Once again, Lucas found himself walking away from an invitation to enter Elizabeth's home. Instead, he had told her he had to get back to work, which while it wasn't a complete lie, it wasn't the whole truth either. There was no pressing business that he had to get back to. Things would run just fine with both businesses for a bit longer without him.
However, he didn't want to take that step over the threshold, though Lucas couldn't put his finger on quite why.
So instead, Lucas retreated to his car, leaving Elizabeth to her thoughts. It was painfully clear to him that her thoughts and emotions were in turmoil. It had been for a while, even before Elizabeth's comment about no wanting to feel stuck in the middle. The fact that she said she hadn't responded to Nathan's proclamation of love was just further proof of that. If Elizabeth knew her heart, if she knew that she didn't have feelings for Nathan, then she would have been able to tell him that.
And perhaps if all she felt was friendship for Nathan then the inquiry Nathan had faced and the resulting issue concerning Nathan's secret wouldn't have been quite so important to Elizabeth.
Lucas couldn't deny that more than once he had questioned why Elizabeth had suddenly showed an interest in his romantic gestures. She had told him then that she had told Nathan that she couldn't give him what he had wanted. Lucas had accepted that as meaning that she had decided she was interested in him rather than Nathan.
Her revelation that Nathan had told her he loved her again, made him wonder if there was more to it. Had that been the first time Nathan had told her he loved her? Lucas knew that she hadn't responded the second time but what had been her response that first time? Did she truly not have feelings for Nathan or was there more to it? Had Elizabeth come to him out of fear or love?
Now sitting behind the wheel of his car, Lucas glanced over his shoulder at Elizabeth's home. Elizabeth was no longer standing in the doorway. She had gone back inside and the door was shut.
Lucas knew that he could spend time speculating about Elizabeth's actions and her feelings but it wouldn't do him any good. He couldn't control what she said and did. The only person's who actions he had any control over was his own and he knew he had some analyzing of his own to do. He had told Nathan that he had better had Elizabeth and Ally's best interest at heart and not his own.
Perhaps that was advice that he needed to take himself.
Looking away from Elizabeth's home, Lucas started the car. For the short ride into town at least, Lucas was able to push thoughts of Elizabeth, Nathan and Ally from his mind. Reaching the Queen of Hearts, he pulled the car to a stop out front of the saloon. He noticed Newton tied outside of the Mounted Police Office which seemed to indicate that Nathan was inside. For the briefest of moments, Lucas thought about marching into the office and trying to settle things.
Except that despite what he told Ally, Lucas realized that it wasn't really he and Nathan that needed to settle this. Elizabeth was the one who had to make a choice, and getting into an argument with Nathan wasn't going to help anything at this point.
Turning from the site of Newton and the Mounted Police office, Lucas headed into the Queen of Hearts. After checking in with Gustav, Lucas headed for the sanctuary of his office. He sat down at his desk and tried to do some paperwork. He soon realized that nothing he was reading was really sinking in.
Getting to his feet, Lucas began to pace as he let his thoughts tumble around.
When he had told Elizabeth that what was important to him was her happiness, he had meant it. He had been thrilled when she had said she wanted to see what could be between them. He enjoyed spending time with her but though Elizabeth had for the most part seemed to enjoy their time together, he could sense a hesitancy in her. Lucas had wanted to believe that it was just hesitancy of starting a new relationship after the loss of her husband. He still believed that was part of it, but having watched Elizabeth's interactions with Nathan of late, Lucas wasn't quite so sure.
By Elizabeth's own admission, Nathan had told her that he loved her on more than one occasion. Now, he didn't claim to know Nathan well but Lucas was a betting man, and he would wager both companies on the fact that if Elizabeth had told him flat out that she didn't share those feelings that Nathan would back off. Nathan treated people with respect, even those people who he didn't think much of. Therefore, Elizabeth must have given him some indication that she had some sort of feelings for him other than just friendship. What that indication was, Lucas couldn't be sure. Nor was he sure that it was his place to ask.
Perhaps the correct thing for him to do in this situation was for him to simply take a step back. People were getting hurt and that wasn't what a relationship should be about. Like Elizabeth, he didn't like seeing Ally unhappy. Nor did he like to see Elizabeth upset, and this morning it was clear to him that she was feeling that way. Lucas didn't even really like seeing Nathan as upset as he had been of late, though he wasn't about to admit that to anyone.
Lucas cared about Elizabeth. He enjoyed spending time with her. He found her attractive. He admired her for many reasons and yes, he wanted her happiness.
Was he ready to declare he was in love with her?
Lucas pondered that question. He tried to imagine himself telling Elizabeth that he was in love with her and try as he might, he couldn't quite get there. Sure, he could tell himself that he had never been a love at first sight kind of person. He could try to convince himself that he was falling in love with Elizabeth and that he would get to that point. It was very likely that he would get to that point.
Lucas knew he wasn't quite there yet.
Apparently, Nathan was and it was clear that Ally deeply wanted Elizabeth as a mother figure.
Lucas found that if there was any chance that Elizabeth might want those things as well, then he didn't want to be the person who came in between that. He knew what he needed to do, and despite what he had told Ally, Lucas knew that Nathan wasn't the person that he needed to talk to.
