Seven months. That's how long it had been since the attack on New York City by Loki and the Chitauri. Seven months since Clint had his mind taken hostage. Seven long months since the man was imprisoned inside his own body. Inside his own mind. He could still see and feel everything. It's a feeling he never wanted to experience again. He was forced to watch as his own body betrayed him and hurt people, hurt his own friends and other SHIELD agents. He tried to kill his best friend and the worst part is, Natasha didn't hold him accountable for it. No, scratch that. That wasn't the worst part. He couldn't bear to even think about things he'd done behind closed doors. The things Loki made him do. He felt so much guilt for all this bullshit for seven fucking months and he hadn't voiced a bit of it. He put on a brave face for his fellow SHIELD agents and even lied to his team. He lied to the other Avengers. Told them he was fine. He knew they didn't believe him, especially Nat. They were too smart for that...Had guilt of their own...Things they regretted doing, but at least it had been their choice to do them in the first place. Clint didn't have that luxury.
In those seven months, Clint kept the guilt pent up inside him. Kept that fake, fraudulent smile on his face, just like they all did. He continued his work for SHIELD. Mission after mission, with no time off. The more time he spent keeping himself busy...distracted... the less time he had to think about the crippling guilt that was eating away at him little by little. He spent less time with Natasha and more time going on solo missions. His best friend and partner tried to hide how hurt she felt by his avoidance, but he could still read her like a book and it only added to his overwhelming guilt. He had a lot he needed to get off his chest and no way to do it
.
"I need to speak to him."
"By him you mean..."
"Loki."
"Clint...I don't think that's a good idea." Natasha tried to be the voice of reason. "Besides, he's in prison on Asgard."
"Then place a collect call to Thor's long distance ass and get him down here." Clint was not in the mood to be talked down to.
"It's not that easy, Clint. Besides do you really want that man back on Earth after everything he did?" The redhead asked.
"Of course not, but I can go there and speak with him."
The former Russian spy stood in front of him, as he sat on the bench, against the wall of the Avengers new training room. "Do you really want to do that?"
"I feel like I have too." The archer nodded slowly. "Nat, I just can't let it go. I need to know why..."
"You were convenient, Clint." She reasoned. "You were just there. Wrong place, wrong time type a thing. He knew he could use you to hurt us."
Barton knew that Natasha had no idea what he was talking about. She assumed he was wondering why Loki chose to possess him out of all people, but that wasn't the case. That wasn't what he wanted to question the trickster god about at all, but of course, he couldn't tell his partner that. He couldn't tell any of them. They would never look at him the same way again.
"I need this, Nat" He felt like he was admitting to a failure. Maybe he was.
Natasha seemed to be observing him for a long time before finally breaking her gaze away. "Okay. I'll see what I can do. Thor isn't the easiest to get a hold of when he's off world, but maybe Jane Foster or Professor Selvig will know how to get a hold of him. I can't make any promises, Clint. Thor may not even agree to it."
Clint nodded. "I know. I know it's a shot in the dark and probably a stupid one, but I have to try."
His partner nodded. "Okay. I'll give them a call." She said softly and left the room, leaving Clint with a cyclone of emotions roaring around inside his chest.
A week passed with no word from Foster or Selvig and Clint was starting to think he'd have to live with the guilt forever. He honestly felt like it was ripping him apart from the inside out. If this didn't work, then he would ask Professor Xavier to erase the memories of that week. He didn't want to live with them. He didn't want to have to keep hiding things from his team mates. He felt like he wouldn't be able to breathe if he couldn't talk to someone about it and who else could he talk to other than the man who made him do those things in the first place.
He was taking out his aggression and pent up frustrations in the training room, shooting arrow after arrow at moving targets. He even had a few rounds with the heavy bag. Stark really had gone all out in designing this place to help the team.
The archer heard the door open and turned to see Natasha walking toward him. She had a troubled look on her face.
"Let me guess...Thor said no." The man said as he walked over to grab his water bottle off the bench and took a long drink, before using a small towel to wipe the sweat from his face.
"I wish." She sighed. "He'll be here in a few hours to get you."
Clint's blue eyes widened and he had to sit down to be able to process what his partner had said. "He said yes?"
"I wish he wouldn't have." The woman said bluntly. "I don't think this is a good idea, Clint."
Barton could tell that his friend was confused and even scared for him, but she wouldn't voice it. "Nat. I'll be fine. Loki can't hurt me anymore. He's in prison. I just want to talk to him for a little while and try and make some sense out of things."
Natasha was silent for a long time. "You better not be lying to me, Barton." She stated. "I can't begin to understand why, after everything that man did, that you would want to even look at him again, but...but if this is something you need to do for your own peace of mind, then at least be safe about it. Let Thor stay with you."
Clint gave her a soft playful smile. "Nat, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were worried about me."
"Preposterous."
"Sure, Nat. You keep telling yourself that." Barton countered. "I'm gonna go shower and get ready before Thor arrives."
Clint was freshly showered and dressed by the time the Bifrost opened up on the front lawn of the new Avengers facility. Something Tony was not going to be very happy about, but at the moment, the archer couldn't care less. He was more focused on the god of thunder that was now walking toward where he stood with Natasha.
"Are you ready, Barton?" His voice was very serious for once in his life.
Clint nodded. "More than ready. Let's get this over with."
Thor nodded and gestured to the large circle of burnt grass. Clint walked forward with the large god trailing slightly behind him at a slower pace, as if giving him time to change his mind and back out. Part of him wanted to. A small part of him was afraid to see Loki again. It was that part of him that felt the tiny, stinging spark of panic well up in his chest at the mere thought of seeing the trickster god again after seven months. The other part needed to see him again. He needed to know that what he felt...was a lie.
He stopped in the center of the circle. "I'm ready." He said quietly, but Thor seemed to hear him just fine, as he nodded. Suddenly they were surrounded by a bright golden light. It was the strangest feeling, like he was being pulled apart and put back together in just a few seconds.
When the light faded, he had dropped to one knee to catch his breath.
"You did much better than most people their first time through the bifrost." Thor said, with a slight chuckle. "Most people vomit."
"Thanks for that little note of information, but I'm not most people." Clint said as he got back to his feet.
