After writing El'ru'esta I just couldn't get out of my head, what if the Jim had gotten the chance to have his say, fully, in the Academic Hearing, and not just that, what if he'd managed to make Spock understand things from his point of view. Well, everything would have changed of course! And then I got another question, why did Jim just... do what Spock Prime told him to? It makes no sense whatsoever. Even if we believe that Spock Prime shared a lot more in that mind-meld than the movie shows, Jim's not the kind of person to just do what he's told. So, what if he'd decided that there was no good reason to do what a complete stranger told him; and what's more, what if he had reason to trust Spock (that universe's Spock)?

It's been said that 'what ifs' do exist, it's what fanfiction's made of! So here we are. At first I just had those two scenes, considered them posting as separate ficlets and leave things like that... but I'm just no good at leaving an idea unfinished, and I couldn't help but want to keep building on it. That's how this fic came to be. Hope you'll enjoy.

(A bit of an explanation for some things on the End Notes... cannot have it here as it's spoilery!)

T'hy'la

Written in the Stars

By: Lalaith Quetzalli

They start off as strangers, but then again, everyone always does. What if they took a chance? To get to know each other… to understand one another… to trust both themselves and the other… To be all they can and may one day be… Then maybe they'd discover that some things truly are written in the stars.

Strangers.

They start off as strangers…

The call to the auditorium takes him by surprise. Jim's still riding a high after finally (finally!) passing that freaking simulation. Even with the new algorithms there was a moment when he thought he might not make it. That maybe, just maybe, it truly was impossible. He knows he could have simply programmed something that would allow him to win outright, but that would have been all too easy, and as improbable as the original no-win scenario. No, he didn't want the victory to just be handed to him, he wanted to earn it… and he did! Which is why he's taken so completely by surprise when all cadets are called to the Auditorium and Admiral Barnett finally reveals the reason for it:

"This session has been called to resolve a troubling matter. James T. Kirk, step forward." Jim so did not see that one coming. "Cadet Kirk, evidence has been submitted to this council, suggesting that you violated the ethical code of conduct pursuant to Regulation One-Seven point three of the Starfleet Code. Is there anything you care to say before we begin, sir?"

"Yes, I believe I have the right to face my accuser directly." Jim states, with all the formality he can muster.

Because if some prick is truly going to try and drag him through the coals for what he did, then he better do it to his face! Jim will settle for nothing less.

"Step forward, please." Barnett calls for someone else in the room. "This is Commander Spock. He's one of our most distinguished graduates. He's programmed the Kobayashi Maru exam for the last four years. Commander?"

A Vulcan?! A Vulcan programmed the freaking sim?! Well, on the one hand, it explains why it was so detailed. And the lines of code were so carefully crafted, so detailed… so beautiful. Really, if the prick weren't trying to get Jim into trouble he might even invite the guy out for drinks and for them to talk about code (and that's not a euphemism!).

"Cadet Kirk, you somehow managed to install and activate a subroutine to the programming code, thereby changing the conditions of the test." The Vulcan… Commander Spock, states.

"Your point being?" Because, it's not like he doesn't know already what he did!

"In academic vernacular, you cheated." Barnett states from his spot at the front.

But Jim's not focusing on him anymore, his whole attention is on Commander Spock.

"Let me ask you something, I think we all know the answer to." He states. "The test itself is a cheat, isn't it? You programmed it to be unwinnable."

"Your argument precludes the possibility of a no-win scenario." Spock replies evenly.

"I don't believe in no-win scenarios." Jim declares serenely.

It's the truth, plain and simple. The cornerstone of his very existence. And some Vulcan isn't going to come and stomp on it just because he doesn't like that Jim got his fingers (figuratively) on his simulation!

"Then, not only did you violate the rules, you also failed to understand the principle lesson." Spock states, in a tone of voice that sounds so condescending Jim almost wants to grit his teeth.

"Please, enlighten me." Jim can control himself, barely.

"You of all people should know, Cadet Kirk. A Captain cannot cheat death."

"I of all people…" He leaves the sentence hanging, because that pointy-eared bastard better not mean what he thinks he does…

"Your father, Lieutenant George Kirk, assumed command of his vessel before being killed in action, did he not?"

"I don't think you like the fact that I beat your test…" Jim snarls, because he cannot believe that the bastard truly went there! Does he understand nothing at all?!

"Furthermore, you have failed to divine the purpose of the test." Spock presses.

"Enlighten me again." It's taking everything he has for Jim not to snap, how can anyone be so… so heartless not to realize what he's doing, that using one's father like that is wrong? Especially because it's clear he doesn't understand his father, At All!

"The purpose is to experience fear." Spock continues. "Fear in the face of certain death. To accept that fear, and maintain control of oneself and one's crew. This is a quality expected in every Starfleet captain."

It takes everything Jim has, every ounce of will that got him through stupid children, stupider teenagers and worse adults, through heartless members of the press, through Frank and Harris and the planet of the damned… but in the end he manages to pull himself together. He knows that as much as he might hate what the pointy-eared bastard is doing, if he loses control, then he won't be able to make a point. They'll see him as an idiot who couldn't take a loss and decided to cheat, and that isn't it, at all!

