note: This was actually a story I wrote in 2010 (time flies, indeed!) in my mother tongue. I kind of like shipping Hikari with basically anyone, but other than Takari and Koukari, Kenkari is actually one of my favourites. I decided to translate this after I got a Grammarly Premium and although I found it a bit corny when I re-read this, I cannot find a lot of Kenkari content, so why not contribute one?
Nevertheless, I have tweaked this to slightly adjust with things that happened in Last Evolution Kizuna, so if you haven't watched it, there's a warning. I also referenced some episodes in Zero Two (particularly episode 07, 31 and 45). Oh, and even though the title is sort of inspired by an old song from The Academy Is (Everything We Had, red.), I actually wrote this with Sleeping At Last's Life. I know it's a song about father-child relationship, but I choose to interpret it in a different way.
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He was standing at the edge of the shore, solemnly staring at the faraway line where the sky met the navy-blue sea. The sands were whispering beneath his feet as the tide came closer only to drench them for a moment before drifting irresponsibly, yet he could then hear each grain was giggling without a complaint. There was a song about a gentle summer played by the wind, and the trees were dancing along to the tune.
He forgot that the beach could be this pleasant.
There was a time where a landscape like this was his enemy, but the resentment came without a choice. He was just a small boy with no intention to hate before the force of darkness transported him to a world unknown. All he saw was an ocean with water so pitch black that it choked him to the core, wrapped him with such a great nightmare that everything he did or thought would always pull him back there.
He was drowned in the dark. He needed a light to help him escape.
(And just before he fell deeper, a beam finally managed to pierce through.)
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The first time he noticed her was when he wore a cape as the manifestation of the darkness—a period when he called himself The Kaiser instead of Ken Ichijouji. He hosted a siege in the domed city, and from his screen, he caught sight of her flying with a sphinx-like beast across the buildings. Her face was graved as she observed a troop of enemies down below with her brows twitched, but there was also a sign of optimism that she could beat all of them and get back home safely.
In that brief moment, he did not yet realise that the girl could be his saviour. All he saw was a glimpse of a tiny star, but only because he watched her from afar. At the end of the day, you would only know that a star could be so massive if you observed them close enough.
He finally managed to throw away his infernal alter ego as the darkness in him slowly faltered. However, a tiny amount that stayed inside did not even think of giving up. They tried to lure Ken back to The Ocean so they would regain power over him. And when he struggled so hard to resist, he finally realised that this time he had her on his back.
Hikari Yagami.
She told a story that was so similar to his—about being engulfed in the darkness and called to the sea—but she had one thing that he didn't have that might set her free. The light, just like her name. And despite her saying she was unable to control such a great power, he was too desperate for salvation; so without anyone knowing, he took a risk, hanging his hope on her as if she was a shooting star.
Why?
Because he trusted her.
No. Why did you trust her?
He couldn't give any answer.
Still and all, he found out later on that Hikari did not let him down. She managed to control the light inside her and saved Ken in the most crucial moment. As Daemon and his corps invaded their world, Ken knew the only choice was to send the Digimon to The Ocean so that he wouldn't be able to come back. However, he also knew that he was the one who could open a gate to that damned place—not Daisuke, not Miyako or Iori, not even Takeru. Only him.
In the end, he tried to cross his heart and defy his fear. He reached for his Digivice and raised it to the sky. As the circle got wider behind Daemon, it was like every sense in his body awakened. He could hear the sound of the tide creeping loudly in his ears and see the current moves before he had a full view of The Ocean. And even though he had expected that the darkness would try to pull him back again, he wasn't prepared for the inexplicable pain that made him scream at the top of his lungs.
That was when the existence of light was needed. And Hikari proved herself that she could be the light for others—for him.
A touch from her hands then transformed into a very tight hold, enveloping Ken with something he had never felt before. The warmth was like the sunlight penetrating the darkest place on earth that had never seen the light of day, persuading the hidden strength to come out and show the world what it was capable of.
The gate was finally opened entirely, and Daemon was confined in the abyss of darkness for eternity. Everyone kept saying that it was all thanks to Ken, but for him, things would not work out if Hikari was not there to hold him first.
He was never good at expressing his feelings to begin with, but there was no way he ended the night without telling how grateful he was. When he got out of the car and thanked Shuu Kido for driving him, he glanced at each of his friends in the car. Yet his eyes laid on hers in the very end before he said the word.
"U, uhm—"
He could feel her staring at him patiently.
"…thank you."
Thank you for sharing your light and save me.
She replied with one of the earnests smile he ever witnessed.
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.
(He couldn't remember the moment he shut his eyes, but when he opened them back, he was still standing in front of the sea by himself, and it felt kind of lonely.
Maybe a company of someone would make it better.
But who?
He closed his eyes back, letting his imagination decide.)
