Obviously I don't own Naruto.

Shikamaru didn't just find women bothersome, but profoundly confusing. From the way they talked, to the way they fought, to the way they loved, not a damn thing made sense about them. And he was certainly not volunteering to be the poor sacrificial lamb to solve that little riddle. After all, he generally tried to avoid things that were obviously hazardous to his health. Nope, he didn't need to figure out the puzzle that was women, didn't need to understand them, and didn't need them. Or, at least that's what he had been telling himself since that night.

It had been a month now since he had spoken to or even seen Ino.

He glared at the paperwork open on his desk, another riddle he didn't feel like solving. They needed a skirmish put down on the border of the land of lightning before the other Kage got wind of the conflict. No conflict, nothing to forgive, no need to re-negotiate terms that might just spiral into something he had no patience for.

Of course, in their line of work, a month away wasn't the weirdest thing in the world. He kept agents in deep cover for months, even years at a time, then they just showed up back in the village one day like they had never left. Shino had made quite the entrance on his last return. But that was the central problem, he sent them on their missions. Every major shinobi mission at least crossed his desk, if he hadn't personally put together the details, and she wasn't on one. Which meant she was in the village, which meant he should have seen her around, which meant she was avoiding him. What a child.

He didn't care, he told himself and went back to staring at the paperwork. The impossible decision, did he send the village's elite to put down the skirmish, in hopes that they could shut everyone up quietly, but risk locals finding out how seriously they were taking the threat? Or did he send a group of kids to show it wasn't serious, but risk them making a mess of things.

He had considered once or twice going to see her, talk or whatever, but that would be admitting he did something wrong. Which he hadn't. He had been over that night a million times in his head, and if anyone was in the wrong it was her. On top of that, his pride and feelings were injured in the fallout. At least this one time, onus was on her to make amends. Which she hadn't done. No, she was avoiding him. And if that was the game she wanted to play, he had way more experience doing nothing than she did. He had practically been preparing his entire life for that type of game. It didn't matter.

He looked at a list of available genin, he didn't have to wonder if they would mess things up, it was inevitable. Had his team been this useless as genin? Who was he kidding, they were probably worse. There would be no mixing the types of attack force, either this was going to be brutal and effective or non-violent and messy.

She was probably hiding out in the hospital. Ino had a talent for disappearing for weeks that way, taking extra shifts and not bothering to leave at the end of the day. He remembered the day she showed him what she had been working on, told him her dream of founding a unit focused on healing minds, rather than just stitching people back together after battle and sending them right back into the field. That day, he hadn't considered that unlike sewing people up and injecting them with chakra, minds fall apart outside of combat, anytime, anywhere. But how exactly was he supposed to think about that after the number she did on his head that day? She was probably working around the clock, staying busy rather than actually dealing with her problems. Not that it mattered to him.

He tried the list of available jonin, it was a much better list. Several of his own classmates were in the village. Several from the black ops. He could easily put together a team that could take out the entire skirmish within a week, without casualties on their side. It would be brutal though, and they still weren't sure how large the skirmish was exactly. The larger the insurrection, the harder it would be to keep them quiet.

He considered sending Ino, they were probably Konoha's best stealth team when working together. From practically the day they were born, they had been trained for exactly this type of work together. It was a real drag, but their families had a long history dealing with the village's secrets together. And all variables accounted for; no one ever saw them coming. And unlike the other jonin, she didn't actually need to kill anyone to shut them up. Plus, he wanted to see her try to avoid him under those conditions. But unfortunately, the hospital had her marked as unavailable and the Sixth Hokage had him off missions until he caught up on paperwork. Bothersome.

Besides, he didn't need to trap her into a mission with him. He didn't care, after all. And it was still her job to fix things this time. Irritated he grabbed four profile photos; he was going with the kids. If they were going to keep singing the whole, we believe in world peace song, they didn't need to get caught slaughtering large groups of other nation's citizens quite yet.

