He's already running late. Maybe he just won't go.
Elliot glances at his watch for the third time in half an hour, still debating whether or not he can do this. Fin is getting married tonight – hell, by this hour, he's sure the ceremony is over and it's official already. Just one more thing that is different these days.
Fin had been a good friend to him these past few months - a lifeline when he'd needed some way to reconnect, to make his way back into his former world. He'd listened to Elliot, given him the chance to explain his actions without giving him too much shit for it. He'd filled Elliot in on the details he'd missed so he wouldn't be blindsided by just how much had changed. So when the invitation to the wedding was extended, naturally, Elliot said yes.
He stands in his bedroom and takes a look in the full length mirror that rests against the wall. Elliot looks sharp, polished. He's wearing a 3-piece Italian suit. It's expensive; he'd had it custom made three years earlier for Maureen and Carl's wedding. That was the last time they were all together as a family.
Elliot glances over at the picture on his nightstand, the final photo taken of the complete Stabler family. He and Kathy stood on either side of the bride and groom, Dickie and Eli to Elliot's right, and Lizzie and Kathleen to Kathy's left. Everyone had been looking at the camera and smiling, save for Elliot and Kathy. They were looking at each other, beaming with pride. They were happy.
Elliot sits down on the bed, redirecting his attention from the framed memory down to his left hand. He's still wearing his wedding ring. It's been days, weeks, months. Time has made managing his grief easier, but it certainly isn't linear. He has good days and bad, ups and downs. Kathy's death was jarring - a stark reminder that despite his best efforts, he wasn't able to keep his family safe. He couldn't keep them whole. He doesn't know if the guilt will ever go away.
He fidgets with the ring on his finger, moving it around as he shifts his gaze to the gold shield that sits on his dresser. His ring and his badge. Two pieces of metal that have been part of him for so long, it's as if doesn't know how to exist without them. He'd nearly given up on both of them over the years, but he always found his way back, to his marriage, to his job.
When he left SVU, he vowed never to put the badge on again. He tried to focus on his wife, his kids. And it had been enough, for a time. He was more devoted to his marriage than he had been in years. He was actively involved in his youngest child's life. Without the job to pull him away, he was able to be present in a way he never had been before.
He paid a heavy price, though. Walking away from the unit had cost him Olivia. He spent years wondering what his absence did to her, if it hurt her - broke her - the way it did him, or if she was thriving without him, able to breathe easier without him to worry about. He eventually came back to the job, but never SVU. Special Victims was their place; without Olivia beside him, he couldn't face the horrors of that world every day. He hated himself for leaving her in it.
He thinks of Olivia now, how these past few months haven't been easy for either of them. They've been tiptoeing around each other in an attempt to navigate what once was and what could be. Seeing her now, a captain, a mother - she had flourished without him, and he wishes he could've been there to bear witness to it all.
She's said she's forgiven him for walking away, but he will never fully forgive himself. That night in Kathy's hospital room, his wife had confessed that she didn't believe he hadn't spoken to his former partner in ten years. He can't believe it either. Now that he's back in New York, the thought of going even a week without some sort of contact with Olivia seems impossible.
It's been a few days since they've last spoken, and he wants to see her again, needs to. He has things he wants to say to her, and he hopes she's ready to hear them.
It's time, he thinks. Elliot stands up from the bed. He twists the ring off his finger and places it gently on his nightstand. After a final glance in the mirror, Elliot exhales deeply and makes his way out of the apartment.
The sun had gone down hours ago, but the late July air still warms her skin. Olivia steps out on to the balcony as the guests continue to dance inside, craving some fresh air and a moment alone. She has a glass of red wine in hand, and she sips it slowly as she looks out at the twinkling lights of the New York City skyline. The breeze is light, and it lifts her hair just a little bit off her face.
She knows Fin had asked Elliot to be here, and she's not sure what's keeping him. Work, possibly. Avoidance, probably. She can understand why coming here tonight might be difficult for him. The first social event without his wife on his arm, a night celebrating lifetime commitments and lasting love when he's so recently lost just that.
Olivia wants to call Elliot, check in with him. Make sure he's okay. She thinks better of it, though. She doesn't want to push him. These last few months have been a delicate balance of giving each other space and relearning to communicate. It hasn't been easy, but she's glad for the opportunity to try.
Olivia takes another sip of her wine and thinks back to earlier in the evening. Fin and Phoebe had written their own vows. Fin had spoken about working with Phoebe decades prior, getting to know her first as a cop and then as a woman. He gave words to the unique bond that cops - partners - develop, and how it was present early on. He spoke about being a given a second chance with her, the universe bringing them back together after all these years. Partners for life, he'd said.
Elliot had said something similar to her years ago, in the early days of their partnership. I'm your partner, for better or worse. Words she'd hung on to, cloaked herself with in her darkest moments. He'd left her alone, and she'd been forced to take on some of the role he played herself. My old partner…he'd know what to do. It was his voice in her head that got her through when she was nearly ready to give up, give in.
In the years after he'd gone, she'd tried to repair the hole in her heart by clinging to their past. She sought out Brian, a reminder of those early days when things were simpler and laughter came easier. He was a warm body, someone to come home to at the end of a long day, but by her own admission, never someone she would bear her soul to. She lost Munch, then Cragen, and for a while it seemed like everything was being taken from her.
Only then she'd been given the greatest gift. She became a mother, and Noah took up more room in her heart than she ever thought possible. Her son had given her a renewed sense of purpose, direction, but still something was missing. Olivia was finally beginning to build something new for herself, a life outside the walls of the 1-6, but her heart still ached for the comfort of a friend, a companion, someone to share it all with.
