Olivia Benson is in her living room, pacing back and forth in front of the television with a glass of white wine in her hand. She's wearing her favorite pair of comfy pajamas and her pink UGG slippers. She had a long work day and all she wants to do is go to sleep. It's 11:00 PM. She has to wake up early to take Noah to school before going to work, but somehow, she can't sleep. There is one thing on her mind, and there is one thing she needs to do in order to be able to sleep soundly. This is the third night in a row that she's tried, but she can't get her thoughts to make sense.

Elliot Stabler had been back in her life for almost a month. After the heartbreaking loss of his wife, Kathy, he was focused on catching the people who were responsible for taking her from him and their children. He & Kathy were supposed to have surprised Olivia at her award ceremony. The letter he would have given her that night, he gave her a week or so later. It took Olivia a few days to muster up the guts to read it. She always wondered what his true feelings for her were, and now she had a piece of paper that potentially would answer those questions.

Elliot explained in the letter everything about why he had to leave the force, his heartbreaking apology to Olivia for leaving and not ever reaching out to her, but most importantly, he had expressed his true feelings for her. He loved her. He was in love with her. He wanted her in his life again, but the way that they used to be. Olivia was happy that he felt the same way about her that she did about him.

They haven't gotten a chance to talk about his letter yet, and she is feeling confused and hurt by the way her last interaction with Elliot ended. He told her to back off. She still doesn't understand why. Why did Elliot tell her all of these sweet things that she had been wanting to hear from him for years if he wanted her to stay away? "I mean the world to him? If he heard my voice he wouldn't have been able to leave?" She whispers these things to herself repeatedly.

After 10 minutes of pacing, she grabs a pen and a notebook and sits down on the couch. She keeps clicking the pen, staring at the paper; both begging for her to write down her thoughts. A single tear falls down her face. "Fuck this. Why would he care what I have to say if he wanted me to stay away from him?" She still doesn't realize her worth to this man, even after he explained it to her clear as day.

Olivia finishes her glass of wine and contemplates pouring herself another. She walks over to the bottle, pours the remaining few sips in her glass, and tip-toes back to her bedroom, trying so hard not to wake up Noah. Sitting at the edge of her bed, her hands cover her face and she starts to cry. She is thinking about the what-ifs. What if Kathy hadn't died from the car bombing? How would her relationship with Elliot be right now if that one night went as planned? She tried so hard to get over him, but now he's back - just like that. And he isn't leaving New York.

After a few minutes, she stares at her closet door, remembering what is inside. Something she hasn't looked at for ten years. After Elliot left, she could not bare to look at photos of the two of them together, though she never threw them away. She kept every single one, all in their original frame. Except this time, they were in a cardboard box, buried in the back of the closet behind a basket of clean laundry that she hadn't been able to fold in days. It's 11:30 PM. She whispers, "What the hell am I doing to myself?"

Olivia opens the closet door slowly. It makes the quietest creek as she swings it open. She moves the laundry basket out of the way, lets out a huge sigh, and grabs the box. "El" is written in black Sharpie on the top of it. She stares at it, wondering if it's healthy for her to be doing this. "Holy shit this thing is heavy," she says to herself as she picks it up. She carries it into the living room with her wine glass in the other hand and sets both on top of the coffee table. She sits back down on the couch, and hesitantly, opens the box.

She is hit with a wave of emotions. It is like 12 years of her life flashing before her eyes. So many cases, victims, fun moments, flirty moments, she is reminded of it all and she is reminded of how much Elliot truly cared for her and their partnership.

Olivia takes out the first photo and can remember the day perfectly as if it had happened yesterday. Brighton Beach boardwalk, 1999. They were leaned against the railing with their backs facing the water. Elliot had his disposable camera with him in his pocket and he wanted to take a photo of them together. He asked a stranger passing by to take it. She remembers the man saying, jokingly, "Come on, man. Kiss her on the cheek or somethin'." It was always a favorite of hers. No wonder it was right on top.

She sets to the side and looks at the next. It's from the day Eli was born. She remembers everything she went through that day to keep Kathy alive and to make sure that the baby was going to be alright. She would have done anything to protect Elliot and his family. She still would, even after all this time.

It is slowly starting to hit her as she is looking at all of the photos and reliving all of these memories. "Oh my gosh. I'm such an idiot," she says loudly, quickly realizing that Noah is still asleep. She looks at the clock. It's now midnight.

Olivia realizes Elliot is telling her to back off to keep her and her son safe. He had always been so protective of her. No matter what, they had each other's back. After he left, he had always wondered if she was okay; if she had someone to protect her the same way that he did. Elliot has the chance to protect her for the first time in ten years.

