TW: Sucide, Hurt/No comfort (well, very little comfort), Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, mind control

He was alone. Everybody else died. There was no longer point in fighting against Martin. The lonely, sole survivor of the last attack. But was he really alive? Gods, Q felt like he died a long time ago, he could even point to the exact point, when he died. The very moment that he saw Lipson entering the cottage with a weird, pitied expression, confirming the death of Eliot Waugh. She looked at him with confusion, like she didn't understand something. Then she said these words - and then he died.

But that was not important. Not anymore.

He was going to die truly, soon. Martin is going to hunt him down and Quentin won't fight back. He didn't have a reason to.

He returned from Fillory. There was no point in trying to save Fillory anymore, it belonged to Martin. If he was going to die, he wanted to visit Eliot's grave this one last time.

So he was standing here in rain, looking at the tombstone of his old lover.

They weren't together, not really. They had this weird friends with benefits relationship and Q always wanted more. He was actually hopeful that he will get more. Yes, he was doubting himself on every step. Eliot was royal, he was a depressed piece of shit, but Eliot became sexually exclusive with him, Q saw that. They were the best friends already (Margo doesn't count)... they have those cheesy moments, that made Margo throw up...

He was hopeful.

But then, that happened.

When he was thinking about it again, he wanted to break something. Kill himself for that. For being so fucking blind. But it was too late for that. Eliot was dead. Many others died later, but Eliot's death hurt the most because it was their fault.

He and Margo killed Eliot.

Quentin was always insecure about his relationship with Eliot, so when he caught Eliot with another man, fucking, and El started to tell him that he was the cute first year that he wanted to fuck and now he got bored, Q believed in that. Eliot was so venomous when he said that, like he wanted to shatter Q's heart - and he did it. Q was devastated, like his whole life in Brakebills was gone. Eliot and Margo, Brakebills were the best things that happened to him... but what university meant to him without those two?

But then Eliot started bitching Margo too.

And both of them were blind to see the obvious truth.

It was not Eliot anymore.

And they didn't fucking see it.

Eliot became a scurvy, deceitful motherfucker.

Q remembered that day when Eliot brought him to tears one day. He just couldn't handle Eliot's vile words and left. Next time, when he saw Eliot, he just snapped. He didn't remember what he exactly said. For certain he said how much he hated Eliot, how much he despised him right now. Q couldn't allow him to treat him that way anymore, because his depression was always ready to pull him deeper into the darkness.

Margo, who was there, added her words about their lost friendship, soulbond - and then, they both left. Q saw Eliot's teary face, but he didn't care. For every tear that Q cried after him, Eliot could cry a river and he wouldn't care anymore.

The next they found his body, he overdosed. The dose would kill a herd of horses, that was not an accidental overdose. He left a simple note.

I am sorry

- El

Lipson came to confirm death and deal with the dead body. She looked with pity at the body and then she turned her eyes on Quentin and Margo and said these words, that killed everything in him. He could hear it still in his head as it happened a few seconds ago. Clear as the bell.

"Why did you leave him alone after such abusive mind control?"

Eliot was mind-controlled. Back then he didn't know why, now he knew. It was his fault. Martin targeted Eliot because Q and Margo were on his trail. The beast didn't want to kill anybody yet, not to raise the alarm, so he decided to go after somebody who would distract them - focus on their private life and not on their research about Fillory.

He didn't want to sleep with those men that he went to bed, telling Q that this random boy is better in bed than Q. He was basically raped. No, there was nothing 'basically' about it. Eliot was raped, he didn't want to have sex with those men. He didn't consent.

He snapped off the control when he saw Quentin crying, he was confused, he went to Lipson. She told him that he is glowing like a Christmas tree with after-effects of powerful mind control. She proposed that she will go to his friends and explain the situation, but Eliot wanted to fix everything himself.

Both of them snapped at him in anger.

If Bambi and Q didn't want him anymore... what more left for him in this life?

Quentin didn't forgive himself for not seeing the truth, Margo pretended that this didn't happen.

Quentin ran off to Fillory, trying to escape the grief, but there was no escape. Eliot was dead and he was to blame.

When he explored Fillory - he was in fucking Fillory, his fucking childhood dream - all he could think was:

I wonder what Eliot would say about the opium in the air

I wonder what Eliot would say about Fillory being real at all

I wonder what Eliot would think about this

I wonder what Eliot would do

I wonder what Eliot...

He couldn't find any joy in Fillory and then Martin attacked. He killed everybody that Q should care about - but he found that he didn't, not really. After Eliot's death was so fucking numb that another death of someone close was just statistics.

Now Martin was going after him and honestly, he couldn't wait.

Maybe he will see Eliot again.

Then, he saw the familiar redhead in the cemetery. He looked at her with a tired expression.

"What do you want, Jane?"

"Are you saying your goodbyes?" she asked.

Q chuckled sadly.

"More like 'see you soon'" his voice was tired, defeated.

Jane sent him a pitted look. He didn't care anymore how she sees him. Dear God, to think that she was a character from his favorite books, and now? There was nothing that he despised more than her, her brother, and Fillory. He hated it, with all his heart.

"It doesn't have to be that way" she answered.

"Oh for God's sake, Jane. Stop." he didn't want to hear her another plan about creating another timeline, he laughed off this before.

"It will give us a chance to make things right... Eliot-" she insisted. Q rolled his eyes at the beginning, but then when she mentioned this name, he snapped.

"You don't have the right to say that name"

How did she dare to use Eliot against him? Use his name. At his grave. It was her fault that he died. Her and her brother. No, no. It was his fault. His and Margo's. No. It was Jane's. It was easier to blame someone else.

"When we create another timeline..." she stared, but again she was interrupted.

"It won't be the same. It won't be me. Give up Jane, we lost." he answered and he turned away, planning to leave the cemetery and go... somewhere. He didn't have any plan. He was just waiting for Martin to hunt him down and kill him.

"But there will be Eliot Waugh who will still have a chance." She said and that made Q stop for a while.

"Chance for what? Being possessed again?" Q snorted angrily.

"I can protect him, from Martin's mind control... all of you. " Jane was desperate, he could see that. She wanted him badly on her side. She needed him for that spell, he wasn't certain why, but for some reason she needed him.

She couldn't promise him that Eliot won't die any other way, but she could save him from that. Seeing how much it destroyed Quentin. Maybe if Eliot was still among the living, Q would still have the strength to fight.

Q wanted to go away. Really.

Go and just die, end this charade.

He was still going to die, but the vision of Eliot Waugh still being alive somewhere.

He knew that it won't be his El, but... it was the last comfort he could have.

The knowledge that there, somewhere in another timeline, will be Eliot Waugh who will have a chance against Martin, who will be alive.

He turned to face Jane Chatwin.

"What do you want me to do?"

Well, there it is. My version of events of timeline one.