Rated: M
Spoilers: Episode - Legion
Warnings: A/B/O dynamics, Heat/mating dynamics, feral behaviour, Omega!Rimmer, Alpha!Lister, brief Lister/Kochanski, Rough sex, Rough kissing, Blood, Biting, Rutting, Rimming, Sex Toys, Anal fingering, Masturbastion, Pregnancy kink, Nipple Play, Possesive sex, Dirty talk, Filth, Fantasies and the list goes oooooonnnnn…..
A/N: a sequel to the Last Omega. Like I said in the LO story, the A/B/O dynamic is different in my universe, let me do my thang okay? Cool. I plan to finish this before going back to work next Tuesday (it's Tuesday now)* LET'S DO THIS!
Enjoy x
Years back, oh so many years before the radiation leak and the crew was wiped out and he suddenly became that supposedly last human in the universe, Lister had once been asked what an incoming Alpha rut had felt like.
And his reply was -
"Like period cramps, man."
The people who had asked this question to him had been a Beta couple he had gotten friendly with at a bar back in Liverpool and it had gotten comfortable enough to ask questions like that. And while the alcohol was just flowing from drafts and making minds fuzzy as to what was appropriate to say and what wasn't, the question just came pouring out of the Beta man.
Said Beta man gave him a disgusted look while his girlfriends eyes widened and went 'oh, like that, huh?', knowing all together what Lister meant and Lister just nodded, knocking back the last of his Foster's.
He wasn't being funny when he gave his response, that's what pre-rut felt like in his opinion. Okay, so he's only been into a rut once in his life, being that he's only 28 now and the first rut kind of came on sometime after his 19th bday with his then girlfriend Lisa Yates. Ruts rarely happen for Alpha's, not like Omega's who get them once a year. Lisa was there to witness it and experience it all. She had found him on his bed, rolling about in somewhat discomfort and generating heat like a furnace.
She gathered it was the beginning of a first rut and, ever curious, asked him what the pre-rut felt like.
"A dull painful ache in me gut, babes. Feels all twisting and cramping. Feel's like me innards are going to fall out of me snatch if I had one. God almighty."
Lisa raised an eyebrow and smirked devilishly while she kneaded her knuckles into Lister's back in comfort which earned her a somewhat pleased sigh.
"Ah," Lisa crooned, grinning at Lister and trying to keep the laughter in her from falling out towards her poor unsuspecting boyfriend. "I see. You're having your period."
"You what?!" Lister shot up and stared at her in disbelief, eyes as wide as saucers. The fast action of shooting up kind of helped ease the cramps...for now that is. "What the smeg you talking about Lisa? I'm not a woman you know, I'm not having a damned period. I'd know if I'd suddenly gained a fanny and it's spilling blood all over the sheets."
Lisa couldn't contain her laughter and just held her stomach as she just laughed and laughed at her silly boyfriend's horrified face.
"Sorry! I'm ahahaha sorry so sorr- oh sit down, Dave, you silly smegger!" she said this while Lister tried to get up and walk out of the room to be away from her teasing laugh but was dragged back down when she grabbed his arms and pulled back down on the bed and as wrapped up in a cosy hug with a kiss pressed to his cheek and one of her hands massaging his stomach to ease the cramping.
"I was just jesting with you, you silly sod," Lisa smiled into Lister's neck now that he eased back into her hold, relaxing into her as she eased the cramps. "You know that right?"
"Mhh yeah," Lister murmured, turning his face towards her to plant a kiss on her lips, smiling into the kiss when she then went to nip at his bottom lip.
"I just said it because all the symptoms you have just sound like a woman in the first day of her period. You know what it's like, you've seen me on my period a few times. Absolutely horrible. You're lucky you haven't got no vagina or blood coming out it and all you got is the cramps. In my opinion, the worst part. But I'm told it varies with different Alpha's. I'm guessing cause this is your first rut, I'm kind of guessing it's like BOOM! a punch in the gut, a big punch."
Lister sat there as he thought about what Lisa had said and after a few seconds, what she said made sense. Yes, he had been there for a couple of her periods and every time they got bad, he felt so bad for her. She knew when her period was coming, small gentle like cramps a week before and when she would feel them, she would take ibuprofen, kind of training her body for the big day when the main event would happen. And they would help so when the period came on the first day she would take ibuprofen straight away and all through the day she would have no pain at all.
But sometimes that wasn't the case and still 2 hours after taking her first batch of pain relief, Lisa would be in the same position Lister is now in, rolling around on the bed, hands kneading into her stomach to help the cramps and disperse the pain. Except she was ten times worse than he's currently in, and she would be spilling blood too.
So since that day, that's what Lister had been describing what his pre-rut cramping felt like when people asked; like a tamed but no way pain free period cramping.
And that exactly what he's feeling at this moment, 3 million years into deep space in a cramped, dingy spaceship called Starbug, sharing it with a humanoid life evolved from his pet cat Frankenstein's many descendants back in the day, a clean crazy defective mechanoid and a smeg head of his ex bunkmate, chasing their home, the Red Dwarf, that had been hijacked while they were exploring a planet.
A few weeks ago, he had just woken up from a stasis nap that was 200 years old, feeling groggy with a bout of some memory loss but other than that he was okay.
