January 2024
Hailey stood in the kitchen, leaning against the kitchen island and staring at a little plastic bag on the island. She knew what was inside the bag. Pregnancy test. Well, not a test, but multiple tests. Different manufacturers, traditionals and digitals. With pregnancy weeks and without those. She had tests but she had no courage to take a test.
She had been leaving work, when it had dawned on her that she couldn't remember when she had last had a period. She had been standing in the locker room, in front of her locker, staring at the tampon box which sat on her locker. She had realized that she didn't know when had been last time she had needed those. It was January now, and the month was almost in the end. But she hadn't had a period this year. So last year? Before christmas? They had been on a one year wedding anniversary trip with Jay in the middle of December. She really didn't have a period at the time. So before that? She had taken her calendar, the last little marks she used to do were a couple weeks before that trip. Could it be?
But she had been irregular since her IUD had been removed last summer. Maybe not this irregular but anyway. She had had her annual check in June and her doctor had told her that her ovaries looked a little polycystic and it could be more difficult to get pregnant for that reason. It had hit her harder than she had expected. They had talked it over with Jay, and decided to stop using protection, so she had let the doctor remove outdated IUD and not to install a new one. They had decided that they didn't try to get pregnant, but if it would happen, they would be happy. Despite the decision the first months had been exciting, but when the tests came out negative and her period seemed to be irregular, she had thought the doctor had been right. Maybe it would really take time and she would need professional help to get pregnant. They had talked again and chose to just wait at least a year before really thinking about what they wanted to do. The end of the year had been busy and she had almost forgotten that they really didn't have any protection. Well, now it seemed that she really had forgotten it.
She didn't know why she was so scared? Was she scared of being pregnant or not being? While staring at the plastic bag she realized that whatever she was doing, she didn't want to do it alone. She wanted to do it with Jay. That realization calmed her. Jay was still at work, so she decided to make dinner while waiting for him.
Pastitsio was just going to go to the oven, when Jay came home. Hailey heard the door opening and Jay putting his shoes and jacket to the closet.
"Hi babe!", she greeted Jay.
Jay came to the kitchen and gave her a kiss, before he went to put his gun to the safety box.
"Looks amazing!" Jay said looking at the pan that was going to the oven.
"You have to wait a little bit", she smiled at him. "But while waiting I need to talk with you."
Jay looked confused. "Why does this sound so serious?"
"Well, I don't know if this is serious, or is it good or bad or…", Hailey rambled.
"Hey! Hey, babe, I'm with you, whatever it is. Just shoot", Jay reassured her.
Hailey stood next to the kitchen island and pushed the paper bag closer to Jay.
"I'm late", she blurted.
"Late?" Jay asked, raising his eyebrows before looking in the bag. "Oh…. Like late late?"
Hailey nodded, trying to read Jay. He didn't look afraid.
"Have you done any of these?" Jay asked.
"No, I wanted to wait for you. Didn't want to do it alone", Hailey told, biting her lip nervously.
"Hey… Like I said, I'm with you, always", Jay came closer and took her in his arms. "I am glad you waited for me, we are here together."
"You said late, but how late exactly?" Jay asked carefully. He remembered still all the well hidden disappointments they had experienced at the beginning of their "not-trying".
"Dunno. You know it hasn't been like clockwork. But maybe about four weeks late?" Hailey replied.
"Oh… It's more late than before?" Jay tried not to show his growing enthusiasm.
Hailey nodded and nuzzled tighter against Jay's firm chest. She knew what Jay thought and she felt the same way. Standing there in Jay's embrace she knew what had scared her. Not to be pregnant. Even if being pregnant was a terrifying thought, not being pregnant would mean that there was really something wrong with her body and getting pregnant could be even harder, which she had already assumed. And she definitely wanted to be pregnant some day.
"Wanna take a test now?" Jay asked carefully, like testing the water.
"Do you wanna?"
Jay nodded a little. He felt like he would be walking on the eggshells, trying not to break those. He was fully involved in this, but it was Hailey's body after all.
"Good, because I need to pee", Hailey grinned.
She knew she was using humor as a coping mechanism, but she wanted to ease her own excitement by joking.
