A/N: Strap in for the crossover/fusion fic that exactly one person REALLY wanted to see...that I thought of as I was falling asleep one night to another Disney movie. When a cruel man curses once handsome psychic, Patrick Jane, he's forced to live in his mansion as a beast along with his new friends as he tries to work through the mystery to break this curse. Will Agent Teresa Lisbon be able to help him solve the mystery and break the curse? A short, multi-chapter birthday fic for lqior_astra! If you're super serious about your fic, this one may not be for you as it's a fusion where I've taken to using parody for some aspects of the story from both The Mentalist and Beauty and the Beast because come on, really? No smut and very tame language in this one, but do be prepared to be entertained!

So a rough week/weekend means I'm behind in getting this story out, but it's happening anyway! It's Jisbon, but in a re-telling of Beauty and the Beast. I expect this one will be 4-5 chapters when all is said and done-and by done, I mean that I am hopeful that this happens over the course of lqior_astra's birth week!

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Not so long ago….

There was a blond curly-haired, blue eyed psychic who everyone found unbelievably handsome and charming! The handsome psychic lived in a beautiful mansion in Malibu, California. He had many friends and hosted many parties. People adored him for his good humor and his psychic abilities. In reality, though, he was not a psychic. He merely possessed the ability of a mentalist. He was very good at reading people. Indeed, under his charming exterior, the prince was battling demons of his own for he had forgotten how to love others.

One day, a cruel man came to his home. Upon learning he was a psychic, the cruel man, with his dark beady eyes and crooked grin, wanted the psychic to join him in a wicked game. When the psychic refused to play the cruel man's game, he cursed the handsome psychic to forever live alone and in misery as a beast for saying no to joining the man's game.

Laughing as he left, the cruel man gave the psychic-now a beast-a rose. If he didn't break the curse before the last petal of the rose fell, the once handsome prince would be forced to live as a beast forever. Worst: every visitor at his house was also cursed and unable to leave. If the beast was unable to break the curse, they too would be trapped forever. True love for someone whose heart he also held was the only way he could break the curse.

Only, the cruel man didn't tell the beast how to break the curse. With a wicked grin as he left the home, he told the beast that he should use his abilities to "figure it out." Indeed, the curse was a mystery to the beast who was so ashamed that he'd been cursed and, worst, other lives depended upon him solving a mystery that he couldn't quite figure out. If he didn't solve it, he'd become a monster forever, and they'd always be the objects around his house.

This is the story of how he broke his curse.

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In Sacramento, a town not too far-but a good six hour drive-from the beast's castle, Teresa Lisbon worked for the California Bureau of Investigation.

"Lisbon, do you have those missing persons reports finished?"

She looked to the kindly man standing in the doorway of her office. Virgil Minnelli was a kind, fair boss. Though he was her superior officer, he was almost like a father to her. Well, the father she would have loved to have.

"I plan to knock those out this afternoon. Do you need them sooner?"

"No. That will be fine. I'm planning to drive out to Malibu tomorrow to meet with the local law enforcement officers."

She nodded. "Ok, I'll drop them by this afternoon!"

These particular missing persons cases were rather peculiar. Four people had gone missing near the same place in Malibu at around the same time two months ago: high school baseball coach Kimball Cho, teachers Wayne Rigsby and Grace Van Pelt, and Former CBI Agent Madeleine Hightower. Madeleine Hightower was a dear friend, and she practically vanished into thin air.

These four cases were all kicked to the CBI Serious Crimes Unit because of how four people went missing at once—including a former agent. They were also coordinating with the FBI on this one. They had no leads as to any of the missing persons. It was truly baffling and extremely frustrating. She had hoped to do better by her friend.

She hoped that all four missing people would be found safely in time, but being a pragmatist, she realized that was unlikely. Still, she held out hope as she reached for the cross that hung from her neck. Madeleine was a good woman, and none of these folks deserved to go missing. She worked hard not to let the most sadistic scenarios play out in her head as she worked the case.