But now, a few hours after his lunch and what would have been his shift to pilot the bug, Lister found himself in the only tiny men's cubical toilets on the ship, boiler suit, long johns and underoos around his ankles, sat on the open toilet while kneading his knuckles into the skin of his stomach to ease the cramps and pains of what would be an incoming rut.
This was the last thing he wanted right now on this smeg forsaken trash ship. The last time he was in rut, he was with Lisa and she was there to help him. But now he was alone in space. And by alone he meant there was no other human to have a fuck with to ease and get rid of the rut with. The only other people with him was a mechanoid who's defective enough to think a rut was a food for Mr Lister to eat. Then there's Cat, who even though was humanoid, would he even think about he'd still think of it as gross, perverted and in a way it would still be HIS cat and that all came down to the thought of bestiality.
And then there was Rimmer, the smeg head who was once an Omega until his mistake with the plate drive caused everyone to die in the radiation leak, including himself, the bloody idiot.
Back when everyone was alive and well on the ship, everyone knew Rimmer was an Omega... the ship's most undesirable Omega. And that wasn't because of his looks or anything oh boy no. Rimmer was a good looking man, a good looking Omega that any Alpha would try to have a go with if it just wasn't for his nasty attitude.
That's what made him undesirable to all Alpha's on the ship, not for his looks but for his attitude, arrogance, cowardice and overall smegheadness. He was the last Omega anyone would want to sleep, mate and pop out kids with, all because Rimmer was...well... Rimmer.
But then, that didn't stop Frank Toddhunter having his way with the smegger when the infamous heat and rut orgy happened on the Red Dwarf where a contamination in the air sent all Alpha's, Beta's and Omega's into snarling and moaning selves as they reverted to their animal natures and just went around fucking and being fucked.
Lister had found the long forgotten footage that someone had saved from HOLLY's video feed to be used as porn material and was going to sell it but that never happened due to the leak. It sat as an un-uploaded file on some officers computer in the drive room when Lister had found it one night, looking for something to do to help ease him into sleep.
He hit play and for the next half an hour he sat there in the drive room in darkness as he watched the orgy happen on the ship while he was in stasis for smuggling his cat on board.
He watched in gross interest as he tried to spy Kochanski among the orgy but saw no sight of her. HOLLY had said that the officers in the drive room had managed to seal themselves into the room to stop contamination and from there to try and stop the virus turning people into animals. But from what HOLLY had mentioned offhandedly, they didn't do anything and just let it run it's course for a week while they watched the infected ship crew fuck, getting off on it and filming for their own pleasure, hence the video Lister as watching now.
He was just going to stop the video after finding no sight of Kochanski and her boobs until the film went to a different section of the ship, filming from a different angle and Lister just straight up paused at the film angle he was watching now.
Rimmer and Toddhunter going at it on the floor in one of the corridors leading to his and Rimmer's old bunk, while Omega's, Beta's and Alpha's watched the show. Rimmer was on his elbows and knees while Toddhunter ploughed into him with all his strength, face buried into Rimmer's neck and fingers laced into Rimmer's, pinning his hands onto the floor as he fucked the Omega into pure bliss.
The sound quality was terrible with ever other people either moaning, groaning, screaming and crying, but Lister could just about make out the words Rimmer and Toddhunter both just kept repeating over and over;
"Alpha," "Omega," "Mine," "Your's," "Please," "Yours Alpha," and "Alpha Please."
Lister carried on watching both his superiors fuck as he unconsciously got his cock out of his pants and started to jerk it, rubbing pre come from the tip over his cock to make the jerking motions smoother and easier on his skin.
He came over his hands, pumping every last blessed drop of cum out of his slowly softening prick as he watched the last moments were Rimmer gasped out and Toddhunter's head ducked in some more to bite Rimmer's bond glands and missing. Instead he got it just above the soft glands.
Rimmer always kept his collar shirt done up to the last button, trying to hide the scarring of a failed bonding bite. But it was so high up that some marks peaked above the collar, showing off a failed mating for a failure of an Omega.
Lister watched the last thrust of Toddhunter's cock into Rimmer and all he could think at that moment was how he wanted to have a go on that ride that was Rimmer. How he wanted to bend Rimmer over and fuck into him with such power Rimmer would be feeling it for hours, days, weeks even after their coupling.
Bang Bang Bang! "Mr Lister sir? Are you alright in there? I've heard noises."
Lister's eyes snapped, suddenly back into the reality of him going through pre-rut cramps in a men's toilet cubicle in Starbug. The cramps which went away for a tic while thinking back to when he found that footage of his bosses buggering suddenly came back full blast. That only tends to happen after he's had a wank, it settles down for a bit then after like 5 mins it comes back with a vengeance, pretending that you had fixed the problem with a hand job but low and behold 'surprise bitch, thought you'd seen the last of me'.
Now that explained why Lister's had felt extra warm and while his sweaty and sticky hand felt even hotter and even stickier. He looked down and found his right hand had sometime ago stopped kneading his tender tummy from cramps and now had decided to knead his dick to fake completion while going through the memories of Toddhunter fucking Rimmer like the bitch he was.
Shit, he'd gotten off on the thought of Rimmer being fucked!
Shit shit shit. Lister pulled his hand away and pulled half of the newspaper like toilet roll out of the yellowing white plastic container stuck on the wall to his right and began to wipe his fluids off his hands.
