Fledgling

Scott sighed, leaning in the doorway of his two youngest brothers' shared bedroom. The terrible two were well and truly asleep, completely exhausted from their full day wreaking havoc through the Tracy household. Even a tornado ripping of the roof of the place wouldn't wake them now. It always amazed Scott how quickly the pair of them would fall asleep. The real trouble was getting them to settle down, but once they had they were out like a light.

Perhaps their ability to sleep through anything was a good thing. After all, Scott knew that if he got himself into half the positions that they ended up in, he'd be awake in seconds. Gordon wasn't so bad tonight. The covers had been kicked off and he was splayed out on his front like a starfish. He grumbled slightly, the words not quite coherent, and his legs twitched. Scott was willing to bet any money that their resident fish was dreaming about swimming.

Alan, on the other hand, was as chaotic as ever. It wasn't unusual to find Alan on the floor, but finding him half hanging off the bed, as he was now, really was a rarity. Like Gordon, he was on his front, but unlike Gordon, he was drooling into the carpet. His legs, meanwhile, had taken up residence at the top of the bed – with one foot even finding its way into the pillowcase. His covers were still draped over most of his body but did nothing to hide how uncomfortable the slope down from the bed to the floor looked.

Tiptoeing into the room, Scott first pulled Gordon's covers back up to his shoulders before lifting Alan back into bed and tucking him in as well. It was inevitable that they would end up back in exactly the same positions by morning, but Scott could never just leave them like that. He sat on the edge of Alan's bed, stroking his hair as the younger boy's face morphed into a frown and he began to wriggle in his sleep. The others like to joke that Scott had a magic touch and, in some ways, he couldn't help but agree. In just a few moments, Alan had completely relaxed and was sleeping soundly once more. Scott smiled, swallowing the lump that had risen in his throat.

'Thought I'd find you in here.'

Scott almost fell off the bed. His father, standing where he himself had been just moments ago, chuckled. Propping his briefcase up in the doorway, he moved into the room and ruffled Scott's hair.

'Didn't hear you come in,' Scott mumbled, a hand clutched over his pounding heart.

Jeff chuckled again, the sound like a deep rumbling in his chest. 'Sorry.'

'You're very late.'

'Yes, I am.' Jeff checked his watch. 'Late enough that you should be in bed.'

Scott knew his father's tone of voice well enough to know what was actually being said. Swallowing the protests that his younger self might have voiced, he rose to his feet, giving his two youngest siblings one last glance.

'I'll be in to say goodnight in a few minutes, alright?' Jeff said, giving Scott a gentle push towards the door.

After a slight detour to John and Virgil's room to check that they had, indeed, settled down as asked, Scott finally stumbled into his own room. It was a smaller than the other rooms; a compromise for having the space all to himself. The boxes piled by the window didn't help any – in fact, they actually made it worse. Standing on his toes to lean over them, Scott opened a window, letting the cool night air into the stuffy room. He quickly threw on his pyjamas before wandering off to brush his teeth. By the time he returned from the bathroom, his father was sat on his bed.

Jeff gestured to the boxes, his eyebrows raised. 'You're not taking all this with you.'

'No, I, um…' Scott felt the heat rising in his cheeks. He dumped his clothes in the laundry basket and moved to sit down on the bed next to his father. 'I just thought, maybe, if I had it all packed up, John wouldn't feel so awkward about asking to move in here if he wanted to.'

Jeff opened his mouth, then closed it and simply nodded. He put his arm around Scott's shoulder. 'Are you all packed, then? Got everything you need?'

'Yeah, it's all there.' Scott gestured to the large, over-stuffed duffel bag in front of his closet.

His father hummed, a small smile on his face. 'Doesn't seem like a lot, does it?'

Scott shook his head. He clenched his jaw, willing his muscles to just be still until his father left. Usually, after being held up at the office after an already-long day, the head of the family would do the rounds to say goodnight before heading straight to bed himself. Only tonight, instead of the firm clap on the back and instructions not to stay up too late, his father's arm wound tighter around his shoulders.

'I can't go.' The words were out of his mouth before Scott could stop them. 'Oh, God, I can't go. I'll stay here another year – get a job at the grocery store and help the guys with their homework and… and… it's going to hard enough for the younger ones with John going off to college soon. And someone's got to help Virge start thinking about what he wants to do and where he wants to do it. Then someone's got to take Gordon to swimming, and Alan to whatever club he decides to take up this year. So, yeah, no – I'm not going. I'm not going.'