The god had his serious face back on. "No, you are not." He agreed. "Most people, after what you went through, would have wanted my brother dead, but not you."
Clint hung his head for a moment, unable to make eye contact with Thor. "No, not me." He agreed. "I just wanna talk with him."
Thor nodded and led the way. There were horses waiting for them for the long trek across the bridge. Barton was no stranger to riding, having grown up on the family farm, so he had no trouble keeping up. Once they arrived at the main gates of the palace the two dismounted and Clint followed Thor inside and down a stone staircase. He didn't take the time to appreciate the grande architecture of the place. His only focus was on halting the, once again, panic that was trying to escape his stomach. His throat felt tight and for a moment he wondered if Thor could hear his rapid heart pounding in his chest.
The closer they got to Loki's prison the more anxious Clint felt. When they finally came to the bottom of the stairs, a glass wall came into view. Beyond it stood the trickster god. Abruptly all the archers panic was gone. Once his blue eyes met green, he felt...calm. But how could that be? Why? He should be terrified! Angry! Furious! He should be petrified of this man...but he wasn't. His heart was now beating at an acceptable rate. His feet quit moving once he was face to face with the man who had used him.
"Can you give us some time, Thor?" He asked, not breaking eye contact with Loki.
"I don't think that would be wise, Barton." He said, watching the intense way the two were staring at one another.
"I'll be fine. He can't hurt me from in there." Clint pointed out. "And there are some things I'd like to say that are...well, private."
The god of thunder took a deep breath and let out a weary sigh. "As long as you don't tell Romanoff. She told me not to leave you alone."
"Don't worry about Nat. She won't hear it from me." The man said, still unable to look away from those captivating green eyes. Was he once again under his spell?
"Alright. Just call out if you need assistance." Thor said and started to climb the stairs again.
Clint didn't know how long he stood there, holding on to the eyes of the trickster. He found himself not wanting to let them go. The man before him looked exactly how he did seven months ago. Immaculate and perfect, not one hair out of place. The more he gazed into them the more his agitated body seemed to simmer down. The hurricane inside him subsided. He suddenly felt like all his frustration had drained out of him and he was left feeling tired and lethargic. Or maybe it was all of the sleepless nights he spent avoiding his own nightmares, catching up with him.
Now that he was finally face to face with the man that haunted his every waking and sleeping moment, he felt breathless. He had gone over and over what he wanted to say to Loki if he got the chance, but now that he was here, standing two feet from him, he couldn't find the words. They seemed to be trapped inside his chest. Finally he broke eye contact and started to pace back and forth in front of the glass wall. The storm inside him boiling back up as soon as he looked away. His hands were shaking, so he shoved them into his jacket pockets.
"You should say what you came to say, Agent Barton." His voice broke the silence. That voice that hit him like a ton of bricks and he couldn't suppress the shiver that slithered down his spine.
The archer tensed up, but still, said nothing. He paced for a good fifteen minute before taking a deep breath and turned to sit on the cold stone floor, with his back against the glass. closing the distance between them a bit seemed to calm the raging storm inside him, just a little. He didn't understand why being this close to a man who used him like a puppet, made him feel...safe. He should want this man to pay for what he did to him, but right now, all he wanted was for his mind to shut the fuck up. He needed the quiet and that wasn't something he could get back home.
"Well, fine, if you won't speak, I will." The smooth voice said from behind him.
"Please don't." Clint finally spoke, voice barely above a whisper. "I just need quiet...Just for a little while."
Barton was expecting the trickster to come back at him with a sarcastic comment about how he didn't give two shits about what he needed, but there was nothing but silence that followed his plea. He didn't know how long he sat there, his arms folded and his head resting on his knees, almost like a little kid, curled up in a corner. He just felt so tired. He came here for a reason, but the moment he set eyes on Loki, all reason flew out the window. Finally, after what seemed like an hour, he lifted his head.
"Why?" He asked quietly.
He was met with another moment of silence.
"Why what, Agent Barton?" Loki asked from where he'd taken a seat against the glass as well, behind Clint. The two were now effectively sitting back to back.
"Don't play fucking games with me. You know exactly what I'm talking about." Clint said, growing frustrated with the tricksters run around. "Why?!"
"Because you were worthy."
"Worthy?" The archer asked, exasperated. "Are you fucking serious?!"
"Yes, Agent Barton, I am quite serious." Loki spoke in his smooth accented voice, not once raising his tone, no matter how much the Avenger cursed at him. "I'd been watching you all for a while before leading an army into your little city. You, of all the others, proved worthy of my time, respect, and...everything I had to offer."
"You're a sick fuck, you know that." Clint growled.
"I took you because I immediately knew you had something the others did not; You had heart. You were going to help me rule the world. Do not let the others fool you. You were not 'compromised' as they put it. You were spared."
"If that's what you call 'spared', then I would have rather died." Clint was a professional liar. It's what he did for a living as a SHIELD agent, but never had words felt more wrong on his tongue.
"You cannot lie to me, Agent Barton. I am the god of lies." Loki spoke. "I'm a part of you now. No matter how hard you try, you can't get rid of me and I would wager that you wouldn't want to, would you?"
"You stay the fuck out of my head, asshole!" The archer shouted. "You have no idea what I want."
"Oh, come on, Agent." Loki teased in a low tone, that, again, made him shiver. "You can't tell me that you didn't feel anything. Wasn't it easier for you under my rule? You had me for protection and guidance. You were safe with me. Can you say that about your trusted SHIELD?"
Barton fell silent as he actually took the time to process the trickster's words. In a way, he was correct. Clint didn't trust SHIELD. He never felt safe with them, whether he was at home or on a mission. He always had the thought in the back of his head that they could take him out if he ever made a mistake or refused an order. He...he didn't feel that way while under Loki's control. He hated to admit it, but he had felt safe under the gods rule. No matter what happened he knew, deep in his soul, that Loki would have protected him. The trickster was never cruel to any under his command. Strict, yes, but cruel...never.
"So you see, Agent Barton." Loki broke him out of his whirling thoughts once again. "I wasn't so bad, now was I?
"You killed numerous people in a matter of days."
"That...was unfortunate." That accented voice actually seemed to have a tinge of regret in it. "And not my intention."