"Yeah, Kryte's, I'm alright man," he called out loud to Kryten who no doubt stood on the other side of the door with his ear pressed to the door with nervous hands wringing themselves. "Give us two minutes and I'll be out in a bit."
"Oh, are you sure sir? Do you need any assistance at all? I can get the first aid kit if you want."
"Nah man, I'm fine. I'll see you in a bit."
"Are you sure? You sounded like you were in pain. All I could hear was moans and groans and oh sir! Do you need me to get Mr Rimmer?"
Shit no that was the last thing he needed and the last person who needed to see him like this.
"No I'm fine. Just go Kryten for God sake can't I go to the bathroom in peace?"
"Oh I'm terribly sorry sir, I didn't know it was for...that. But, sir, you've been in there for over an hour and I was getting worried."
How long did he say? An Hour he's been in there trying to starve of these cramps. Shit, an hour ago he'd asked Rimmer to just take over piloting for him so he could go to the men's bathroom for only 5 mins and to hunt through cupboards for painkillers and any later effect suppressants for Alpha's. Rimmer hadn't been happy about it but after much pleading he gave in and off he went on the hunt to come back empty handed with nothing. Not even anything out of date, he'd take those still if they had them. They hardly used the bug and only kept a first aid kit that just had bandages, antiseptic fluid and wipes, Sudocrem, butterfly strips and plasters. No painkillers or anything else. When you think about it, they never travelled far from the Dwarf so if anything really major really happened, they'd just head back home to the med bay. The first aid kit was only for minor cuts and scrapes, all their important meds like strong painkillers and suppressants for both Omega's and Alpha's were in glass cabinets in the med bay and hiding in a secret place in the officer's dorm rooms.
Lister can picture where his are hidden; in his mattress where he had made a hole for them. Why he hid them he doesn't know but that's what everyone did. Rimmer's were 'hidden' in a hollowed out book in his boring little library. He could see the smart little packet now of Rimmer's hidden suppressants in his head; they looked like a packet of liquid painkiller capsules in a plastic and tin foil wrapping for freshness, all contained in a white and purple ciggy packet sized box with a little picture in the corner of a bunch of purple grapes, emphasizing that the suppressants were grape flavour.
But they weren't on the Red Dwarf any more, they were on Starbug with nothing but an out of date first aid kit while they were playing catch up with their AWOL ship.
Lister growled and just punched the door in frustration. Said door let out a squeak of surprise before it said hurriedly, "I won't disturb you further Sir. Forgive me!" and then he heard the heavy thump of hurried boots.
Now it was all quiet and Lister was once again alone with his cramps. He let out a frustrated sigh and threw the soiled paper in the bowl of the toilet and flushed while he sat, giving his stomach one more strong knead in hope of it easing anything. It did a teeny bit but nothing dramatic, that was as good as it was going to get. Standing up, the underwear, long johns and boiler suit back in one go to cover and zip up. The cubicle door unlocked and out he came and went over the sink to wash his hands off of any remaining spunk.
He looked up in the mirror. God did he looked like smeg. Tired eyes and a flushed complexion looked back at him. The tiredness telling him he didn't have a good night sleep the night before for some unknown reason and the flushed cheeks evidence from his wank but more importantly from the incoming rut. He couldn't go back to the drive room looking like this but he had too otherwise Rimmer would tear him a new one.
Lister splashed somewhat cold water on his flushed face and rubbed it in. Again he looked at the mirror and just sighed at the state of him. He turned off the tap and shook the water from his hands and rubbed them down his curry stained boiler suit and headed back to the drive room to get a bollocking from Captain Bollocks' himself.
Next day didn't get any better. Lister was grateful that Rimmer now slept in a different room from him now they were on the Starbug because if they were still sharing, Lister would have been the one that night to go and find peace in another room to try and put off having frustrated wank's. If they did share, he would move himself to the room Rimmer currently occupies, the one with the noisy pipes. At least the noise would take his mind off of wanting to just jerk one out every 5 minutes.
Cause that's what he wanted to do all last night and the evening after that episode in the toilets. The cramps got worse, the pain came in bouts every so often. And all the time his hand twitched downwards towards his cock to take the edge off, but pulled back in time because he knew if he just as much as touched a bit of skin, his biology went out the window and he'd be jerking one out every 5 mins.
He was fed up. Horny and fed up and he just wanted to fuck something so the rut could go just as quick as it came.
It probably wouldn't even work but even the thought of having a flesh light so it felt like he was fucking something would be better than nothing. He could even imagine it to be Kochanski's soft wet heat as he ploughed the toy filled with lube to the brim to give it the effect of him fucking her dripping pussy.
Just to get some sort of relief.
Lister sat in the pilot set next to Cat and kneaded his stomach harder than yesterday. At the moment, it wasn't just the cramps now giving him grief. He now had a bad case of a stomach upset from what he gathered whatever Kryten had served him for lunch. It was a good thing he don't eat his greens cause that would just have made the upset stomach even worse if he had mistakenly eaten the leaf that Kryten had served with whatever he was given.