"Anyone can experience fear, anyone can accept fear, even accepting death is easy." Jim states in a perfectly even tone. "The thing is, out there, in the black, would you rather have a captain who will accept death, who will lay down and die the moment the going gets tough? Or one who will keep fighting to the very last moment, who will do anything, even cheat, in order to win?"

Jim can tell the exact moment when his words register with Spock, mainly because the Vulcan suddenly seems to have nothing to say. It doesn't mean he's accepted Jim's rationale, but it's a start. It's all he needs to push forward…

"How many cadets have gone through the Kobayashi Maru since you programmed it? Fifty? Seventy? A hundred? They go in knowing they're going to lose, and they go out knowing they lost. What's the point? Knowing they can handle fear, you say. Well, this is how I handle fear. I don't tell my crew to brace themselves, I don't apologize for leading them to their deaths. I fight, to my very last breath. And if I do die, if we all die, they will know we went down fighting to the very end. They will know I never gave up, not on myself, and not on them."

There's a strange tension in the air as silence extends for a second, two, three… and then Spock nods. It's as if everyone can suddenly breathe again.

"I see," The Commander nods, then turns his attention to Barnett. "Admiral Barnett, I withdraw my formal complaint."

He turns to leave, but Jim just cannot help but feel he's not done, not yet, there's one more thing that needs to be said, because the Commander brought it up first, and his father deserves better than to be seen as someone who lost…

"One last thing, Commander." He calls to the Vulcan. "You claimed I should understand your rationale because, from your point of view, my father lost because he died. But see, that's where our opinion differs. Because from where I'm standing, my father, Captain George Kirk, won. Yes, he died, no one can possibly deny that. But with his last actions, the very actions that lead to his death, he managed to save 800 lives, including my mother's, and my own. So, the way I see it, he won. And I'm sure that's the way he'd see it to."

Commander Spock says nothing at all, he just stands there for several seconds, as if taking in Jim's words, then he looks over his shoulder at the human, nods his head just once in a very formal manner, and walks away. He doesn't even return to his earlier seat, choosing instead to leave the Auditorium entirely.

At the front of the room Barnett's saying something about Jim redacting a paper or something to formally defend his actions, and to explain what it is exactly that he modified in the simulation. In a corner of his mind he wonders what kind of reaction there will be when they realize he didn't actually force a win, he just gave himself, and everyone else, a chance. Truth is Jim wouldn't mind getting to know Commander Spock better… as long as the man (Vulcan, whichever) stops trying to judge him for things he doesn't understand.

xXx

Friends.

"To stop Nero, you alone must take command of your ship."

"How? Over your dead body?"

"Preferably not. However, there is Starfleet regulation 6-1-9. 6-1-9 states that any command officer who's emotionally compromised by the mission at hand, must resign said command."

"So, so you're saying that I have to emotionally compromise you guys?"

"Jim, I just lost my planet. I can tell you, I am emotionally compromised. What you must do is get me to show it."

Spock… the other Spock's (Elder Spock? Spock Prime?) words are still lingering heavily in Jim's mind when he and Lt. Cmdr. Scott get to the Enterprise's bridge.

"We're traveling at warp speed. How did you manage to beam aboard this ship?" Captain Spock demands in a harsh tone.

"You're the genius, you figure it out." Jim replies flippantly.

"As Acting Captain of this vessel, I order you to answer the question." The Vulcan presses.

"Well I'm not telling, Acting Captain." His mind's working a mile a minute, trying to think of the best way to do what needs to be done. "What di... What, now, that doesn't frustrate you, does it? My lack of cooperation. That, that doesn't make you angry?"

"Are you a member of Starfleet?" The Acting Captain turns his attention to the soaked engineer, clearly expecting him to be more compliant than Jim.

"I… um… yes." Scott might not know everything that's going on, but he does understand that there's something that Jim needs to do. "Can I get a towel, please?"

"Under penalty of court martial, I order you to explain to me how you were able to beam aboard this ship while moving at warp." Spock practically snaps.

"Don't answer him." Jim intervenes right when it looks like Scott's beginning to hesitate.

"You will answer me." The Vulcan insists, his anger becoming more evident.

"I'd rather not take sides." Scott insists.

"What is it with you, Spock? Hmm?" Jim verbally pokes at him, still trying to think of the best way to go about doing what Elder Spock said needs to be done. "Your planet was just destroyed, your mother murdered, and you're not even upset."

"If you're presuming that these experiences in any way impede my ability to command this ship, you are mistaken." Spock replies, tone as even as it can make it, he's obviously managed to deduce what Jim's doing, it doesn't change anything.

"And yet you were the one who said fear was necessary for command." Jim presses, finally beginning to think of a strategy. "Did you see his ship? Do you see what he did?"

"Yes, of course I did."

"So, are you afraid or aren't you?"

"I will not allow you to lecture me about the merits of emotion."

And there it is, the perfect opening. Jim knows what to say, and unless the green-blooded elf is truly as much of a computer as some ill-meant rumors might claim Vulcans to be, he will react. And really, it's a constant in all being across the universe, to react to a mention of a mother, isn't it? Only right as he opens his mouth to let the words come out, words meant to provoke, to hurt, to fulfill the mission… a question suddenly comes to him: Why? Why is he doing this?