Little later they stood side by side in their bathroom, trying not to look at two tests laying next to the sink.
"I can't look…" Hailey sighed.
"Come here" Jay pulled her in his arms, hugging her tightly.
"You know I love you, we are doing this together", he whispered in her ear.
"I know. I love you" Hailey answered, rising to her toes to reach out to kiss him.
Jay looked at his watch.
"I think it's time to check the result. Together?" he asked.
Hailey nodded, biting her lip.
Together they turned to look at those two sticks that right now seemed to include their whole future.
Two lines. Digital letters saying pregnant.
Hailey turned to Jay, only to find him staring at her, the biggest smile on his face.
"I'm pregnant", Hailey whispered.
"You are pregnant. We are having a baby", Jay said in disbelief before he cradled her face and kissed her. He knew he could not verbally describe all his feelings at the moment, so he deepened the kiss, trying to do it that way. When Hailey had told him that she was late, it had surprised him how hopeful it had made him. He hadn't known how much he wanted this. A baby. Baby with Hailey.
When they finally broke the kiss, they stood there looking at each other. Hailey saw Jay still smiling, the smile which made his eyes sparkle, the smile she loved.
"I know I should probably be scared, but I am not. This is huge, but I am not scared, not when I am doing this with you", Hailey admitted.
"I may be a little scared, but I am even more excited and happy", Jay responded, kissing her again.
Jay directed Hailey out of the bathroom and to the living room. He sat down on the couch and pulled her with him.
"This demands a little bit of cuddling", he grinned happily.
Hailey obeyed with pleasure. She was feeling a little overwhelmed and she knew for experience that being physically close to Jay was the best way to ground herself.
It began slowly to sink to them that she really was pregnant. When the doctor's information had forced them to measure their options, it had been surprisingly quickly clear that they wanted kids, or at least a kid. The knowledge that it would take time and need help had made them make the decision that they didn't want to use protection anymore, but even then the possibility of pregnancy had felt kinda afar. Now she was pregnant. They are having a baby.
Jay had been stroking Hailey's hair but now he lowered his hand and slipped it under her shirt pressing it against her slim belly. He looked at Hailey with pleasure.
"Do you understand that she is here?"
Hailey giggled. "Hardly… but do you understand how tiny she still is? And secondly, she?"
"It feels so. She. I dunno why", Jay replied, stroking her belly gently.
"Okay", Hailey smiled, looking down her belly and trying to understand that there really was a very tiny human. She didn't care if it was a girl or boy, but maybe Jay was right. Maybe it would be a little girl with curly hair and freckles.
"Do you know what is a good thing?", she asked in a moment.
Jay looked at her questioningly.
"I don't have to tell my boss that I am pregnant and that I probably have to be transferred to desk duty quite soon", Hailey pointed out.
"Well, that's your boss' problem. Your husband is just extremely happy", Jay laughed.
"How do you feel about desk duty? I mean, our work is kinda dangerous and what happened to Kim…", he continued, suddenly much more seriously.
It had hit him like a hammer. He didn't want Hailey to put herself or their kid in danger. He knew it was also Hailey's decision and this could potentially cause tension between them. As her husband he couldn't tell her what to do, but as her boss he would have more say. He waited eagerly for her answer.
Hailey was silent for a long time. It had hit her too. She loved her job. But she loved Jay more and it had dawned on her that she already loved their baby more, or if it was impossible to love the baby so much already, at least she loved the idea about this baby more. Yet it felt hard to think she wouldn't do her job like she had used to do.
"I know I have to do it, but can I digest it a little. Maybe since I have had an ultrasound, that we know for sure there's someone there?", she asked, knowing that Jay would probably already be in full protective dad mode. Being protective was like instinct to Jay, Hailey knew it and loved him for it.
Jay nodded. He would let this slip for now.
"I take it that we wait also after ultrasound before we tell the team?", he asked instead.
"I think it is better that way", Hailey answered.
" When do you think you can get that ultrasound appointment?", Jay inquired.
"I'll call there first thing in the morning, we will see it then?" Hailey replied. "I think dinner is ready, are you hungry?"
"Starving!" Jay stated, standing up and pulling Hailey with him.