At this moment, they were now coming into range of what looked to be a space station that had used its tractor beam on their ship to pull them towards it. How that was possible with no life signs on board the station according to Kryten operating the beam but sure, whatever. The plan was to just check out what ever had sent them here, maybe if anything valuable crops up (in Lister's case, painkillers, lots and lots of painkillers cause the suppressants were now a thing of the past and this rut was happening any day now), loot the space station for anything to help them get closer to their home. Oh and food, from what Kryten and Rimmer were earlier discussing, their recycled water was now Dutch larger, and not the nice stuff, and just no food in general for him or Cat. Rimmer and Kryten were no problem, either being dead or a mechanoid but the main factor was both Lister and the Cat's survival for now.
They docked in the station's bay, locked up the bug, because the last thing they wanted was another AWOL ship and nowhere else to call home, and began to make their way up in the station.
Which felt like entering heaven, they would have guessed? The whole station was white with pale tones, clean and fresh with the lingering smell of Mr Sheen polish and Air Wick air freshener in the air like the cleaners had only just been in. It was gorgeous, after weeks of nothing but recycled, humid air, even if the smell of polish and sickly sweet air freshener made Lister aching stomach now make a sickening turn for the worse.
Oh God that's the last thing he needed now, to be sick in front of everyone and have Kryten fuss over him, Cat make a disgusted comment and Rimmer just make a comment about the amount of curry's and larger he currently consumes was the reason for this, not because of his in coming rut and that thing Kryten had made him for lunch.
But it didn't come to that, as now when suddenly, coming out of a lift on their left hand side, was someone, something in a green latex suit, mask and tubes sticking out of it.
The man? Humanoid? Creature? greeted them politely, welcoming them to his heaven of a space station...
...and then proceeded to pull Rimmer's light bee out of hologram's body, much to the horror of all the boys from the Dwarf, watching Rimmer fade away in a fear.
"Ah yes," the thing said mainly to himself as he opened up the light bee and began to pull out the black tape from what would have looked to be an old music cassette, inch by inch. "Oh yes. Such primitive technology."
After all the tape was out and littering the shiny white lino floor, the thing placed something inside of the empty capsule, closed it with a tight 'click' and threw it into the free space next to Lister.
Rimmer came back online, but not like he was previously. Instead of a red velvet jacket, he sported a deep blue one. His trousers and boots were the same as before; tight fitting, Lister had noticed for a while now. And now Lister eyed Rimmer's new colour up and down, looking at the way the blue jacket hugged his curves a bit more than the red jacket did, emphasising the hips of an ex omega.
Rimmer sputtered as he came back to himself and glared at the humanoid in green. "You better have a bloody good excuse for your actions, Miladdo," he sneered.
"Do forgive me, but I merely converted your light bee from soft light to hard light," the thing defended although not feeling threatened by Rimmer at all.
"Hard light?" Rimmer asked and then something clicked and his eyes kind of lit up. "I've got a body?"
Body. That's what Lister had only heard from Rimmer. He turned to look at Rimmer who was touching himself, hand to chest, stroking and feeling the velvety material for the first time, his face a bout of absolute wonder.
Lister's curiosity got the best of him and in came two of his gloveless fingers towards Rimmer and poked his chest, feeling a solid mass, no longer a hologram. Honestly, he was just expecting his fingers and hand to go through Rimmer completely like it had done countless times. But not this time now that Rimmer's solid mass, he could feel the cloth material of his jacket and the sewn in diamond pattern.
A genuine happiness for Rimmer showed on his face and he showed it to Rimmer who smiled back in return.
And then it went tits up somewhat from there. Rimmer then decided to test that he could touch other things other than just himself and his hand went out to the nearest thing to touch.
That being Lister.
His hand landed on stomach and started to pat the area and then stroke it gently, feeling the texture of the grimy boiler suit under his hands.
And suddenly, just like that, Lister's pre-rut suddenly went into a full blown rut from just that touch. It wasn't even on his skin that caused the flare up, it was just through the suit. But obviously being touch starved of a different type of contact from someone that wasn't a feline sapion or a computer had sent it all up the stream.
Rimmer may be dead, but he's still an Omega. That was enough for his rut to come on even though it wasn't skin to skin contact, an Omega had touched him and that was good enough for the Alpha waking up in him.
"And you are Dave Lister."
Lister snapped to face the creature in latex. It wasn't a question, an acknowledgment more like.
Lister swallowed, now trying his best to keep the rut under control now that it is in bloom now.
"I am," he nodded.
The creature tilted it's head at him. "You are in pain. Here," it stated, it's hand moving towards his stomach area. Not touching, just hovering in a particular area that has been quite painful since lunch today, and even he knew it wasn't down to his rut now.
But still the Alpha in him wanted to pull his body back and away from the thing.
Lister smiled gently and just shook his head.
"Nah, mate. It's fine. Just a case of Bangalore belly is all."
Still the creature made a gesture towards his boiler suit.
"May I?"
Lister turned to each of his crew mates, puzzled. But still with a "Sure" he unbuttoned his suit and long johns so his sensitive stomach was on display.
And then the thing came at him with a laser scalpel and proceeded to cut him open. The Alpha in him went wild with anger at the thought of being cut open on display for all to see and tried to reel back but Lister kept a firm grip on it remained still, not wanting to do any more damage to himself while he had a sharp and hot object cutting into him.
The scalpel was turned off and then he had a hand in his guts, going through fat, muscle and blood to get towards its goal and pull it out of him swiftly; his enlarged appendix held in the things green hands, pulsing and trickling blood over it.