Spock hurt him before, when he named his father during the Academic hearing, that much is true. It was a low blow and Jim hated it. Does he really want to retort in the same manner? To use Spock's own mother, a woman who just died tragically, to force a reaction from him?! No, he doesn't. Why is he doing it then? Because some old Vulcan told him he should? He doesn't even know the old man! He may know Jim's name, may claim to be Spock… and granted, the mess of memories that got summarily dumped into his brain seem to back-up that claim. But the thing is, he's not the Jim Kirk of those memories. And it's not only about him not being the captain, or having just graduated, or simply being younger than the other Jim Kirk was when he and (the other) Spock first met. It's that… they're simply not the same people, at all. The other him knew his father, grew up with him, and his mom and Sam… Him? He lost his dad less than a minute after being born, hasn't seen his brother since he was twelve and Sam decided to elope and run away. And his mom… she's great, but even she'll agree she's just not the best mom. She tried her best though, and Jim loves her, and if she'd been in one of those ships, had died in one of those ships (though, thankfully, she's in the Laurentian system, with the rest of the Fleet) and someone dare to use her, use her death against him… Jim would kill them. So, why in the seven hells is he even contemplating using Amanda Grayson like that? Because some old Vulcan told him to? He might be A Spock, but he's certainly not His Spock.

The choice is made in an instant, like flipping a switch. And it changes everything.

"This isn't about the merits of emotion Captain." Jim states, he's standing just close enough that he's almost sure their fingers brush, just for a moment, wouldn't have even noticed if it weren't for the spark, like static electricity that runs through him for a moment; but he chooses not to focus on that, he has an argument to win still. "This is about logic. This is about duty. About the duty we have not just to Starfleet in particular, but to the Federation as a whole. Nero is a huge danger to them. What he did to Vulcan, you know he won't stop there. He needs to be stopped… We need to stop him before it's too late. If we do as you're planning, and head to the Laurentian System, by the time we get back it will most likely be too late."

Jim can tell that everyone's staring at him, at them both, waiting to see what will be decided.

"We must follow the Captain's orders." Spock states, and Jim can almost see the way he's holding onto that, his mind fraying on the edges.

"We do." Jim agrees without hesitation. "You are the Captain, Spock. So, what are you orders? Are we to run, or are we to fight?"

The fact that he doesn't comment on the incongruity of Jim talking about running when they're in space also serves to show to Jim how much the captain isn't alright. But he doesn't mention it, because he's trying to be reasonable, and do things the right way.

"Remember what I told you in my hearing?" He presses. "That I'd do anything to win. Well, this is me doing anything… so I ask, again, what are your orders Captain?"

Spock stares at Jim for seconds that feel like forever, until finally, the choice is made.

Working together they manage to come up with an absolutely insane plan. One that Spock cannot help but point out has less than 5% probability of success. They manage to make it work. The most insane part is when Spock and Jim find themselves on a futuristic looking shuttle, with an AI that refers to the Captain as 'Ambassador Spock'…

"It appears that you have been keeping important information from me." Spock comments, eyes narrowed at the human.

"Yes, yes, and I promise to tell you all about it when we're not fighting for our lives and the lives of everyone on the planet." Jim replies dismissively.

And he does, as promised. The moment the crisis is over Spock orders Beta shift to take over, and then he and Jim sequester themselves in the First Officer's quarters (which are technically still his, and better than the Engineering barracks where Jim would be expected to go). There Jim tells Spock everything that transpired in Delta Vega, especially about the Elder Spock and what was shared in the mind-meld (and to hell the supposed world-ending paradoxes, he's gotten this far by trusting his universe's Spock rather than the other one and he'd rather continue doing that). The Acting Captain looks more than a little perturbed about that, though in the end it's something else that makes him break the silence:

"He told you to force me into ceding captainship to you." Spock murmurs, blinking rapidly, as if trying and failing to comprehend some very complex concept.

"Yes." Jim nods with a shrug.

"Yet you didn't." Spock presses.

"I didn't." Jim agrees yet again.

"Why?" Spock finally asks, when it becomes obvious that Jim won't just tell him.

"Why should I?" As far as the human was concerned, that was the truly important question. "He expected me to do as he said, for no reason other than he said it. He claimed to know me, but he didn't, not at all. He knew another version of me, one who knew his father, who was raised on Earth, in a traditional family, who probably never had a criminal record… I'm not the man he knew, and still he expected me to act as if I were. He expected me to trust him for no other reason than he said I ought to. And what's more, he claimed to be you, and he isn't." The blonde smirks before adding. "In my opinion his was an extremely faulty logic."

"He was right," Spock states. "I was compromised."

"And who wasn't?" Jim snorts. "What had just happened… only a heartless person would not have been affected. Regardless, you were the best person to captain this ship. You still are." He thinks of something else before adding. "I would be honored if you'd consider accepting me as part of your crew, once I've graduated and the Enterprise is officially on duty."

