Chaser 3
Appleby Arrows
Round 4, Season 9
Word Count: 2,885
Prompts: Hotel
(Character) Severus Snape
(Word) Collateral
(Word) Venture
A/N This is an AU in which Voldemort never existed. Thank you so much to DaughteroftheOneTrueKing, Ikuni Hattori, and , without whom I would be lost beyond all comprehension.
Severus Snape pinched the bridge of his nose. This was the last thing he had been expecting when Dumbledore had forced him to be a chaperone for the Muggle Studies trip to London. Sitting before him were Draco, Harry, Ron, Fred, George, and Hermione.
Filch was pacing off to the side, Mrs. Norris clutched tightly in his arms. He was muttering darkly under his breath and throwing dirty looks at the students every few seconds.
Still pinching his nose, Snape asked, "I know I'm bound to regret asking this, but will one of you bumbling idiots tell me what the hell just happened?!"
The students all glanced at each other before looking back up at their professor.
"If one of you doesn't start talking this instant, I will give each and every one of you a strong dose of Veritaserum," Snape growled.
The students sat quietly for several long moments.
Finally, Draco said, "It started when Potter bought those Nerf guns at that Muggle store earlier today."
Harry had been less than thrilled when he had learned that he and Ron would be sharing a room with Draco on their trip to Muggle London.
To make matters worse, the chaperones for the trip were Snape, Filch, and Burbage. Harry actually quite liked Professor Burbage and her sweet disposition. However, he absolutely abhorred Snape and Filch. They seemed to have made it their personal mission to make Harry's life a living hell, so he could only imagine how terribly the single-night trip was going to pan out.
Before they had even left the school, Snape had collected everyone's wands.
They stopped at a Muggle store on the way back to the hotel that evening. It was there that Harry spotted the Nerf guns. He bought several of them, using all of the money his parents had given him for the trip.
When they arrived back at the hotel, the students were immediately told to go to their rooms.
Ron and Harry made it back to the room before Draco. Harry showed Ron his purchases, then quickly shoved them under the bed when they heard the door open.
"Oi! Potter, do me a favor and sleep with your mouth closed. I don't want to be kept awake all night because you snore," Draco commented as he laid down on his bed.
"It won't be snoring keeping you awake," Ron muttered, earning him an elbow to the ribs from Harry.
"What was that, Weasel?"
Harry and Ron waited until Draco was sound asleep, his snores filling the room, before they pulled out their Nerf guns.
"On three," Harry whispered.
He slowly counted down on his fingers. When he put his index finger down, both he and Ron started shooting their Nerf guns at Draco, who shot up in bed.
"What the bloody hell?!" Draco shouted, looking around the room frantically.
Harry and Ron busted out laughing. Draco glared at them.
"My father will hear about this!" Draco snarled.
The only response he got was several Nerf bullets hitting him in the chest.
Draco got out of bed and ran for cover behind Harry's bed. There, he found another Nerf gun and promptly picked it up. He was thankful to find that it was already full to its capacity. Peeking around the side of the bed, he didn't see either of his attackers, but he knew that his safety would not last long.
Not even a moment later, both Ron and Harry poked their heads out from behind Draco's bed and started shooting at him.
Draco returned fire, but none of the bullets hit their marks. He dashed from behind the safety of the bed and into the bathroom, closing the door securely behind him. He hoped to draw out Harry and Ron with just enough time to keep himself from getting trapped in the bathroom.
Seconds later, he heard steps approaching and Ron asking, "Where did he go?"
"I think he went into the hallway. Come on, let's go get him!"
The door opened and closed.
That hadn't been what Draco was intending, but he was certainly going to take full advantage of the opportunity he had been presented. When he exited the room, Harry and Ron were at the far end of the hallway, their backs to him. Draco smirked and aimed his gun, firing off several bullets before either of his opponents realized what was going on. This time, each bullet hit its mark.
Harry and Ron whirled around to face Draco, who quickly ducked into the stairway and pressed his back to the wall so that he could fire more Nerf bullets when his opponents entered the stairway in search of him.
Draco didn't have to wait long for Harry and Ron to open the door. Unfortunately, the two were expecting his onslaught and immediately fired on him as soon as they appeared, taking Draco by surprise.
"What's the matter, Malfoy?" Harry taunted. "Want to surrender?"
Draco snorted. "In your dreams, Potter!"
They ended up back in the hallway, trying their hardest to be quiet while still shooting at each other.
Suddenly, they heard a door opening from the other side of the hall. Before they even got the chance to turn around to see who it was, the person said, "No horseplay in the hallways. Give me those… things!"
They all turned around to see Filch standing before them. Mrs. Norris was perched happily in his arms, quite clearly purring as her owner scratched her chin.
"We need to do something to get those Nerf guns back," Harry declared as he flopped down onto his bed several minutes later.
"For once, I agree with Potter," Draco said.
