Sammy. Sammy. Sammy.

Dean's bellow at 5 am: "Sam-MY!"

His epitaph of affection: "Heya, Sammy."

His prelude to opening up: "Sammy, remember when Dad took us to that carnival?"

And all this time, there was Sam's stubborn insistence on being known by the name he identified himself as. The name that fit the man he was trying to become- Sam. A man strong, independent, caring and solid.

He wanted to separate himself from the name that his family insisted on calling him-the diminutive that put him firmly as "little brother," "youngest son." It was something that made him feel small and less than.

Shackles.

He hadn't heard it uttered all those years at Stanford when he'd had his own autonomy. Not even from Jess. Instead he'd heard a whispered, "Sa-am" of appreciation when he'd brought her to a breathless finish.

But no Sammy.

Until Dean broke in that open window and blew up the fairytale.

There was no way of breaking his brother from the habit and after several months of half-hearted attempts at trying to assert his own will, he gave up. And so Sammy he remained.

"Sammy, bring me a beer!"

"Stop hogging the hot water, Sammy!"

"Sam-MY!" dragged out into two distinct syllables in Dean's baritone to make extra sure to irk his brother.

Sam tolerated it like a patient golden retriever tolerates a toddler climbing on its head, and eventually he learned to tune it out so that it didn't really matter anymore.

That name was what his brother would always call him. They could be eighty. And he would still be Sammy.

Dean never saw 80.

Hell, he barely saw his 40s-really only caught a glimpse of 50 barrelling down the track at him. But he never even made it that far.

Sam did the only thing he could do. He kept going. Kept fighting. Kept being the man he was always meant to be.

But there were days- long, sad days, when he would have given anything to be Sammy again.

Thanks for reading this little drabble. For anyone who follows my fic and is interested, I have an account on AO3 under PiscesPenName. I have a repertoire NSFW stories that I cannot post here. Feel free to drop by and leave me a review.

-Your Purveyor Of Fine Smut