Kugisaki's room was a mess, even worse than his. There were bags and boxes with all the purchases she made every day. Her closet was overfilled with clothes and her nightstand had more stuff than it could bear. He understood her a little, he too had marveled at the charms of the big city when he first arrived in Tokyo. His room was enough proof with a shelf full of manga and action figures that he got from the otaku stores in town.
He never thought that he would be part of that madness.
None of the rooms had a television. Tokyo Jujutsu High intended them to be spaces for relaxation and introspection when they returned from their missions or when they were not studying. Itadori was too hyperactive and a pop culture fan to not get even his old notebook. It was one of the few things that he took from his grandfather's house that really had some value.
Fushiguro and Kugisaki didn't have computers, although they did have cell phones either. Gojo-sensei had said that he was trying to insist "the higher ups" the need for teenagers to be connected. He only wants permission to set up a Wi-Fi network because he has no signal here, Fushiguro had said. As long as it benefited everyone, Itadori saw fit to support his claim.
He took his laptop to Kugisaki's room. Fushiguro was sitting on the floor on a wide tatami that he had somehow managed to get out of the school warehouse. Itadori hadn't been there that long and had no idea where the important places were. Many times he had gotten lost trying to get to the bathroom and Gojo-sensei had to accompany him as if he were a kid.
"What are we gonna watch?" Kugisaki asked, sitting cross-legged on her bed.
Itaodri knelt on the tatami next to Fushiguro and handled the computer that he had propped on the bed. He opened a folder full of movies and showed them to them.
"I have these downloaded and we also have the ones that Gojo-sensi used during my training, although I would prefer not to see those, I suffered a lot ..." He mentioned scratching the back of his neck with a smile.
Fushiguro scanned his movie list and raised an eyebrow at him.
"Clearly the computer is lagging because you have too many things, the memory is almost full."
Itadori shrugged and continued looking for a movie to watch.
"You have to delete more things, if you've watched some movies already, delete them," Fushiguro said without changing his expression.
Kugisaki leaned toward them curiously.
"No, what you have to do is extend your memory and accumulate everything you want there!"
He ignored them while choosing a movie. The two fell silent when the sound interrupted them.
"What did you put on?"
Itadori smirked as he lunged at Fushiguro to grab a bag of potato chips from Kugisaki's accumulator-nightstand. The first scene showed a man reading in front of a window in a mental hospital.
"Silver Linings Playbook," he announced proudly, and his two friends raised a confused brow. "It's Jennifer Lawrence's super cool movie!"
Fushiguro cocked his face in confusion and Itadori scowled at him. Kugisaki leaned closer to the screen.
"Oh, didn't she win the Oscar for that movie?"
"Yes!" He yelled excited that at least she recognized her.
Kugisaki looked back at Fushiguro and smiled.
"I can't believe two country fellas know more about this than one city boy."
"I'm not really from Tokyo ..." He wanted to defend himself but Itadori had already put on the movie again and laid his arms on Kugisaki's bed to rest his head there.
The bed got filled with bags of chips and snacks and halfway through the movie Itadori interrupted to eat some instant ramen while they talked. He had taken care of buying everything for that night, determined to have a good time with them after everything that had happened.
Lately he wasn't calm. Gojo-sensei also seemed to sense that unease in the air. Something bad was about to happen. And after the Yasohachi Bridge, he was sure someone would come to get revenge for what they did.
Maybe this was the last chance to spend time with them pretending they were normal kids; pretending they could stay up late watching a movie many more times.
The hot ramen satisfied him, although if it were up to him he could eat a lot more, and the bag of chips was left on the floor. He was sure that Fushiguro would force them to clean the next day even though it wasn't his room.
Kugisaki threw them a pink quilt that she had bought in a store and that she hadn't yet been able to use. Fushiguro complained about the garish color but Kugisaki said it matched Itadori's hair. Everything is too blue and black in your room, Fushiguro, she had said and he laughed because it was true. The few times Fushiguro let him peek, he had been able to see the monochromatic hues that decorated his room.
The only thing that always stood out were his green eyes, glowing behind abnormally long lashes.
"I envy your eyelashes, Fushiguro," Kugisaki mentioned when they were already in bed and with the light off.
The tatami next to her bed was wide and the two fit well even though their shoulders brushed. The pink blanket was very warm and soft, Itadori had no complaints.
"There is nothing special about my lashes," he heard him say in a monotonous voice.
He and Kugisaki clicked their tongues in unison.
"Don't be humble, we all know you have long eyelashes," she added laughing and Itadori did too.
"They are very long and delicate, you look like a doll, Fushiguro!"
"Hey ..."
They laughed knowingly as if they had made a prank. It was fun to tease Fushiguro. He was always so serious, so correct, he never seemed to get out of control.
Itadori flinched as a memory etched into his eyes crept into his memory. Fushiguro full of blood, looking at him with a strange expression. He smiled. He had told him that he didn't regret saving him. It was a sad smile.
They never spoke of it again. It was the only time he saw Fushiguro like this.
"Hey, Itadori "
Fushiguro's voice brought him back to reality. Why was everything so quiet?
"What?" He asked in a low voice.
