Darcy has been dreaming of this day for a long time. It had taken some careful planning on her part, and not all of them managed to get the night off, but she's counting it a victory nonetheless and going with it. This video is about to be her contribution to mankind. Future history books will mention her name.

"Fri. Give me a focal point here, please," Darcy asks, smiling when a red dot appears hovering in the air in front of them. "Awesome! Let's do this. Everyone ready?"

When they all make some sort of agreement noise, Darcy grins and starts, waving at the camera. "Hello, fellow internet folk. I'm Darcy Lewis, but you may call me: future Queen of Asgard. Now, now, I know what you're thinking — and no, I won't be marrying Thor. Big guy is great, and all, but just not for me. And that's a sexist thought, by the way — just saying."

"Now, you may be wondering about me," she carries on. "Am I an Avenger, am I not? If yes, then who am I and why wasn't I seen before? And if not, then what am I doing here?" She pauses for a dramatic moment. "I could answer that, but I won't. I'll let you imagine just who I am."

"Darcy," Steve calls, giving her a warning look, and it's such a dad thing to do that it almost forces an inappropriate joke to pass Darcy's lips, but she's on her best behavior tonight, so she just nods.

"Alright. Be that way," she says, going back to the camera. "Anyway, Darcy, Queen, whatever strikes your fancy. Tonight, I'm here with some very special guests." She waves a hand at the full couch — with people sitting on it and over it and on top of it. "You guys should introduce yourselves!"

Tony instantly perks up. "Allow me," he says. "I feel that as the team leader—"

"You're not the team leader," Natasha points out flatly.

Which, of course, Tony ignores. Really, there's a reason he's Darcy's favorite — after Thor, obviously. "As the team leader, I should introduce everybody!"

Rhodey groans. "Dude, don't do this."

"Shut up, Platypus," Tony carries on, tapping on the leg of the kid perched over his shoulder, hanging precariously on the top of the couch. "This is Spider-Boy."

"Spider-Man, actually!" Peter corrects, although he does perk up the second Tony addresses him. "It's Spider-Man. Friendly neighborhood, Spider-Man."

Tony goes with it. "Sure," he agrees indulgently, moving on already. "The freak beside him, who's balancing at the edge there is Clint. Say hi, Katniss."

Clint rolls his eyes, but waves nevertheless, which is good enough for Tony, who proceeds to introduce the next person. "At my right side, here, you have our very own Capsicle," Tony says, bumping their shoulders. "Although he'll respond to America's ass or even America's abs — it's a patriotic thing, really."

Steve shakes his head in disapprovement. "Tony."

"By his side, you have Robocop and Bird-Man," Tony carries on, blatantly ignoring Steve's objection to his methods. "Then over here we have Rhodey, also known as Platypus. Smile, honey!"

"I oftentimes question myself and my reasons for being your friend still," Rhodey says, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Ah, don't be that way! You had many years to leave. It's too late now," Tony points out, and Darcy must agree with him. After five years, you're kind of stuck with the person, or at least that's what she tells herself when she wonders why she's still hanging around astrophysicists. "Anyway! Sitting on the floor meditating is our buddy, Bruce."

"I'm not meditating," he explains, as though someone might have been led to believe a word of what Tony is saying. Which is cute of him, Darcy thinks. Also a touch strange, but she's trying to be more positive lately.

Tony nods, fake agreeing with him. "Sure you're not. You're just sitting very still, and thinking about life," he says, already moving on. "And finally, we have our very own Russian spy, Natasha Romanoff."

Natasha meets his eyes. "At some point, we might have to discuss the lack of diversity in this team. I mean, you guys are all American. That's sad."

"Diversity? What do you mean? What about Thor? He's from another planet! It's not our fault the others couldn't make it to this incredibly important Q&A."

"Wanda is from Sokovia," Sam points out.

Peter hums in agreement. "Vision is not even human."

"And at some point, America must have given up on its rights to this guy here," Tony says, pointing to Bucky with his chin. "So yeah, diversity."

