her responsibilities as she had always been.
But she chose to stay with him, to care for him, for reasons he didn't fathom why.
Levi dimly remembered that fateful day in Odiha, when he'd thought her already dead. Even if he didn't look out the window to see it for himself, he could tell exactly that what he'd been dreading has happened, based on the looks of Armin, Mikasa, Connie, and Jean, and they'd declared that Hange fell onto the ground, already looking unconscious. The titans were fast approaching, but their plane won't start just yet. Fortunately, Hange was able to take down one colossal titan, and this bought them much time as the other titans tumbled over one another.
Suddenly, when the engines of the plane started to roar and the Alliance prepared to leave, Armin cried out loud, and they saw Hange limping towards them, her brown hair and almost half her body burnt and smoking. They hurriedly took her in, and they left Odiha just mere moments before the titans were upon them.
The rest, of course, was history.
A year after the war ended and she was recovered enough, Hange renounced her title as commander and travelled back to Paradis with a severely injured Levi. She had a cottage built for them right in the middle of the forest where she'd sown his wounds all those years ago, fulfilling a wish – which, now that he thought about it, seemed more like promise more than mere wishful thinking.
This time around though, they wouldn't need to run and hide. Not anymore.
Levi's train of thoughts was interrupted when he'd realized where he's at. He's come upon a wide clearing, and from a distance he could see lots of and lots of wildflowers and herbs which grew in the area, some he'd seen, and some new to his eye. He wandered around and decided to pick up one specific flower which he hadn't chanced upon seeing before.
He wheeled himself back to their cottage not long after, following the trails he'd set.
When he came back, Levi found Hange sitting in front of her desk at her makeshift study, scribbling something. Ever since they settled in, Hange had been writing this book, a compilation of her researches on the botany of Paradis, which she hoped would be published someday.
Hange looked up from her work when she noticed Levi at the doorway. She adjusted her glasses, which were already dangling at the tip of her nose. "How was the stroll?" she bluntly asked, then continued scribbling again.
Levi didn't answer. Instead, he wheeled his way to where Hange was sitting, and dropped the flower he'd picked from the clearing. He wasn't sure if she'd seen it before, but any help he could offer with her research had been accepted by Hange. Wholeheartedly, even.
This one was no different.
"Where did you find this? I haven't seen one like this before." Hange beamed as she brought the red, almost pinkish flower close to her face, carefully investigating, curiosity marred on her brown eye.
"In the clearing, probably thirty yards away from here." Levi continued gazing at her. She was like a kid beaming at another new find, and somehow seeing Hange like this brought him back to the old times. "You sure it's something new?"
"Yeah, but I'd need to take a closer look. It might be from an already existing species, but it has a different look to it. The pigmentation and structure, though, are quite the same. I think I'd like to visit the place where you got this to see the kind of environment it grows in to prove my theory right, but that's a task for tomorrow as it is getting quite dark, after all." Hange smiled at him, and he felt how genuine it is. "Thank you, Levi. Do you need help with anything? Do you need a glass of water? You must be tired from your stroll."
"There's no need for you to bother yourself, Hange. I got it." was Levi's only reply.
The stars were beautiful that night, Hange concluded, as she continuously gazed at the dark skies out through the window of her study. The wind was cold to the touch, and she wrapped her arms around her own body when a sudden chilly breeze fanned her way. She continuously marvelled at the sight before her, her research book long forgotten. On her desk, a quill pen rested on a parchment paper, and the candle which lighted the room already half-melted, its fire threatening to die out.
It wasn't long after she decided to call it a night, though, no matter how beautiful the stars were, she was tired. Hange stacked the papers on her desk, neatly arranging them, then went out of her study. Before making her way to her own bedroom, she made sure that all the doors that would lead out were locked, as there'd been reports of burglars lately, and she wouldn't risk waking up with all their belongings gone.
When she was sure everything was already in place, Hange made for her bedroom, but she couldn't help but notice that the door to Levi's room was slightly ajar, and she attempted to close it.
It was then, though, when she'd heard Levi groaning and muttering softly. Hange was hesitant at first but she pushed the door open, only to see Levi, seemingly sleeping, but he was stirring aggressively on the bed. At the sight, Hange hurriedly went inside the room and went to his side. "Levi," she yanked him.
He continuously groaned, and Hange was almost hit when he pushed his fists forward.
