A/N: Having binged the whole of this masterpiece of a show during Covid, I wanted to write something very brief as my rare entry into writing Konosuba Fanfiction. I can't say it'll be regular, but it's been on my bucket list since watching, and where better to start than with some Kazumin fluff stuff, right? Megumin best girl, and all that.
Anyway, enjoy!"
(***)
"Darkness blacker than black and darker than dark..."
The world of Axel had thrown more than enough surprises at Kazuma Sato to leave him uncertain about a lot of things.
"Ignite with the crimson and surrender to damnation."
He would never, for instance, fully understand why so many of the Devil King's generals seemed to gravitate towards his party when they least expected it.
"Fury, emerging in embers, awakens to judge the denizens of this plane."
Nor could he truly underestimate just how things would go if his party accepted a guild mission; either his luck would run out on accepting the quest, or the boneheads he called his teammates would find some way to make it go wrong pretty quickly.
"In the face of the stars above, brighter than all, the true flame!"
He could be certain about a few things. Aqua, for one, despite being a literal DEITY, would continue creating the most problems for their group out of laziness, spite or just having a shit idea at the time.
"Burn in me, mighty magic that brings ruin to all it may touch!"
He could be certain that Darkness would show no limit to her masochistic ways, that no degrading situation or awful humiliation would be enough to satisfy her cravings to be defiled at every level of existence.
"Return all creation to cinders, and bring ash to all before me!"
And he could be certain that Megumin, daughter of Yuiyui and Hyoizaburoo, wannabe arch-mage of the Crimson Demons, wielding the one spell that could make the heavens above tremble...
"EXPLOSION!"
BOOM.
... Was fucking overpowered.
The old windmill had sat there at the top of the valley for years, apparently, with nobody using it. Abandoned to some goblin attack years ago, the ruin was crumbling when they had discovered it, perched on a cliff side and wobbling with every breath of wind that shook its ruined foundations. It probably would have survived intact for a hundred years despite this, but when Megumin had found out about such an obvious target, there was no stopping her. She needed daily practice, after all.
Fire and oblivion pierced down from the sky like a lance. For a moment the windmill was a black silhouette among the towering flames, before destruction overcame it like it did everything else. The mana and skill points invested in Explosion had devastated Beldia's fortified castle, the castle of a general of the Devil King- a ruin like the windmill didn't stand a chance. The blades of the windmill burned and fell from their perch into the valley, and all that remained was a scorched black circle in the earth, the usual reminder to the rest of Axel that a Crimson Demon was responsible for such carnage.
He was amazed they didn't get more complaints.
For a moment after the explosion there was a pause of silence, as if the world was coming to terms with what had just happened, before he heard the sigh and the slump from behind him of a powerful mage hitting the floor. Megumin refused to invest any skill points into any spell other than her beloved Explosion, which meant the crazy little pyromaniac blew all her mana every time she cast it and couldn't walk for hours after. She was lucky that he enjoyed spending this time with her, and that he appreciated just how strong her Explosion could be. Mostly he was just glad this was her one quirk of personality- compared to Aqua and Darkness, their batshit crazy companions, she was a breath of fresh air. It was a low bar, but even so.
"Kazuma, Kazuma!"
"Yes, I'm Kazuma."
"How was that one?" He turned round from the devastation and saw the expectant look in her eyes, and swallowed. He didn't know how she did it straight after annihilating someone's old home. "It felt bigger than the last ones!"
"Getting even better." He grinned, and shot her a thumbs up. "Nine out of ten."
She pouted, despite lying down face-first on the ground. "Jeez, what does a girl have to do to get a perfect ten around here-"
"When you do something like that to blow up the Devil King, then sure-"
"Hey, I blew up a general! And I blew up another general's castle for two weeks-"
"Those just pissed Beldia off! That doesn't count. And hey, Aqua was kinda the one who beat him, not you-"
"Mrmph." She got competitive over everything with Yunyun, so the mention of Aqua stealing her thunder on that occasion was enough to get under her skin. "You're lucky I let you come along to my Explosions, you know."
"Lucky?" Kazuma scoffed. "You can't walk whenever you cast one. Someone needs to carry your ass home each time."
"... I-Idiot." He couldn't read Megumin's face for a second, or understand why it had gone a little darker than usual. "Are you gonna leave a poor defenceless maiden on the floor all day, or do I get my ride home?"