Clint believed him. Something about the way he spoke, told the archer that it wasn't a lie. Even when they did...things together...Loki was always gentle and handled his fragile human body with care. Barton closed his eyes and could almost feel the phantom touches. A cold hand on the small of his back, a brush of soft lips against his own, hot breath against his throat. Things he wished to forget, but also wanted to hold dear. It was his darkest secret. Something he could never tell another living soul, not even Nat, who he told everything to.
"You remember, don't you?" Loki questioned him. "You remember how I touched you...Do you regret it? Do you wish I hadn't?"
Clint wanted to lie, but he knew he couldn't. Loki would know if he did. So he chose his next best option. Silence. Avoidance. If he couldn't lie, then he sure as hell could keep his mouth shut.
"Avoiding the question will get you nowhere, Agent." He spoke again after not getting an answer. "You came here to talk about things, yet, you're letting fear and shame get the better of you...How disappointing."
Those words were like a knife to the chest. One that made it hard to breathe under the gods scrutiny. It was as if a sudden heavy weight was plopped onto his chest. Why did he feel this way? He felt regret, he felt shame, but not for the reasons Loki thought. He felt those things...for not feeling those things.
"No..." The archer's voice was so soft that the god nearly missed it, but it brought a smile to his face.
"Good, neither do I."
Instantly the added weight had been lifted away. Clint couldn't bear it anymore. He stood and turned to face the god, who was also on his feet looking in the agent's bright blue eyes.
"I should feel those things. I'd be a better person if I did." Clint spoke more clearly now. "But, I don't."
"You are the better person, Agent Barton. Don't let them tell you otherwise."
The smile that graced the trickster's face, wasn't his usual smirk or fake grin, but a genuine soft smile that Clint knew was just for him. It made him feel warm and calmed the war raging inside him. Living his life, after Loki, like nothing had happened had been torture. He missed the way being with Loki made him feel. Like he didn't have to make any life threatening decisions. Like he didn't have to take the weight of the world on his own shoulders, because Loki was there to do it for him and Clint...he felt like he could finally relax after years and years of built up tension. He knew he didn't have to be the strong one for once and could lean on the god and trust that he'd be taken care of. If the others knew they would think he'd lost his mind, but his head had never been more clear then in this moment.
"I should go...They'll be worried if I don't."
"Will you come back?" Loki asked, once again surprising him.
"You want me to?"
"Yes. I quite enjoy your company, Agent."
"On one condition." The archer requested.
"Oh you have conditions now, do you?" The god let forth that smirk that made Clint want to melt at his feet.
"Just one."
"Well then, let's hear it, Agent Barton."
"Call me Clint." He said.
"That it?"
"Yes."
"That, I can do...Clint." Loki grinned. "Now run along before your team comes barging into my home."
Barton couldn't help but smile as he turned and climbed the stairs. He thought of nothing else as Thor escorted him back across the bridge and through the Bifrost, back to Earth.
"Thor..."
"What is it, Barton?" The caped man asked.
"Can I come back tomorrow?"
Thor almost did a double take when he heard the archers words. "You wish to come back...and speak with Loki again?"
Clint nodded. "I do. I don't think he's as bad as everyone thinks."
The god of thunder was nearly glaring at him, as if trying to process whether he thought Clint was lying or not. Once he'd made up his mind, a small smile graced his face. "No, I don't think so either...Same time tomorrow? Maybe having someone to speak with will lighten the load my brother carries."
The archer nodded. "Same time tomorrow. I'll be waiting."
A year. That's how long Clint had been making trips to Asgard whenever he had a free moment from his SHIELD duties. Sometimes it would be several weeks between visits, and the stress and anxiety would build up, but the moment he would lay eyes on the trickster god, it all seemed to melt away. And Loki was never angry at him for staying away so long. He understood that Clint had a job to do and his work saved lives. He just always seemed glad to see him come back, like one day he wouldn't.
Through these many visits the pair talked a lot. They were honest with one another, even if they knew the other would be upset. They swore... no lies. They talked about life, about their childhood. About how Loki always felt like he was living in his brother's shadow and could never measure up. Clint told him about his abusive father and his mother who never did anything to stop him. The archer also learned it wasn't actually Loki's idea to attack New York. He was simply following orders from a higher power, much stronger then himself. He wasn't given a choice. Loki learned that Clint was a much better man than he ever got credit for. He cared way too much about others. Others who would probably never remember his name, but that wasn't what was important to the archer. He just wanted to help people and the god feared one day it would get him killed.
The two men had gotten to know each other pretty well over the last year, even if it was through a glass wall. They weren't aware, but Thor had been keeping a watch over them. He could visibly see the changes the archer was having on his brother. Loki had never looked so infatuated with anyone. He saw the way he listened intently when Clint spoke and spoke openly with Barton like he never did with anyone else. He could see the bond forming between them and figured it was time to give his brother a second chance at a better life.
"I should go..." Clint said as he stood up off the floor, where he'd been sitting for the last six hours. He didn't want to leave, but he knew he had to. He had reports to write from his previous mission. "I'll see you in a few days." He turned to walk toward the stairs.
Loki frowned as he, too, stood from where he'd been sitting, facing the SHIELD agent. He didn't want the midgardian to leave. He hated not knowing whether he would come back or not. Not because he thought Clint would ditch him purposely, but because he worried for his safety out there alone. Anything could happen to keep the fragile human from coming back to him. He wanted to stop him from leaving, but the damn glass prevented him from doing such a thing. Then suddenly it wasn't. It took the trickster a moment to process that the glass was gone. He reached a cautious hand though where it had once been to find...nothing.
"Stop." Loki demanded as he stepped through where the glass had been preventing him from obtaining the thing he wanted most. He was on the archer in a second, pinning him to the wall, with a hand around his throat.
Thor, who was still watching, just in case, nearly jumped into action to save his fellow Avenger from certain death. Maybe he'd been wrong about his brother changing for the better. He could not let Clint suffer for his mistake! That was...until he saw the look on Barton's face. He didn't look frightened, nor was he struggling to get away from Loki. In fact, the archer looked almost relieved at the gods touch. His blue eyes nearly glazed over as he seemed to revel in his brother's presence. The god of thunder decided it was best to not watch what was bound to happen next.
