I have written a lot about events deviating from the show starting at 4x14 because I believe that's where everything could have taken off for Klaroline. It was before that awful drunken sex with Klaus and Hayley making Hope who I wish had never been born. But it was after Caroline made it clear that she knew he was in love with her and Klaus realized he couldn't let her die or ever hurt her again. My other fics about this have been rushed and not as in depth as they should have been to ring true so with this one, I'm going to really spend a lot of time trying to make sure it all comes about organically and true to the spirit of the show. So, here's the first chapter of what is going to be several chapters long. Unlike many others, I WILL finish this. I will also not downplay what Caroline's relationship to Tyler meant to her. I did that a lot in previous stories. At that point though, that was a big part of who she was so I need to include it. I may use lines from other stories I've done before because parts of them were well written. I hope you all enjoy this. I'm putting everything I have into it.
I recommend watching the episode again BEFORE reading this as a reminder. I also recommend listening to the song at the end, not just reading the lyrics. It creates an atmosphere. Trust me ;)
4x14
Caroline stood from the swing on the Gilbert front porch. Tyler gone and dried tears on her cheeks. An ancient Hybrid imprisoned in the house. Another heartbreak, another goodbye. That seemed par for the course in her life now. And what was her life, really? What was the point of any of the craziness that kept happening?
It never had anything to do with her. Always Elena. And Caroline loved Elena. Truly, she'd give her life to protect her. Caroline had nearly done that several times over. Save Elena, rinse, repeat. There was no regret for the things she'd given up for the people she loved but there came a point where one had to ask "what am I doing for me?" The answer to that in Caroline's case was nothing. She didn't do a single thing for herself and why was that? Because her friends needed her? And when would that end? Never? Was Caroline expected to spend eternity putting everyone else first? Was she to never have anything for herself? Never do anything just for her?
The straws on that camel's back we're piled high now. The gang would be back soon. In the next day or so. They would have good news and bad. As always, they would come to her with problems. They would come with disaster and a whole new world of terror to handle. But the punches had come one after another. They'd hit her where it hurt most and she was realizing now that she wouldn't survive staying in the fight. If Caroline didn't take a moment, a breath for herself, her days would surely be numbered. And then what help would she be to those she loved? What good could she bring? None.
Tyler had said "Until we find a way". He had never asked her if she would run with him. It didn't seem to occur to him. Not even once. That stood out to Caroline because there was a time when she told him that she would go anywhere with him. And she still would. If he had asked, she would have run. She would have quickly packed a bag and they would have been out of there. But there was an unspoken understanding that Caroline was the only one who could work on Klaus. If there was any hope of keeping that original hybrid from going after her boyfriend, it was if she was right there, changing his mind just as she had in times before. But what if she didn't want to do that? It was just one more thing when she really just couldn't take anything else.
She didn't need anymore missions. She didn't need anymore plans, schemes or games. She needed fresh air. She needed a new start and the ability to build a life the way she wanted to. Caroline had never given into the temptation to run but now that it was clear to her that her life depended on it, this choice was the easiest one. She knew she would feel guilt. She knew she would worry and wonder about everyone at home after she left but this needed to be done and with any luck, those she loved would understand that this was a necessity for her. They would choose to support her just as she had supported them all this time. They would if they were real friends anyway.
She took the first step to head towards her car but that's when Klaus walked out the front door.
"How did you get out?"
"I fear something awful has befallen your friend, Bonnie." He walked toward her which made Caroline tense as her stomach dropped for concern over Bonnie. "Don't worry, Love, you know I'd never hurt you."
"You've done enough." The anger toward him was easy. It was always easiest to blame everything on him and not look at anything any deeper but there was a nagging feeling inside that she needed to examine her feelings more closely. The days of things being simple were at an end. She could feel it. Was she ready to face that fact? Or should she hide from it?
"I've done more than enough. I've shown kindness, forgiveness, pity. Because of you, Caroline; it was all for you." His face had the most pure affection written all over it. Every time he looked at her like this, he was opening himself wide for her to waltz right in. She didn't need to try to get him to take down his walls with her. They were nonexistent in moments like these. If she wanted to know him more, she could. All she had to do was walk through the door he held open for her. Could she? Yes, she knew she could. But dare she? That was the real question.
Klaus' face dropped and he was about to turn and walk away but Caroline stopped him with a few words. "How do you do that?"
Klaus looked at her again. "How do I do what?"
"You know what."
"I'm going to need you to say it, Caroline."
She took a big breath. In this moment, she needed to be brave. She didn't know exactly what all she was going to say but she knew there was a lot that needed to come out of her. She would just find out what all it was when it did. Caroline knew that what would happen next would be the utmost honest she had ever been with Klaus and the most honest she had ever been even with herself. That scared her. Terrified her, really, but she felt it was worth the risk. If she was ever to move forward, this needed to happen.
"I have every reason I could ever need to hate you. You've given them to me time and time again. It shouldn't even be a consideration. I should just hate your guts and have it be that simple. It would be so easy if it were that way."