The pain was gone. Well, the pain from lunch was, but still, he felt much better now some pain was relieved. It eased his rutting cramps a bit too and in the back of his head, the Alpha sighed in relief too.
A searing from the laser scalpel with a clean scar that looked like it had always been there and not fresh seconds ago, and Lister was good to go... in some way.
Soon after acknowledging Kryten and Cat, the creature then introduced himself as Legion, their soon to be jailer.
To say the morning when he woke up wasn't any better, it just now was a whole lot worse.
For the past hour he had to sit through dinner with the creature known as Legion and his crew mates while the Alpha in him now demanded to be let out and try to find a willing body to sink it's cock into and fuck it. It didn't care that the human race was now probably well extinct and he was the last Alpha, it wanted something. Anything.
It was even considering Cat as an option to which Lister put his foot down and told it to shut the smeg up for god sake man.
That last one earned him some confused looks from his friends and their host until he realised that he may have said the comment out loud instead of staying in his mind.
He felt a kick under the table and the Alpha in him went mental and went to turn to the git that kicked him and tell him to fuck off until his eyes landed on Rimmer who was covered in various types of food with a glare on his face and the Alpha suddenly stopped in his tracks and took him in.
"Lister, why don't you shut the smeg up, huh?" Rimmer hissed at him and then suddenly was all smiles to their gracious host, laughing a bit. "I do apologise for my subordinates behaviour, Legion. You see, he is kind of stupid and sometimes these things just slip out, right Listy?"
But 'Listy' wasn't listening to one word that came out of Rimmer's mouth. It was more like he was watching said mouth and the Alpha was providing images of said lips wrapped around his throbbing cock, moaning around it and licking just right where that certain spot was always sent Lister's dick in a frenzy, now beginning to leak at the tip, staining his yellowing underwear at the thought of getting a blowjob from Rimmer.
(Omega, said the Alpha in him. Not Rimmer, Omega)
'WAS an Omega,' Lister supplied as he pulled his gaze away from a peeved Rimmer, still waiting for Lister's acknowledgement from his previous statement, and tried to use the chopsticks to eat something. 'He's not any more. He's a hologram. Dead as a doornail. He cant have heats or provide children. He's useless.'
The Alpha growled in the back of his head. (No Omega is useless. Always provide. Even in death.) It paused for a second to think. (He has a body now, does he not?)
Lister paused chewing on what he successfully had gotten in his mouth via the chopsticks and sat back to think to himself, not hearing Rimmer next to him demanding him to answer his question.
'He does,' he agreed, swallowing the food. 'But still-'
(But nothing,) the Alpha snarled. (We are in Rut. He is an Omega. Of course a dead one but still and an Omega. He might not now be able to give us children, but can relieve us of our rut. Omega is Omega at the end of the day.)
"Lister! For smeg sake answer my goddamned question already!"
(Omega is mate. Claim mate)
"Mate."
Rimmer wasn't shouting anymore, Lister's brain provided. The room, he now observed when he came out of his conversation, was deadly silent. All eating had stopped, the chopsticks were not long whirling and buzzing but on the table.
Well, Rimmer's fell to the table at hearing Lister call him mate.
Lister had turned to face him when in a trance while he was shouting at him and just hearing that determined claim of mate and the serious look on Lister's face did he suddenly stop the shouting, the chopsticks falling to the table when he realised what was happening.
Lister was in rut. And apparently the Alpha in him had just decided that the ex Omega was a perfect candidate for a round of a weeks worth of fucking and claiming, despite the man being dead.
Lister was eyeing him up and down, pupils blown wide from desire to claim a mate. Claim him.
It took no time for the scent of a rutting Alpha to hit his nose. It was strong, pungent and over powering. Rimmer had honestly believed that Lister's scent would have been a mix of Leopard larger and curry spices, since the man guzzled and ate the stuff like his life depended on it. Instead what he got was the smell of milk chocolate and zesty fresh oranges. It reminded him of either a Jaffacake or, his favourite, Terry's Chocolate Orange.
Hesitantly, he breathed in and just closed his eyes. If he were alive right now, his biology would have started to work and his hole would have started to produce slick to invite the Alpha to claim him.
Try as it might, that wasn't happening. All he could feel at the moment was his hole trying to clench on something that wasn't there.
"Mate?!"
Rimmer and Lister were thrown out of their trance by the Cat's outburst. Rimmer turned around next to him, sighing in relief to himself to be pulled away from Lister's intense gaze. Instead he heard Lister growl and the chair and table creek as he leaned on the table to peer around Rimmer and frown at the Cat.
Who wore a disgusted look on his face at both of them.
"You did not just use the word 'mate' in a sentence that was directed at Goal Post Head, bud." the feline said.
The stress in the room was getting worse, and awkward more so for poor Kryten. Legion sat there and just watched the entertainment for now.
"I did. What of it?" Lister said to his friend.
At this point, Rimmer wanted to crawl away himself and hid from the attention he wasn't used to. The last time he got this much attention was during the orgy back 3 million years ago before his death and the rest of the crews. But really, right now, he had nowhere to go, playing piggy in the middle between a disgusted Cat and a growling Alpha.
"Bud, you are not right in that hamster sized brain of yours!" the Cat yowled, poking at his own head to emphasize Listers. "Of all people you want to mate with, you choose helicopter landing pad head?!" At this point, Rimmer buried his face in his hands to hide himself away. "If you should want to mate with anyone, it should have been me! I'm a fine specimen of a Cat!"