Ambling down the hall to Kakashi's office, Shikamaru considered how easily he could still get out of all this paperwork. Shikamaru felt that the Sixth had too much free time, probably because he kept giving Shikamaru all his work. The man felt the need to personally train Naruto in the position years before he was set to transition into the role, and therefore train Shikamaru to be Naruto's right-hand man. Or as he liked to call it, his paperwork servant. It was a huge drag, and if he wanted to stop it from getting any worse, he would need to quit before Naruto inherited any of that power. Why him? Why couldn't he just be a normal ninja with a normal workload? Maybe he could still trick Sakura into taking the job.

He knocked on Kakashi's door, hoping he wasn't in. Because if the Sixth Hokage wasn't in, he would just have to submit this file in the morning and there wouldn't be a chance to give him anything else today. Unfortunately, a few seconds later he was asked in.

He made to submit the paperwork without effort spent on pleasantries but found himself caught off guard by how busy the office was. Choji, Neji, and Naruto were all present, a group way too large for so late in the day. Naruto, sure, he was always in there, but not the other two. It had to be an assignment. He found himself running through the list of open missions, what was the unifying set of skills among them? It was just such an offensive group, no good for the types of missions they had in the queue.

The Sixth thanked him for the file, which he immediately took to reading, not bothering to explain the room. Rather he said words like, "oh" and "interesting." Assuming his work was done, and honestly hoping to avoid anymore, he started back towards the hall. His curiosity wasn't worth that risk and Choji would fill him in on any details he wanted later. Choji was never the pick for keeping secrets, though he wasn't sure the sixth knew that just yet.

Kakashi spoke, "just a moment Shikamaru."

Shikamaru scowled and continued to wait for Kakashi to stop reading, swapping glances with his best friend, to prod for information. He didn't seem to know what was going on either. Shikamaru had a bad feeling about his chances of getting to just go home after this.

"Well, that answers that," the Sixth looked at them, "I guess you're all wondering why I called you here."

Naruto spoke first, "well yeah Kakashi, Sensei, you made us all stand here for like half an hour waiting on Shikamaru to finish your report then you made us just stand here and watch you read it. What's so important about that report anyway?"

Shikamaru didn't like this new bit of information, feeling slightly guilty for keeping them waiting. Not that he knew they were waiting. Now they were all going to be annoyed with him. What a situation.

"Oh this," Kakashi held up the documents, "this isn't important for you guys. I just didn't want to do it myself."

His cheer was oblivious to their fuming, "no, I called you here today because I have a new four-person mission for you all."

This seemed to quell some of Naruto's anger, already excited by this terrible news, "ooooh, what type of mission?"

Kakashi crossed his arms, "an S-ranked mission, Naruto."

While Shikamaru had been correct about not getting to go home yet, he was also a little confused. He spoke, "all of us?"

Kakashi shook his head, "no, actually I misspoke, Naruto, you're not going." From the side of his vision, Shikamaru could see the ridiculous ball of energy visibly deflate, "but I am sending you Shikamaru, now that you're done with the paperwork."

Shikamaru might have bothered to protest, if Naruto hadn't been so quick to speak first, "this stinks Kakashi Sensei, why can't I go on the mission. Why did I have to stand here so long? And what is this stupid mission about anyways?"

It was hard to read Kakashi's facial expression behind the mask, but Shikamaru was still pretty sure he had just frowned. "I'm going to let someone else explain that part."

Then, without any further instruction, he walked out of the room. Shikamaru considered that now might be his last chance to get a decent night's sleep, but when Neji followed, then Choji, and even Naruto, he felt he was under an annoying obligation to come along. Choji joined at his side, asking about his dinner plans. Shikamaru then delivered the heart-breaking speculation that he wasn't sure they were going to have much choice in the matter. Then Choji was asking about the mission, which Shikamaru knew nothing about, but also assumed they weren't going to have much choice in. Even with his skill set added to the bunch, and Naruto's removed, it was a weird group. That was, until he realized where they were going, straight to the hospital.

Kakashi had said four-person mission.

And himself included in the group meant that they had two of the three members of their team back together.

Maybe Shikamaru was getting that stealth mission after all. Alright Ino, he mused, avoid me now. Not that he cared.