The sequel everyone was asking for

by Novan

The sequel to the greatest story ever told

I am Jacob. I'm going to see Mr.R at Institute. He's sent me a fax saying he's seen my movie review show "Poopy Droopo" and wants me to come by and talk about it with him. "Hi I'm Jacob, it's a pleasure to meet you Mr.R" I say when I open his office door. Mr.R looks at me for a while before speaking. "I'm glad you could make it, Jacob. Sit down and we'll get to what I wanted to talk about with you" he said. He sat on the crunch opposite from me and talked in a very friendly manner. He asks if I've seen his new movie "The Big Labowski" "No sir, I haven't yet" says I. Mr.R seemed very disappointed and then suggested I watched his newest releases "Mysterious Skin" and "The Third Man". "I'll be sure to watch those soon, hopefully I enjoy them" I said. Mr.R seemed much happier with that answer. He then asked if I ever went to England. "I've been to England two times" I said. "Actually the first time I went to England was to see the premier of "Fries gone wild". Mr.R smiles and starts talking about his famous directors, David Lynch and Lars Von Trier. "The only David Lynch film I l enjoyed was "The Straight Story" I said. "Have you seen that one?" Mr.R nods and went on to speak of his admiration Stanley Kubrick, which I agreed. Mr.R had a large collection of movies, his favorite was always the one he was making at the time. I look at one of the films in the collection titled "Melvin, brother of the Joker". It seems like a spooky story of this joker who escapes from a mental asylum, tries to reconnect with his family and gets put back in the asylum again. "I see you're interested in Melvin!" Mr.R says with a smile. Yes, I've finally found a person other than yourself that is as crazy for clowns as you are. "Clowns...who doesn't love clowns.." I quietly say. I think about the line "That's not funny" for a second vectors focusing on the collection more. Mr.R shows me a few other movies that he's proud of and then he stops to point out a painting on the wall. "That one is my favorite" he says. "Wario Land 4 on the Gameboy Advance?" I ask. Mr.R smiles and then with a wink says, "Nah, it's way better". Mr.R shows me the rest of his collection, which is almost all movie posters. Suddenly, a bald man with a suit jacket and dark red tie, bursts through the door and runs up to me. It's Mr.R? "Jacob! You're here!" He exclaims with a smile "I was wondering if I'd see you anytime soon!". "Wait what's happening?" I say "why are there 2 Mr.Rs?" Mr.R seems to be confused by my question, then a look of realization comes across his face. "And why is one of them dressed like Nostalgia Critic?" I ask. Mr.R seems to be more confused than ever by the second question. "The...what...you know who I am?" Says the 2nd Mr.R. "Knows everything about Nostalgia Critic" I reply. "I'm very confused" I say. Mr.R shrugs his shoulders and yells for his Butler but no one appears to take any notice. "Well what is happening?" I said. "I'm confused too, look!" Screams Mr.R. The Lightbringer crashed through the window, grabbing me and dragging me into the air. "Hey!" I screamed at The Lightbringer. "Shut up!" He replied. "Can't you see I'm on a mission?" He said. "Kickassia needs you!" The Lightbringer screamed. "Kickassia?" I question. "...I guess this must be Mr.R's but whatever the hell he is, is evil" said The Lightbringer. Mr.R then morphed into a demon shape and prepared to attack. "Shit, it's Mr.R's Butler!" I screamed in shock. "Shut up!" Screamed The Lightbringer "I'm trying to destroy the evil forces of darkness, you would do well not disturb me!" The Lightbringer flings me upward into Kickassia as he attacks Mr.R and his demon Butler. "Here we go again..." I say. As I arrive at the gates of Kickassia, a member of Channel Awesome is there to greet me. He looks like he's seen his better days, but today is especially bad. "Hey there! Come on in, The boss is preparing for battle!" He says leading me to the king. "Is The Lightbringer going to be ok?" I ask. "Yes, the boss is a heavy drinker and is unlikely to notice he's gone" he says. I enter what seems to be a recreation of Mr.R's office, decorated with all his movies. "I'm sure you're confused by all this but let me explain" says a voice, it's Mr.R?! "I'm the real Mr.R" the real Mr.R says. "And below the clouds of Kickassia is a fake Mr.R that James Roulfe planted to kill you". "What?" I say. "That's right, he used to work for me and tried to kill you in your last life!" Mr.R said. "I don't believe you!" I replied. "Believe this!" Mr.R shows up a picture of James Roulfe "look at this bitch!" He exclaims. "Oh, I know this ugly mass of snot. He was the Nostalgia Critic before he was cool" I said. "He's also an ECS infiltrator sent to kill me and take my place" said Mr.R. Nostalgia Critic walks in and stops to stare at Mr.R. "Alright, Alright, you guys are weirding me the hell out. Just tell me how I got in" I say. Nostalgia Critic looks at me "I remember death so you don't have to, welcome Jacob" he says sarcastically. "Shut up, critic" Mr.R growls out of reflex. Channel Awesome continues...to die slowly and painfully for the likes of you. "Excuse me?" The Nostalgia Critic