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Before he graduated from high school, Ken took his time to consider what he wanted to do in the future carefully. Many things had happened in his life: Osamu's death, his battle against the darkness and The Ocean, the adventure as a DigiDestined. He then realised that many people were actually struggling with "darkness" just like him, even though the word had a slightly different connotation in regards to real life. The darkness could be in the form of battling crimes or even an internal battle against oneself.
That was why he decided to study psychology before eventually joined the police force as a detective. With his outstanding performance, Ken quickly became the model officer among newcomers. However, this minor achievement came with a bigger responsibility, because the seniors tended to trust him with more works, both in the field and behind the desk.
Consequently, he started to befriend with an extra dose of caffeine. He never skipped a trip for a coffee every single day, devoting himself to one chain of convenience store due to its price and practicality. That day in autumn, he happened to visit the store near his office after finishing paperwork. Once he entered the store, he moved on autopilot following the drill he had done too many times: paid a hundred yen in the cashier as an exchange for an empty cup, walked to the coffee machine and filled his cup with a touch of a button. He never took the sugar, but he always grabbed a small cup of milk as the last step.
Unfortunately, things were not running as smooth as usual afterwards. Just when Ken turned around, someone passed beside him, resulting in a hard bump that made him lose the grip on his already-hot cup. The coffee was spilled to the floor, staining the tip of his shoe, which would fail him in the uniform inspection next morning if he did not wipe it quickly. However, he knew he was in more immediate trouble when he saw the coffee soaked the lower part of the tote bag carried by the person he bumped into.
"Oh, my," he murmured, frightened by the stain that looked so contrast with the white canvas colour. "I am so sorry—"
He did not get a chance to bow because when he realised who was standing in front of him, his eyes widened. Oddly, that person also mirrored Ken's expression with the same amount of shock.
"Hikari?"
"Ken?"
They called each other at the same time that they could not help but laugh.
"My goodness, it's been a long time, isn't it?" she marvelled with a smile. "I'm so happy to see you. And oh, I'm terribly sorry for your coffee."
"Don't be. I'm the one who gets you dirty." And the floors too. He looked at the cashier, knowing the clerk's name as a faithful regular. "Um, Yamada-san… I apologise for the trouble, but can I—"
"Oh, no need to, Detective!" The girl behind the till announced hurriedly after she finished serving a customer and realised what happened. "I'll get a mop and clean it right now!"
As Yamada disappeared to the staff room, the old friends exchanged a look once again. "Detective, huh?" Hikari hummed. "I remember about you being in the police, but I don't know that you have such an important role. Not that I am surprised, though."
"Well, it's barely a year, so you're not missing out for long."
"But it's worth celebrating, and now I have more reasons to buy you a new cup of coffee."
Being a courteous person as always, he hesitated and declined the offer immediately. However, he forgot that Hikari could be pretty persuasive, so they ended up with two cups of warm coffee and sat in a nearby park, considering both of them were not really busy. He watched her from the corner of his eye as he started to sip his drink. Hikari always had this mature aura, at least for him, since the first time they got acquainted, and it hadn't changed a lot. She had longer hair now and wore some thin makeup, but still, just like Daisuke said once to him, she was the epitome of ethereal.
He made his attempt to break the silence first. "Thanks for the coffee."
"Thanks for making time for me," she returned, even though Ken already explained that his work was basically finished for the day. "So, how have you been? How are your parents too?"
"I'm great. They're both fine." He liked how thoughtful she was by asking his family. "Hope your parents and Taichi-san too."
"They're good. Oniichan's been busy lately, though, juggling between his work and Koushiro's office. I kind of worry about their health."
His lips turned upward but with a hint of melancholy. "They're still trying?"
"Very hard," Hikari once again copied his expression. "He always said they're getting there, and of course I believe him. I'm actually sad that I can't help much. Work has been too busy."
It had been almost two years. First, it was Taichi and Yamato who lost Agumon and Gabumon, and although they had tried so hard to avoid the same problem, growing up was an inevitable process. One by one, they said goodbye to their Digimon partner. For Ken, it was his second time losing Wormmon, but that didn't make it any easier. There was no day without him thinking about his little friend in the hope that they would see each other again. His seniors were going the extra miles, though. While it was hard to see everyone right now due to their busy schedule, Taichi along with Koushiro and Yamato invested some times between their routines to ensure that the reunion with their partners would happen sooner.
He tried to divert the subject for a bit, so they didn't have to reminisce about a sad experience. "Are you still in the daycare where you part-timed back in college?"
"No. I'm officially a kindergarten teacher, but that also means a quite uptight schedule," she laughed. "I did not get a chance to meet the whole group. Are you still seeing them?"
