A/N: So, it has been sooo long. I finally am getting back into writing and SVU. This is going to be AU, somethings are taken from the new episodes and from Elliot's show. This takes place when Olivia goes to Elliot's and wants to talk about the letter, he wrote her. As I said AU and what I hope/want to be in the letter! Review and let me know how you like it! Xox

Chapter One: Because of you

"I read your letter, and I thought we'd talk about it." Olivia said looking at the frazzled Elliot that stood before her.

"I wanna talk, um, I just can't right now." Elliot says as he makes his way to the elevator.

"Hey." Olivia walks towards him. "Are you working?"

Elliot looks down at his phone that is ringing. "I gotta go." He turns to walk to the elevator and answers his phone. "Stabler. Yeah, I'll meet you out front in 20. Okay." He hangs up and waits for the doors to open, he looks back over at Olivia. He gets in the elevator leaving her standing there alone.

Olivia sighed and turned to walk towards the exit. She knew Elliot better than anyone, or at least she used to. Something was wrong…if something was not then he was just avoiding her. He wrote a lot in the letter. Most of it was word games, him working around how he felt just like he did in the hospital.

She climbed in her car and pulled the letter out of her pocket. She looked over it again. She sighed she really had no idea what it meant. She could take it anyway she wanted but until she talked to Elliot, she would not know the truth. He was a mess; his wife had just died. She really didn't know whether or not to back off or try harder. She had grown so much in the last 10 years. It seemed as if her and Elliot were on two different planets. She had a child now and she was a captain. She couldn't get caught up in whatever he was doing. She knew she couldn't. She looked down at the letter again.

She pushed it back in her pocket and pulled out of the parking space to head home. She breathed deeply, trying to compose herself before going home.

Olivia woke up the next morning, it was a Saturday, Noah was still asleep. She got out of bed and went to the kitchen to get herself coffee. As she poured it into her mug, she looked at her phone. She sighed when she saw no messages from Elliot. She was expecting someone that just up and left her 10 years ago to just call or text? She really was going crazy. She needed to get this out of her head. She went to go wake Noah up, she figured they could go to breakfast. Since covid they haven't been able to do much together.

"Hey mom" Noah walked out before she had a change to walk in.

"Hey bud, you wanna go to breakfast?" She asked.

"Can we just order in?" He asked. "I'm still tired."

"Of course." She smiled at him.

After breakfast, Olivia had to head into work for a little so Noah was with Lucy. She was walking through the parking lot when Elliot approached her.

"Olivia." His voice still caught her off guard, after not hearing him for 10 years.

"I'm about to go into work, what do you need?" Olivia asked, slightly mocking his attitude from the previous night.

"I wanted to talk, like you asked."

Olivia knew she shouldn't say anything, but she was just getting irritated at this point.

"Oh, so it's on your terms? Like everything seems to be going. 10 years no call, text, nothing, and yet I am still supposed to jump when you say to? Honestly, I don't think I wanna talk anymore, Elliot."

"I deserve that…call me if you change your mind."

She walked away and walked into work. She knew it was a bitchy thing she did, she just couldn't stand the hot and cold crap he kept pulling. It's like he wants to talk to her and then he wants nothing to do with her. She was trying not to get sucked back down the whirlwind of Elliot, but it was already happening. She's read his letter a million times already, analyzing every part.

"Hey Liv." Fin greeted her.

"Morning." She gave him a small smile and walked into her office and closed the door.

She sat down and started filling her paperwork out she needed to get done.

Hours passed and she was walking out to her car, Elliot was leaning against it. She sighed, she raised an eyebrow and looked at him.

"I made a mistake 10 years ago, I just gave up. I didn't try. I'm not going to keep making the same mistake, Liv. I need to get some things straight and I just don't want you to get caught in this shit storm."

"What's that even mean Elliot? I have a whole other life now. I am not the same Olivia I was 10 years ago. I don't have time for games."

He stepped towards her. She looked up at him. She swallowed hard, and let out a breath.

"Just back off for now."

She was so confused. He's pulling her in and then shoving her back. She rolled her eyes and pushed past him and got in her car. She watched him walk away and down the street. She pulled the letter back out…

"Olivia,

there is so many things I could say. First off, you deserve every award there is. You have earned it and then some. This isn't just about the award though. I think it's an excuse for me to write all this though. You have always been one of the most important people in my life. I couldn't have made it through those 12 years without you. You made the job easier if that's possible. You were…are my best friend. Even if I'm no longer yours. Coming back wasn't just for this award. I needed to see you, its selfish. I should've called you back all those times. I really should have. I cant change that all now. I get this all sounds like bullshit excuses. Maybe it is. I just wanted to say, it wasn't all in your head. 12 years sitting beside you. I'm so sorry I just left. I don't even know If you'll read this but just know I know we could never be where we used to be. I just hope you can eventually find it in your heart to forgive me…

Elliot"

She read over it again. Analyzing every word, hanging onto everything she could, "it wasn't all in you head." "I was afraid, If I heard your voice, I wouldn't have been able to leave."

Warm tears fell down her face. Was he saying what she thought he was? He couldn't have been…

A/N: So I kept the letter realistic. Elliot has been letting on a little but leaving his deeper feelings in the dark, in my opinion. Remember this is AU, with some taken from the episodes. Review, might keep this going depending on how everyone likes it! xox