Spock just stares at Jim for a very long time, as if trying and failing to comprehend what it is that makes Jim tick, exactly. And yet, weeks later, when the Enterprise has been fully repaired and is almost ready for duty, Jim receives a letter, addressed him as Commander Kirk, requiring his presence on the Enterprise the following morning to take his post as the ship's First Officer…

xXx

Brothers.

They find out about the disaster the previous night in Daystrom when being woken up, hours before dawn, by automatic systems calling in all available officers. Technically they shouldn't even be there, both Jim and Spock are under suspension until the Admiralty decides what the hell to do with them regarding the cluster-fuck that was the mission to Nibiru. Jim's still angry about that, extremely so. Because whoever thought that sending the one ship captained by a Vulcan (by one of less than ten thousand Vulcans left!) on an observation mission, to a planet about to go through a cataclysm guaranteed to completely destroyed its sentient civilization?! Jim knew some of the lower ranks could be pretty stupid, but he expected better of the Admirals, did they really think Spock (or anyone, really) would stand back and watch (another) world being destroyed, that he'd do nothing about it. Of course not! So they hatched a plan, a simple, quite insane plan. And it worked! Or most of it at least. The only part that didn't work was Spock's exit strategy. Jim tried to get him to give the order for them to go after him, but Spock refused to give it. Then he had the brilliant idea to officially make Jim Captain… a part of the human does wonder if Spock truly thought Jim would give the order to leave him there to die. Or if maybe, just maybe, he knew all along what Jim was going to do…

So, they saved the Nibirians, and Spock, and the natives saw the Enterprise. Apparently that last one was the problem. They violated the Prime Directive. Jim didn't even bother trying to hide it. Both he and Spock sent Admiral Pike detailed reports of what had happened, exactly. So really, the two of them being suspended wasn't that much of a surprise. The original plan was on Spock, but it was Jim who gave the order that had them violate the Prime Directive… and it was Spock who technically gave Jim the power to even make that decision… so it's probably no surprise that the Admiralty has no idea what to do with them.

Apparently having a madman shoot-out the room where the highest ranks meet, right at the center of Starfleet HQ is enough of a reason for them all (or at least, whoever might be left) to decide that things like 'suspensions' are irrelevant and they need all hands on deck, NOW. All who were in that room are either dead or really badly hurt… Fleet Admiral Marcus included. And… Christopher Pike as well.

It's the last one that has Jim so out of sorts. Because the man… he's the closest thing Jim's ever had to a father. His mom is good (awesome actually), she's tried her best, but she just loved his dad too much to ever remarry. And Uncle Frank… the less said about the racist, homophobic, xenophobic drunken bastard the better. Christopher Pike's the closest Jim's ever had to a father, and now he's dead.

"Captain, I found this in the crashed jump ship, sir." Scotty's talking to both he and Spock, reporting his findings, and for a wild second a part of Jim wonders who exactly, of the two of them, he's addressing as captain, wonders if Scotty even knows, or cares… "This is how the bastard got away."

"What do you mean?" It's Jim who asks the question, as Spock has taken the device to study it himself for a moment.

"It's a portable transwarp beaming device." Scotty answers promptly.

"Well, can you figure out where he went?" It's the obvious question, at least to Jim.

"I already did, sir, and you're not gonna like it. He's gone to the one place we…we just can't go."

When Jim sees the answer, right there, in big, bold letters, he almost feels his blood boil. He wants to get on his ship and go to Kronos and kill the son of a bitch who… when the call from Admiral Marcus (who's still in Medical, though that's not stopping him from giving orders) comes Jim knows it's his opportunity. The last thing he expects is when a sudden almost-electric shock stops him cold.

He stops in the middle of the hallway in the top floor of Starfleet Medical, just a few feet away from Admiral Marcus's private room. Even goes as far as looking down, to make sure what he thinks is going on truly is… and he sees it, Spock's hand, touching him, the Vulcan's fingers around his wrist. It's… It's… Jim doesn't even have words.

"My apologies Commander." Spock apologizes, yet doesn't let go, and that's significant, enough for Jim's mind to actually stop thinking about all the ways he wants to make John Harrison (whoever he might be, all Jim knows is that he's behind the attack on Daystrom, it's his fault Chris is dead) die, and truly pay attention to his Captain (and yeah, they're still technically under suspension, but Spock is His Captain, and that matters, to him if to no one else!). "I need you to listen to me, to truly listen."

"I'm listening Mr. Spock." He replies, and he is, truly.

"You're compromised." Spock states, straight out, not even trying to be subtle.

"I know." Jim replies. "I… I know I'm not being exactly rational but, Spock… Chris…"

"You once knew me to be emotionally compromised, and instead of humiliating me for my lack of control, you aided me in finding balance again." Spock states serenely. "Let me aid you in a similar manner now. Beyond logic and emotion. Commander… Jim… Adm… Christopher Pike would not want you to throw away your life in an endeavor that cannot possibly undo the loss of him." He makes a pause, and suddenly there's just so much emotion in his eyes… "Jim… do not be reckless. Killing yourself will not bring him back…"

Just like Spock killing himself would not have brought his mother back…

Jim takes a long, shuddering breath, then another, and then…

"Where you lead Captain, I shall follow." He finally says.

