Bean Mafia

InverseDesire

Summary: Harry realizes that his many problems can be solved without violence. Of course, it will not be bad if he earns money along the way and the heart of a certain Slytherin girl. Turns out Every Flavour Beans are the answer to all young Raveclaw's problems. AU.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't get money or any advantages from this work. This is a parody.

This fanfiction is dedicated as a birthday gift for Nixxo who's streams inspired me to write this. Greetings to Harry Potter Speedrun Community and many people who discussed fanfictions with me. Nixxo agreed to the publication of this.

I am not a native speaker and I don't have beta.

Harry sat in his office in Room of Requirement. He was carefully analyzing his complicated plans. Any mistake could have very bad consequences, so young Ravenclaw wanted to avoid them. Satisfied with his work he relaxed and started to think about how all of this started.

After his confrontation with Voldemort in the first year, he realized that one day he will return and he must be prepared. He thought that learning magic is the best way. He was already learning much because as Ravenclaw he loved to learn new things. Magic was still new to him and still fascinated him. He decided that sadly, he will need to focus more on magic useful in battles.

That is why he was initially very disappointed with his new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher Lockhart. He thought that he will not learn anything. How wrong he was.

Lockhart took Harry under his wing and learned him everything he needed. How to use his fame to his advantage. How economy, politics and, advertising works. How to make connections with powerful people. How to pick up witches. Wait, the last one was not that important to Harry's plan, but it was still very useful. But Lockhart was not the only one. Surprisingly Lucius Malfoy was the one who inspired Harry. His plot involving the Chamber of Secrets was evil yes, but very clever. If not for Harry, his plan would give Lucius Malfoy a lot of things he wanted. More importantly, Death Eater didn't have to do almost anything to achieve his goals. Only give one diary to an innocent girl. It would be enough to get revenge on Weasleys and Dumbledore and kill people Malfoy despised. Harry hated the man but had to admit that his plan was genius.

Inspired by this Harry started to rethink his plan of dealing with the return of Voldemort. One discovery gave him the perfect opportunity.

It turned out that Bertie Bott was an employee of Harry's grandfather Fleamont Potter. He helped him to start his business since Potter had a lot of connections, and their pureblood status meant back then a lot. Potter in the end gained the vast majority of ownership of Every Flavour Beans.

But it was James Potter who was Harry's hero. He wanted to impress Lily Evans and one of the things he did was giving her his self-made new version of Beans. The girl appreciated his effort - creating such great sweets and it helped Harry's father with marriage witch he loved. Harry thought this idea was weird, but men went to great lengths for women they love.

James Potter didn't predict one thing tho. His new version of Beans was not only really good but also incredibly addictive. This gave Harry a really good idea. Every Flavour Beans didn't make much money, because their production was very expensive. But with new addictive Beans among them, Harry would earn so many Galleons. He wouldn't have to even make that many of them since these were Every Flavour Beans.

His plan was very simple. Addict people to them. Earn a lot of money. Then with money, he would fight with Voldemort more effectively. Lucius Malfoy proved that money was very useful. He could hire wizards from Poland and Russia to fight with Death Eaters. Even Voldemort would have a problem with 200 professional fighters. Beans would be also useful to blackmail or buy Death Eaters of corrupt politicians. Maybe he would ever stop selling Beans until Voldemort is defeated. Giving such motivation to the entire addicted nation would be pretty effective. There were many possibilities and Harry intended to abuse all of them as much as he could.

The best thing was it was not even bad. New Beans didn't affect health and Harry would use them to noble goals. And no one would be aware. Only Dumbledore would be able to stop Harry's plans, but fortunately, he loved sweets and James Potter introduced the old wizard to his genius creation.

Harry's connections with Fudge make everything legal too. Stupid fool for one photo and some words to press would do everything for Harry. Once again thank you, Lockhart.

The biggest problem was starting. Harry's first strike was in his house. His classmates were first to taste new Beans and soon all Raveclaws loved them. With Gryffindor and Hufflepuff it was even easier. The majority of them loved him thanks to his defeat of the Dark Lord. From children to their parents and their parents' friend Beans were slowly spreading out.

Students from Beaubatons and Durmstrang were very easy to addict to. They didn't suspect anything, since they knew almost nothing about sweets from Great Britain.

His biggest success was surprising with muggles. One of them named Nixxo got from his wizard friend new Bean and fell in love with them. He contracted Harry and they make a deal. Nixxo started to sell and promote them in Germany since he was pretty popular. And how fitting it was. Gellert Grindelwald started his big plan in Germany and so was Harry. Slowly more and more muggles were buying his Beans.

They were more and more orders from Poland, Hungary, Russian, and Spain, and even countries outside of Europe were becoming interested. Harry and Nixxo expected big orders from Japan, Brazil, and Canada.

In Wizarding World Harry had however a problem. Slytherin's didn't try his Beans, since he was very unpopular in this house, and certain Blood Purists certainly not helped. Slytherin was most important since the parents of Snakes were a big part of Death Eaters and Ministry workers. Ambition was after all one of Slytherin's virtues. He needed someone from this house to help him and he chose the perfect candidate.

Daphne Greengrass was a very ambitious witch and was very impressed with what Harry was doing. He saw that she was paying very close attention to what he was doing even when only Terry and Michael tasted his Beans. Harry proposed Daphne a deal and she decided to be part of the greatest business of recent history. Her pureblood and Sacret Twenty Eight status quickly managed to convince a few people and it quickly snowballed.

Just as Harry was thinking about her, Daphne Greengrass entered his office. He watched her carefully, since he was in love with her and not only because she was gorgeous. Her ambition, sneakiness, cold humour, ruthlessness, and ability to manipulate everyone around her that she is a cold Blood Supremacist while taking advantage of everyone around her were very attractive to Harry. He even forgave her that she tried to manipulate him into giving her a big percentage of his growing business. In the end, it made her even more attractive to him. Maybe others would think differently, but Harry was not a typical wizard and his future wife would certainly be not too. Harry was certain that his business was one of the things that will make her marry him.

Daphne rolled her eyes and gave him the money she earned from Slytherins. Harry checked that number of Galleons was as he estimated before. Daphne smiled at his antics. Harry quickly thanked her and told her about the next steps. When she was about to go away he recalled about a ball that was to happen in two months. He quickly asked her:

"Do you know how to dance Daphne?"

The girl turned around and answered looking very angry.

"Of course I know. I am a pureblood daughter of the respected house and I respect our traditions. I learned to dance when I was seven".

A cold aura of superiority around her was faked, as were her official political views but Harry was able to see through her masks. His innocent and random question was pretty sneaky. As soon as the ball was announced she would for sure connect the dots. Harry smiled. Beans business was great, but his plan of marrying Daphne Greengrass was much more important. And going with her to the ball was the second step after their business deal. He answered her mysteriously.

"Excuse me for my ignorance Miss. I am sure you will dance perfectly."

Daphne was confused by his works and started to think about them. She left without a word.

Harry relaxed when she existed and started to think about his future. Soon he would get everything he wanted and get rid of all his problems. And everything thanks to Every Flavour Beans.

The End.

Thank You for reading. Please leave your honest opinion to help me improve.

InverseDesire