"And I'm from Spain," Darcy adds.

Sam gives her a look. "No, you're not."

"You're right, but how fun would it be if I was, hun?" Darcy agrees, releasing a dreamy sigh. She feels someone kick the back of the couch. "Anyways, welcome to this video where I will read your Twitter questions and these guys will answer them. Easy peasy." She points to the StarkPad in her hand and grins, all edges and teeth. God, she'll enjoy this. "It's Q&A, bitches. Avengers edition."

"Girl, get to it," Sam says, sounding a touch annoyed by her long intro, so she swallows down the joke that she had just come up about the Avengers sitting on a couch together and gets to it. It's a shame, really. It was such a good one, too.

"Lemme see… Okay, okay, I'm ready. Let's go!" Darcy says, scrolling down on her phone excitedly. "The first one is: If you couldn't be yourself, who else on the team would you like to be?"

"Duh," Peter begins straight away, his wide-eyed worship coming through even from under the thick mask. "Iron Man. I mean, who wouldn't want to be Iron man given, you know, the chance?"

"Nice," Tony grins, indulgently raising his hand for a high-five when Peter leans in his direction.

Sam rolls his eyes. "Yeah, man, big surprise there."

"As if no one knows who you'll choose," Natasha points out, coming the closest Darcy had ever seen from rolling her eyes. She turns back to face Darcy, as if answering her directly. "Spider-Man."

"What?" Peter gapes. "Me? I mean— of course I'm—"

"Shut up, kid." Tony does roll his eyes. "I'd go with Spider-Boy, too."

At that, Peter coos. "Own. I knew you loved me, Mr. Stark."

Steve looks up. "Flying and going through walls sounds pretty neat," he admits, almost guiltily. "I would say Vision."

"Tasha," Clint says without a moment of hesitation.

Bruce pours some hot water from the kettle into his cup. "I'm not overly fond of flying or sticking to buildings. I think I would choose Cap." He looks at the man and grins. "Attract all the ladies."

"And the guys! I heard there's a nice little group of guys a few blocks away who meet every Tuesday to discuss the wonders of Steve," Darcy informs. She keeps her attendance a secret — they had asked her to keep it quiet, to stop other women from invading their meetings, and Darcy prides herself on her abilities at keeping secrets. "Anyway, back to the questions. Next one. Who leaves the towels on the floor?"

All eyes zero-in on one single person.

Tony shifts in his place. "Why is everyone looking at me?" He asks, frowning. "I share a bathroom with Pepper Pots; I don't let stuff lying on the floor. This one, though?" He says, pointing back at Peter with his thumb. "This one leaves his shit everywhere, and good luck trying to find any of it."

"What? I don't!" Peter protests, leaning forward and pushing his face over Tony's left shoulder. "Mr. Stark, take that back!"

Tony turns to face the kid, raising a brow. "That's the hill you're dying on? Seriously? 'Cause I have proof, kid. I have enough video footage to prove to the whole world that you do, in fact, leave your stuff lying around everywhere — including my bedroom. My bedroom, Underoos."

"That was one time! Honestly, I've apologized for it so many times! But the pieces needed to be separated in sections and I didn't have the space—"

Bucky rolls his eyes. "Steve leaves them on the bed, which is worse."

"Once! I left the towel on the bed once, and it was because of an emergency, Buck!"

"It doesn't take a lot of time to put it back in the bathroom," Natasha says, giving him a judgy stare.

Steve raises his arms in protest. "There were huge slugs crawling out of the sewers!"

"Isn't that like a normal day in New York?" Peter asks. His mask is now half raised and he's sipping Bruce's tea while the man is looking at Steve.

"And slugs don't crawl."

Clint nods. "And I had time to put my towel in the right place before changing," he points out, leaning back more and more until he lays all the way down and rests his head on Peter's thigh. Darcy wonders how the hard back of the sofa isn't killing his back. "Sounds like a lousy excuse for me."