It's enough. Though for a moment, it feels like rather than 'captain' he's said something else… He's placing all his trust on Spock, like he hasn't in anyone since he realized Sam was truly gone, he was gone and not coming back…

When it's all said and done Jim cannot help but think that trusting Spock is the best choice he's ever made. Things get messy, in so many ways no one could have ever predicted. Because it turns out that as much as Jim might hate John Harrison for being the one to shoot at that conference room, it turns out that there's someone else to blame, someone who used and abused Harrison, who screwed him over in every possible way (except perhaps the most literal one) and then was surprised when the monster he exploited turned on him…

In the end people died, even if not their own people. Mainly: the brand new captain of the Intrepid: Gary Mitchel (as in, Marcus went and promoted him when Jim and Spock refused to go into Klingon territory and shoot some experimental torpedoes at Harrison, while in the process potentially kick-starting a war with the Klingon Empire), and almost a quarter of his crew. By the time Mitchel realized his mistake, it was too late. Spock, Jim and their own crew did all they could, Scotty pulled a miracle, managing to repair the very device Harrison used to escape and adapting it to the Enterprise, where they then began using it to beam as many of the Intrepid's crew as they possibly could. They worked as fast as possible, rerouting power and systems in order to keep transporting people, faster and in greater numbers than was usually permitted, or even safe, but even with that, they were only human, nearly a hundred people died. Mitchel's last act was to send a heavily encrypted transmission, of a video where Alexander Marcus confessed to all his actions and plans. Truly, if the man weren't dead he'd be the first person to be charged with treason in a hundred years!

Jim's still honestly, pleasantly surprised when, once all the internal investigations are finished, he finds himself back in his ship, and his post. He's come to realize that while he might not have the life that the Old Spock (unwittingly) showed him; it's still his life, and he loves it.

xXx

Lovers.

Everything changes after their last visit to Altamid. It's been months since the mess with Krall and the near-destruction of Yorktown, since the loss of the Enterprise. Scotty's still completely broken-up about that, it was only their going back through the nebula to recover anything and everything they could, and Commodore Paris allowing him to work with the engineers building the ship that was to become the new Enterprise, that allowed him to move on. According to his estimate, the ship should be ready in another month, so Jim's been working on making sure everyone's ready to continue their mission (they still have eighteen months left on their five year mission, after all). And he's the one doing it, because apparently that's his job now.

If there was one thing he never saw coming, it was that: him, a captain, and not just that, Captain of the Enterprise… Well, that's not quite right. He did see it, a while ago, while marooned on an ice-ball, when a barrage of images from an alternate version of his captain rushed through his mind. But one thing he understood almost right away (before even the other Spock did, he'd bet) was that he wasn't that Jim Kirk. He wasn't a captain but a first officer; and he was fortunate enough that he kept the rank after the Nero mission, and not only that, but that Captain Spock chose to keep him as his second, to make it official beyond the completely unexpected and unprecedented field-promotion from Pike.

In any case, he grew used to it. He liked it even. And it wasn't that he didn't want to be captain still, because he did, some days he wanted it like the very air he breathed, like… other things he'd rather not think about… But he was happy where he was. He loved working with Spock, and with Uhura, and Bones, Scotty, Sulu and Chekov, even Cupcake. Couldn't imagine leaving them for any other crew, any other ship. It's why he turned down the promotion to captain when it was first offered to him, right after the thing in Altamid. A part of him might have really wanted to be captain, but he loved being where he was, so he chose to stay. The last thing he ever expected was to get a second offer for captaincy less than a month later, and not just that, but to become captain of the Enterprise…

The only reason he accepted, in the end, was because Spock asked him to, and Jim still held onto the word given years prior: where his Captain lead, he followed, and regardless of what the paperwork might say nowadays, he'll always see Spock as his Captain… There's a certain logic to the request, he supposes. With the death of Ambassador Spock, the younger one feels like he should be doing more to help his people; having chosen to stay with the Enterprise, he'll do what he can to help in other ways. Mainly through science, as he's taken on several projects, mainly consisting on finding a way to preserve certain species of flora and fauna native to Vulcan and which aren't as easily 'grown' on New Vulcan, or most other planets that already had small Vulcan colonies. He's also working long-distance with other scientists on ways to expand the genetic pool to ensure that inbreeding will not become a problem with how few Vulcans there are left. In any case, due to all the scientific projects he's taken on, Spock believes he won't be able to dedicate enough time to being captain, hence his request that Jim be given captaincy instead. He was even willing to take a demotion, to which Jim refused. Not wanting that on Spock's record. Thankfully the Admiralty agreed, Spock got to keep his rank, officially, even if his duties will be those of a First Officer.

It's, in some ways, Jim's greatest dream come true. He gets to be captain, and of the Enterprise! And he gets to do it with all his favorite people, his family of choice, right there with him! Well… it's actually his second greatest dream, but still, good enough.