Rimmer groaned and Lister couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculous notion presented to him and shook his head.
"Cat, man, first off, we are not even the same type of species to be mates with. So that is completely out of the question. Secondly, the Alpha doesn't want you, he wants Rimmer... Surprisingly so."
"Well tell him to forget all that smeg about wanting Alphabetti Spaghetti Head when he could be wanting the creme of the creme."
"Ah, Sir," Kryten pepped up from his side of the table towards the Cat, "I'm afraid that is not how it works in the Human way of mating."
"Yeah, man. Humans mate with other humans. Me mating with you is the equivalent of bestiality."
Cat wrinkled his nose at the comment but carried on.
"So what? You're planning to sleep with Rimmer and that would be the same with sleeping with a zombie, which really is when you think about it, he is."
Lister spluttered, Kryten started to move further and further away from the Cat and Rimmer was now trying to hide under the table. Still, Legion watched on in fascination.
"That's completely different!" Lister snarled. "It's not like we dug Rimmer's corpse up, used a spell on him to bring back to life and we have to bung him in the chillers at night to keep him fresh!. He's a fully functioning Hologram!"
"WHO IS ALSO DEAD!"
"Gentlemen."
At this point in time both Lister and the Cat were out and up from their seat leaning into each other's space and practically hissing at each other, ready to get into a fight to the death to determine who was right in this situation, and it as getting out of control now for Legion to pipe up.
Lister and Cat turned to face the being, Rimmer raised his head to look over that way too while Kryten was wringing his hands, a nervous habit now.
The air at the moment was filled to the brim with the scent of an extremely angry Alpha in rut, ready to challenge his dominance as leader of their pack and claim the pack Omega. What was once the gentle scent of milk chocolate has now turned into a darker scent, bitter on the tip of one's tongue. Like Green and Blacks 70% dark chocolate.
Again, if Rimmer were alive right now, he would just pulled his trousers down, bent himself over the table, arse in the air as a form of submission towards Lister and would beg the Alpha to just take him right then an there and he wouldn't care if they had an audience, they could either look away, leave the room or watch for all he cared, just as long as Lister was to stake his claim.
But still, all he got was a dull throb through his hole, which would be leaking like a broken faucet right now if, again, he were alive. The beauty of death was that he wasn't controlled by his heat's any more. Instead, he was more afraid of what Lister would try to do to him even though he is dead.
A ruts a rut at the end of the day. That would have been the same with a heat if Lister was the one dead and he were the one alive.
All he felt at this moment was embarrassment at being the piggy in the middle of all this.
He was so glad when finally Legion called out to Lister and Cat
They all watched the alien rise from his seat calmly, as if a headmaster was addressing the lunch hall in an all boys school.
"My friends, may I suggest you all retire for the night?" Legion suggested to the people in the room. "It has been a long day indeed, what with the travelling to get here, Mr Rimmer getting his hard light, Mr Lister getting his appendix removed"... he paused for a second and appeared to be eyeing Lister up and down, trying to find the right words. "...among other things too. You'd all feel better in the morning I'm sure."
The suggestion washed over them all, and slowly both Lister and the Cat backed away from one another, making Rimmer breath a deep sigh of relief, the smell of bitter chocolate turning back into milk.
"Sir's," Kryten gently said towards the other 3 Dwarfer's. "I think it may be for the best. Like Legion just said, it has been a long and tiring day."
Lister nodded and breathed in deep, the anger from the Alpha backing down but his lust for the Omega in the room was still there, now and until the end of his rut, just lingering in small bursts.
"Yeah Krytes, your right man. The events of today are just piling up now and it all just came flooding out."
Kryten nodded and turned towards Legion. "We thank you kindly for your excellent hospitality, Legion, but we best be on our way. Like you said, it's best we turn in for the night. We still have a long journey ahead of us if we want to catch up to Red Dwarf."
Lister, Rimmer and Cat all thanked the entity in a soft murmur, with Rimmer now standing up out of his chair, in a hurry to get back to Starbug, lock himself in his room with his noisy pipes and just drown out all that is Lister at the moment and his rut. The doors may be old on Starbug but the security protocols for them are still intact and if need be he'd just stay there for the rest of Lister's rut and till it all blew over and then they'd be back to petty insults and what not.
But then Legion threw a spanner in the works.
"But I didn't mean back on your ship, my friends."
The men didn't let it go unnoticed how Legion had slowly moved to block the door; their only way out and away.
Rimmer raised an eyebrow. "Come again?" he questioned.
"You are all to remain here with me on this space station."
The Dwarfer looked at each other a tad worried. What the smeg was this fruit loop saying? Stay here? With Legion? What?
"Outta the question, LatexLarry!" Cat declared, earning him hisses of 'shut up' from both Rimmer and Lister, in fear that now being insulted by Cat, Legion would get mad and try and do something. "Ain't gonna do that in any of my nine life times! All my suits and grooming products are back on that ship and that's where I'm going and staying! You see this outfit I'm wearing? It's dry clean only and I'm pretty sure you ain't got no dry cleaners running about on your ship."
"We haven't got any dry cleaners on our ship, anyway," Rimmer grumbled to himself, arms crossed.
