When Lucy heard a knock on the door, her first thought was that her pizza had arrived, before she remembered she never ordered one.
Jackson had gone to bed an hour ago. Tamara and Lucy had been chatting on the couch. Lucy had just gotten up to grab a snack when the knock came.
She looked over at Tamara who shrugged in response. When Lucy opened the door to find Tim Bradford, she felt a wave of relief, then curiosity, then something else she couldn't quite name.
"Tim? Hey."
"Bad time?"
"No, I was just…" She opened the door a little wider and gestured at Tamara who waved awkwardly at Tim.
He nodded back at Tamara and took a step back. "Sorry, I didn't-it's really late. I should-"
"No, no, hey." She took a step in his direction, feeling a need to stop him from leaving, though she wasn't sure why. "What's up? Is everything okay?"
He nodded. "Yeah."
She wanted to invite him in, but whatever he'd come to talk about, she knew he wouldn't with Tamara there.
Lucy turned back to Tamara. "Are you good here if we go for a walk?"
"Yeah, go for it. I should sleep anyway."
Briefly, Lucy wondered if she should grab a coat, but she didn't want to risk Tim backing out. She grabbed her keys off the counter and stepped out, closing the door behind her and double checking it was locked.
"Let me guess. The puppy's living with you now?"
"It's temporary."
"M'hmm." His sideways smile conveyed his skepticism, but she was grateful he skipped the lecture this time. They walked in silence for several minutes as they exited her building and headed down the footpath. It was a strange time of night to go for a walk, and there was nowhere in particular to walk to. But he'd come for a reason and she was determined to find out what that was.
"So, how'd today go? With Barnes?"
"Not good," he said simply.
"What? She seemed great."
"She quit."
Lucy looked up at Tim as they walked, now somewhat understanding why he'd come. He'd failed. Or at least, he felt like he had.
"Don't look so surprised." He glanced down at her briefly. "You can't tell me you didn't think about quitting on day two with me."
Lucy laughed. "You do seem to have that effect on people."
When he didn't laugh back, she bumped him with her shoulder. "Hey, I'm kidding."
He nodded and forced a smile, but the creases in his brow betrayed him.
It wasn't like him to show up at her house late at night. It wasn't like him to turn to her when he had something on his mind. That he'd come here, to her, was a privilege she wasn't going to take for granted, and an opportunity to be there for him that she wasn't going to pass up. She wished she knew how to do that.
"I really thought I could help her," he said in the midst of the silence. "Honestly, I didn't know how I'd go trying to train another rookie after you, so when she told me her background I really thought she'd been placed with the right TO. That she'd have the kind of teacher I wish I'd had when I started out."
Lucy fought to process his words as he said them, her mind spinning slightly. Because there were multiple revelations in one sentence there and she wasn't sure how to raise them, or in what order.
For now, she had to focus on him. "Tim, I have no doubt you could have trained her to be a great cop. I'm absolutely sure her quitting had nothing to do with you."
"Maybe I just went about things the wrong way."
Lucy shook her head. "No. I don't believe that for a second."
"Oh, you don't?" His words carried a tone of disbelief and a slight frustration that surprised her. Had she said something wrong?
"No."
"No?"
"Tim-"
"You're the one who called me out on all the ways I went wrong with you when we started. And rightly so."
She had done that, hadn't she?
"That's different," she responded.
"It's not."
"Are you talking about the 'Tim Test' with the racism?"
"Among other things. Just today, you told me I tormented you. And you're right, I did. Deliberately. I thought I was teaching you. Now I don't even know what the hell I was doing."
"You were-"
"I was a bully."
Lucy took a breath, prepared to argue. But she stalled. Because she couldn't fully defend the methods he'd used with her. Were his methods effective? Absolutely. Was he a bully? A little, yeah.
She respected Tim more than almost anyone else in her life. And she'd never once doubted that his heart was in the right place. Well, never completely doubted. But his good intentions didn't excuse all of his behaviour. So she wasn't about to.
She knew she'd been silent for too long. And that her silence, to him, would only be confirming his fears. But she'd never known Tim to doubt himself like this and she had no idea how to communicate with this side of him.
"You said you didn't know if you could train another rookie after me."
"Yeah." He breathed a laugh and shook his head. "I was kinda hoping you didn't pick up on that."
"Why?"
He shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets as he searched for words.
"Was training me that traumatic?" She grinned up at him and he laughed.
"Do you really want me to recap all the traumatic things that happened to us since you started?"
"I'm good."
"Gunshot wounds. Deadly viruses. Crazed serial killers…"
"Me almost dying in a barrel."
"That one definitely stands out."
"So does you saving my life."
"And you saving mine."
Their eyes met in that moment, and the look on his face expressed the trust, respect, and affection between them that neither of them could ever say out loud.
She turned her gaze back to the footpath, but she felt his eyes linger on her a little longer before he did the same.
