At night, Zuko dreams.
Each time, it switches back and forth between variations of Ozai, his Agni Kai, the hand moving towards his face-
Always the hand moving towards his face.
He can't escape it. He didn't move away when it happened, but when he dreams, he finds that he is paralyzed, stuck under the descent of that fist.
It's a burning sun, enveloping everything, causing agony until the day turns to night and he wakes up to his own screams.
There are always screams.
When he is dreaming, he doesn't always recognize they're coming from his own mouth, and sometimes, they're drowned out by Azula's laughs.
(He can't remember if she laughed then, but she did afterwards in his face, secretly, before he left for his banishment.)
Many days, Zuko just wants to lie down and rest. Let himself drift off for a good long while and catch up on sleep that he has missed.
But since he has been searching for the Avatar for the past couple of years, not allowing himself breaks because he isn't weak, he doesn't know how to settle down for a moment. Like his body, his mind is always on the move, thinking, turning over possibilities for finding his quarry and returning home with his honor intact.
But then things changed.
(On the Akhlut, he isn't in charge.)
When he lies in bed at night, he stares up at the ceiling, listening to the creaking of the ship and the hammock until it lulls him to sleep.
A new dream appears.
Instead of Ozai standing in front of him, it's Hakoda. The world is hazy, he is shivering, but he doesn't say anything because it is taking all of his energy to remain standing.
"Are you Fire Nation?" Hakoda asks, and before Zuko can think, he snaps back, "Of course I am."
"He's probably not a firebender, at least," someone says.
Yes, I am slips out before he can stop it, too.
He doesn't know why he is dreaming this, he knows what happens - he says who he is, they take him down to the hold, a fever-
A soft sching interrupts his dream thoughts.
Zuko tries to protest, tries to draw himself up and say who he is because he knows Hakoda is his father and won't kill him because he is different from Ozai - he cares-
Somehow, he feels the rushing disturbance in the air, but he can't close his eyes, he can only stare at Hakoda's indifferent face, waiting for the pain, waiting for the-
Blackness.
The Akhlut is gently bobbing. He isn't on the deck. He is lying in his hammock, staring up at the darkened ceiling as his heart attempts to hammer its way out of his chest.
It wasn't real.
Dream-Hakoda wasn't real.
Glaring at nothing, he turns and listens to the sounds of the ship as it rocks back and forth in the water
Back and forth.
Back and forth.