Clint wasn't expecting the rough grab to the back of his leather jacket. Or the slender hand that suddenly had him pinned to the stone wall by his throat. He should have been terrified. His fight or flight instinct should have kicked in. He should have fought off whoever it was. He almost did. A sudden spike in adrenaline rushed through him and died in nearly the same breath when he looked up and his eyes were met with a brilliant green. All the fight left his body. He simply stood there. Staring at the man who had him by the throat. A man that could easily snap him like a meaningless twig. But he wasn't afraid. Most people would be, but Clint knew that the God would never hurt him. In fact, the archer relaxed fully. He had waited almost two years to have those cool hands on him again. He almost felt light headed with relief. The battle that had been going on inside him was finally quiet and he felt completely at ease.
"Do you trust me, Agent Barton?" The green eyed man asked.
" Clint." The word was but a ghost of breath across his lips.
"What was that?"
"Clint...you promised."
"My apologies. You are correct. " Loki spoke with a small grin on his face. "Do you trust me…Clint?"
" Yes." Barton replied without hesitation. "I trust you, Loki."
The trickster god smiled, but almost couldn't hide his surprise at the archer unfaltering trust in him. Anyone who had ever trusted him, ended up with a knife in their back. He had given the agent no reason to put such faith in him, and yet, he did. Over the last year, this tiny insignificant midgardian had broken through every wall he'd built around himself. He'd told this man things he'd never told another soul. Things he barely managed to admit to himself, horrible things, and still he felt no judgement from Barton. He didn't belittle him, or offer advice. He simply listened quietly. Something Loki didn't realize he needed. He made a silent vow in that moment, as he looked down upon the man, pliant, under his firm, but gentle hand. He would never give the archer a reason to look upon him in fear.
"I trust you as well, Clint." He voiced.
The confession made Clint's eyes come back into focus. Loki trusted him? The god had once told him that he never trusted anyone, so he didn't take his words lightly. They meant a great deal.
"I will never give you a reason not to." He promised in a breathless whisper.
The trickster smiled down as him, causing a strange whirling feeling in his stomach. "I know you won't. Nor will I."
Before Clint had a chance to respond, there were soft, cool lips crashing against his own and it felt like a fire lit up inside his chest. A fire that had been snuffed out nearly two years ago. When he finally gathered the courage to speak with Loki, he felt that fire spark and it had been steadily growing stronger and brighter throughout their time together. Now it was raging inside of him with a force he'd never known before. Instantly his body was responding to the gods kiss, before his mind even had time to catch up. He didn't realize how much he'd missed his touch. Like a deep ache in his very bones.
He finally regained control of his body, hands lifting from where they'd been clenched into tight fists at his side, and reached out for the God that stood before him. They landed on the taller man's waist and pulled him closer until there was no longer space between them. He wanted to feel Loki's body against his own again. It had been too damn long and he was tired of being patient. He didn't know if Loki would ever be released from prison, but he'd been hoping for it.
The green eyed God was pleasantly surprised by the feeling of Clint's hands on him, pulling him flush against him, which, of course, he let him. He wanted to give this man every part of himself, and he would, but they would do it his way. He could feel the man's hands lightly tugging at his tunic, probably not even realizing that he was doing it. It made him grin into their breath stealing kiss, and finally break a part from Barton.
"Patience, my little hawk." Loki teased with a devilish smirk that both pissed Clint off and made him want to kiss it off his arrogant face.
"I've been patient for almost two years." The archer protested in frustration.
"Then ten more minutes won't kill you."
"It very well fucking might." He said under his breath, hoping the trickster wouldn't hear him as he stepped back away from him, but the light chuckle told Clint that he had heard.
"Come here." The god commanded and Clint obeyed without a second thought. Stepping closer, making Loki grin down at him. "Trust me, little hawk. I want you just as badly, but..."
Clint didn't like that word. He felt like the trickster was about to reject him. His heart started to sink into his stomach and eyes slowly drifted away from Loki's flawless face and looked down at the floor, mentally preparing himself to be sent away, but suddenly he felt a cool hand run up his chest, shoulders, and neck, until it came to stop at his jawline and he was gently forced to lift his head back up to look in to enticing green eyes.
"But...We will do it right this time."
The archer heart leaped back into his chest, beating rapidly, as a soft, but joyous smile spread across his face.
"No magic, no mind control. Just you and I." He said. "Tell me you want this."
Again, Clint didn't hesitate. "I want this...I've wanted it for a long time. I just didn't want to admit it to myself, but I'm not ashamed anymore. I'm not afraid anymore."
"You may be when I'm done with you."
"Promise?" The blonde grinned mischievously up at the god.
"My, my, my, Mr. Barton. A whole year of conversations, and still, you are full of surprises."
"You have no idea."
"Well, I fully intend to find out." Loki smirk, silently accepting the unspoken challenge. "Come with me."
Loki took hold of the archers wrist in a firm grip and pulled him along behind him. He lead the way up the stone, spiral staircase. When they reached the top, the god suddenly stopped, nearly causing Clint to run into him. The SHIELD agent looked around Loki to see Thor standing there, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. He had a look on his face, like he'd just caught them doing something they shouldn't. Barton was suddenly worried that Thor would put a stop to what Clint was practically desperate for. He watched the brothers stare at each other in silence for several minutes, but a grin soon broke across the God of thunders face and he waved them off without a word.
Loki didn't hesitate to leave his brother standing in the corridor, grinning like a fool, as he dragged his prize toward his old room. He was in agreement with his human. They had waited far too long for this. There was an anxious silence in the air around them and the god could feel the tension building. He wanted to wreck the man currently trailing along behind him. He wanted to pin him over his desk and have his way with him, and he knew the archer wouldn't resist him if he chose to do so.
Clint's heart was beating like a jackhammer and had lodged itself in his throat. He looked up in time to see Loki wave the hand, that wasn't locked around his wrist, and two dark wood double doors at the end of the hall swung open hard enough to hit the wall behind. It brought a slight grin to the blonde's face. It seems the god was just as eager as he was after their brief delay.