"Oh, yeah, you do." Kazuma grinned to himself, appreciating the fact nothing had gone wrong with the timing for once in his life. "About that..."
As he whistled (much better than Aqua ever could), Megumin lifted her head in confusion, before a light whinny and the clopping of hooves signalled a new arrival beside her. "Wait... Kazuma, is this-"
"Your new ride from this day on? Hell yeah it is!" Kazuma felt smug at outdoing himself, petting the mane of the grey horse which had pulled up beside him and (unlike most other horses he encountered) hadn't tried to take a chunk out of his hand yet. Aqua hadn't spent much money on her apparently, so with a bargain acquired, it was time to blow Megumin away. "Pretty good, if I say so myself. Don't you agree?"
"You... got this as a gift? Why?"
"You love animals, right? Chomosuke goes pretty much everywhere with you! So maybe now you don't have to ride home on my back and you get an actual comfy ride home."
"... Oh."
"Hey, I know, you've not had your own horse before. It's a pretty big gift, but... worth it for your daily Explosion practice, right?" Kazuma reached down now to pick up the slight wizard, arms hooking underneath her slim legs, and pushing her up onto the back of the horse. "Just don't name her something stupid like you named my sword and..."
"... Nope." Megumin, despite being basically immobile, slid herself off the other side into a crumpled heap, throwing up a pile of dust around her robes. "I'm good."
"Hey, don't say that until you try it." Kazuma dusted her off, picked her back up, and slid her onto the horse again. "Even if you haven't ridden before, you might like it-"
Megumin's response was to slide back off the side and collapse onto the floor again. "I don't wanna."
"... Seriously?!" Kazuma stared at her for a good second, a tangled mess of limbs on the floor. "Come on, at least try-"
"I said I'm good." Megumin glared at him, and there was something in her eyes that made the horse take a step back. "Thanks, but no thanks."
"But... but-" Kazuma was lost. "You're treating getting a present like this? What's your deal?"
"Wha-" Megumin stared up at him. "Why would I want a horse? Of all things? Chomosuke is my familiar, she's not just some pet-"
"But Aqua said you complained when she carried you to Beldia's, and she said you liked animals! She said you'd like this sort of present, you brat-"
"Seriously? I complained because it was Aqua, you idiot!"
"And what's that supposed to mean? She's useless but she was carrying you home after your Explosions-"
"You think I wanted Aqua carrying me home? I wanted you to be the one doing it!"
Kazuma, amid open his mouth to shout at Megumin, ground to a halt as he realised what she had just said. "W-W-Wait a minute! You just casually admitted you like me carrying you home?!"
"Y-Yeah I like being up there! Don't let it go to your head, you useless NEET!"
"Why did you never say anything before?!"
"Because you were gonna be all Kazuma about it and start claiming it's the beginning of your popular phase! I didn't want it ruined!" Megumin pointed an accusatory finger at him, her face going bright red. "And anyway, YOU just admitted you were asking Aqua to help get me gifts! You trying to impress me or something?"
"Eh-heh-heh... Shit." Kazuma's own face betrayed him. "I said that, huh?"
"Yeah. Heh-heh..."
"Dammit..." Kazuma felt himself pale as he realised what he just admitted to. "Come on, I just wanted to do something nice and not-"
"Your usual?"
"Hey!"
Megumin broke off from staring at him and mumbled something at the ground. "... you already are."
"Huh?"
"Kazuma?"
"Yeah, I'm Kazuma."
"If you... wanna give me something nice, then..." Megumin looked up now and he felt himself shaking slightly at the intensity of the look. "Don't stop carrying me home and talking to me while I'm on your back, okay? It's the best bit of the day."
Kazuma blinked. Looked at her again. Registered how unexpected it was for her to say that. "... You're serious?"
Megumin's cheeks flushed, and she looked down at the ground. "Unless you... don't feel the same-"
"No! I guess... it's the best bit for me too." Kazuma looked at the horse, who gave him a thoroughly unimpressed look, and then back at Megumin. "So... I should pick you up now, right?"
"Y-Yeah. You should."
"Okay..." He down now and picked her up, only this time he slid her onto his back where she had always taken her perch, and smirked to himself. "Who knew you could be so-"
"If you make one comment that I've been at all cute, I'll blow you up tomorrow so badly Aqua won't be able to bring you back."