"That's not the point, Goal Post Head! My point is that a Cat may wander far and wide but sooner or later, it always returns home. That being the Starbug."
"But we do, Cat. That is, we do have a dry cleaners in this space station. They are located a couple of floors down."
A long, silent pause waded through the room.
"Say what?" Cat asked.
"I said you are to remain on the space station with me. Here you will be taken care of and provided for. Everything you ever desired will be provided for you for your needs and entertainment." Legion had his gaze towards Cat. "Grooming products included."
Everyone's head twisted to the Cat.
"Cat, don't you fucking well dare," Lister hissed at the feline, a finger pointed at him.
Cat looked from Legion to Lister before looking back to Legion and crossing his arms, nose pointed to the air.
"What kind of product's we talking about, bub?" he challenged to the dismay of Rimmer and Lister, who knew this wasn't going to end well for them all.
"Does the name ScissorHand Max 3000 ring any bells?"
Cat's eyes lit up at the name of whatever it was that Legion was bribing with him.
And within that second, their fate was sealed.
Cat grinned with all teeth and fangs showing at Legion and whisked his head around to the others still with that grin on his face.
"Well I'm sold!" he declared.
Rimmer and Lister both let out a loud groan and gripped their heads to hold on to the anger that was about to be unleashed on their idiot of a crew mate.
"Oh Mr Cat," crooned Kryten, clearly in distress.
"What? He has a ScissorHand Max 3000 machine somewhere on board. Do you have any idea how amazing my hair will be looking with one of those babies in my possession? I'll be the coolest Cat on the block."
"I am gonna ring your fucking neck, you goddamned moggy!" Rimmer shouted at the feline, red faced with anger, hands looking like they are going for his neck.
"At least I'll look good while you're doing it," Cat grinned.
He turned back to Legion and motioned the way to the door. "Lead the way, buddy!"
Legion nodded. "Follow me to your cells, gentlemen." He turned around to the door and walked out into the corridor, Cat practically skipping beside him.
"That smegging idiot!" Lister said to his more sensible crew mates. "What was he thinking?"
"Clearly he wasn't at that present time, Sir," Kryten contributed.
"Hold up."
Lister and Kryten turned to face Rimmer who had a worried look on his face while looking out towards the door their host and crewmate went out of.
"What?" Lister snapped.
"Did-" Rimmer paused for a second to process something. "Did he just say he was going to show us to 'our cell's'?"
Silence...
... Shit
After that statement from Rimmer and a second of panicking from all 3 of them, they managed to catch up to Legion and Cat just before they were heading into Willy Wonka's glass elevator. All 5 crammed in, it being a bit snug with the bulk of Kryten taking much of the space up but they managed somehow, with Legion and Cat in the back, Kryten in the middle and Lister and Rimmer pressed up together at the front of the doors.
(Perfect) purred the Alpha in Lister's head and Lister rolled his eyes.
'No.' he projected.
(Why not?) it demanded. (Crowd him back a bit more till he's back up to the wall and just go for it. Bite him, Claim. Mate)
'Not in the elevator, not with other people with us.'
(Oh, I see,) it chuckled. (Waiting till we get to our 'cells' huh? Good idea, more private to claim mate. Don't want anyone to see our mate in admits of pleasure. Just us.)
'No. There is gonna be no going back to our 'cells' and mating,' Lister sternly said, trying to calm his heart beat at the same time as Rimmer shifted just a tad and sending a surge of heat through his body. He bit his tongue to stop the moan that would have come out and with all his strength managed to stop himself from shifting his hips up into the space between him and Rimmer so his cock would have moved against Rimmer's covered one.
(Why not?) the Alpha growled now.
'Because I don't like him! And I have no interest in fucking the sad smegger!'
(But I do! And If I do, you do too. That's how it works)
'Oh smeg off.'
The lift came to a halt and opened its door to a long, windowless corridor.
Lister left as fast as he could to get away from Rimmer and stay away from him.
Once all out of the lift, they followed their jalier down the corridor and before long, they stopped in front of a shiny silver door, where Legion just pressed a doorbell button and it slid open to reveal a glam and glitzy room.
Legion turned to Cat. "This is to be your cell, Cat. You will find all you desire in here. If you need anything, just let me know."
"There he goes again with the cell thing," Rimmer whispered to himself mainly but Lister overheard and just nodded too.
"Nah you're good, man! Scissorhands max 3000 here I come!"
And with no goodbye but instead a happy yowel Cat bounded into his room and the door closed behind him.
Lister looked between the closed door and Legion, a tad worried.
"Is that it, then?" he questioned. "You close the door and we don't see him again?"
"That is not true," said Legion as he turned and carried on walking down the corridor with the others following him. "You will all be free to roam the space station as you please and to visit each other in your rooms. Now please, follow me."
(You heard that right?), the Alpha happily said in Lister's head. (Free to go to each other's rooms. So as soon as we know which room is Rimmer's and Legion leaves us alone….) he trailed off in a sing-song way, leaving Lister to fill the gap.
'Not. Happening,'
(It will,) it purred. (Trust me.)
A few doors later and they all stopped at the next room and the door opened next to a room filled with the latest in cleaning equipment for those grimey walls and floors that it was obvious whose room this is.
"Your cell, Kryten," Legion gestured to the room.
Kryten looked between the room, Legion and then back to Lister and Rimmer,
"Sir's.." he trailed off, not knowing how to go about this situation.