Only once they were inside the room, did Loki release the tight hold on his wrist and he watched the trickster close the doors with another wave of his hand and heard the lock click into place. He was locked inside the room with the man who made him into a puppet, yet he still wasn't afraid. He turned to finally get a good look around the room that was Loki's. It wasn't like he imagined it would be. All dark colors and depressing, creepy aesthetics. No, it wasn't like that at all. The room was large and open, with large bay windows. It had dark wood floors, golden walls, with accents of dark emerald green. There was a large four poster bed in the center, against the wall. The blankets and bed curtains were the same shade of green of the gods eyes with a gold trim. The thing that surprised him the most was the amount of books on bookcases throughout the room. It was like the god had his own personal library. He knew Loki was intelligent, but he didn't take him for the reading type. The room was very much Loki. Everything was clean and very regal looking and Clint suddenly felt out of place in it.
Before his anxiety had the chance to spike, the trickster seemed to know exactly how he was feeling. He felt a pair of long slender arms encircle him from behind and pull him back against a hard chest, keeping his arms pinned against his body. Instead of feeling constricted and trapped, he closed his eyes and leaned back further into the embrace, feeling reassured.
"You are always welcome here...Clint." Then there were lips against the back of his neck.
His name on the gods lips caused him to shiver once again. The soft kisses being placed up his throat to his jawline didn't help the matter. Being so close, he knew Loki could feel his shutter, which was made evident by the smirk against his skin. "So responsive to me, my little Hawk." He felt the hot breath as it was whispered into his ear. He sounded almost predatory and Clint was about to be his prey.
"Strip." Clint knew it was not a request and soon the embrace he was held in, was gone and his eyes reopened. He looked over his shoulder to see Loki, now sitting in a chair, with his legs crossed, watching him expectantly.
The archer did as he was told and started by slowly slipping off his brown leather jacket and laying it across the back of a second chair. He didn't want to leave a mess of clothing in the gods spotless room. Under the leather he had on a long sleeve white shirt.
"Stop." The voice cut through him, causing his hand to stutter to a halt, where they were about to lift his shirt over his head. He looked up to see the trickster standing and walking toward him, until they were face to face. Clint was confused and a little worried.
"But, you said-"
"I know what I said." Loki cut him off. "I changed my mind."
Clint's eyes widened in concern. Had he done something wrong? Had he upset the god somehow? His heart sank as his anxiety rose up quickly.
"Quiet your mind, darling." The green eyed man soothed as he placed his hands, comfortingly, on the archers shoulders. "There's a reason I stopped you...I would like to disrobe you, myself."
Clint couldn't stop the relieved smile from beaming across his face. Loki watched and could visibly see the tension leaving the blonde's body as he relaxed again. His smile was quite infectious causing the god to give him a small one in return.
"May I?"
Clint gave him a short nod of approval and Loki set to work, removing his lover's clothing. He made sure to do so slowly, wanting to drag it out and drive the archer into begging for more of his touch. His hands slid from the midgardians shoulders, down his chest and sides, until he reached the hem of the white shirt. Without needing to be told, Clint lifted his arms and Loki lifted it over his head and discarded it into the room, where it vanished from sight. The god huffed in mild annoyance when he realized that the SHIELD agent was wearing, yet another shirt under his last.
"You wear far too many layers." He complained.
"It's winter..."
Loki looked at him as if confused by his statement.
"Normal people get cold when the temperature gets below freezing." He reiterated and Loki finally understood as he seemed to notice the chilled bumps across his lovers flesh. A hand waved toward the fireplace behind them and it burst to life, casting a warm light around them.
"Thank you."
Loki nodded and proceeded to take the last of his hawks top layers off and tossed it away into the unknown. Now his human was partially naked, but partially wasn't good enough. His eyes roamed over the man's lean body. He noticed his little hawk's skin was far from flawless. It was covered in scars of all different shapes and sizes. Most likely from his years as a SHIELD agent or his circus life before that. He wanted to know the story behind each and every one of them. He traced a finger down a thin jagged scar on the blondes shoulder, before looking at the archer expectantly. Clint frowned before reaching a hand up, aiming to hide the scar from view, only to be stopped by a cool lithe hand.
"Scars are nothing to be ashamed of, Clint." The god explained. "They prove how strong you are to survive getting them in the first place."
Clint took a deep breath and lowered his hand back to his side. "I was in South America, busting up a drug cartel and a thug attacked me with a knife." He finally answered the unasked question.
Loki drew his thin finger up and traced over another scar that ran along his collarbone. "And this one?"
"You already know my father was an abusive alcoholic." Loki nodded and let him continue. "Well, He tried to slit my throat one night, while drunk...he missed."
Loki frowned deeply. Why would a father try and murder their own son? It's a good thing for Barton's father that he was already dead, or he would be soon.
The scars the god was most curious about were the ones in the archers ears. "And what of these?" He reached a hand up to cup the side of the man's face, but he didn't get the chance because as soon as Clint's eyes followed his gaze, he quickly flinched and shrunk back away from him. His brows furrowed as he watched the man cover both ears with his hands, as if to hide them away. He could practically feel the aura of panic coming off the agent in waves. It must be a sensitive area for him. Loki kept his movement slow as he stepped forward, lowering his hands to reach for his lovers waist instead. His touch seemed to snap Barton out of his sudden fearful trance and the man looked back up at him a brief flicker of fear crossed through his eyes, but was gone in an instant. The trickster never wanted to see that look again.
"I'm sorry..." Clint apologized softly as he lowered his hands back down to his sides.
"No need to apologize. I should have asked permission before touching." Loki reassured him. "But can I ask why it bothers you so much? What are they from?"
"It's a long story, but I've actually lost my hearing twice now. Once from an ultrasonic machine, but I got it back. The second time I wasn't so lucky. I was caught and stabbed in both ears, with my own arrows. It did too much damage to be fixed. Stark made me some hearing aids a few years ago, after not hearing a thing for fourteen years. Needless to say, everything was a bit too loud at first. Sometimes it can still be a bit overwhelming...I'm sorry I pulled away from you. I'm not afraid of you. It was just...a gut reaction." Clint ended his rambling and just stared at the floor.
"Clint." Loki spoke softly. "Look at me."
Still, without hesitation, Clint lifted his gaze to meet the gods. "I'm -."
