Spongebob & Patrick Do Blockbuster Season 1 Episode 1 "Patrick Dies"
(Patrick sleeping in his bed. He wakes up to his alarm clock and does his morning routine. the song fat lip by sum 41 plays as he gets ready )
Patrick: (looking at his closet) hmmm I'll rock the Hawaiian shorts today
(He puts on his shorts and walks outside to meet up with spongebob)
Spongebob: sup Patrick
Patrick: hey
Spongebob: I drove to work like everyday this week, could you drive today?
Patrick: ugh fine sure
Spongebob: what the hell just drive without attitude
Patrick: back off. I said I would do it, i just happened to scoff
Spongebob: okay whatever
(They go to Patrick's Car. Fat lip continues to play as they drive)
Patrick: I totally wasn't feeling work today. Today's a take Xanax and chill out kinda day
Spongebob: at least it's Wednesday. Best day of the week for blockbuster in my opinion
Patrick: whatever. As long as Benjamin is there it sucks. Just like life
Spongebob: what the hell is going on Patrick?
Patrick: (puts a cassette in his car) in this car, we listen to Bush
(Bush plays on the rest of the drive)
(Benjamin at blockbuster in the break room doing unimportant stuff)
Benjamin: ahhh I love being stuck up
(Patrick and spongebob talking as they walk into the store)
Patrick: I'm gonna pull such a funny prank on Benjamin
Spongebob: what are you gonna do ?
Patrick: I'm gonna throw this rat I found in the dumpster into the room to recreate the time he got a rat bite and foamed from the mouth
Spongebob: that's a dick move, pat
Chris; yeah Patrick. Like we all hate Benjamin but like that's fucked up
Patrick: whatever, I need a thrill. Dopamine has been running low since I put out my cigarette 10 seconds ago.
(He goes to the break room and throws the rat at Benjamin's face)
Benjamin:(screams at a high pitch while he attempts to get the rat off of him)
Patrick: haha what a stupid asshole
(The crew approaches him)
Shadow: Patrick, what the fuck?
Patrick: what?
Spongebob: why are you being such a prick?
Patrick: like hop off my dick, I don't need this shit. Let me fucking live
Amanda: Jesus Christ what the hell
Patrick: sorry. Let's just hang
(They're all out back getting ready to smoke)
Chris: my dealer really hooked it up, yo. Got an eighth for 10.
Amanda: what the fuck how?
Chris: It was from a favor I did for him back when we spent a summer In Guatemala. You remember that I came back and I was like "holy crap Guatemala literally changed my life"
Shadow: how could we forget?
Spongebob: yo Patrick pass me your grinder
(He passes spongebob the grinder)
Spongebob: yo could we use some of this left over nug from the kief catcher
Patrick: I mean like I'm saving that ya know
Spongebob: Patrick that's not even a bowl pack. It'll be more beneficial now
Patrick: ugh fine whatever. (Patrick lights a cigarette)
Shadow: oh shit. I know I am against Marlboro reds but can I grab one of those? I left my pack at home
Patrick: ugh fine I guess
Shadow: dude you literally bought that pack this morning and I've given you several cigarettes. Several.
Patrick: oh yeah your American shits are sooo great. Appropriating cultures you're not even close to understanding.
Shadow: whatever man. Thanks for the fucking ciggie
Patrick: (torches the blunt) oh yeah getting stoned at blockbuster
Shadow: yesterday me and sea green went to cvs and inside I saw Squidward crying. He looked like he was coked up
Spongebob: literally the worst neighbor you can ever ask for. He's so annoying and I hate how he's rich now. I miss seeing him struggle at the Krusty Krab. Remember when we went there for lunch everyday sophomore year and heckled the fuck out of him?
(A cutaway to spongebob, Chris and Patrick at the Krusty Krab talking to Squidward)
Spongebob: hey Squidward, is that your nose or your dick? Wait, that's too big to be your dick
Patrick: haha you suck
Jim:(laughs)
Squidward: jim what the fuck?
Jim: sorry it was funny
(Back to the sesh)
Chris: yeah, that was fun
Patrick:(still cheefin on the blunt) this is good ass weed, bro
Amanda: Patrick, what the fuck the blunt is half done
Patrick: we did put my weed in it just saying
Shadow: okay, like 98% of it was Chris's weed. Why are you being such a dick
Patrick: fuck this, I don't need this shit
(He goes into blockbuster)
Patrick:(as we walks through Benjamin is passed out on the floor crying while foam spills through his mouth) fuck you, Benjamin
(He walks to his car and plays his Bush cd)
Patrick: (lights a cigarette) those guys need to hop off my dick
(A shot of him jamming out to machine head as he smokes his cigarette)
(Back to the sesh)
Amanda: Patrick is always kind of a dick, but this is ridiculous
Shadow: yeah what the fuck?
Spongebob: I'll tell you one thing, we shouldn't invite him to my house later
Shadow: he's too close to you, my house has to be the location
(The shift is reaching the end)
Patrick: yo what's the After work mood?
Shadow: I'm tired
Amanda: I have hockey
Chris: I have to help David clean the study
Spongebob: I'm tryna just relax
Patrick: okay whatever
(Later at shadows house)
Spongebob: hopefully Patrick doesn't see my car is gone
Amanda: hopefully he doesn't drive around for no reason
(Patrick walking outside his house)
Patrick: huh spongebobs Car isn't here. I thought he was trying to relax
(Patrick gets into his car. He drives as daddy by Korn plays)
Patrick: (drives by Chris's house. ) huh he's not home either
(David walks out)
David: Patrick what are you doing here?
Patrick: Did Chris help you clean the study?
David: no why?
(Patrick drives away)
Patrick: (He goes by shadows house)...(he sees everyone's car) oh I see how it is. Whatever. I don't fucking need those assholes. (He rolls a blunt and Sparks it up in his car) fuck it, I guess I'm gonna take a drive down to the G&A 24 hours hot bagels & deli deli to get a Reuben on rye
(He smokes his weed as he sings along to korn)
Patrick: Why are you at home
Buried in your self-pity?
Why do you insist on
Living the life clean out of me? (Jams to korn)
(A shot of his speed thing and it shows he's driving 117 miles)
(A police car pulls up on him)
Patrick: oh shit, I better finish this blunt fast (he cheefs hard as he gets pulled over)
(The cop approaches him and he rolls down his window)
Country Cop: (country accent) have you been smoking the devils cabbage?
Patrick:...yes
Brute Cop: step out of the car, punk starfish.
Patrick: oh fuck you, you specist dick. This is probably why you fucking pulled me over, you profiling douche.
Brute Cop: This is your last warning, step out of the car.
Patrick: no. I'm sorry, I'm really good at driving stoned
Brute Cop: That's it
Country Cop: Wait a second, Brute. Come on, get out of the car, sir.
Patrick: no (he turns up his radio and jams to korn)
Brute Cop: (physically removes Patrick from the car)
Patrick: noo get your hands off me pig!
Country cop: (finds a huge bag of weed in the car) busted!
Patrick: Hey, watch it, asshole. I was just trying to get a Reuben on rye from G&A 24 hours hot bagels & deli
Brute Cop: well you're spending a night in jail, starfish
Patrick: fuckkkkkkkk. dammit i get it, i'm
a starfish. i wasn't born yesterday, i see right through your bigotry.
(The episode fades out to understanding by candlebox)