He was shaking, breaths coming out in heavy gasps. The dam Scott Tracy had built up in the weeks leading up to his departure had broken - crumbled right along with his resolve. Tears sprang up in his eyes and rolled down his cheeks, hot and fast. He cried until he thought he'd run dry, and then he cried some more. At some point, his heart had decided that it didn't want to live in his chest anymore and was now throbbing against his brain.

It took several failed attempts for Scott to regain his composure. When he finally did, the weight on the bed shifted. Through puffy eyes, he watched as his father left the room, not even sparing him a glance over his shoulder. His breath caught in his throat. He knew his father would be disappointed, but he hadn't expected him to be so… He shook his head. Crawling under his covers in a bid to stop the shivers, Scott tried to close his eyes and go to sleep. Instead, he found his gaze resting listlessly on the ceiling.

The bed dipped beside him once more. Forcing his eyes to focus, Scott turned to watch as his father settled down next to him.

'Scooch over.' Jeff poked him. 'I said I'd be right back, didn't I?'

Scott's eyes drifted back to the ceiling. Maybe he had said something, but he couldn't really remember. Or maybe he hadn't been listening?

'Here, drink this.' Jeff handed him a bottle of water. Scott propped himself up on his elbow and started taking slow sips. 'You know, that was a very convincing argument you just made. There was just one thing missing, I think.'

'What's that?'

'The words 'I don't want'.'

Putting the cap back on the bottle and placing it on his nightstand, Scott lay back down, shuffling onto his side so that he could face his father. 'What do you mean?'

'You said you can't go. You said you'd stay here, for your brothers. And you said you're not going. But you didn't say you didn't want to go.'

Scott considered this for a moment. 'No. I didn't, did I?'

'Because you still do.'

'Yeah, I do.' Scott nodded. 'Of course I do. It's just not the right time.'

Jeff laughed. 'Scott, there's never going to be a right time. There's always going to be a reason for you to stay.'

'But the others need me.'

'They'll always need you, you're their older brother,' Jeff said. Then he sighed. 'No, you're more than that. You're like a second father to them, aren't you? I guess that's my fault, really.'

Scott swallowed. 'Dad…'

'I put too much pressure on you growing up. You lost a lot of your childhood taking care of your brothers when it should have been me. I'm sorry for that. But… I think now's your chance to do something for yourself – instead of worrying about everyone else.'

'I thought that's what college was for,' Scott said, a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth.

Jeff laughed. 'Yes… yes, I suppose it was in a way. But -'

'I've wanted to be a pilot for as long as I can remember.'

'I think you were four – maybe five – when you first mentioned it,' Jeff said. 'And to the best of my knowledge, you've never wanted to be anything else.'

'No,' Scott said, 'I haven't.'

For a long moment, Jeff just stared at him. Instantly, Scott was reminded of the day he moved to college. The kids stayed at home with grandma, but his father had been insistent on helping him move his stuff into his dorm. The look on his face now wasn't too far away from the one he had worn back then, when he was saying goodbye. It was as if he was trying to memorise Scott's face; like it might be the last time he saw it.

'Are you guys going to be okay?' Scott finally asked.

'Of course we are,' Jeff replied. 'Besides, Yale wasn't exactly next door, and we managed that alright.'

'But the Air Force is different.'

'It is, but you'll be fine. And I know we've both spoken to your brothers about leave, so they understand that you won't be able to come home as often. They'll be alright, I promise.'

Scott smiled, but it quickly turned into a yawn. Exhaustion was starting to creep in now, and he found himself fighting to keep his eyes open.

Swinging his legs off the bed, Jeff rose to his feet. 'You need to get some rest,' he murmured, pulling the blankets up to Scott's chin and tucking him in. 'You've got to be at the airport in… four and a half hours.'

Allowing his eyes to slip shut, Scott muttered, 'Oh, yay.'

Jeff chuckled. 'Goodnight, Scott,' he said, pressing a kiss to his eldest son's forehead.

The response he got was little more than a grunt. Scott was fast asleep before Jeff even turned out the light.

Another oldie this time, once again from 2019. I had to poke and prod this one quite a bit before I was happy to post it - it's always really weird going back and reading your old stuff, isn't it?

Hope you're all staying safe out there x