"You were quiet staring at the ceiling like a zombie. What happened?"
He sat up to look at Kugisaki who had apparently fallen asleep when he fell into that alienating trance.
"I was remembering some things," he said before thinking it through.
"What things?"
"When I died."
The silence that followed made him shudder. Fushiguro didn't move or say anything and he had to lie on his side to get a better look at him. The school rooms had sliding doors that open out onto nature. Kugisaki hadn't draped curtains yet and the night light was the only thing that prevented complete darkness.
He could see the outline of Fushiguro's silhouette against the shadows. His presence refused to be swallowed up by the darkness he handled so well.
"What's up with that?" He asked after the long silence and Itadori smiled.
"Nothing, I just thought we never talked about it."
"Is there something to talk about?"
Fushiguro was blunt and straightforward. He always said the things he needed to hear at the right time.
"I just wish Gojo-sensei had been there to listen to your speech about not regretting even once saving… ah!"
He covered his mouth instantly, trying to mitigate the blow to his shoulder that Fushiguro gave him. He didn't want to wake Kugisaki and have her scold them.
"Shut up. You were dying"
He fell silent. But not because he ordered it, but because of what he said afterwards. You were dying. He felt that terrifying moment firsthand. He couldn't control Sukuna and almost ended up killing Fushiguro. If it weren't for that twisted obsession that Sukuna had developed for him and that he still didn't understand, he would surely be dead.
"I thought that was going to be the last thing I said to you. The last thing you would hear from anyone."
He was surprised that he was being so open. They had never talked about that moment and suddenly they were saying it all, in the darkness of a foreign room and on a large tatami that, somehow, had them pressed close. Somehow Fushiguro's words became essential for breathing. What did he think about that moment? Why was it so important to tell him that it wasn't a mistake to save him? Was he still thinking about it today, after everything that happened?
"The truth is, I didn't want you to die thinking that your existence was troublesome."
Itadori widened his eyes in exaltation and sat up on his elbow looking at him. Fushiguro remained motionless, face up with his hands on his chest.
"Don't you think my existence is wrong?"
Fushiguro directed his green eyes towards him. He couldn't see them well or clearly distinguish their color but his imagination completed the rest. In his mind those eyes shone more than ever and his eyelashes framed that nocturnal beauty that characterized him.
"No," he said, looking at him and Itadori felt himself shudder. "I can see your suffering. I know you think you are a bomb about to explode and you fight it because you are a good person."
He lowered his eyes. He couldn't sustain that contact even though he couldn't even get a good look at it. The sensation of Fushiguro's eyes piercing their souls —Sukuna's too— made him feel cold and exposed.
"Itadori," he called out to him, and he responded to his request with heavy breathing. "You are goodness personified. There is no one better than you to retain the king of curses"
He opened his mouth in surprise and stayed like that, unable to say anything. Fushiguro waited patiently but when it became apparent that Itadori couldn't string together two words, he turned his back on him and murmured an almost inaudible good night.
He shook his head, determined to react. Fushiguro had read his concerns very well and, as always, said what was necessary to calm the excruciating pain that pierced his soul —only his— every day.
He grabbed Fushiguro's shoulder and pulled him. He didn't hear him say anything even though he knew he was surprised. He could see it in his eyes which, now that they were closer, became sharper.
He never knew how to thank people. Itadori felt like a stranger in the world; homeless, almost without family. During his normal days, when he was an ordinary student (maybe just a bit too strong) he had never realized that feeling of being an outsider. The irony was that he realized how outside he felt at the same time that he found a place where he was no longer.
Fushiguro didn't want to see him die thinking that his life was in vain, that he should never have existed. He wanted him to know that his life did have a meaning. It still had it.
His green eyes stopped when he closed his. He could no longer see that enigmatic beauty but he could feel it. Fushiguro's lips were pressed against his. Soft.
Kissing felt soft.
And Fushiguro kissed just as he was. Quiet, as if there was no rush or as if he wasn't kissing the recipient of Ryomen Sukuna himself. Because he wasn't, he wasn't kissing a vessel or a sorcerer or a just-a-bit-to -strong normal student.
It was Itadori, the boy he saw die before his eyes, desperate to validate his existence, to know that it hadn't been a mistake to live.
The touch was slow and they did nothing more than just exchange soft kisses. Itadori was afraid of waking Kugisaki up and ridiculing them until the day they died. He kept his hand on Fushiguro's shoulder and he had his on his elbow, as if he wanted to hold him. Prevent him from falling.
They parted silently and shared a look. Itadori smiled. Fushiguro also gave him a small gesture that looked a lot like a happy grimace.
"Thank you," he said quietly and Fushiguro nodded.
He saw him close his eyes, his hand still on his elbow even though Itadori had removed his from his shoulder. He knew he was going to sleep, this time without turning his back on him.
Kugisaki's steady breathing resonated over him, reassuring him. Fushiguro's face was relaxed, exposed to his gaze. Itadori smiled to himself, to the darkness of the room and even to Sukuna because, at last, he was not alone.
He wanted a meaning to live and in return he got a life to feel.
Note: Thank you Kura (as always) for translating my fanfic