In anticipation of Overwatch 2, a game I will probably forget about as soon as I upload this story.
Also, don't read this while eating. This is your only warning.
Lúcio yawned. It was 9 AM already. Time to make the most of this Saturday. He had a quick wank, got out of bed, ate his breakfast, had another quick wank, got dressed and then walked outside to see the world.
After a while of witnessing people walking their dogs, exercising and getting beat up by mobsters, Lúcio started getting hungry. Thus, he walked directly to his favourite burrito stand.
"One bean burrito please!" He said and gave the grumpy man at the stand some money. Some time later, the man handed him a burrito. Lúcio thanked him and took a big bite.
It was curious. He didn't expext this flavour at all. And usually the burritos weren't this creamy on the inside. Lúcio took another bite just to make sure he wasn't imagining things. Only then did he notice the thick brown layer of... whatever it was inside the burrito. He quickly turned towards the man behind the stand.
"Excuse me sir. May I ask you about what you have added to my burrito? There seems to be an ingredient in here that I usually don't get with my order..." he said, while pointing at the brown substance. The man behind the stand laughed.
"Ah, of course you think that the sludge you are talking about is fecal matter. You are forgiven for thinking that, seeing as that would be exactly what the title of this fanfic suggests. However it is, in fact, my new bean paste. I changed the recipe a while back and while the end result might not look that appetizing to some, I think it tastes better. And if it tastes better, more customers will be satisfied. I hope that explains everything."
"Yes, it does, thank you." Lúcio said. "I apologise for my lack of trust, good sir. And for the record, it does indeed taste better than the bean paste you added before."
Lúcio then finished eating his burrito and decided to go back home. The man behind the burrito stand wiped the sweat off his forehead.
"Phew, that was close. He actually believed it was my new bean paste. I really need to stop wiping my ass with my tortillas."
I know the title says that Lúcio is supposed to die, but if I have to be perfectly honest with you:
I'm incredibly lazy.