She sets the Brighton Beach picture on the table right in front of her, and once again, grabs the pen and paper.

"Write his name for fuck's sake, Benson." She's nervous to start writing because once she does, she wouldn't be able to stop.

Elliot,

She stares at his name for what feels like minutes. "No, no, no, not Elliot," she says. She rips the piece of paper from the notebook and tosses it on the floor. She smiles softly to herself and begins writing again.

El,

"That's better," she says. There was no going back. She knew how he felt, so it was only right for him to know how she felt.

Do you know how many days I have been trying to write this to you? I'll answer for you. Three. I have been thinking about you so much that it is keeping me up at night. Knowing you are here and not being able to see you is somehow a worse feeling than when you weren't here at all. I have read your letter probably 20 or 30 times. At first, your words did not feel real, because they were so beautiful. Who knew you had it in you?

She wanted to throw in some sarcasm.

I have to admit, I was hurt after we last spoke. You telling me to back off was the last thing I wanted to hear from you. I understand now, though, why you so desperately want me to keep my distance. These no-good assholes who took your wife from you are dangerous. You know that. I know that. I understand the work you are doing to not only expose them, but to get revenge for them ripping your family apart.

She takes a sip of wine, wipes a tear away with her pajama sleeve, and continues writing.

Ever since I met you, Elliot Stabler, I knew you were something special. I tried so hard to suppress my feelings for you by focusing on our job and the fact that you had a family, but eventually you became all I thought about day in and day out. For 12 years, we were two people who became one as soon as we walked into that station house. Your thoughts became mine. My thoughts became yours. I think about the dozens of times it was hard for me to even look at you without smiling like a kid on Christmas morning, all those years we were there for one another in every way, and the times that us caring so much about each other almost cost us our partnership. We had a bond that I never thought would be broken. But then it was.

When Cragen told me you put in your papers, I couldn't say anything at first. I was in shock and felt like if I even tried to speak, I would break down. I didn't want to do that in front of the captain, though I knew he could see the sadness on my face. I told him that you earned it. Which you did, El. You put so much of your life on the line for the victims and their families. I left Cragen's office and had to find an empty interrogation room so I could be alone. Once I closed the door, it just poured out of me. Shock, sadness, and heartbreak all at once. Cragen had asked me if I needed to take a day. I said no. I needed work to distract me from the fact that my best friend was gone, even though every day there without you felt like a piece of me was missing. I was in denial and I wasn't exactly being a ray of sunshine to the newbies. El, I don't want you to think I am telling you this to make you upset. Really. I just want you to know the truth. I am telling you this as someone who loves you. As someone who is in love with you and always has been.

You were the last person I expected to come back into my life, though every day since you left, I hoped you would. Seeing you for the first time in ten years brought back all of those giddy feelings I used to get, but I needed you to know that was so hurt. You disappeared literally without a trace, but now that you are back, I never want you to go again. I want you here for important moments in my life and in Noah's. I know we have a lot more things to discuss. This is just the tip of the iceberg, but I just want us to get back to being us. And your letter makes me think you want the same.

I will wait for you, Elliot. Your focus needs to be on keeping Eli safe and taking down Wheatley. Just know that every step of the way, you are in my head and in my heart. Whatever our relationship is on the other side of this, I will be here.

I know you can do this, El.

I love you.

Oh, and by the way, you're still the longest relationship I've ever had with a man.

Liv

Olivia looks at the clock. 12:30 AM. She reads what she just wrote again and again, making sure it's exactly what she wanted to say and how she wanted to say it. She's wondering what he will think of all this. She knows she is being vulnerable, but it's worth it to her because it's for him.

She tears out the paper, folds it up, and puts it in an envelope. Grabbing the pen, she flips the envelope to the front. "Elliot Stabler" She didn't want to write "El". After work tomorrow, she was going to drop by his place and slip it underneath the door. She doesn't want him to know it is from her until he opens it.

She gets up and places the envelope next to the lamp on the end table. Staring at the pictures she had taken out, she turns the lamp off and says, "Goodnight, El." She plans on putting the pictures away in the morning before Noah wakes up. She turns off the lamp, puts her wine glass in the sink, and starts heading back to her bedroom for what she hopes is a good, but short, night sleep.

She hears a soft knock on her door as she is walking down the hallway. "Who the hell could that be?" She walks to the door, looks in the peephole, and sees Elliot's ID picture.

"Liv, it's me. Open up." Olivia opens the door and it's Elliot.

Elliot shrugs his shoulders. "Was just in the neighborhood," he says.