Scotty and Jim are the ones to do that last trip to Altamid. There isn't much left to do. They've made a point to seek each piece left of the original Enterprise, salvaging what they can. At times important parts, but mainly the focus has been on trying to recover, personal objects, mementos. Not much survived the crash, but he managed to find a few things (either resistant enough, or which had been kept in high-tech safety boxes). That's the case of what he finds that particular day. It was intentional on his part, leaving the area where his and Spock's quarters used to be, for the end. Nothing from his room remains (and he's deeply grateful that Bones convinced him to leave his father's leather jacket and his collection of actual hardcover books, back on Earth in a security locker when they began the five year mission). The captain's room doesn't look any better, though Jim still takes a look around. It's a good thing, as he finds a safe beneath the broken desk, it's fire-proof, and while it's bent pretty bad (enough that Jim manages to open it with relatively little trouble), its contents have managed to endure. He finds two things there: one is a tube containing a scroll, oiled paper filled with… something, Jim's pretty sure it's written in High Vulcan, and while he's decent at speaking the language, the Golic script is a whole different matter, especially with such an intricate calligraphy. He half-expects it to be some kind of family heirloom or something. The second object though, seems both simpler and much more valuable at the same time. It's a book, paper, with yellowed pages and a hardcover: "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland", but what hits Jim the hardest is the dedication on the inside, words of love and motivation, signed with a name he knows very well: Amanda Grayson… the book was a gift to Spock, from his mother.

Jim's practically vibrating with emotion as he hands over the book to Spock that evening. He and Spock meet several times a week, to share a meal, talk about their duties, and sometimes play a game of chess. Even then, Spock's own reaction ends up being far more than he could have ever expected. The half-Vulcan holds the book in his hands for several seconds, just like Jim expected, he looks at it like it's the greatest treasure in the universe. The part that surprises him though, is when Spock places it on the table (next to the tube holding the scroll, which he thanked Jim for but barely paid any attention to) and then goes to touch Jim, touch, bare skin on bare skin, and not just that, but going as far as embracing him. And as dangerous as Jim knows it is (for his heart more than anything else) he can do nothing but embrace Spock back…

His surprise only grows when Spock finally pulls back, yet doesn't let go of Jim completely. Instead freeing one hand and raising it, as if to show it to Jim, the two fingers raised together, with the others folded down, and then he offers them to Jim. The blonde knows what that means, the ozh'esta, the vulcan kiss…

"Are you… are sure about this?" He asks, being forced to swallow halfway through the question, his nerves almost getting the best of him.

"I am sure… Jim." Spock murmurs in turn.

It's not that Jim's not aware that Spock and Uhura aren't together anymore. While he might have never said a thing about it, he happened to overhear what he's quite sure was them breaking up. The day after his little 'surprise birthday party'. He was looking for Spock, hoping that a chess-game might take his mind over the rather stressful vidcall with his mom (Starfleet gossip had proven, once again, to be faster than a meteor, as his mother had already heard about the loss of the Enterprise before he called her, and had all sorts of things to say to him about it, and the fact that he almost got killed, again, and how one Kirk-martyr was enough, thank you very much…); he didn't intend to eavesdrop as Uhura told Spock that she was breaking up with him. Something about him having broken-up with her twice, when planning to leave Starfleet for New Vulcan, and how he always ended staying, yet it was never because of her…

Truth be told, Jim cannot blame her. He's never been one to be in a romantic relationship, but contrary to popular belief, that's not because he cannot do romance, but rather because he's never wanted to. Fact of the matter is, he's got too much of his mom in him and he knows it. Winona Kirk is a one-man kind of woman, she loved George Kirk with her whole heart and soul, still does; she will never love another man. Sex… it's easy, just pleasure, no strings attached. Jim knows that when the time comes and he gives his heart to someone, it will be entirely, no second chances and no take-backs (maybe he already has…).

Jim doesn't ask Spock again, that would be as good as an insult. It would be like questioning whether the vulcan knows his own mind… a true insult. So instead Jim raises his hand, slowly, holding it less than an inch from Spock's face, waiting for his acquiescence before touching him, and then kissing him the human way.

They never do get to play chess that night, but that's okay. What they do is much, much better.

xXx

Soulmates.

Jim would like it known that he's not an idiot, really, he isn't. He's just… a bit oblivious at times. Which should explain how he's managed to not just put his foot in his mouth (not the first time), but in the process he's also managed to emotionally hurt Spock, badly… something that, when they began their romantic relationship Jim promised (if mostly to himself) he'd never do. He loves Spock, so much, he couldn't even begin to imagine hurting him… yet that's exactly what he's done. (He didn't mean to! He swears he didn't mean to!).

It started with what should have been a rather simple conversation. Finally back on Earth after the five year mission. Barnett 'persuaded' both him and Spock into agreeing to give a few lectures to the current senior command class. With the kind of missions the Enterprise has been through, it's believed that if anyone knows what's truly 'out there' it's them. Spock arrived to their shared quarters after the end of his allotted time in his assigned lab, where he's continuing several of the experiments that he began working on back on the Enterprise. He had surprising news: Sarek called to request Spock travel to New Vulcan at his earliest convenience to meet with a mind-healer. Why? Apparently it was discovered that Spock's betrothed (and really, he was engaged?! Or 'more than engaged but not quite married' as was Spock's not-explanation of things) T'Pring intended to call for kal'i'fee when Spock's 'Time' came. The fact that she was planning that, instead of simply breaking off their preliminary bond to pursue the one she truly wanted… they were contemplating the possibility of issuing criminal charges. Because, while the kal'i'fee was part of Vulcan tradition, there was no need for it, such hadn't been invoked in decades, not when the vulcans in question could simply choose to break the preliminary bond before it was too late and bond with someone of their own choice.