"I'm different now than when we met. And I think I owe a lot of that to you. I've never trained a rookie like you. I've never met a person like you. I watched you go through hell and come back from it even stronger."
Lucy felt a smile grow on her lips that she was powerless to fight. "Thank you."
He shook his head. "But that's not the part that surprised me. You went through all of that and came back with the same kindness, the same faith in people, the same incredible smile on your face, the same fire in your eyes, the same compassion and courage and sense of humour."
Warmth flooded Lucy's body, even as she walked in the cold, and she felt tears pool in her eyes.
He continued, "and here I was thinking I was teaching you. But I learned more from you in our time together than I even realised until it was all over." He looked over at her again. "You changed me. And I didn't know if I was ready to jump back in and train someone else again after everything we had together."
Tim knew he'd said way too much. An inappropriate amount, really. But he couldn't take it back now. He tried not to look over at her. Her arms were hugged close to her body and he wondered if she was cold, or if he'd just made her really uncomfortable.
When she didn't respond, he started to panic, his mind kicking into overdrive to think of a way to take it back, or at least make it sound less completely unprofessional.
"Listen, Chen-" Oof, the last name. Why did he always go there? "I didn't mean-"
She held up a hand to silence him. "If you try to take any of that back I'm gonna be so mad at you."
He laughed, acutely aware of how well she could read him. Coming here had been a mistake. He should've known he'd spill his guts to her - she had a way of getting him to do that. He had to keep reminding himself she wasn't his rookie anymore. They could be friends now. He could turn to her the same way he'd always done with Angela. And even though it was new for them, he wasn't doing anything wrong by turning to her when he needed a friend, needed reassurance.
So why did he feel like he was crossing a line? Because she'd been his rookie for so long? Because she was a little younger than him? Because they were co-workers?
Or maybe because he'd just told her she had an incredible smile.
Or because the first thought that had come to him when he thought she was cold was that he wished he could put his arm around her.
Yeah, he never should have come here tonight.
"I was jealous today," she said suddenly. He looked over at her, sure she would've seen the obvious surprise in his expression if she hadn't been so focused on the footpath.
"What?"
"It's stupid because this is your job. And I was like your millionth rookie."
"How old do you think I am?"
"But I felt like I was being replaced."
He wanted to tell her nobody could possibly replace her but that would definitely be in the 'inappropriate' category, along with just about everything else he'd said tonight.
"I felt like everything we've been through and everything you taught me was just you doing your job. And you were just about to do it all over again with someone else."
"I get it." It was the most casual response he'd been able to formulate.
"So that's normal then? That's how it's supposed to feel?"
How could he possibly answer that? He hadn't felt that about his TO. Would Nolan say the same thing about Harper when they finished up?
"If it'll help, I can still call you 'Boot' from time to time," he offered with a grin, deciding humor was the best way to answer a question like that.
"Oh no, I'm good. 'Chen' will do."
"Then you'd better start calling me 'Bradford'," he joked. She'd been one of his only rookies who had dared to call him by his first name from so early on. It was one of the things that had impressed him about her.
"How about 'Officer Chen' and 'Officer Bradford' just to avoid any confusion," she suggested, only the glint in her eyes conveying the joke.
"Good call. Keep it professional."
"That's us."
His mind briefly flashed back to the way he'd held her when he'd pulled her out of that barrel. The way she'd clung to him and buried her face in his chest. Decidedly not professional.
At some point on their walk, they'd turned back the way they came. He hadn't even realized for a while which was unlike him. But they were getting closer and closer to her apartment now which meant this conversation was coming to an end.
He honestly wasn't sure why he'd shown up at her door, or what he'd expected to get out of it. But as usual, she hadn't let him down.
They both slowed as they approached the entrance to her building.
"I don't know why Barnes quit today. But," she turned and they stood facing each other, "I do know that you would have been an amazing teacher for her. And I know you're going to be a great teacher for your next rookie."
"I'd never really doubted myself as a TO until today," he admitted.
"Well, if you ever doubt yourself," she took a step back and gestured toward herself, her smile wide, "just look at how amazing I turned out."
"I can't take credit for that."
"You can take some."
He laughed.
"Hey Tim," she said softly, her expression more serious now. "I'm really glad you came to me. I'm glad you knew you could."
He smiled and nodded. He was glad too, although he wasn't sure how to show it.
"So," she started, somewhat awkwardly, "You never told me what you came for."
"Tonight?"
"M'hmm."
"Honestly, I don't know."
"Someone to boost your ego?"
"More like someone to give it to me straight. Someone who knows me well enough to be able to."
She nodded. "Did you get what you came for?"
"Did you mean what you said?"
"Yes."
"Then yes."
She smiled and took a few steps backward towards her building. "Well, I got something out of this conversation too, Officer Bradford."
"Yeah?"
She nodded.
"What's that, Officer Chen?"
"That I have an incredible smile." She shot him the most perfect example of the smile he'd been referring to as she disappeared into her building.
He felt himself laugh as he shook his head and headed towards his car.
So unprofessional.