Ed had been a true attempt at happiness, and for a while, she really believed they had a chance. She'd be lying, though, if she didn't acknowledge that in the deepest parts of her, it was a different set of blue eyes she wanted to come home to each day. The relationship didn't last, and she resigned herself to being okay with being alone. She devoted herself to her work, earning promotions and accolades, and she had a son now. It was enough. It had to be enough.
It's over. It's not going to happen. It was never going to happen.
She'd said the words, but never truly really believed them.
And then, in an instant, Elliot was back. Of all the scenarios she had conjured up that would bring him back into her life, the circumstances of his return were unfathomable. She wanted to be furious at him, to rage at him. But with his world turned upside down, her feelings couldn't come first. She immediately slipped back into her role of being his partner, of supporting him, having his back. It had always been easier to prioritize his needs over her own.
Figuring out how to be around each other again was a bigger challenge than she expected. That day in the park, they tried to keep it light, but it quickly became too much, too overwhelming. His words were a reminder of what was lost, and she was ready to walk away, to leave things unsaid. But Elliot had written her a letter, and the gesture was so surprising that she needed a couple of days to build up the courage to read it.
She's read it dozens of times since. She practically has it memorized. It's an apology. An explanation. A confession. She is still processing the magnitude of its contents.
He'd told her she was his best friend, and that he thought about her every day. He saw reminders of their time together everywhere, and he was in no hurry to push the memories away. She was more than his partner, more than the job. It was never her that he was walking away from. He was proud as hell of her accomplishments and hopes she knows that she is deserving of every award she's been given. Rome was Kathy's place, he'd said, but his heart had never really left New York. Left her.
Olivia blinks back tears as she recalls that chilly morning in the car. You mean the world to me, he'd said. For Elliot to articulate what had been left unspoken for so long was a shock, but it was in that moment she knew the healing could begin. If they can finally figure out how to put words to what their relationship really was - could still be - maybe there's a chance to repair some of the damage.
There's a sudden shift in the air around her. She doesn't need to see the shadow he casts on the ground beside her to know Elliot is behind her, watching her. A decade may have passed, but their connection is still strong. The tether between them is unbroken. She needs just one more moment before she faces him, faces the man who had been everything to her for so long and is by some miracle back in her life. She takes a deep breath of sweet summer air and looks out at the buildings below.
New York had been theirs once, and with Elliot back in the city where he belongs, maybe it can be once again.
He is leaning on the doorframe with his hands in his pockets. Elliot watches her for a moment before she turns around. He knows Olivia knows he's there – their keen awareness of each other has not faded with time. She is wearing a navy blue dress and her hair falls in soft curls over her shoulders. In the moonlight, she is illuminated. He can't take his eyes off her.
Olivia turns then, and it seems impossible, but she's even more beautiful now than she was a decade ago. He takes a few steps toward her, closing the space between them. The desire to be close to her hasn't stilled.
"Didn't think you were gonna show up," she says.
"Wasn't too sure myself," he replies. He leaves it at that. He doesn't elaborate, and she doesn't push. It's their brand of communication. He removes his hands from his pockets and holds out his left toward her, an offering. "Dance with me?"
Olivia gives him a small smile and rests her wine glass down on the table next to her. She makes a move to reach for his hand and stops suddenly. It's dark out, but Elliot knows she's noticed that his ring finger is bare. She flicks her eyes up to meet his, and the recognition of the significance of what he's done is evident in her gaze.
"You took it off," she says quietly.
Elliot draws his hand up close to his chest and rubs his bare finger gently, twisting a ring that is no longer there. He swallows hard, and his accent is thick when he responds. "Thought it was time. I think…I think it's what Kath woulda wanted. For me to try and...move on."
Olivia is silent. She keeps her eyes locked on his and nods almost imperceptibly.
Her easy acceptance is all he needs. He reaches for her once again, and her palm slips gently into his. Elliot leads her toward the open doors leading back to the dance floor, but stops before going inside. They are close enough that they can hear the music playing from where they stand. He wants this moment to be private, something that's theirs alone.
The song changes, and it's soulful, bluesy.
At last, my love has come along. My lonely days are over, and life is like a song.
He pulls Olivia close. His hand is around her waist then, and he is struck by how well they fit together. He's held her - hugged her - before, but it's always been out of desperation, seeking relief, comfort from one tragedy or another. Maybe that's what this is, too. Maybe touching her will always be a moment of respite from the rest of the world.
I found a dream that I could speak to, a dream that I can call my own.
They move together to the music, slowly swaying with the rhythm of it. Always so in sync. His wife's words come back to him, and he can't help but smile.
I found a thrill to press my cheek to; a thrill that I have never known.
Elliot's cheek presses against Olivia's hairline, and the vanilla scent of her shampoo is achingly familiar to him even after all this time. His lips are inches from her ear. "I missed you, Liv," he whispers.
Against him, he feels her lips tilt slightly upward into a gentle smile. She pulls back from him a little bit, just enough to find his eyes. Olivia looks up at him through the fan of her dark lashes, and her eyes are clear, sparkling. "Welcome home, El."
Olivia's eyes have always said too much. Over the years, they've had entire conversations with a single look, and the ability to read each other's thoughts hasn't gone away. He sees something different in her eyes tonight – something that hadn't been present these last few months. Until now he'd seen uncertainty, hesitancy – fear, even. He'd come back and been one more thing for her to worry about, one more responsibility to take on. But tonight – tonight he sees something else. Tonight, in the deep brown eyes that have seen too much darkness, too much pain - he sees a spark of something new. He sees hope. Possibility.
You smile, oh, and then the spell was cast. And here we are in heaven, for you are mine at last.
Elliot smiles back at her and pulls Olivia close once more. Her head finds his shoulder, and it feels natural, easy. It fits. The music continues to play, and they carry on. Together again. At last.