"But what? If we venture into the hallway again, he'll catch us. Or that damn cat of his will," Ron grumbled.
Both Draco and Harry snapped to attention. They looked at each other and knew they were thinking the exact same thing. "We're going to kidnap Mrs. Norris!"
Ron didn't know whether to be amused or concerned that Harry and Draco were on the same wavelength. "And what would that accomplish?"
Draco smirked. "It's all about who has the upper hand in any situation, Weasel."
Suddenly, there was a scratching sound from behind them. The three of them turned towards where it came from, only to see the wall.
"What do you suppose that was?" Draco asked.
Ron shrugged. "I guess someone snuck a pet onto the trip."
"Speaking of pets, how are we supposed to capture Mrs. Norris?" Harry asked, bringing them back on topic.
"Don't look at me. I came up with the idea in the first place," Draco stated.
Harry glared at him. "Technically, we came up with it at the same time."
"Then Weasel gets the honor of coming up with the plan."
Poor Ron looked like a deer caught in headlights.
The scratching sound came again, interrupting their bantering.
"Wait a minute," Ron said, a puzzled look on his face. He was staring at the door on the wall that the scratching sound was coming from. "Fred and George have the room adjoined to ours, and they don't have a pet."
"So what's making that sound?" Harry asked, just as confused.
"Your guess is as good as mine," Ron said.
Draco smiled mischievously. "I say we find out."
He didn't waste a moment before walking over to the door. The first door opened easily, but the one on the twins' side was obviously locked.
"Why did they have to take our wands away?" Draco groaned.
"So that we wouldn't do something like this," Ron quipped.
"Oh, move over," Harry mumbled as he pushed past his two roommates. He grabbed two paper clips from the nearby desk and proceeded to pick the lock. He turned around to face his two stunned roommates with a smug smile.
Ron's mouth was agape. "How?"
"Sirius taught me that trick a couple of years ago."
"It's not that impressive. Any idiot can pick a lock," Draco grumbled.
Draco rudely barged past Harry and opened the door to the twins' room.
What was on the other side stunned them all.
Harry, Ron, and Draco all stared, wide-eyed, at the scene they had just walked in on.
"What in Merlin's name is going on here?" Draco stammered, for once at a loss for words.
All around the room were bird droppings, some kind of pastry, and a canary flying madly about. Fred and George looked up at the three boys. It was obvious they hadn't heard them enter.
"Well, hello," the twins chorused.
"What is going on here?" Ron asked, his gaze following the bird. "And where did you get that canary?"
The twins shared a look, then turned back around, smirking.
"From a rat we found on the balcony," Fred answered.
"Because that clears everything up," Draco muttered.
Ron picked up one of the pastries and was about to eat it, but before he could, George snatched it out of his hand.
"I wouldn't eat that if I were you."
"Why?"
"Because we haven't quite figured out how to make the Canary Cream a temporary thing," Fred replied.
Ron frowned. "I don't get it."
"Wow, you really are as dumb as I thought," Draco said dryly.
"So, you three are planning on kidnapping Mrs. Norris," George stated, changing the subject.
The three roommates looked at the twins, flabbergasted.
"How did you-"
"We weren't-"
"Why would we-"
The twins smirked and chorused, "Save it."
"How did you guys even hear us?" Harry asked.
George held up a string-like object with what looked like an ear at the end of it. "We've been testing out our Extendable Ears as well and needed test subjects. You three made perfect candidates."
Ron sighed. "What are we going to have to sacrifice to buy your silence?"
"Not much, little brother," Fred began. "We need another test subject for our Canary Creams. We will help you kidnap Mrs. Norris, on the condition that she becomes our new test subject. It's a win-win situation!"
"How so?" Draco asked, skeptical.
"We get a new test subject, and you all get to hold the bloody cat as collateral for your Nerf guns," George said.
"And lucky for you three, we have the perfect plan," Fred said, rubbing his hands together mischievously.
As it turned out, the twins had bought some walkie-talkies at the same store that Harry had bought the Nerf guns.
Each of the five students had their specific roles for the mission that they dubbed "Bloody Hell." Harry and Draco were the distraction, Ron was extraction, and the twins had made themselves the mission commanders. The code names were all chosen by the twins as well. Harry was Dash, Draco was Daddy's Boy, Ron was Ickle Ronnikins, Mrs. Norris was the Package, Filch was Dungbomb and the twins were collectively the Overlords. Ron had one walkie-talkie, and the twins had the other.
The plan was simple. Harry and Draco were to go into the hallway and begin arguing right outside of Filch's room. Once Filch was sufficiently occupied, Ron would sneak into Filch's room, grab Mrs. Norris, and get out. After Ron was out of the room, Harry and Ron would stop fighting. Finally, they would all go to their rooms, then meet up in Fred and George's room for their shenanigans.
Harry and Draco exited the room, waiting until they were directly in front of Filch's room before they began their ruse.