He was desperate to get in that room and give it a good old clean till it shined. But then there was loyalty to his crewmates, mainly Lister.
Lister signed. "Kryten, go on man. It's fine, I'll find you later."
Kryten just nodded and hurried into his 'cell' to start mopping it's floors and scrubbing the walls in peace.
And that just left him with Legion and Rimmer.
"This was Gentlemen," Legion said and continued on his merry way to whoever's room was next.
Which turned out was Rimmer's room. And Rimmer didn't waste any time in going into the security of his 'cell', away from Lister and his rut, not even bother to look back at him before the door closed on him.
And that Infuriated the Alpha that Rimmer was rejecting him.
Lister growled at the door. He wanted to bang on the door and demand that Rimmer let him in to mount and claim him. But instead he stepped back and took deep breaths to cool off. It was for the best that Rimmer stayed there, far away from him. With a final breath in and out, he turned to Legion.
"Come, my friend," his jailer said gently, understandingly? "Everything you need for your time will be provided for you in your cell."
"You keep calling our room's 'cell', mate," Lister said, following the creature down the hall. "But yet you said we are free to roam around and do whatever. What's your game?"
"I only have your best interests at heart," Legion insisted, stopping in front of the door of Lister's room. "Nothing more. You will all be safe here."
The door to his room slid open and in they went.
Lister and Legion walked into his room, Lister first and Legion behind. Lister's eyes wandered around the room and took everything in. It was brilliant white, clean and spacious. The room smelt fresh with the scent of wood pine air freshener probably plugged into the wall. His room had no windows.
Well, if Legion was insisting on calling it a cell instead of a room, it only seemed right he didn't have a window to look longing out into the vast space and it's stars.
"This will be your cell, Dave," said Legion, watching Lister look around his room, ready to step in to see if there was anything else he could help with before he left
Lister laughed and just shook his head as he walked over to his bed. "My cell. You really are a nutter aren't you?"
That's when he spotted it, the guitar on the bed, in chrome silver. He walked over and picked it up and strummed it.
Perfectly tuned (not really).
"Wow," he said when he strummed it. "It's perfectly tuned!"
Legion hummed and nodded.
Then Lister spied the cloche on the bed side table. Figuring it was going to be a perfectly made Vindaloo and the best larger there was, he lifted it and was even more surprised to see his favourite meal of all time; sugar-puff sandwiches!
"Those are my favourite!"
"All you could ever wish for, right here."
After eating a few stray sugar-puff's and licking butter and sugar off his digits, Lister than began to look through the draws of the bedside table while Legion rattled on.
"There is a cyber-park in the complex. You may go to any time period of your choosing and indulge any fantasy you wish, with any person you desire."
Seriously?
Lister turned towards Legion with a frown.
"And that's in some way supposed to make me happy…" until his brain started to bring up images of Kochanski and the Alpha in him perked up and even he approved somewhat, all lingering thoughts of mating with Rimmer gone now the thought of having a go with Lister's fixation and true desired mate."Sorry, run that by me one more time?"
"It's located around the corner from where the dining room is, you cannot miss it." Legion didn't explain any more, instead letting Lister rummaged through the draws in the table. It was filled with knicknacks Lister would normally have laying around in his and Rimmer's bunk back on Red Dwarf. Mainly all rubbish, Rimmer would insist.
Fuck him, this was everything Lister desired and expected if he had his own room on the Dwarf like it was originally going to happen when Rimmer created a duplicate of himself.
He opened the middle draw in the table and wasn't expecting what was in there. His mouth went slack and quickly, he closed the draw.
Slowly, he pulled the draw back out and stared wide eyes, flushing with the Alpha going (YEEEEESSSSS!) in the back of his head in lust.
Every type of lube made, every type of condom made, TENGA eggs, cock rings, pleasure waves, male vibrators, butt plugs, prostate massagers, flesh lights and what looks to be a box for a blow up sex doll called 'Blow Up Barbara' all sat innocently in the draw.
Lister's mouth was agape like fish a the sight before him, at the hidden treasure trove of sex toys that were obviously there to help him get through the rut.
Now that he thought about, he didn't recall Legion ever mentioning the cyber park to his crew mates, just him.
Lister picked up his jaw and looked over at Legion, his face flaming.
"All your basic needs for the next few day's, Dave."
"Uh huh. Okay…. er… thanks?"
"You're most certainly welcome, I am glad to have been of some service. Now if you'd excuse me…"
Lister watched as if it looked like Legion had a sudden dizzy spell come on. Legions hand went up to his forehead to kind of cradle it in his palm. But that was short lived. He straightened up and met Lister's gaze.
"I must leave you know. Your crewmates are growing tired. Good night."
And with that he turned around and walked out of the door with it closing behind him. Lister followed and expected the door to stay shut when he walked up to it. Instead it opened up and he peeked his head out of the door, looking both left and right for signs of where Legion was heading. But he was nowhere in sight, disappeared into thin air. Unless he hoofed it down the corridor like Usain Bolt on half a gram of coke, but that was very unlikely.
Lister pulled his head back and waited for the door to close in front of him and locked the door using the keypad on the right hand side of the door.
*Well thats not happening anytime soon.
Part 2 hopefully coming soon, back to work in a couple to days. I Wasn't planning to make it still long... whoops