"You don't hate me?" The shock was evident on his face.
"I use to. When you first came to town, it took no effort. You were horrible and the hate came like breathing would. Natural and clear."
"And now?" He asked.
"Now, I should hate you. The reasons are there. I think any sane person would. And I want to so badly. It would make my life a lot smoother... but I don't... No, it's not just that. I- I can't. I have tried and I just can't. I hate the things you've done. I hate the decisions you make. I hate your stupid fucking face sometimes. But not you. I don't seem capable of hating you. I don't understand it. I don't like it but that doesn't make it any less true."
"Why do you think that is?"
"Because you've shown me things about yourself that I didn't want to see. You give me what I have wanted from others but have rarely or never gotten. You are thoughtful with me. You're open and honest. You're giving when it comes to everything someone should hold dear, keep close and be guarded about and you just hand it over without a second thought. It's everything I've ever wanted but had never been able to name." She was listing all of it as though they were accusations. "You gave me hope and desire for a life out in a world I had never even dared to think about before. I never knew I wanted it until you told me about it. I never knew I wanted what you give me until you gave it. I hate that it's been you who did. I want it to be someone else. Anyone else. But it's not. And I guess that's my answer. I can't hate you because of how innocent your motivations are toward me."
There was silence for a minute as he just looked at her, waiting for her to continue.
"You hurt me today. Emotionally. Tyler means so much to me and you made him leave. And now I'm in pain and it's your fault. You're to blame and yet, at the same time, you're the only one I think could be a true comfort to me... Klaus, I- I'm only 18. That's it. Not even two decades old. I don't think you appreciate that. I don't think you understand just how new and untested I am when it comes to this stuff. You have brought a lot into my life that I don't know if I'm ready for yet. I don't know if I can handle what you represent and what you bring out in me and honestly, at 18, I shouldn't have to. But you're forcing me to confront it whether I like it or not, whether I'm ready or not. But now it's the elephant in the room and I can't un-see it. I can't forget it's there."
Klaus considered this for a few moments. "What is it that you're being forced to confront?"
The Caroline of just an hour ago would have simply walked away from him. She would have been hostile. She would have shoved him away and pretended like there weren't issues that needed to be dealt with. But that was childish. Caroline knew that while that method would be comfortable, it wouldn't get her anywhere. And more than ever before, she needed to find a way forward. The only way out, it seemed, was through.
"I'm being forced to confront that not everything is black and white. Not everything has a clear order or an order at all." Caroline took a big breath. "You don't deserve my honesty. You don't deserve my kindness or compassion. You don't deserve to know anything good when it comes to me. But I do. I deserve to figure out how I feel. I deserve to be happy and to be taken care of for once. You don't deserve any of my time but I deserve yours and so I'm having to confront that I cannot teach you a lesson and give you what you deserve and get what I deserve at the same time. So I have to decide what's more important. Should I suffer to make you suffer? Or should I allow you things that you want so I get what I want?"
He seemed almost unable to draw a breath. "What is it you and I want, Caroline?"
"I..." Caroline took another steading breath. "I want to be happy but I don't want it to be fake. And for it not to be fake, I have to be one hundred percent honest with myself and with everyone else, including you. Maybe it will be uncomfortable. Maybe the journey will make me unhappy. But I have to do it if I ever want something real and true."
Klaus just waited.
"You want me." She said simply.
"Yes."
"You've always been very clear about that. You've even given up other things that you want to make that happen. You've put me first so many times that it's painfully obvious where you stand."
"Yes." He answered again.
"I want Tyler. I love Tyler. Those two things won't stop any time soon. Yet, at the same time, I want to know what is going on here, with you and I. You don't deserve my honesty about this but I deserve to get this out and be honest with myself... I'm drawn to you. Every time you show me something kind and soft about you, I can't look away. When you look at me the way you do, with absolute adoration, I can't look away. When you change little by little to be better because it's what I need in someone, I can't look away. You do so much that I can't ignore and I hate that you do because it only makes my life more complicated and difficult. But, I have to jump off the cliff if I'm ever going to get away from the cliff. I can't just run from it like I've been trying to because it's not working."
"So, what does all that mean, Caroline? In logical terms? You want to get away from me by getting closer to me?"
"God, this is what I'm talking about! You're pushing me forward which is what I need but it's so uncomfortable." Caroline shook her head. "It means..." She let out a big sigh and drew in more breath. "It means that I'm going to need you for the next part of my journey; maybe for all of it, I don't know. But I'm going to need to let you in... I should have what you're so willing to give and how you can change my life and right now, making me happy and grow, is more important than giving you any kind of punishment that you should have. I'm going to choose to be selfish for once. Which just so happens to be in your favor. And I'm going to ask you to hold me right now because, damn it, I need to be held."
Caroline walked the last two steps to him and put her arms around his neck. Klaus didn't need any encouragement to wrap his around her waist and begin rubbing her back.
"I'm sad right now, Klaus. My boyfriend just left and I don't know when I will ever see him again. I feel like I'm breaking and I need you to hold me together whether you like it or not."