"Well, well, well, Potter. Shying away from a duel, just like you did in first year. Scared of my superiority?"
Harry snorted. "In your dreams, Malfoy. As I remember it, you were the one who avoided the duel like the plague. Your best defense is bringing your daddy's name into an argument."
Filch came out of his room and started yelling at the two boys. The twins peeked out their door and watched the scene unfold.
"Overlords to Ickle Ronnikins, Dungbomb is in position. Retrieve Package now. Over."
"Copy that, Overlords. And next time, I'm choosing the code names."
"You didn't say over," Fred sang.
"Shove it up your a-"
"Dash and Daddy's Boy can only keep Dungbomb distracted for so long. You'd better get a move on it, Ickle Ronnikins. Over."
"Copy."
Fred and George watched as Ron ducked into Filch's room. They waited with bated breath as Harry and Draco continued to argue, hoping Ron would come out with the cat.
"Ickle Ronnikins to Overlords, I've got the Package. Do I have enough cover to make it out? Over."
"Copy, Ickle Ronnikins. You are safe to make it back to home base, but make it quick. Filch is almost finished ripping Dash and Daddy's Boy a new one. Over."
"Copy."
The five students looked at Mrs. Norris, all of their heads tilted to the side.
"Well, I must admit that this was not the intended result," George said, holding back a laugh.
"I should hope not! She has killer claws and even more mobility than before!" Ron quickly ducked as the bird-cat flew at him, her claws extended.
"We'll work that kink out," Fred said. "George, make a note."
"When?!" Harry, Ron, and Draco shouted.
"Eventually," George answered, smirking.
"Shouldn't she be back to her normal form by now?" Ron asked.
"Yeah, but that's why we wanted to test on her. We just didn't think that things would go this awry," Fred replied.
"Then you need to fix it," Draco hissed. "I'm not about to take the fall for this because you two can't figure out what one plus one is!"
George nervously rubbed his neck. "We haven't quite figured out how to turn them back to normal at all yet, hence why we needed another test subject to try out a new recipe of the creams on." His eyes flickered to the other canary flying about the room, the one without killer claws.
"We need to figure out something," Ron stated as he nervously paced the room.
"I'm all ears for any ideas you might have," Fred quipped.
After several moments of silence, Harry exclaimed, "Hermione!"
"Not that know-it-all," Draco groaned. Then his expression changed. "Actually, that might help us this time around."
"Really? Because I certainly didn't think of that," Harry deadpanned, earning him a glare from Draco.
Hermione was just starting to fall asleep when she first heard the light tapping on the door. She shook it off as someone who was walking in the hallway, but then it came again.
Suppressing a groan, Hermione got out of bed and answered her room door. She was surprised to see her two best friends, the Weasley twins, and none other than Draco Malfoy. All of them were disheveled and had claw-like marks on their robes.
"We need your help," the five boys stated.
Without giving her time to say something, they grabbed her arms and dragged her to Fred and George's room.
Hermione was even more shocked by the room than she was when she first saw the five boys at her door. "What happened here?!"
"Fred and George got Mrs. Norris stuck as a canary," Ron answered.
"You mean that's Mrs. Norris?! Oh, you five are in so much trouble."
"Which is why we need your help," Ron said.
Hermione wiped a hand down her face. "How did you guys even get her in here?"
"We kidnapped her so that we could use her as collateral and the twins could use her as a test subject for their Canary Creams."
"I have now heard it all," Hermione muttered. "And what exactly am I supposed to do?"
"Help us transform her from this demon form into her usual bloody self," Ron answered.
"If only I had my wand, this would be a piece of cake," Hermione moaned.
"Just be thankful we weren't testing Permanent Sticking Charms on her. Again."
Somehow, about half an hour later, Mrs. Norris- still in bird form- managed to open the room door with her killer claws and went zooming into the hallway. The students had no choice but to follow.
"Get back here, bloody cat," Ron hissed as Mrs. Norris barely escaped his clutches.
"We have to corner her," Hermione said.
"Yeah, like that's gonna work," Draco said dryly.
Harry glared at Draco. "If you have a better idea, Daddy's Boy, then go ahead and share it with the class."
Suddenly, they heard a door open somewhere from down the hall.
The six students turned to face Snape, whose face was morphing from shock to confusion to anger. "What the hell did you six do?! And what is a canary doing in this hallway?"
Another door opened, and out stepped Filch. The bird-cat meowed and flew directly to her owner, perching herself on his shoulder.
"Argus, I do believe I have solved the mystery as to where your cat disappeared to."
Snape was pinching his nose again. "Let me get this straight. Harry, Ron, and Draco kidnapped Mrs. Norris to hold her as collateral for their silly toys, the twins used her as a test subject, and you all forced Ms. Granger to aid you in reversing the charm?"
"Yup, that about sums things up," George said.
Snape turned around and muttered, "Just when I thought I had seen it all."