The tricksters lips against his own cut him off and caused his eyes to widen. Then slowly closed; the Avenger's arms slipping around the God. His lips tasted of... Strawberry and lime, and something sweeter. Cherries, perhaps. Whatever it was, it was distinct to Loki.
The kiss slowly became more passionate, the men's tongues beginning to battle for dominance. Loki won quickly, taking the time to explore his lover's mouth. After a couple of minutes of breathtaking kisses, Clint, being the human that he was, needed to come up for air. Loki's lips almost immediately attach to the younger's neck. A small, soft moan slipped through the archers's lips as the god worked on leaving visible love bites along the archer's collar bones. He may be losing Clint, back to his own world soon, but he wanted to ensure it was known who he belonged to... Who he longed for.
The trickster roamed his hands up and down the man's body, mapping out every inch of him. He wanted to explore his lover and know everything about him. All the little things that made him tick, made him shiver with delight. His cool hands made contact with many more scars, on which he would question the archer about at a later time. He finally let one of his hands slip 'below the belt', as the midgardians say, and palmed his little hawk through his jeans, relishing in the small gasp of his name being released from his human lover. He felt the archers length twitch beneath his hand and kept up his slow maneuvers. He wanted to keep Clint on edge, wanting him...needing him. The way Loki needed him.
Finally the god leaves his lover's member, erect and twitching, so he can continue his disrobing of the man. His slender fingers worked slowly and delicately to undo the zipper, but then decided he was finished wasting time and just wanted to see Clint bare before him. He took a couple steps back and waved a hand and the archers jeans, boxers, shoes and socks vanished, leaving the man finally nude for the trickster's eyes to drink all of him in. Clint always had insecurities, ever since he was younger, but he didn't feel any of them in this moment. He felt beautiful under the gods' heated gaze. Beautiful and wanted. "Your turn."
Loki grinned and opened his arms out to the side in a gesture that said 'then come do it.' Clint didn't hesitate before closing the gap. He grips the front of the tricksters robe and pulls him down into another kiss, which Loki gladly reciprocated. He just couldn't get enough of this man. Clint had had other partners, both men and women, but none could even hold a candle to how Loki made him feel. While kissing his godly lover, he set out on what he came to do. He pushed the robe off his shoulders and it vanished before it could hit the floor, leaving the trickster in just his dark green tunic and black leather pants. The archer moved his kisses from the trickster's mouth and traveled down his jawline and neck, as his hands made work of the knots holding Loki's tunic in place.
When the knots were finally unraveled by frustrated hands, the god let out a small chuckle. "You are not a very patient man, are you Clint?" He asked in a low, lust driven voice.
The archer huffed an irked sound. "Not when I want something this badly." He admitted as he pushed the tunic off of Loki's shoulders, letting it drop into nothingness, leaving him bare-chested. His skin was pale and immaculate. Clint wanted to explore every inch of it, leaving marks on it, so Loki would never forget this night they would spend together, just in case they couldn't be together again.
"And you shall have me, just as I shall have you, my beautiful Hawk." The god promised, causing Clint to blush lightly from him term of endearment. Loki reached forward to grip the agent's waist, but his hand was stopped by his human lover.
"Wait."
The trickster furrowed his brows in confusion. "Clint," he lifted the archer's face to look at him, "We're finally together again, why wait a second longer?...Having second thoughts?"
Clint's face broke into a grin and he shook his head. "Absolutely not! I want to." He slowly slid Loki's hand away, giving him plenty of authority to refuse, before kneeling in front of the trickster and sliding his leather trousers to the floor. "But I want to worship you like you deserve first."
Loki's hand found his hair instantly, stroking his scalp and murmuring praise as Clint parted his lips and sucked the god into his mouth. Loki groaned at the same time the archer pressed his tongue just under his head. He rocked forward, deeper into his hawks mouth, making him moan while he let his eyes fall shut. "That's right, my hawk. Just like that." He led Clint's head back and forth on his cock until he felt that coveted burning feeling, deep in his core, and he pulled out. The SHIELD agent still whined at the loss. "I don't want our night to end so fast and if you keep doing that, I'm afraid our time together would end rather quickly. You've taken care of me, now let me take care of you."
Clint looked up at the god, through his lashes, and nodded. Loki pulled away and signaled with two fingers for the archer to stand. He rose to his feet and crowded into his lovers space, the need to be close, overwhelming. The Trickster smiled adoringly at the man and slid his hands over Clint's chest and down his sides. Loki let his cool hands travel down his lovers back and gripped two handfuls of the man's ass. The archer swallowed down his sound and let his head fall to the god's shoulder. "Please, Loki...Touch me." The taller man bit down on the soft, golden skin along Clint's neck and groaned. "I can finally grant you that, my Hawk." He kept a litany of kisses up, mouth parted and leaving wet trails along his skin. Clint gasped and hitched his hips towards Loki's body heat.
The Trickster leaned back just enough to look down at Clint's proud erection. He trailed his hand down the waves of the archers abs, fingers tickling the line of his hip, until he circled the girth of his lover's cock in his hand. Clint's mouth dropped in silent lust and Loki looked back up to him. "Finally," he whispered. His hand started a strong, smooth rhythm, swiping over Barton's head and keeping tight.
"Lo-Loki..," Clint gasped. His hand came to the god's wrist and slowed him. "I haven't..." he shook his head to clear it. "I haven't let anyone else touch me since...I'll cum too soon."
Loki growled and took Clint's mouth with his, biting harshly and digging his other hand into the man's hip. "Because you know who you belong to. You know you're mine, Clint." The god smiled against his lips. "And now here we are. Well worth the wait, I'd say." The dark haired man could feel the burn of his hawks blush and it only made Loki want to ruin him more. "On the bed."
Clint straightened at the direct order and slipped from Loki's loosened grip. He went to the exquisite bed and laid himself back on it, head propped against the pillows. The god came to the end of the bed and let his eyes roam from the archers toes to his disheveled hair. The agent smirked. "I thought we were done waiting. Or did you want to do this some other time?"
Loki raised a brow. "The cheek on you. I should punish you for it."
Clint gasped and then chuckled as the Trickster clambered up the bed and placed himself between his legs, attacking his neck and chest with kisses. He ground his hips down into his hawks as he worked on mark after mark, a blaring declaration of ownership that Clint moaned for.