That's when Jim put his foot in his mouth, when he asked Spock if he planned to take a new wife.

The words that follow are harsh, they flay both men viciously; they hurt each other in ways they never have. Never before and yet… and yet Jim's eerily reminded of their very first meeting, their first argument… Just like back then, Jim's suddenly very aware that they're standing on the edge of a knife. If he does something wrong, if he says the wrong thing (again) Spock will be left believing that it was all a mistake. That Jim doesn't love him and probably never did. And that's not it at all! Jim loves Spock, so much it terrifies him sometimes (pretty much all the time). He cannot imagine living in a world (universe) without Spock, in any way he can have him. But because he's so insecure, he never expected to be able to have all of Spock, all to himself.

That, and truth is that from the very beginning, regardless of how much he has insisted that they just aren't the same people, he's been comparing the lives of each pair of them. He cannot help it, with all those memories in the back of his mind. While he might not be fully aware of them all the time, they're still there, and will come to the forefront of his consciousness every so often, whenever something triggers them. Thus far his biggest trigger has been Khan (which was apparently Harrison's real identity) his name triggered a rush of memories, some of them so terrible and powerful; the nightmares he got in the aftermath of that, featuring Spock (his Spock) dying took the place of the ones of Tarsus that tortured his sleep for so many years. T'Pring's name triggers other memories too, of red sands, two suns in the sky, ritual combat and nearly being killed by the love of his life. It's more than just that though, he remembers other people: Janice Lester, Carol Marcus, Areel Shaw, Edith Keeler, Antonia, Miramanee… so many women the other version of him dated, claimed to love… and it wasn't even that he didn't love that version of Spock. He did. They were bonded! But the other Kirk wanted so much the American dream: the house, the wife, the kids (there's a cynical part of him that wonders if George Kirk being alive, being raised by him, had something to do with it, considering how Frank was, and he was George's brother…). In any case, in his own world he paid very little attention to most women, at least ever since meeting Spock; and while he hasn't exactly been celibate, it has already been established that sex meant nothing, a relationship on the other hand…

All along he's believed that he'll always have to share Spock, with a girlfriend, and one day a wife. Because he's telsu (bonded)… but he's not adun (husband)…

"T'hy'la…" Spock murmurs quietly. "You're t'hy'la…"

That's a new word… Well no, not really. He remembers hearing it before, in another Spock's mind, a bit over half a dozen years and thousands of experiences before. He never paid it much mind, and why should he? As pretty as the word might sound, as much as it seemed to mean to Elder Spock, they still weren't exclusive. He keeps telling himself they aren't the same, and yet…

"We're bonded." Spock says next.

"I know." Jim says, and he suddenly sounds so tired. "I've always known. The question is Spock, do you? Do you know how long we've been bonded?"

That question seems to truly take Spock by surprise, and it shows, not just in the buzzing that is always in the back of the human's head, but even in the slightest shift on the Vulcan's expression. And the fact that he can't control himself entirely says enough about how much the question takes him off-guard (a tiny voice in the back of his mind wonders if maybe it's not so much about him being unable to control himself, but rather him feeling he doesn't have to).

"Since shortly after the Nero mission, at least that's when I first became aware of it." Jim reveals, then seems to rethink things a bit. "It might have even begun during the actual mission. I'll never stop marveling at how attuned we were while on the Narada…" he shakes his head. "To be honest, at first I believed it was about the Other Spock. That he'd done… something, without realizing it, during that mind-meld. Or perhaps it just happened. Like maybe his mind resonated with mine, confused me with his own Jim Kirk and that's why it happened…"

"They were t'hy'la too, our alternate selves." Spock realizes. "And you never said."

"Yes… and no. We're not the same people, I've known that from the start. And in any case, you had Nyota. I'm not the kind of guy who goes after someone's girlfriend, or boyfriend."

"You were in love with me."

"I think I've been in love with you from the day we met, if we're to be completely honest. I just wasn't ready to admit it for the longest time. Not to someone else, not even to myself." He sighs, closing his eyes briefly. "You know when I actually realized the bond, that it wasn't about him but about you? When he died. I knew it, could feel it, like… something, some kind of buzzing was gone. And yet most of it hadn't actually changed. The bond was still there, the warmth of it, of your mind… and your heart."

"Jim…" Spock clear doesn't know what to say.

"So you see, we've been bonded for seven years, five of which you spent in a relationship with Nyota, not to mention your engagement, or whatever-the-hell-it-was with T'Pring. I've always loved you, and I've been your telsu, but I never expected it to mean more than it does. Especially when you add in your sense of duty to the Vulcan people. In case you've forgotten, I'm male Spock, I cannot give you children."