"No you weren't," she says, laughing. "Come in." After what she went through emotionally tonight, all she wants to do is wrap her arms around him and never let go, but she needs to know why he came to her apartment at 12:30 in the morning.

"I drove over and saw your lamp was on up here so I knew you were still awake."

"Oh, so now you're stalking me?" she says jokingly. He walks inside and she closes the door behind him. "Shit, the pictures," she whispers to herself.

Elliot walks into the living room and sees the box and the picture frames on the table. "What were you taking a trip down memory lane tonight or something?" Olivia doesn't know what to say.

"Um, I guess you could call it that. Come here, sit." Olivia turns the lamp back on, and they sit next to each other on the couch, Olivia on Elliot's left side.

"What are you doing here, Elliot? Where's Eli?"

"Eli has been with Maureen the past few weeks. I had to keep him safe."

"Had?"

Elliot stares at her. His eyes moving from her lips to her eyes. "It's over, Liv."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Wheatley's gone."

"Gone as in he's in a jail cell?"

"No." He pauses. "Gone as in he's dead."

Olivia, confused and shocked, thinks to herself, "Okay, I guess I gotta rewrite that letter." Finally, she asks Elliot, "How'd it happen?"

"Well, long story short, he had this fancy pants wine cellar in his basement where he had all his private conversations. We wired it with cameras and Angela Wheatley, his ex, was talking to him down there. She had been cooperating with us to try and get him." Elliot takes a long pause and she sees the pain in his eyes.

"Elliot, what is it?"

His voice starts breaking.

"He mentioned your name."

"What?"

"He was talking to Angela and he said to her, 'Well that boy, Stabler? I'm not fixed on him anymore. I tried once and failed so maybe it wasn't meant to be," and he paused. For a second there, I was relieved, but all of a sudden he says with the most determined voice, 'I want his old partner. Olivia Benson.' Something in me snapped, Liv. I started freaking out. Bell had to calm me down. He took my wife from me, which I will never get over, but I will get through. If he took you, too, I don't think I could live another day."

He starts crying. Olivia just stares at him and puts her hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

"So what did you guys do?"

"We were staked outside his house and he was mentioning to Angela that he had to go to meet up with his buddies who stole more COVID vaccines. We saw him come up the basement stairs, grab his keys, and walk out of the house with Angela behind him. Bell ran out of the car to go arrest him, but Wheatley got shot and went down."

"Who shot him?"

Silence.

"Elliot!" she says. "Who shot Richard Wheatley?"

Olivia didn't want to think it was Elliot who pulled the trigger.

He looks at her and says, "Angela Wheatley."

"Oh, wow. Did you guys know she was going to do that?"

"No. Not at all. I asked her why and she said it was because she knew how much you mean to me. For Christ's sake, Liv, I have a picture of us on my desk that she's seen, so she knew that Richard mentioning your name would make me angry."

"You what?"

"What? Oh, the picture? Uh, yeah." Elliot takes a long pause. He turns towards her and grabs both of her hands. "I want to feel like you're still with me."

This made Olivia start to tear up. She smiles at him and squeezes. "How are you feeling now?"

"Relieved. But we still have a lot of work to do as far as his business, and his kids are involved, but my heart and head are at ease now knowing you are safe."

"But you and your family are safe, too, Elliot."

"I know. But as soon as I heard him say your name, I panicked." He looks straight into her eyes. "You are everything to me, Liv. I wanted you safe and protected from all of this."

With her voice breaking, she says sarcastically, "I know how to protect myself. I'm not a civilian."

Elliot laughs, remembering exactly what she is referring to.

"Okay that line worked for Richard White, but this Richard was a real dick."

"Fair enough."

They both laugh and soak in this moment with each other. They are reigniting the spark that was put out ten years ago. Both of them sitting in silence feels right again. They were always able to say so much without saying anything at all.

Olivia looks over at him, smiles, and asks, "You drove all the way over here in the middle of the night to tell me this?"

"Yes. I needed to see you. I knew you and Noah were safe, but I needed to see it with my own eyes."

"I'm glad you're here and that you're safe, too, Elliot."

"Thanks, Liv."

Elliot looks around the room and then sees the crumpled up piece of paper with his name on it laying by his feet on the floor. He picks it up. Olivia's eyes widen.

"What's this?"

"Oh, uh, nothing." Olivia is avoiding eye contact.

He smiles at her. "You're not telling me something. What is it? You got these pictures out, my name is written down on a crumpled up piece of paper. I got my eye on you, Benson." He winks at her.

She was going to give him the letter anyway. He's here now. They're finally getting back to some sort of normalcy between them. Why not just give it to him now?