"You know," Tony starts. "I'm still searching for the person who's putting coffee in the disposal."

"I only drink tea," Bruce says. He raises his hands, and it's closed, as if he's holding something, but there's nothing there, and maybe that's the moment he notices Peter has stolen his cup of tea. "Where's my cup?"

"Here Dr. Banner." Peter's mask is back into place and he's placing Bruce's cup into his hands as if nothing had happened. "Clint had it, you know, but I got your back. Don't worry."

"What!" Clint complains, but it comes out weak, and he never even bothers to get up. "I don't even like tea. It reminds me too much of that week I got stuck on an island in Thailand, and the man who lived there would only drink tea. Not one hard liquor on that godforsaken place."

"Ah, Kasem," Natasha agrees. "I've been there. He does make a horrible cup of green tea."

"How can one mess up tea?" Steve asks, confused. "I thought you threw the leaves in the water and that was it."

Bruce shakes his head in disappointment. "Well, it just goes to show that age doesn't always bring wisdom."

Darcy finds herself agreeing with the doctor. Steve makes some very unwise choices in his life, and she cannot help but feel sad for him. A man of his age should've learned to do some things — like buying a shirt that actually fit him properly for once.

And hanging a towel. Really, it's common decency.

"Next question," Steve orders, giving her a pointed look. She thinks about refusing but figures the man deserves some help every once in a while. He had, after all, bought her that awesome muffin the other day.

Food is always a great motivator, wherever she's concerned. A girl's gotta eat, and all that.

"Who is the most powerful Avenger?" Darcy asks, reading the question from her StarkPad, and it takes a whole lot of effort not to burst out laughing as she does so. Gosh, she wants to kiss whoever sent in that particular question. Egos are about to fly, and Darcy lives for the drama.

"Me," Sam says, full of confidence, and he's shrugging, acting as if the matter is resolved. And yet, his eyes scan the room, and just like that, Darcy realizes that he's also trying to get a rise out of the others. He wants to witness the drama too!

"Right," Clint scoffs, unamused. "The man with the wings. Big deal, man."

"Dude, aren't you the one with the medieval weapon? Do places even still sell bows or do you make them yourself in your little farm?"

"I'll have you know that my crossbow is—"

"Mine," Tony points out. "I did make it. Everyone here wears and uses Stark technology… So, I'll let the people make of that what they will."

Peter nods in agreement. "Mr. Stark is amazing. This suit," he says, rubbing his chest with one hand, "is pretty great."

And the kid is looking down, making eyes at Stark again, all wrapped up in his mentor bubble, and Darcy is torn between being amused and disgusted at the open display of affection.

It gets even worse when Tony looks up and grins. "You helped a lot with it, buddy."

"Me? Stop!"

And they start to speak math right then and there, without a care about the others and the video they are supposed to be making, and in seconds Bruce is leaning closer to give his opinion, and fuck them. It's a mess, and thus, it falls into Darcy's hands to steer the boat in the right direction again.

"All right. While the math boy band over here argues about the speed of spandex, let's continue." Darcy points at Bucky, who is trying and failing to make himself disappear into his chair. "You, pretty fingers. Who do you think is the strongest Avenger?"

He frowns. "Technically, Steve is the strongest. With the serum and all that."

Steve turns a bit pink. "Buck… we've got the same serum."

"Not the same one, no," Buck says, corrects, and their eyes meet and Darcy can do little more than turn to the camera and wiggle her eyebrows, hoping that people were seeing the same sparks flying that she was. They look so cute together — like a couple of labradoodles running in circles around each other.

"I think that Wanda might be the strongest among us," Rhodey says, and it's more of a statement actually, and the whole room stops.

"Wanda?"

"Dude, she has magical powers. You can't beat that."

Tony scoffs. "Peter can lift a bus. A whole damn building. That's more impressive than some mind fuckery," he points out, but it comes out heavy with bitterness and no one pays any attention to it.