After finishing the reports, she headed to Minnelli's office. On her way to her boss's office, she heard the snickers from around the bullpen and whispers of "Minnelli's girl."

"Teresa. Beautiful Teresa. How are you doing today?" She groaned inwardly. She knew that voice and cologne combo well enough.

She plastered a fake smile to her face. "Pike! I'm well. How are you?"

"Please. It's Marcus! Now that I've seen you? I think the only thing that could make my day truly great is dinner with you!" He let his cocky grin spread across his face, reaching ear to ear. "So how about it?"

To be clear, he wasn't bad looking. He had soft brown eyes that matched his hair with a nearly perfect smile. He could definitely work as a model. She just wasn't interested in dating the FBI Agent. More than looks, she desired a partner with an adventurer's spirit and love of books, maybe even a love of football. In any case, her desired partner didn't have to match her interests exactly, but she required a partner who could see her for who she was. Pike seemed to be interested in the exterior only.

As she stood there, thinking of how to politely decline his invitation, Minnelli came walking up to them. "Lisbon! I see you still haven't finished those reports."

Obviously, she was holding them in her hand and on her way to his office. No, he was giving her a way out of this conversation.

"I haven't, boss. It's going to take a little longer than I anticipated."

"So you're going to have to work all night then?"

She nodded slowly. "It seems that way. I'll have them to you first thing in the morning."

He returned her nod before looking at Marcus, measuring him up. "Not a problem, agent. I do have some things I'd like to discuss with you. Walk with me please."

"Ok. Marcus, it's been great. I'll have to catch up with you some other time."

As clear as day, he plastered a false smile to his face. "Sure thing. Maybe give me a call later?"

That made her heart race-not in anticipation but in embarrassment. She would absolutely not be calling him later. He knew that. It's why he cornered her here where she was unlikely to cause a scene, but his implication in the middle of the hallway, in front of her boss, was clear.

She smiled slightly, thankful that Minnelli had tapped her elbow to lead her away. "You can give me those reports when we get in my office."

"Sure, boss." She wasn't sure if she should thank him for interrupting Marcus or not.

"Is that Pike bothering you? I can have him recalled to the FBI."

"Boss, it's not really a problem."

Well, he was kind of annoying. As the FBI's liaison to the CBI, Pike was always around, hitting on her. Because they had to work together so closely on these four missing persons cases, it had only intensified.

"Sure, it is! I know what he's up to. He's trying to poach you! The audacity of the FBI trying to poach my best agent underneath my nose."

She laughed heartily at that assertion. Of course, he thought Pike was bothering her over work. He didn't really see her as a woman-not in a bad way. He acknowledged that she was a woman, though maybe not one who might enjoy going on dates or having intimate relationships with another person. Certainly not Pike. Sometimes, Minnelli fit his fatherly role a bit too well.

"I'm not sure he's trying to poach me as much as he's trying to marry me."

Minnelli looked at her with his wide gray eyes. "What?!"

She nodded at him. "Unfortunately, I accepted an invite for after work beers one evening. I expected that there would be a group of us, but it was just us. He said he wanted to get to know more about me."

Admittedly, that part flattered her at the time. She didn't have many friends here because people around the office didn't care to get to know her more. They found her affinity for football odd. In an office full of men, that shouldn't have been a problem. It turned out she knew the sport a little too well. Not only did she know the sport inside and out, but she knew its history and could rattle off any stats that people needed to know. It only took a few games, and "Minnelli's girl" showing them up a few times, for her to never be invited anywhere again. Officially, she was the office outcast.

He narrowed his eyes. "You went on a date with that young man?"

"Not intentionally! I thought we were just hanging out. Though, the evening ended when he got a bit over eager and expressed a desire to marry me. I barely know the guy!" She smirked. "I'm sure it was the two beers talking."

"Two beers? He has such little class, and he's trying to marry you?" Minnelli scoffed in disgust.