"Only Daisuke, the most often." And then Hikari cursed low, blaming herself for not making time to visit the newly-opened ramen shop by the Motomiya boy. "But at least you surely met Koushiro-san and Yamato-san because of your brother, right? And Takeru, I guess."
"Once or twice with Koushiro-san and Yamato-san. Takeru went to Paris for a change of job a few months ago, though. We barely talk that often."
"But aren't you guys seeing each other?"
Hikari blinked in confusion. Ken then realised that he just blurted out an impolite accusation, and he quickly apologised only to be responded with a laugh. "That's okay—I heard that all the time. Sorry for not living up to your expectation, but we're just two best friends."
She tilted her head above, watching as the blue sky softened with a spark of orange. "That being said, it's kind of lonely, though. With Oniichan being as busy as ever, a best friend that lives miles away in a different time zone, and no Tailmon too…" Her voice trailed in the end, but then she smiled so brightly. "But meeting you today is a blessing, Ken. Let's not stop contacting each other, okay? We should meet again soon."
Somehow, his cheeks were as warm as the coffee in his hand and the becoming sunset in the sky.
"…yes," he said with a slight smile. "We should."
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(He could hear the sound that surrounded him; the rhythmic crash of waves, the sigh of the gentle sea breeze, the rustling sands underneath…
The noises that filled his heartstrings, orchestrating a memory so beautiful that he wanted to keep reminiscing.)
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It was his second nature to pick up the phone and use the same formal greeting to whoever called him. "Yes, Ichijouji's here."
He got a giggle as a response.
"It's so cute for you to answer with those words."
He smiled bashfully. "Can I help you, Miss?"
"Stop being such a cop. You're treating me like I'm a member of society who needs to be rescued," Hikari said, a giggle was still there. "Although actually, I kind of need your help."
"Mm-hmm? What is it?"
"We will hold a Career Week next Monday. Is there any way you can come between Wednesday or Thursday to tell the kids about your job?"
"But you said I need to stop being such a cop."
"Yeah, I need you to be one again." He thought about her rolling her eyes across the line. "If you're busy, I totally understand."
"I can make some time on Thursday," he firmly stated after checking his agenda. "Just text me again the address of your school."
"Sure. If you need to, we can talk about it this weekend over a coffee." He regrettably rejected the offer due to a plan with his family, but he assured her that he would come as scheduled. "Great. You're the best. Thank you so much, Detective."
"Happy to help."
The short conversation brought him to a kindergarten in Nerima the following week. Hikari introduced him to some of her colleagues before finally got him in front of her class. In front of twenty children who were barely six years old, he explained the job he did for a living. He could see their eyes glimmering with adoration as he told the story, and it could not be helped when a sense of pride was growing inside him.
"So, is there anyone who want to ask some questions?" he asked. The kids did not even bother to miss the chance. All he could see was raising hands across the classroom, so he started by pointing at a boy who sat in the front line. "Yes?"
With such an innocent tone, the boy asked, "Have you ever held a real gun?"
"Well… as a matter of fact, yes, I have."
"Have you ever shot someone with it?" the boy added.
"No, I haven't. But I will use it in a critical situation. Remember, kids: a gun is not a toy. It is meant to protect you from an emergency." Ken hoped that his advice resonated through the children's mind. He certainly did not want to receive a report about an underage kid opened fire somewhere around the city.
Ken then pointed out a boy with a fluffy cheek who sat near the window. "Yes, you."
The boy had a slightly deeper voice, but the innocence was just the same. "Mr Detective, do you know Detective Conan?"
Ken tried his best not to burst out laughing. "No, I don't. But maybe he's still wandering around my office sometimes. I'll find him and tell him you say hello."
The cheeks grew rosy like ripened peaches as the boy smiled widely.
"Yes, little lady?" Ken pointed out the girl with a ponytail in the fourth row. "What's your question?"
The girl lowered her hand and swung her legs under the table as if to shake off her shyness. Then, she gave him a question from her tiny mouth, which Ken had never expected before.
"Do you think Yagami-sensei is a pretty person?"
It was a question that had nothing to do with the discussion topic; something that should be answered straightforwardly. However, that was precisely the question that would make Ken speechless. As he thought about what to answer in his head, he gazed over the back of the classroom to find the subject in question that seemed to be no less surprised. Her cheeks flushed, but she disguised them as best she could with a tiny smile.
That was when Ken saw someone who used to save him, who pulled him out of the dark hole. Someone significant in his life.
His smile grew wider when he finally found the answer.
"Your teacher is really shining."
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(He didn't want to open his eyes yet.
Not now. Maybe not ever.)
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The knocks on his door were a cue that Hikari had already arrived, and fortunately, Ken was able to put everything in order. He announced that he would be there shortly but didn't walk to the entryway until he pulled the edge of his clothes to make it neater and grab a bouquet of pink cosmos he bought earlier.