They sat at a table and eated their dinner. Jay noticed Hailey mostly drank her mineral water and only nibbled her food.
"Everything okay?", he asked worriedly.
"Yeah. I just have been a little nauseous and tired lately, but I guess it makes sense now. I thought I had some mild stomach bug", she said. "I just don't get why they call it morning sickness. Mornings are normal, nights are much worse."
"Oh, I guess it makes sense. You have really fallen asleep on the couch many times recently, I get it now", Jay said.
When they had eaten, Jay told Hailey to lay down while he cleaned the kitchen.
"Are you going to spoil me the whole pregnancy?", Hailey grinned.
"You bet", Jay replied, giving her a kiss. He might have missed early symptoms but he was going to compensate for it.
The night ended like so many others recently, Hailey falling asleep on the couch while Jay watched the tv. Jay didn't have a heart to wake her, so he ended up carrying her to the bed. Before he sank into sleep, he thought that it had been in a sense the first time he had carried his child. That thought was mind blowing.
Next morning Hailey was tired despite her long sleep. She had spent too much time in the shower and was now behind her normal morning routine. Only good thing was that she had been lucky, and had gotten them an appointment with her doctor in the late afternoon.
Jay instead was being unusually cheery.
"You know I'm your boss, I am not going to scold you for being late?", he asked, looking at her scrambling.
The look she shot at him made him clam up.
"You can go, we can take separate cars", Hailey snapped.
"We are going together to the clinic at the end of the day", Jay pointed out. He made a mental note that pregnant Hailey could be a bit crabby too.
Hailey calmed down a little, remembering the reason for the clinic visit. Baby. Smiling, she followed Jay to the car.
Their day had been quite busy at work. After lunch they had a lead about their latest case and Jay decided they would do a raid to the suspect's house. He only had one problem. He didn't want Hailey to be part of the bust for two reasons. First one was obvious, he didn't want to risk the baby. Second one was the strict timeline, Hailey had an appointment she had to get to. Of course, he wanted to be there too, but Hailey getting there was most important. In addition, Kim and Williams had left outside Chicago to see a witness and Vanessa needed a partner. Kevin and Adam couldn't go of the two. Lucky for them, he had a plan.
"I think I need some field work to keep myself on top of my game. Rojas, I come with you. Hailey can stay at the office. Kevin and Ruz, check the rig", he intentionally commanded with a strict voice. He didn't want them to ask any questions.
It worked. Kevin looked at him suspiciously, but didn't say anything. Hailey nodded to him behind the backs. She got why he played it that way.
Jay was putting his gear on at the garage when he noticed Hailey checking him out while she sat on the table next to him.
"You like what you see?" he asked, smirking.
"Oh yeah. I think you should go to the field with us even more often", Hailey said and hopped off the table and stepped closer to him.
"Why do you think so?" Jay asked with a low voice.
"You are kinda hot with a full gear", Hailey whispered, sliding her finger under his thigh holster and caressing his thigh. "I like when you wear this." She snapped the strap.
Jay swallowed. This woman was going to be death to him someday.
Just then they heard coughing from the doorway. Vanessa stood there looking extremely amused.
"If you could continue your foreplay at home, I could use a partner", she smirked walking towards them.
Jay cleared his throat, blushing. "Yeah, I am ready."
"Oh, I am sure you are, Sarge", Vanessa quipped.
Jay looked at Hailey, whose cheeks were equally pink.
"Be safe", Hailey requested. I need you more than ever, she signaled with her eyes.
"Always. I'll be back soon", Jay replied, understanding her message and wanting to tell her that he would try to be back before their appointment.
Vanessa shook her head slightly. She would never get those two fully. They could go from smutty workplace flirting to the most deep speechless conversation in seconds. They really were a kinda unique pair.
"Let's go. Ruzek and Atwater are waiting for", Jay ordered, now in full commanding mode.
Hailey was watching them go. It felt weird. If this was how Jay felt always when she left to the field without him nowadays, she should maybe give him more credit for hiding his worry. Or was she this worried because now it wasn't just her waiting for him coming back? She didn't know that, but she sure knew she needed him to come back intact. Now she just had to wait and hope he will be back in time.