"... I'll shut up now." Kazuma paused. "You comfortable up there?"
Her response was to squeeze her slim legs around his waist to grip onto him, wrap her arms around his chest in a hug, and lean forward to whisper into his ear. "Never better."
"Then your ride home awaits, oh great arch wizard." Megumin snorted from on top of him, and Kazuma realised it was one of the first times she had properly laughed because of him, and not at him. "Guess we don't need the horse now, huh?"
"Maybe not." Megumin looked over at it. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"... I'm not letting you blow it up." Kazuma patted the grey on the neck twice, and then gave it a smack on its flank, causing it to harrumph and trot off away from them. "That's just cruel-"
"Come on. We could have eaten for days off of that!"
"You've seen your Explosions right? There's no way I'm letting you use one on a live animal, and there's no way we'd have anything left to eat if you did." Kazuma laughed to himself as Megumin groaned. "And don't tell me you can show restraint. Next you'll tell me Darkness can hit a target."
"Hey, they call me crazy but I'm not that crazy." Megumin laughed, and watched the horse disappearing down the valley. "You're sure you didn't want to keep it around? Aqua spent our money on that, you know."
"Eh, I'm not worried. She said she got a bargain off a friend for it, so..." Kazuma waved it off. "It was worth paying if we worked out... this."
"Aw. Who knew the great pervert Kazuma could be a softie," Megumin teased, nudging him in the ribs with the tip of her boot, before pausing. "Wait, Kazuma?"
"Yeah?"
"Aqua said she bought it off of a friend."
"Yeah."
"Only... I'm pretty sure we're her only friends. So..." Megumin paused, and as he twisted his head to look at her (so CLOSE to him!), he could read the look of concern. "Who did she buy it from?"
(***)
"YOU SPENT HOW MUCH ON IT?!"
"Eheh... but it was a bargain, Kazuma! She told me it was a thoroughbred, and they usually go for twice the price-"
"Thoroughbred?! You thought the most average, boring looking horse in all of Axel was a thoroughbred?"
"And you spent ALL OUR SAVINGS ON IT?! Kazuma could have rebuilt the mansion, we could have spent that on food-"
"... It was a pretty horse?"
"ONE WE NO LONGER HAVE!"
"Hey, you two, let's not be too harsh on Aqua-"
"LALATINA, YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!"
"GAAAH! Such a brute!"
"Kazuma? Can I blow her up tomorrow?"
"Don't be like that, Megumin. Ne, you would never have confessed those feelings you have for Kazuma if I didn't get involved?"
"... Kazuma, I've changed my mind. Use Drain Touch on Darkness. I'm blowing her up now."
"With pleasure."
"AIEEEEE-"
"Darkness blacker than black..."
"WAAAAH! MEGUMIN DON'T, I'M SORRY-"
Outside the tavern, as Aqua trembled in the face of consequences, Darkness trembled with the joy and humiliation of being subjected to Drain Touch in public, Kazuma trembled with anger at losing half a million Eris to an Aqua fuck-up (again) and Megumin trembled with the force of the mana boost feeding her second Explosion of the day, the horse's seller trembled with laughter at the chaos.
Lifting her hood for just a second, the great Rogue Chris, avatar of the goddess Eris and phantom thief extraordinaire, revelled in the sound of the screams from Axel's most inept party and the weight of the bag of Eris tied to her belt, money her fellow goddess had so eagerly handed over without thinking. "Heh. Idiot falls for it every time."
(***)
A/N: I watched a video essay somewhere which talks about how Konosuba has the best worst girls, which is such a fitting description of the trio. God, they're brilliant, and Kazuma as an MC? Genius.
Shoutout to Cottonmouth25 who is regularly one of my favourite authors to talk to on this site, and who me writing in Konosuba first cropped up with. I told you I'd get this out in April, my guy, so this one's for you!
If you liked, please review and favourite etc, and feel free to check out my other work- just don't ever flame. Also please feel free to check out my other work- I do a lot of My Hero Academia stuff. And to anyone reading this who came from my My Hero work and is sat thinking "where's your My Hero Academia content, Guzma", soon, promise- more Incident Zero to come, and some reviews to reply to in the meantime.
Peace out, y'all.