Truthfully, she thought it was the alcohol talking-until successive conversations with Marcus demonstrated he was serious. He was ready to elope and start a life together. She'd known him for a few months at work, and he thought she would just run off with him. He begged her to give him a chance, calling her his dream woman. It was beyond bizarre considering they'd known each other for just a few months and only under work circumstances at that!

"No need to worry, boss! He won't be poaching or marrying me."

Minnelli laughed. "I should hope not! I will call his superiors and get this straightened out. He won't be harassing you anymore."

She sincerely doubted that was true. "Actually, boss, just let it lie. Please."

A concerned look spread across his face. "Are you sure?"

She shrugged noncommittally. "Yes. Well, I should get going! Are you sure you don't want me to ride out to Malibu with you tomorrow?"

He waved his hand at her. "Lisbon, I'm not too old that I can't drive myself out to Malibu and meet with the locals. I've got it!"

She grinned at him. "Ok, then, I will see you when you get back the day after tomorrow."

He nodded as she left his office, feeling a bit embarrassed at having shared that story with him. Unbeknownst to her, he picked up the phone and called Pike's superiors. Pike was not extremely happy at being asked never to return to the CBI office without an appointment and proper escort again.

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The next morning, Minnelli drove out to Malibu. After meeting with local law enforcement, he started his drive back to Sacramento. Noticing he wasn't far from where their missing persons were last seen, he got a sudden desire to stretch his legs. He parked near the beach and got out for a short walk. Looking down at his dress shoes, he realized that perhaps not chosen the right shoes to wear for this trip as he felt grains of sand fall entering his shoes. He stood still on the beach, looking out to the area not far from where all four missing people were last seen. What could have happened? Even if he had hoped to crack the case open, he had no such luck.

Deciding there was nothing of note, he trekked back to his car.

"Damnit!" He exclaimed as his engine sputtered. He'd noticed some problems on the way out to Malibu this morning, but he thought it would make it. After a few tries, he gave up. Pulling out his phone to get a tow, he realized he had no cell service.

Though, he noticed there was a mansion a ways up the beach. He decided to walk there and see if he could use the landline to dial out. Reaching the house, he noticed immediately the door was ajar. "California Bureau of Investigation. Hello? Is anyone home?"

He pushed the door open and walked in, suddenly realizing he'd left his sidearm locked in his glove compartment. Perhaps he should have brought Lisbon with him today. She wouldn't have made such a rookie mistake. He made his way into the foyer of the house, looking around. He heard some noises, which startled him.

"Who's there?" In the silence, he thought maybe he was just spooked by the empty mansion. It was a modern home with updated fixtures. Though the door was open when he got here, everything seemed to be in place. "I'm here to use your phone if you have one!"

Still, silence. Maybe no one was home. Maybe they were shy. Seeing no phone, he decided to turn around and leave. He'd have to head out to the main highway and try to flag someone down.

When he turned, that's when he saw it. It was a very large looking animal staring at him from down the hall. He gulped, reaching for the sidearm he didn't have. As the animal growled, he prepared himself to run. "What are you doing in my house?" He narrowed his eyes in confusion. "Who...who's there?" The animal stepped closer toward him. Only, he realized it was walking on two, not four, legs.

"I'm the owner of this house. Why are you here?"

His heart was racing as he realized almost too late that it was the animal who spoke to him. As he stepped into the shred of light coming in through the blackout curtains, he realized it was no animal. It was a beast. A furry beast was talking to him. Surely, he was imagining this.

"Just here to use the phone. I must've hit my head or fallen asleep or something. I don't think I'm in my right mind."

The beast scoffed. "I can assure you that you're not asleep. But you are standing in my house uninvited."

Suddenly, the front door slammed shut and the beast was dragging him through the house. "Where….where are you taking me? Stop! I demand you stop at once! I'm in the CBI!"

Without response, the man tossed him down the stairs and slammed a door shut before locking it. What the hell had he gotten himself into? Remembering he had his cellphone, he pulled it out once again. Still, no cell service. What had he gotten himself into?