"I was doing a lot of thinking. And writing. And then some more thinking. About you. About us. I know we haven't had a chance to talk about your letter, so I was going to write you one back."

"Oh? And when were you planning on giving it to me?"

"Well, to be honest, I was going to slip it underneath your door at your place tomorrow. Once everything with Wheatley was over, which I guess it is now for the most part, I knew you'd be ready to talk about it."

"Well, I'm here now. Lay it on me."

Olivia lets out a sarcastic sigh. Smiling, she says, "Fine."

She gets up from the couch, walks around the coffee table to the other side, and picks the letter up from the end table. She sits back down next to Elliot and hands it to him. "Here. I know it's a lot to take in, but it's the truth. Whatever you decide, I understand." He laughs. "Hey, those were my words." He is so happy that they are starting to get back to their old selves. The banter, the sarcasm.

"What are we, 12? Passing notes to each other in class?" He looks over at her for a response, but sees tears in her eyes. "Hey. You okay?"

"Yeah." She's smiling has tears are falling down her cheeks.

He opens the envelope, unfolds the paper and starts reading.

El,

That was enough for him to start crying.

Olivia asks through her tears, "What is it? You haven't even read anything yet."

"That's the first time you've called me 'El' since I've been back."

"I know. I was waiting for the perfect moment." Elliot stares at her and smiles before continuing on.

Olivia feels like he's been reading for an eternity, but looking at him read her true feelings written down on paper is making her happier than she ever thought possible. He reaches his left arm out as he's reading and she leans into him, resting her head on his shoulder. He puts his arm around her. She looks up at him and sees tears streaming down his face. She uses her hand to wipe some of them away. Olivia never knew love like this was possible.

Elliot finishes reading, folds the letter up, and puts it back in the envelope. He's not saying anything, but he's crying and breathing heavily. Olivia picks her head up from his shoulder and kisses him on the cheek.

Elliot gets up, stands in front of her and asks, "You would have waited for me?" Olivia stands up and nods.

"Of course I would have, she says, smiling. "I waited ten years didn't I?"

"Just come here."

He leans in, staring at her lips, and they share their first kiss. She wraps her arms around him and wishes she could freeze time. He wants so badly to explore every inch of her body, but he doesn't want to disrespect the fact that Noah is home. They haven't even been formally introduced yet.

He tucks one strand of hair behind her ears and can feel Olivia's smile. She pulls away.

"El, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Liv. Anything."

"Do you remember the night Sonya Paxton got killed a couple months before you left?"

"What? Of course I do, why? Where did that come from?"

"Do you wish you knew it would be the last time that we hugged?"

Elliot closes his eyes. "I've thought about that often, actually. If I knew, I would've kissed you right in that church hallway, God please forgive me. I ran all over that damn church looking for you."

"I just want you to hold me like that again, but this time you can kiss me afterwards."

Elliot wraps his arms around her so tightly as if it's the only thing keeping them alive. Olivia's head fits perfectly on the crook of his neck and he can feel her crying. She's smiling, but he can't see that.

"Liv, what's the matter?"

"Nothing. I just never want this moment to be over."

He puts his hands on her shoulders, she pulls away to look at him, and kisses her again.

Olivia looks at the clock. It's 1:30 in the morning.

"Hey, it's getting kinda late. I gotta get up early to take Noah to school. I would want nothing more than for you to spend the night, but not until you two get to know each other."

"I understand. I agree."

"I'll walk you to the door."

Elliot grabs his letter from the table and starts walking.

They reach the front door of her apartment and they both just stand there. Elliot is facing the door and Olivia is behind him.

Olivia asks, "Something wrong?"

Elliot turns to face her. Their eyes are locked. Olivia can feel him breathing on her.

"No. I'm happy I came over here tonight. I didn't expect any of this to happen, but I'm so glad it did. I love you."

"I love you too, El."

Olivia can't believe the words that are coming out of both their mouths. It's like something out of a dream. He kisses her one more time before opening the door.

"Goodnight, Liv."

"Goodnight, Elliot."

She watches as he walks down the hall. Once he turns the corner, she goes back inside, closes the door, and leans against it with her eyes closed. This wasn't a dream. She was so nervous about being vulnerable around Elliot, but it just all felt so right in the moment. She goes back into the living room and turns the lamp off one final time. She pauses for a moment and grabs one of the pictures of her and Elliot before turning around and walking back to her bedroom.

She sets the picture of them on her bedside table and gets into bed. She is so tired from a long day and night, but her heart is so awake. She blows Elliot's picture a kiss, closes her eyes, and drifts off to sleep. Finally, everything was falling into place.