While Hikari was taken aback when flowers greeted her as the door opened, Ken was similarly stunned. She wore the usual white turtleneck—her favourite article—with a trench coat, but he knew that the salmon-coloured long skirt was a new one because he had never seen it before. She always wore makeup so thin it was almost natural, but clearly she tried a little bit harder tonight with more hues on her face and waves in her hair.
She looked so—
"…nebulous."
Taking the bouquet carefully, Hikari made her way inside. "And you're always charming." She gave him a light kiss on the cheek. "Although it's a bit weird, though. It should be the guest who brought the flower."
Ken helped her to take off the coat. "We're never a usual couple anyway."
"We're not," Hikari smiled faintly as she stifled a giggle. "Happy anniversary."
Ken returned the wish before he escorted her to the dining table. She expressed his amazement when she found some dishes, which she believed to be a three-course meal—with two sets of panna cotta that were still in the fridge as per his explanation. He was an average cook, but his mother sent him some recipes that were relatively easy for him to follow. The foods turned out to be delicious too, including the dessert which for him was a bit tricky, so it should be easy to conclude that the night was running according to the plan.
But it wasn't.
He was never a partygoer like Daisuke, but he knew that an anniversary celebration should be spent joyously with lots of meaningful talks. However, the entire dinner was tedious and mostly silent. Their first date was awkward, but at least they made their best attempts to melt the situation. This time, it was more like two strangers placed at the same table because there were no other seats available.
There was an inexplicable stiffness on his tongue that he tried to swallow hard. He could not let this special night slipped away that fast; thus, he decided to say anything that popped into his mind first. And that was,
"How's your day?"
—an overly simple question he actually could ask every day through text or phone calls.
Yet that was the problem: there weren't a lot of texts and phone calls these days. That was the main reason why they spent their anniversary night in Ken's apartment instead booked a table in a fine restaurant—because they forgot the day had come and they only planned this last minute. He could not remember exactly what happened, but they rarely saw each other anymore and struggled to keep in touch. They became too lenient with tiny excuses like "busy" or "tired", too perplexed to make an effort, and ended up not going anywhere. And the worst part was he could not confront her about this because there was a part of him thinking that he might be wrong. They were both self-contained persons, so this might be the best way for them to carry out this relationship.
(But if this was the best way, why did it feel like he was slowly being dragged again to the dark?)
"Good," Hikari answered shortly. "We got a firefighter in the class today."
"Ah, is it Career Week already? Now I remember mine." Ken forced a cheerful tone, but for someone who had spent his childhood by deceiving his parents and then-enemy now friends with his alter ego, he did not seem like a good liar.
"How's yours?"
"Mmm. Quite well."
He did not even bother to lace his answer further. So much for wanting a meaningful talk.
Ken tried to keep himself busy by continuously digging his panna cotta. He was staring down at his almost-empty glass when he heard the sound of a spoon clinking from the other side of the table. Hikari cleaned her mouth with a napkin, leaving her dessert half-full. She gazed at him with a very, very serious gaze before taking a deep breath to sigh heavily after.
"You know this isn't right."
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Ken opened his eyes at once.
Grasping back the reality, he tried to reinspect his surroundings. The ocean was still blue and bright. He was still by himself. There was no table of empty plates or a woman who delivered some harsh truth that he still mused about sometimes.
As that night ended, so did their relationship.
What an irony, he thought. The darkness and the light separated and no longer complement each other.
Sometimes, however, he also thought about this from a different perspective. Maybe instead of completely parting, the light was still there in the dark but became dim for a little. After all that happened, they still talked and saw each other. However, what was once a romantic relationship transformed into a mutual relationship between two good friends.
Ken sighed, taking two steps further into the tide. When he lowered his head onto the ground, he found a seashell nested in the wet sands. He picked up the shell, observing it very closely. The colours were a gradient of pink and white, and the surface was very delicate that it didn't need the help of the sun to shine so brightly.
To shine—just like her and her name.
Hikari.
"Ken."
His contemplation was interrupted by the call. Ken turned and found a woman who was smiling not far behind.
"Mr and Mrs Takaishi are here."
He nodded in affirmation. "I'll be there soon."
The woman gave a final smile before returning to the cottage a few hundred metres back, leaving him alone by himself again. It took him quite some time to stare at the shell again. Finally, he put the seashell back in the sands and let the waves pulled it along with his bittersweet memories so that they would be buried deep down the ocean.
The darkness does long for the light, but he must seek another one.
And while the light found a hope, the darkness met a sincere kind of love.
He smiled once again before finally leaving the beach and resuming the new chapter in his life.
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disclaimer: Digimon owned by Toei/Bandai and Akiyoshi Hongo.
I apologise if there's anything off as I couldn't do some revision because it may disrupt the essence of the storyline I had built more than ten years ago.