"Alright."
"I'm also going to ask you to get me out of this town soon. It has to be before my friends get back. I need to get out of here while I can and I want you to be there for me. I'm worried about Bonnie but whatever happened to her is not something I can do anything about anyway. If she's gone, I don't think I can handle that so I don't want to know yet. I'll need to find out someday but that's not today or tomorrow."
"Where do you want to go?" He asked.
"Another country preferably. I like the Rome idea you had a while back. But I need to be held for a while before we leave. I also want you to stay with me while we're gone. No going off to hunt young hybrids. That would only hurt me more and you said you'd never do that. Right?"
"Right. I'll stay with you, Caroline. We'll go anywhere you want." His hand was still rubbing her back as he swayed them both back and forth, lulling her.
"You know I should walk away from you and never speak to you again, don't you?"
"I know." His breath seemed ragged.
"But I want better from you. I won't make you any promises but I expect you to make them to me. Maybe that's not fair but I'm not really worried about trying to be fair."
"What do you want me to promise you?"
"I want you to promise me that you will give me the time I need to go through whatever I need to go through, however I need to go through it. I want you to promise me that you won't expect me to have all the answers and that it's okay if the things I do and say don't always make sense. Promise me that you won't let me go off the deep end and that you will tell me if something isn't me. I hate it but you do know me well enough to do that last one."
"I promise."
"Promise me that you won't expect anything romantic but also promise me that you won't hold me at arm's length."
"I promise."
"Promise me that we'll have fun, that I'll smile and laugh."
"Yes, Caroline."
She leaned back in their embrace. "But also promise me that you won't just agree with everything I say when there's something you genuinely disagree with. I don't need that."
Klaus gently put some of her hair behind her ear. "Caroline, I promise that if I disagree, I'll let you know. And in that spirit, I need to be clear about some things."
Caroline rose her eyebrows in question.
"I can promise that I won't push you into anything with me. But I will not promise to stop being romantic with you. You inspire my kindness and sincerity of heart so I'll not stop that." He was looking directly in her eyes. "If we're going to do this, I will expect you to work with me. Try to understand me as much as I'm trying to understand you."
"I can't promise what direction things will go with us. I really can't promise you anything."
"I don't expect you to. I know you don't know. I just want you to accept that I know. I know what we could be to one another and even though you're not ready for all of it yet, I know one day you will be. I agree with you that I don't deserve it from you but I'll take anything I can get until I hold your whole heart and I'll endeavor to be the man who does deserve you. I hate that you're going to miss Tyler. I hate that you feel how you do for him but I can accept it. You're not the only one who has a lot to get through and discover, Caroline. The fact that you are the one to teach me even after my thousand years, that anyone is able to teach me or change me, is a miracle. I need you in the same way you need me."
Caroline leaned her forehead to his shoulder and laughed a little. "I don't know about you but I don't think I can handle any more revelations tonight."
"Are you ready to go then?"
"Yeah."
"Do you want to get your things from home?"
"No, I think I just want to get all new stuff."
"Fresh start?"
"Fresh start." She confirmed. "But there will come a time when I'll need to yell at you. I'll need to get out a lot of rage to get past it. I just don't have the energy to right now."
"Caroline?"
"Yes?" She brought her head up to look at him again. He was so much like the devil in so many of the things he had done but the man looked like an angel in these moments when he was being so open with her. The curls in his honey colored hair, the gentle smile of his full lips, the painfully beautiful blue of his eyes, the stubble that she now wanted to caress but resisted.
"Neither of us will ever be the same after this. Thank you for trusting me with that."
Caroline made a small smile. "You're welcome."
Klaus took one of her hands and they walked down the porch steps to his car. He opened the door for her and shut it when she was in and then went to his side. Klaus put the car in drive but before he could press the accelerator, Caroline said "Wait."
She took her phone out from her pocket, rolled down the window and threw it out. Klaus looked at her and considered her action. Then he dug his own phone out of his pocket, rolled his window down and threw it out as well before putting his hand on the arm rest, waiting for her to take it in hers. Caroline looked down at it for a few moments and decided what the hell? Her hand in his, they took off for the airport in Richmond, listening to the radio.
Just say the word
We'll take on the world.
Just say you're hurt,
we'll face the worst.
I can see, see the pain in your eyes.
Oh believe. Believe me and I have tried.
No, I won't, I won't pretend to know what you've been through.
You should know, I wish it was me and not you.
And just say the word.
We'll take on the world.
And just say you're hurt.
We'll face the worst.
Nobody knows you the way that I know you.
Look in my eyes.
I will never desert you.
And just say the word.
We'll take on the world.
It's the fight; and the fight of our lives.
You and I, we were made to thrive.
And I am your future and I am your past.
Never forget we were built to last.
Step out of the shadows and in to my life.
Silence the voices that haunt you inside...
We'll fight. We'll crawl into the night.
A world, we'll go, with you by my side.
To calm the storm, we'll face it all.
Just say the word, we'll take on the world...
TO BE CONTINUED...