The archer joined the older man in moving his hips up, brushing his cock against The gods. "Loki, please," he pleaded.
Loki took both of them in his hand and pushed harder against Clint. "I want you to come now."
"But-" Clint gasped in air, "I want to...with you...inside me."
The god shook his head at his hawk's natural gift of making him melt without even trying. "Clint," he groaned and pressed a harsh, quick kiss to his lover's mouth. "You will. Trust me, you will. But I want you to come now, too. I want you relaxed, so I can open you up for me." Clint nodded frantically and closed his eyes as Loki's hand sped up, dropping his own cock and focusing on the agents. The midgardian fisted the sheets in one hand and scratched down Loki's lean bicep with the other as he came over the trickster's hand and his own stomach in a matter of minutes.
Loki cut off the deep, guttural sound of his own name falling from Clint's throat with more determined snogging. He left the archer's sensitive dick lying against his stomach. "Look at you," he mused. "If I'd known how amazing you sound when you reach your peak, I would've broken out of my prison a long time ago and had my way with you."
Clint licked his lips lazily and smoothed a hand up and down The god's front, from chest to pelvis. "If I'd known how it felt to have your hands back on me, I would have broken in and let you."
Loki raked rough fingernails up the archer's thigh and over his hip, causing him to gasp."Want me to put my fingers in you? Stretch you out for me?"
Clint groaned and rocked down like he could feel them already. "fuck yes."
"Tonight, you shall have whatever you want, my Hawk." With that, Loki, just this once, used his magic on himself to coat his fingers in a clear lubricant, to make things easier on his archer.
Clint watched him with drooping eyes and spread legs. When the god leaned back over him, his lover's fingers disappearing between his legs, he licked his lips nervously. Loki instantly erased that fear with a kiss to his human's knee and three words. "You are mine." He pushed his first finger in slowly, stopping at the second knuckle and kissing down the inside of Clint's thigh. "You're the most perfect being in the world."
"Loki?" Barton asked an arsenal of questions with one name and a rock of his hips. The Trickster pushed his finger deeper, letting the tight vise of his hawk's body pull him in. He wiggled his digit, getting Clint used to the feeling before thrusting it carefully in and out of his body. The agent groaned at the friction, arching off the bed and dropping his head back to his pillows. "More."
"Clint," Loki groaned and lined a second finger up. He licked up the line of Barton's, now growing, thick erection as he pushed the finger in. Clint inhaled a shocked breath, teeth biting down hard on his bottom lip. "How is it, love? Too much?"
The archer shook his head stiltedly. "I'm good. Just, God, it's been so long."
The god hummed his acknowledgment and started pushing both fingers against his lover's hole. "And there's so much more to come. I want you to have everything, my Hawk."
"Everything," Clint repeated dumbly. "Yeah, yes, please."
"Good man." Loki sucked the archers cock between his lips and thrust his fingers harder. Clint cried out at the sensations, hand squeezing the Trickster's shoulder to keep himself grounded. When Loki tilted his fingers and curled them into the agent's sweet spot deep inside him, the midgardian scratched across his shoulder blade and begged, "Please."
The god quickly teased the third finger at his lover's entrance. Three fingers slid back and forth easily inside Clint, who stretched around Loki's digits like he was made for it. The Asgardian supposed he was. He moved to lick along the side of Barton's shaft as he prodded three fingers at Clint's prostate until he was shaking and stuttering for air.
Loki moved to within a hair's breath of the archer's lips. "Do you want my cock, Clint?"
"Yes." He groaned.
"Of course, love. It's yours." The god slicked himself up, using his magic again, and brushed his tip back and forth over Clint's stretched entrance before pushing in. Barton tightened immediately, stopping Loki only a couple inches in. The sorcerer massaged his thighs and whispered to him, "Relax, my Hawk. Let me make you feel good."
Clint took a long breath and consciously relaxed his muscles. When he loosened enough that Loki could move without harming his fragile lover, the trickster pulled back a little before pushing in deeper. He alternated between short pulls back and long thrusts in until he was flush against Clint. He stilled and lowered to his forearms before kissing the man, slow and intimate.
"Alright?"
Clint tightened his arms around Loki's back and kissed him deeper. The god took that as a yes and pulled out to his head before pushing in again. The archer moaned at the feeling and his legs bent up to wrap around his lover's body. Loki groaned when Clint pulled him in deeper, starting a hard pace into the midgardians body.
Clint loosed quiet grunts and hisses with each of the god's trusts. And when Loki directed his thrusts up and deeper, the man cried out and clawed at the sorcerer's back. "Yes," He praised. "Harder."
Loki groaned at Clint's new tightness, increasing his rhythm and pushing into the archer with more power. "You are so good for me, my Hawk."
"Loki," Barton breathed. "I'm-Loki, I'm going to-"
The god wrapped a hand around his lover and pressed his lips to Clint's throat. "Cum for me, darling."
The archer rocked between Loki's hand and where the Asgardian penetrated him until his breath caught and he released for the second time over the Trickster's hand, leaking down onto his stomach. Loki stroked him through it, kissing across his chest and nibbling on his collar bones as he kept a languid rhythm.
"Come on, Loki. Please, come inside me. Mark me as yours." The god bit down on the place his lips rested and growled as he quickened his pace again, chasing his finish. Clint threaded his fingers into his lover's hair and tugged, latching his lips onto the column of Loki's throat, determined to mark him as well. "I want to feel you." He pulled back enough to look Loki in the eye. "My Hveðrungr."
The gods eyes widened and he buried himself in deep and moaned as he filled Clint's body with his release. "Clint!" He grunted into the hot air. He snaked a hand between them and rubbed around the stretched muscle sheathing his twitching cock. The Shield agent made a sound deep in his throat while Loki pulled out.
The misgardian starfished flat on the bed and Loki fell to his side, pulling Clint into his side so the man could rest his head on his chest. "Clint." He breathed into the man's hair.
"Yes?" The archer sighed.
"You are mine."
Clint just hummed and kissed Loki's chest. "I am yours." He agreed.