Later that afternoon, Lucas was accepting a delivery out front of the saloon when he saw Elizabeth go into the library. Hoping that he might have a chance to talk with her alone, he quickly signed for the delivery and asked a couple of employees to take care of it before heading toward the library.
Walking into the library, Lucas found that Elizabeth was the only one in the library. He found her looking at titles along the one wall. As the door shut behind him, the sound caught Elizabeth's attention and she looked over her shoulder at him.
"Hello, Elizabeth."
"Hello, Lucas," Elizabeth replied with a smile. He couldn't help but notice the smile didn't quite reach her eyes, which still seemed to be a mixture of conflicting emotions.
"I was hoping to talk to you," Lucas told her. "Can we sit for a few minutes?"
Elizabeth nodded her consent as she silently moved from the shelves of books and toward the table. Lucas politely held a chair for her and then once she was seated, he took a seat himself.
"I spent a good portion of the day thinking," Lucas told her, not wasting time getting to what he wanted to say. "I told Nathan a while back that he had better have your best interests in mind and not his own," he told her, specifically leaving out Ally. He regretted even implying that Nathan would ever not put his nieces best interests ahead of his own and he was not about to repeat that mistake. "I realized that perhaps I need to take my own advice."
"Lucas, I . . ."
Lucas held up a hand to put a stop to whatever Elizabeth was about to say. "Please, just hear me out," he requested.
Elizabeth nodded her consent.
"You told me that you didn't want to feel like you were caught in the middle of me and Nathan and I want to apologize for ever making you feel that way," Lucas told her. "I have a feeling it was never Nathan's intention to make you feel that way either. It's also become clear to me that you are feeling conflicted with your own emotions. If you weren't, you would have been able to respond to Nathan when he told you that he loved you."
Lucas watched Elizabeth's cheeks go pink as she looked down at the table.
"I'm not trying to make you feel bad, Elizabeth. I'm sure this is a very hard situation for you to be in, having loss your first husband and when you are finally ready to open your heart to feeling emotions for someone again, you have to men vying for your attention. I also realized that though I do find you attractive in many ways, and I enjoy spending time with you that while I might be falling in love with you, I can't make that declaration yet."
"I'm not asking you too, Lucas."
"I know," Lucas said, with a nod. "However, if you have someone who is already willing to say those words to you, then as your friend, let me say that if there is any chance you feel the same way then you owe it to him, to a little girl and mostly to yourself to take Emerson's advice over there."
Lucas pointed to the plaque that Nathan had made for the library.
Always do what you are afraid to do.
Lucas still thought there was something a bit reckless to those words, but perhaps they were good words to live by.
As Elizabeth was looking up at the plaque, a thoughtful expression on her face, Lucas sat silently for a bit, giving her time. When she finally did look from the plaque back to Lucas there was a bit of defiance in her eyes. Lucas had to admit that he liked that look more than the loss, distraught look she had been wearing.
"Are you implying that I'm afraid of trying to figure out my feelings for Nathan?" Elizabeth asked him.
"I'm not implying anything," Lucas said calmly and he hoped soothingly. "You are the only one who can figure out your emotions, Elizabeth, though I think perhaps you haven't been trying to do that as much as you should as of late. Perhaps that is partly because of outside pressures. You did say you felt like you were caught in the middle, and that is not what I want."
"It is not what I want either," Elizabeth told him with a sigh.
"I know," Lucas told her. "So, my whole reason for starting this conversation is to tell you that I'm backing off. I told you before Elizabeth that I want you to be happy. I meant it then and I still mean it. Even if that happiness means that I will only have your friendship. I want you to stop thinking about me and instead take some time to think about what Nathan has said to you and search your heart. A declaration of love deserves a direct answer, whether that answer is yes or no. If not, everyone will always be left wondering what if."
"And if I search my heart and find that my response is no?" Elizabeth asked.
Lucas smiled. Having seen what he had, he didn't have much hope that it would happen. "If that is the case, then I will be waiting. However, if the answer is yes, know that you don't owe me an apology or an explanation. I will simply be happy for you and hope that we can still be friends."
"Thank you," Elizabeth said softly her eyes drifting to the plaque.
Lucas wondered if she was thinking about the words or the man who had carved them into the piece of wood but he wasn't about to ask.
"I will leave you to your thoughts," Lucas said, getting to his feet. "Good day, Elizabeth."
Elizabeth looked up at him. "Bye, Lucas."
Lucas turned and walked out of the library. He couldn't help but feel as if this was the end of a possible romantic relationship with Elizabeth. The thing was, despite the pang of sadness at the thought he also felt a sense of peace. If Elizabeth chose Nathan and was happy once again, then he would be happy for her. For all of them.
Perhaps that was the proof that what Nathan felt for Elizabeth was deeper than what he felt for her, Lucas thought as he crossed the street. Nathan hadn't been able to simply walk away. The Mountie had seen a sliver of hope and he had kept clinging to it despite the pain that he was feeling because of it.
That was exactly the kind of love that Elizabeth deserved. Perhaps it was the love that all four of them deserved.
Walking into the Queen of Hearts Lucas knew that if nothing else, he had done what was in Elizabeth's best interest and for him, that was enough. It made the sting of disappointment a little easier to take.