replies. Kickassia has banned all ECS citizens but they can still enter with proper paperwork from another country. Just then James Roulfe enters with his band of side characters. "James! So good of you to come again so soon!" Mr.R says. Mecha Jesus shoots Mr.R, killing him instantly. Mr.R is dead and there's nothing we can do. "Well shit, guess this the part where you take over or get out" I say. "Huh? What are you saying" said the Nostalgia Critic. "I'm not your pupper, get out while you can" Shit Pickle bounces awkwardly. Funniest shy I've ever seen. "Alright, alright, I was just fucking with ya..." I head towards the gates but remember I'm not in control of a Jeep and get out. "Hey wait!" In Soviet Russia, Jeep control you! "Shut up Mecha Jesus, I'm not your Bitch" says Nostalgia Critic. I take my leave but not before being hit by a bolt of lightning that knocks me on my ass. The Lightbringer has returned! "What the fuck?!" Screamed James Roulfe "You couldn't have waited until I took over?! And who the hell are you anyway?!" Screams James Roulfe. "Me?" The Lightbringer says. "I'm Linkara, the greatest man who ever lived!" The Lightbringer says he needs my help because I'm a rebel and renegade to the core. I shake my head at the absurdity of the situation. Just then a flying fedora crash lands into Kickassia. And it's the Nerdo. "Noooo! Why did you lead them to me!" "I'm the only one who can fix this!" James Roulfe pants. I give him my sincerest condolences. The Nerdo jumps out. "That man is not the real Linkara!" He shouts. "We tried to warn Linkara about the imposter but he wouldn't listen!" The Nerdo shouts. Linkara slowly lumps out of the fedora "sorry about smashing into Kickassia" he says to Nostalgia Critic. I barely manage to stop an enraged Nostalgia Critic from killing The Nerdo. I Remember that Nostalgia Critic are both friends of Linkara and they'll probably tell me the truth if I torture them hard enough. The fake Linkara turns into Micheal Jackson with 2 Tommy guns. The real Linkara cries out in pain. "Ahhhhh!!! He's done it, the crazy bitch! Kill the imposter!" The Nerdo screams. When the imposter is sus. Micheal Jackson shoots like crazy. "Everybody out of Kickassia, it's not safe here anymore!" Screams Nostalgia Critic. "Who the fuck are you?!" I shout out of reflex. Nostalgia Critic jumps a little as he realizes he jumped a little when I spoke to him. As everyone Boldly Flees, James Roulfe sits on the Kickassia throne. "Finally Kickassia is mine!!!" He screams as the Nerdo has joins in on the laughing. The Nerdo has turned! I think about shooting them until they stop laughing then I think about killing them until they stop laughing. Me along with the others get out of Kickassia and back to the normal world to think of a plan to stop James Roulfe. I manage to convince everyone else to leave. While they do, I quickly go back to Kickassia through a secret passage I made myself. I enter the throne room. "Alone? How stupid can you be?" James Roulfe exclaims, laughing. I draw my gun and fire. The bullet bounces off James Roulfe's armour, he then promptly raises his fist to punch me through the plate armour. My plan has failed! What an idiot I am! Just then all of the Channel Awesome jumped in to help me! "I don't care if your friends saved your ass!" James Roulfe yelled. You're coming with us, the Nerdo and that other guy!" Suddenly a voice sounded. The voice sounded familiar but not at the same time. It's Angry Joe! He's bloody massive mate! "I alone will rule all of Kickassia and no one will stop me!" He screams while laughing and screaming and feverishly ma- "what the fuck!?" Screamed Angry Joe "Michael you're alive?! What the hell happened to you?" He yelled. Michael is not real and never was real. Only Angry Joe remains. I have to kill him now. I draw my gun and shoot but I don't penetrate the armor. So I shoot again and again and again because for some reason I expect something different to happen. I say "we have to work together James, if we are to stop this monster!". "Monster?" James Roulfe says "I'm a hero! I alone will save Kickassia!" He screams. "James no! Angry Joe is too powerful to attack alone!" I scream. "Shut up! Nobody saves Kickassia but me!" James Roulfe screams. I look at the monstrous Angry Joe face and I see the madness in his eyes. James Roulfe lunges at Angry Joe and Angry Joe flings him into a wall. "We have to team up everybody! Only our combined force will stop him!" I say. Everybody, including James Roulfe and Nostalgia Critic charge at Angry Joe. "For Kickassia!" They all scream in unison. Joining in the battle I scream as well. Angry Joe gets smacked in the face so damn hard that he fucking dies. Woah. Everybody is relieved that Angry Joe is dead. Nostalgia Critic and James Roulfe form an unbreakable bond in friendship. They agree to all cherish in Kickassia, without one side ruling everything. After the fighting was done, a feast was held. I quiet the room to say a toast. "Our battle is done but we'll be friends forever. A single person cannot restore the entire world. We have to work together and make a diligent effort!" Everybody cheers and raises their cups of alcohol in solidarity. But then someone asks

The end

Credits roll