Natasha tilts her head in consideration. "The Hulk is pretty impressive, too."

"He's a thing of beauty," Clint agrees, and yeah, he's a fanboy for sure. Darcy has seen the posters glued to his walls in his bedroom. Which, yep, pretty weird for a man his age, but whatever, Darcy doesn't judge.

Much.

She doesn't judge much.

Okay, so she does judge him for having the one where the Hulk is wearing some tiny yellow trunks. It's weird, and she still has nightmares about it.

Bruce doesn't seem amused. "I've told you, Clint. That's not healthy. Someone needs to be concerned about the amount of time you spend inside those small vents. It can't be good for you."

"He's not wrong," Darcy points out.

Tony nods. "Fri says you're messing with her cleaning schedule."

"Alright, folks! Next one," Darcy says before Clint can respond, raising a hand to call their attention. "Who is most likely to show up late for the fight?"

Which is an unfair question, to be honest. Darcy has been living with them long enough to know that they all arrive late to stuff. Say what you will, but getting a whole bunch of superheroes inside a Quinjet with all the equipment, the uniforms, the guns, and the 'just in case' bags… It never happens on time.

She knows.

Mostly because as soon as the alarm goes off, she springs out of bed and goes to the living room — where the television is massive, and the coffee machine works — and spends the entire time watching the Avengers getting their asses kicked from the couch in between rounds of snack.

It's her favorite hobby, really.

One learns so much by having access to their private lines of communication during the battles. Her and F.R.I.D.A.Y. are pretty much best friends at this point.

"Not me," Bruce answers first, refilling his teacup as he speaks. Honestly, the amount of tea that man ingests throughout the day is very concerning. Darcy oftentimes wonders about the size of his bladder, and whether that was affected by the explosion.

"Wait, am I the only one who remembers that time New York was being invaded and little Bruce here showed up on a little bike, like, three hours late?" Tony says. "'Cause I remember."

Natasha nods. "I do remember that."

"What? That was one time!" Bruce protests, shaking his head, and it's honestly so cute the way he's still careful not to spill his damn tea. "And I had to find clothes first. You're not the one who wakes up naked in random places."

Rhodey snorts. "Yes, he is. Do you even watch the news? Tony is pretty much known for waking up naked in random places."

"Was!" Tony rushes to correct. "I was known for that. I'm a reformed man." He turns to the camera. "Pepper, honey, there was a reason for me to wake up that way in Boston. It was all part of the plan."

Steve gives him a look. "No, Tony, that wasn't what we had agreed on. Nobody told you to get naked."

"I'm pretty sure none of our plans involve any form of nudity," Sam adds, and he looks a touch troubled.

"Strange how that happens so often," Clint says, contemplative. He turns to Natasha. "What about that time in Buenos Aires when Thor—"

"No!" Sam yells. "We don't talk about that day."

"What day?" Peter asks, his voice tinged with curiosity.

"You don't wanna know," Tony says, shaking his head. "I wish I could forget. I'm not one to judge, but seriously, sometimes I wonder about that hammer and just how many times that thing hit Thor on the head on its way back."

"A concern we all share," Darcy agrees, remembering a few conversations she had with Jane in the past. "It does fly awfully fast for something so heavy." She shrugs. "And he's always late for the fights, too."

"I do think it's the hair," Natasha says gravely. "It takes a long time to untangle."

Peter sighs. "Such gorgeous hair. I wouldn't mind if he used it to suffoca—"

"Hey! Hey!" Tony interrupts, poking him in the ribs. "What did I say about oversharing?"

"The beauty of Thor's hair and all its possibilities are a matter of public concern. I'm sure the audience agrees with me. Yesterday I saw a lovely Tumblr page dedicated to it, actually. There was this poem — I can recite it—"

"No! No reciting poems about hair!"

"It's not any hair. I wouldn't recite one about your hair, for example."