"Levi, wake up, you're having a nightmare!" she desperately called out to him, eager to ease whatever unpleasant memories have gotten into his sleep.
At the sound of her voice, Levi's eye opened, grey meeting brown against the darkness of the room. Levi panted heavily, and sweat matted his forehead.
"I'm here, don't worry. We're safe, they're gone," Hange reached out and hesitantly cupped his face between her hands. She didn't know what his nightmare was about or who this time, but she understood. It wasn't the first time it happened, anyway. Over the last two years she'd often hear Levi screaming in his sleep, and she'd scramble out of her own bed and go to wake him up and comfort him. She always did.
It took a while for Levi to calm down, but he eventually did. He pushed himself up to sit on the bed and Hange waited until he's settled. He tried to avoid her gaze, choosing instead to simply look at the wall. Moments later, he spoke. "I'm sorry,"
"What for?"
"For waking you,"
Hange had to chuckle at that. "You didn't. I was just about to sleep, got caught up in the flower you brought me today." She tried to look into his eye, to search through him, but he was purposefully avoiding her gaze, now looking down on his own lap, as if guilty of her coming to rescue him from his nightmare, again.
She sighed. "I have them too, you know,"
That caused Levi to look up. "What are they about?"
"It's always the same one. That day in Odiha when I almost died. I saw flames, and I can still feel them against my body. It's as if I was reliving the moment, whenever I dream about it," Hange shifted on her seat. Her right hand flew to touch her left arm, feeling the uneven skin there which was the effect of the burns she suffered. "And then the next thing I know, I'd fall onto the ground and when I opened my eyes I'd see our fallen comrades looking at me, as if they were disappointed at my actions being the commander."
Levi gritted his teeth at that. "If anything, they'd be looking at you with pride, not disappointment, in my opinion." He tried to reach his hand out and lay it over her hand, but he didn't. He couldn't. "Hange, you have stop feeling guilty for the actions you took when you were the commander. You did everything you believed was right. And at the time, no one, not even Erwin, could have led a charge against a world which was all new to us. You don't give enough credit to yourself when you should."
Hange smiled bitterly at his words. "I know… I just… think things could have turned out differently, you know. The rumbling couldn't have happened, we would've saved all those lives. If only I had a decent plan. If only we got a hold of Eren, then things would –"
"Stop it, Hange." Levi muttered. "I want you to promise me you'd stop feeling guilty anymore. None of it was entirely your fault, it was just the cards we've been dealt with and we played them according to how we believed they should be treated." He displayed a knowing look. "I think the reason why you don't want to be involved with peace negotiations is because you still think you aren't capable. You still lacked the confidence. But bear in mind that none of us would still be alive if it weren't for you forming the alliance and buying us time from those titans that day. So please, Hange, please." He sighed. "Promise me,"
"I do think that has been the longest speech you've ever said to me, Levi," Hange laughed, then her face grew serious. She contemplated his words, there was already a part of her that wanted to believe every word he'd said, but it would take time for her to fully accept. She still appreciated it though, what he was doing. She reached out to place her hand above his own. "I cannot promise anything, Levi. But… I will try."
Levi nodded at her, resigning completely.
"What about you, what are your nightmares about?"
He was hesitant at first, but he squinted and started to speak. "Not being able to kill Zeke. It was always about the many fights we had together, but mostly on the one during the rumbling. Sometimes it's about those many expeditions beyond the walls that we had before." Levi let out a breath. "It's a mix, really."
"I see," she hummed. "I still hope one day those nightmares would not hunt our sleep anymore. Anyone could wish. But I've started to think that they're part of us already."
"I'm afraid that's true."
Hange started to get up. "Well it's getting pretty late, and we've got a big day tomorrow. Onyankopon had mentioned that they'd be paying us a visit, together with Armin, Jean, and Connie, and I don't know who else, and we'd better look like we've been getting decent rest here, lest they insist for us to take residence in one of the districts." She chuckled at that. "I'd rather the two of us just stay here." Hange turned her back to leave. "Good night, Levi."
"Hange,"
She looked over her shoulder and eyed him, carefully analyzing his face. "Yes?"
"Stay,"
Hange took a deep breath, then slowly turned to face him once again. It was one word, just one word she'd spent the last two years waiting for him to say.
She'd be damned if she said no to what he wanted.