"No, you cannot. But you give me so much more k'diwa (beloved), you give me yourself… I could ask for nothing more…" He steps closer to Jim, leaving just enough space between them to be able to cross his arms at the wrist and offer his hands to his telsu, who mirrors his pose, letting their hands touch in el'ru'esta, the 'hand embrace' something much more intimate than the usual ozh'esta. "You're my t'hy'la Jim… More than a friend, different than a brother, as intimately close as a lover… you're everything, you're my soulmate…"

It's… everything he's always wanted, and even all he never dare even dream of. Jim's been in love with Spock for so long… it's become a part of him, as natural as breathing, as constant and steady as the beat of his own heart. Like he said, he never expected anything to become of it. After all, isn't that what true love is all about? Loving someone unselfishly, without expectations of the sentiment being returned, wishing for nothing more than the happiness of the person who holds their heart? And to have that person truly and completely return that love…

"Taluhk nash-veh k'dular (I cherish thee) ashayam (beloved)…" Jim whispers in perfect, unaccented Vulcan (he'll never admit it, but he's practiced that phrase, practiced every syllable until he could pronounce it perfectly… even if a part of him never expected to get an occasion to say it, he couldn't help but want to show, even in that smallest of details, how much and how deeply he loves his Spock).

"James. Parted from me and never parted. Never and always touching and touched. We meet at the appointed place." Spock recites with so much feeling, both in his eyes and in their bond that Jim cannot not feel it.

Jim knows the significance of those words. Even if he hadn't heard them before, through the Other Spock's memories, the warmth and the ethereal glow coming at him through their bond would be enough to let him know. So when he echoes the words it's with an understanding of not just what those ceremonial phrases mean in the most literal sense, but also their real importance, deep inside him, inside them both:

"Spock. Parted from me and never parted. Never and always touching and touched. We meet at the appointed place."

They book passage to New Vulcan for the very next morning. They have a ceremony to arrange. Even if a part of it won't be consummated until Spock's 'Time' comes, that detail can wait. They cannot wait for the opportunity to be truly, and fully (and officially), all they can for each other (all they are already, in their minds and hearts): Telsu… adun… T'hy'la…

Jim even takes a moment to place a call to his mother, letting her know that he's effectively, about to get married (Vulcan married, but who cares about the particulars? It'll be legal across the Federation). She swears a blue streak at her son before congratulating them both and promising to be there; the last they hear before the connection cuts off is her saying something about calling in favors someone owes her to get to New Vulcan fast.

One day (soon) Spock will tell Jim about his old acquaintance: T'Aria, who recently underwent the final ritual of kolinahr, purging herself from all emotions. Yet, understanding that all Vulcans must do what they can to ensure the preservation of their species, has offered to provide the genetic material necessary to allow Spock to reproduce. She has no interest in any children, but will still contribute in her own way. It will take a while, but one day Ashalynn Chris Kirk, daughter of Spock, will join their little family. Bringing great joy to her fathers, grandparents and everyone else who meets her.

And it all began with two who started off as strangers, only to become so much more more in time: friends, brothers, lovers… soulmates. They are all they are meant to be, all they were always supposed to be, as was written in the stars…

So... what do you think? Like? Dislike? Thank you very much for reading and please don't forget to leave likes/kudos and comment/review!

Now, regarding the explanation I said I'd give here: It's my headcanon (and I know, not just mine), that George Kirk was a sort of 'manly man', now, some can interpret that as homophobic, perhaps racist, etc; I choose to see it simply as him being the kind of man who believes that a man's ideal is the whole: a good job, a house, married with kids... Obviously a George Kirk who lived to raise Jim, would raise him to believe in that ideal, to want it... or at least, want to want it...

I believe that Jim and Spock Prime were, in fact, bonded, perhaps as early as the series, or if not that, at least shortly after the "Search for Spock" movie. And yet, even with that, Jim kept hooking up with women, because a part of him kept thinking that it was what he should be doing, that he should want a wife, kids, to settle down (hence the mess when he 'retired' and then hated it). The whole thing with Antonia, I believe what he regretted wasn't actually not having asked her to marry him, but that he never truly wanted to.

This is relevant because, in my fic, this affects the way this universe's Jim sees things. He believes that bondmate and spouse aren't the same, because they weren't in the other universe; and also because in his own Spock and he bonded, but he still continued dating Nyota, so Jim took it as confirmation that the t'hy'la bond and a spouse were separate things. Spock for his part didn't realize anything was going on because whatever he might have felt he'd have chalked it up to it being due to his hybrid status, and he wouldn't want to mention it to any Vulcan healers, not wanting to be reminded how 'unfit' he is.

So, hope that clarifies some of the things I did. Hope you liked the fic and see you around!

P.S. If you haven't read my other ST fics, please do so!

P.P.S. I also write for a variety of other fandoms, in case you're interested!

P.P.P.S. Finally, I also have three original novels published through Amazon, two of them in English. If you'd be interested in buying I'd be very grateful (I love writing fanfiction, but it's with my original works that I actually earn money).

Thanks a lot and have a great day!