An hour later the two were freshly cleaned up and the bed had had new sheets put on, all by Loki's magic of course. They were curled up together under the heavy duvet. Clint was in and out of sleep where he lay with his head resting on the gods chest, listening to his heart beat, and one arm wrapped around his torso. His lover was currently using the arm that was wrapped around the archer to trace all the little scars that littered his back. He knew Loki wanted to ask about them, but was probably afraid to after Clint's reaction earlier in the night.
"A lot of them don't come with interesting stories." He told the Sorcerer. "Most of them are quite boring actually."
"Clint, I doubt there is anything about you that's boring."
The agent huffed a short laugh. "If you really want to know, I remember how I got each one."
"I want to know everything about you. Even if you, yourself, don't think it's an important detail, I want to know it. "
Clint looked up into the gods bright green eyes and saw nothing but honesty in them. "Ok." And so, they laid there for hours, with him telling Loki the story behind every scar he had. Even the most boring one, the trickster still seemed to take interest in. He spoke until his eyelids grew heavy. He should head back home. He had never stayed in Asgard overnight and his friends may start to worry.
"I...I should go." He said in a voice full of exhaustion, eyes so heavy they were nearly closed.
"Don't you dare leave me, not yet." He heard the god whisper in his ear. "Stay. Sleep."
Clint didn't want to move. This was the first time in almost two years that his mind and body were not at war with each other. He actually felt at peace and he just wanted to sleep in the arms of the man who cared for him. In the arms of the man he felt safe with. So he did. He gave in to the fatigue and let himself succumb to sleep, all while his lover drew delicate patterns across his back with smooth fingertips.
Bright sunlight gleaming through the open window is how Clint was awoken the next morning. He felt another body wrapped around him and for a split second tensed, before glorious memories from the night before came flooding back and he relaxed in the gods hold. Part of him still couldn't believe last night happened. He didn't regret it one bit. The only bad part was that he had to leave soon.
"Don't think about it, Love." He heard Loki's voice whisper to him. How long had he been awake?
"I have to go soon. If the others find out-"
"Am I to be your shameful secret?" The trickster asked, his voice raising a slight offense.
Clint frowned and untangled himself from the gods arms, pushed him back onto the bed, and straddled his hips. "Absolutely not!" He said trying to will Loki to feel the sincere honesty in his words. "I don't want to keep you a secret. Hell, if I could, I'd shout it from the rooftops, as cliche as that sounds. But they can't know...At least not yet. If I tell them, Even Natasha, they will think you're controlling me again and they won't let me come back. They will lock me away in a SHIELD facility until they think I'm free of you." He tried to explain. The archer leaned down until his forehead met Loki's. "I don't think I would survive, if they kept me away from you."
"Yes, you would, because you are strong, Clint." Loki said as he leaned forward to meet his Hawks lips in a soft, delicate kiss and wrapped his long arms around the tense man. "But we won't let that happen. I won't let anyone keep us apart...You trust me, correct?"
Clint nodded before laying his head to rest on the sorcerers shoulder.
"Good. Then trust that I won't let anyone keep us apart ever again."
The archer nodded again. "Ok."
Loki smiled against the midgardians cheek. "Good man." He praised. "Now, let us get you home."
Clint sighed and removed himself from the trickster's lap and walked around the room, looking for his clothing, but remember that most of his clothes had disappeared. "Uhhh...I kinda need clothes to get home." He said, still standing, very much naked, in the middle of Loki's room. The god grinned and let his bright eyes roam over the archers body once more, before gesturing behind him. Clint turned to see his clothes neatly folded and sitting on the chair that had his jacket draped over the back. They had definitely not been there a moment ago.
"Thank you." He said and started dressing. When he looked back at Loki, the man was already dressed, despite not moving from his place. "That's just not fair." He teased with a smile.
The god smirked. "Trust me, I'd rather us be without."
"I'm sure you would." Clint mocked.
The two left Loki's room together and walked down the hall. Thor was already waiting for them in the great hall when they arrived. He didn't say a word, which Clint was grateful for, and simply led the way out. There were three horses waiting for them outside. Loki was sure their father had ordered Thor to escort them, so he did not try to escape back to Midgar, but he wasn't planning on doing anything to jeopardize his and Clint's future together.
The three rode across the rainbow bridge in silence. When they arrived at the Bifrost, Thor graciously decided to wait outside and give the two a moment to say their goodbyes. He was all for whatever relationship was forming between his brother and his team mate. It seems to be working some good on the both of them. Barton seemed far less anxious and tense. Loki seemed far less insecure and arrogant. He knew the other Avengers would not approve, so he would keep their secret until the two were ready to come clean and confront the others. And when they decided it was time, he'd be there to stand beside them.
Loki led Clint into the Bifrost, completely ignoring Heimdall's presence. He only had eyes for his Hawk. "You will come back." It was not a question.
"Only death could keep me away."
Loki didn't even want to think of how...mortal...his lover was. How fragile his human body was. He would have to think of a way to change that. "Then don't die."
Clint chuckled. "That is the plan." He teased. "I will be back. I just need to take care of some things and make sure SHIELD doesn't need me for anything."
The archer reached out and clutched the front of Loki's long robe and the god allowed the man to pull him close and met his kiss with a soft, but fierce passion. "One day we won't have to hide."
"Clint, I look forward to that day."
"So do I."
"You must go now, before the team thinks I abducted you and had my wicked way with you." Loki gave him a teasing smirk.
"Oh no. We wouldn't want them to think that." He played along, before his face softened. "I will be back soon. I promise."
"I'm holding you to that Promise, Clint." The god said as he watched his lover back away from him and turn to the Bifrost. A moment later, he was gone.
Loki sighed and turned to walk back to the bridge where his brother awaited him. They mounted their horses, Thor having to lead Clint's horse back. "Brother..." Loki spoke before he even knew words were forming.
"Yes, Loki?"
"Thank you." Those words weren't as hard to say as he thought and he was surprised to realize that he actually meant them.
"You're welcome." Thor said with a genuine smile. "I will stand beside you both when the time comes."
Loki was surprised at then, but tried not to let it show on his face. "I'm sure, Bar-...Clint. I'm sure Clint will appreciate that...As will I." He was not going to lie. If he wanted things to be real with his little Hawk, then he had to be real as well. It would take time, but he would do it...For Clint.