The noise of indignation Tony makes in response is glorious, and Darcy can't believe she was lucky enough to get it on camera this time. She'll turn it into her phone alarm.

Clint must be thinking the same, 'cause he's laughing so hard there are tears running down his face.

"What does that mean? My hair is perfect," Tony insists. He runs his fingers through his hair as he's speaking.

Peter shrugs. "It doesn't inspire poetry, Mr. Stark. It just doesn't — I'm sorry."

Bruce sips his tea. "Maybe if you tried to grow it?"

"No," Natasha says, and she's painting her nails now, although Darcy never saw her move and there hadn't been any nail polish around five seconds ago. "I don't think so."

"Bucky looks great with his hair longer," Steve says. "It's worth a try, if you want a— what was it, Peter? A Tumblr thing?"

Bucky winces. "I'm cutting it."

"What?" Steve asks, and he sounds so sad. Darcy wonders if he thinks Bucky's sudden homosexual tendencies will disappear with the strands. "When did you decide that?"

"A week ago? I don't know. Just haven't gotten around to actually doing it."

Peter perks up. "I could do it! I've been told I'm great with haircuts."

Tony groans. "That one time with the homeless man doesn't count, buddy."

"What? He looked great! I posted it on Twitter and many people agreed with me. Although a troubling amount of people had some very unfriendly commentaries to make in regards to my art, which I found unnecessary."

"He had bald spots!"

"They were planned!"

Rhodey frowns. "Who plans bald spots?"

"People with a vision for art," Peter says seriously.

They start to go on a tangent, so Darcy goes back to her StarkPad to see what the next question is.

When she sees it, she can't help but slap her own thigh in excitement. "Yes! Now we're talking," she says, speaking over the rest of them, already a lot happier. "The next question is: Have you ever read your own fanfiction? Which I guess means if you guys have read fanfics about yourselves."

"Do not read what the internet has to say about you," Tony preaches. "Trust me, people are a whole lot crazier than you might think. Some of the things I found about myself will haunt me to my dying days."

"Not that those are so far off with the way you ingest coffee," Sam points out.

"I can still get your wings to malfunction mid-flight. Don't tempt me."

"What are fanfics?" Steve asks, so confused.

"Fictional stories about you," Darcy answers.

"People write imaginary stories about Steve?" Bucky asks, and he sounds incredulous. "Do people not know he was an actor, a singer, and a performer back in the days? There's already so much good stuff about him! Has no one seen the posters? The Man With The Plan?"

Steve groans. "Can we not talk about that?"

"Shut up, Steve. The man's talking." Sam leans forward. "Carry on, Barnes. You have our attention."

"Christ." Bucky rolls his eyes, even though he does look amused at the memories. "I remember watching him with those girls, wearing that stupid costume, and punching that fake Hitler in the face… Some things you just don't forget."

Steve sours. "Right. Obviously, you would remember that. You've always been such a punk."

"Hey, man," Clint says, "don't be a hater just 'cause Barnes remembers you going around asking people to join the Army. There are pictures at the museum, you know? And videos. And the paintings… Those are my favorites."

"Yeah, Rogers." Tony grins. "Don't be so hard on Robocop here. He remembers your good days."

"The school videos are a bit weird, though," Peter adds.

And just like that, all eyes are on him.

"What videos?" Tony demands.

"The Captain America Fitness Challenge," Peter says, shrugging. "Although those weren't so bad. The PSA's, though… are something else. For sure."

"They still show those?" Steve cringes.

"Yep. All the time. And I mean that — all the damn time. I'm pretty sure my gym teacher has a crush on you or something. Not that I'm judging… but still."

Tony looks ready to burst with glee. "Fri, play the PSA's!"

Everyone is already turning to stare at the television, and Darcy is not really sure if F.R.I.D.A.Y. is still recording the Q&A video, but before she has a chance to ask, Steve appears on the big screen, and he's wearing his old uniform and talking about body changes and suddenly Darcy can't be bothered to care.

The history books will understand.